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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 1:07:10 AM

HutchGarahl

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How about a girl who has virtually no teeth, weighs 180?

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 2:10:56 AM

m0rgan

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is she pretty on the inside?

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 2:20:28 AM

fer0l

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

quote:

ORIGINAL: fer0l

What does it mean when a Dom says that looks are not important, it is their willingness to submit?

Surely there has to be some sort of attraction between two people?

Or is the Dom looking for a Doormat?

How about this means exactly what it says...or are you referring to yet another presumption that if the sub is less than attractive...well then, must be a doormat they're after ?

oh bah to you! I do not presume that if a sub is less than attractive she is only looking to be a doormat at all. I'm just wondering what it means when a Dom says that he is not interested in physical appearances. Like I said there must be SOME level of physical attraction there.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 4:08:52 AM

WillowRain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fer0l

What does it mean when a Dom says that looks are not important, it is their willingness to submit?

Surely there has to be some sort of attraction between two people?

Or is the Dom looking for a Doormat?

Well, I can give you an example if you like. My Sir for a while was a DM at a local club and we would go there and sometimes he would do introductory scenes on people. One time there was a woman who was pretty, but not stunning, cute face, plump, in her early fourties I think. She had amazing eyes, but a woman who most people would pass by on the street and not look twice.

However, put her on a horse... and oh dear God was she beautiful in submission. Spectacular. I had the honor and pleasure of being part of her first spanking. She was completely willing and open to the experience. Blindfolded, naked but for panties, she was all the way through this adorable trusting being. When she would feel pain, on instinct she would open her hands and offer them like a suplicant. I have never seen anyone else respond or process pain like that. The more you hurt her, the more she offered herself with a sweetness that just pulled at your heart.

She drew a crowd. There was not a Dominant that saw her that night that did not long to hit her. I've heard her spoken of since then, more than once with fond rememberance of witnessing something precious and rare. The tenderness and purity of the way she offered herself, was like white rosebuds. It was late night moon flowers blooming. It was gossimer, morning dew on spiderwebs in a summer morning.

I can totally see how someone could say, it's not the physical, I'm drawn to someones ability to submit and give of themselves. There are few things as beautiful as watching someone open completely and offer themselves right down to the very center of who they are. It is breathtaking, heart wrenching, spellbinding.

So yeah, I get why they say that. I will never forget that woman, or her unfurling, tender fingers, offered out in silent perfect supplication.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 4:16:04 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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when i would see "looks not important" to me it meant i had a shot....LMAO

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 4:16:31 AM

HeavansKeeper

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The best way to answer your question is to make an arbitrary scale. Each human is alloted points for attributes.

Person A is as follows...
Aesthetics: 4
Servitude: 8
Creativity: 9
Hieght: 7
Physical Strength: 5
Mental Strength: 9
Education: 8
Wealth: 3
Sexual Stamina:6

Lets say the most important features are Mental Strength, Servitude, and Creativity. Person A is lookin' good.
Lets say the most important features are Aesthetics, Wealth, Sexual Stamina. Person A is lookin' not so good.

In reference to the last statement "Like I said there must be SOME level of physical attraction there." The answer is 'yes.' The sub must be tolerable to be looked at. "Well.. I don't puke from looking at you" is no compliment. But for many people, it's enough. (For some people, it's a compliment o.O)

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 6:05:57 AM

HutchGarahl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: m0rgan

is she pretty on the inside?

Very much so m0rgan, very much so. She's funny, she actually understands me, she's got a heart of gold, will give you the shirt off her back if it meant keeping you warm, has some smarts, she is a bit nieve in some spots...but not too bad. I love her dearly.

Oh yea, she does have 3 or 4 teeth left.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 7:00:15 AM

MercTech

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After getting to know someone, I often ask myself, "Is this a person I would want to wake up with for the next few decades?"

There is a minimum standard for appearance. Do they keep themselves clean and decently groomed. But spectacular beauty is actually distancing to me. The spectacular beauty usually has this "the world owes me a living because of how I look" attitude.

Does appearance matter, yes. Does appearance make as much difference as the folks selling cosmetics and plastic surgery would have you believe, no.

I'm currently exploring a relationship with someone that is overweight and has bad teeth. This person is so fantastic between the ears that the rest is irrellevant. Teeth can be fixed.

Stefan

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 7:08:43 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fer0l

What does it mean when a Dom says that looks are not important, it is their willingness to submit?

