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RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/8/2007 4:43