Surely there has to be some sort of attraction between two people?

sure .... but the attraction doesn't have to be based on the exterior

this thread is along the lines of what you are asking here & you'll note my own post that supports my feelings on why I don't find immediate physical attraction or sexual attraction to be a determine factor of assessing a potential partner

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1003681/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1003804

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 5/14/2007 7:09:23 AM >

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:01:41 AM

SirDominic

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Well, let's call a spade a spade. In general men tend to be initially attracted to looks first, personality second. Women tend to be initially attracted to the emotional connection first, physical looks second. Not universal by any means, but rather common.

To the OP, I am curious why you think if a Dom says looks don't matter, you assume they want a doormat. I don't see any connection between these two things at all. There are a number of Doms I have met where looks do indeed matter, and they still treat their subs like doormats. And really, if being a doormat is the sub's kink, more power to them. But I digress. The point is that these two qualities are not inherently related in any way.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:06:21 AM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNathan313

Ok, to me looks matter to a point. I would like a woman thinner than me, younger, and for love of the gods less hairy! You would think that would not be that hard of a guideline... but one would be surprised.

Though I will say, that looks do not matter in the sense that I have met some women that were "beautiful" until they opened their mouths and I found how toxic their personalities were or how lacking in intelligence they were.

Stupid people are never sexy.

just...toooo....funny!!

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:07:42 AM

m0rgan

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then good for you, and i mean both of you!! best wishes, each!

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a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:20:56 AM

junecleaver

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I don't really see a correlation between not caring about what someone wants and wanting a doormat. However...I never understood the 'looks don't matter' crowd. It seems that at least vanilla men say this because they are so desperate to be with someone that they will settle for a person they are not so attracted to or they use this phrase as a means to sound 'not shallow.' I doubt dominant men are that different either.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:34:03 AM

SireKane

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In general I think if a dominant man states that looks are not important, most likely has not paid much attention to his own looks. To those people who put in the effort to look good, their potential partners looks matter a great deal.

Kane

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:36:25 AM

Lordandmaster

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Well, "looks aren't important" isn't the same thing as "looks don't matter." I take "looks aren't important" to mean that there are several things that go into a successful connection with someone, and physical appearance is only one of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fer0l

What does it mean when a Dom says that looks are not important, it is their willingness to submit?

Surely there has to be some sort of attraction between two people?

Or is the Dom looking for a Doormat?

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 11:41:51 AM

Raphael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I don't really see a correlation between not caring about what someone wants and wanting a doormat. However...I never understood the 'looks don't matter' crowd. It seems that at least vanilla men say this because they are so desperate to be with someone that they will settle for a person they are not so attracted to or they use this phrase as a means to sound 'not shallow.' I doubt dominant men are that different either.

Well, for me, looks are part of the package, but far from the most important. I've found that a person who is only barely passable on appearance at first glance will become beautiful over time, if she has the other qualities, while someone who's just drop dead gorgeous can sometimes become quite repulsive as soon as she opens her mouth and starts squawking.

And sometimes I'm definitely tempted to say 'looks dont matter' because, in my experience, some of the most attractive women I've ever met truly believed they were not at all good looking, and wouldn't believe they had a chance with anyone for whom looks did matter.

Sad but true.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 12:07:36 PM

MadRabbit

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I find the statements "Looks arent important" or "Looks dont matter" to be a bit silly, though a very romantic notion.

Can a long term relationship be formed solely off of the physical appearances of two people and nothing else? No, I dont think so.

But outside of the Internet, on a day to day basis, where we encounter hundreds of different potential mates, looks and the prescense of some physical attraction are usually the first thing that draws us to saying "Hey, want to get some coffee?"

Also...when you measure people on the American scale of beauty and ugliness, people rarely ever have partners that are more or less attractive then they are.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 12:19:55 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Appearacnes are a small part in my attraction to them, but not a large part. I would obviously be more attracted to someone who was neat and clean, when I saw them, than someone who wasn't, and I'd obviously prefere they didnt think tacky gold teeth bling bling like flava flave likes is stylish, Nor would I wish them to think sagging is in style and cool, but if it's not a major flaw unable to work around, it's not really a huge factor.

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 12:22:42 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

...when you measure people on the American scale of beauty and ugliness, people rarely ever have partners that are more or less attractive then they are.

when you measure people on the "American scale of beauty and ugliness", you measure them up to an impossible standard designed to prop up some multi-billion dollar industries. Baaa-aaa (welcome to the herd).

to the OP:

beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not everyone feels it is represented by the outer layer. (yay!)

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RE: Does appearance matter? - 5/14/2007 12:30:18 PM

szobras

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Looks hold a certain degree of importance to me. It is part of the entire package of attraction to that person.
There are certain physical aspects that I find more attractive to me, or prefer to others. Looks can be and will change over time. Naturally or by intention. So just as when I look in the mirror, I need see the whole person, not just my image.

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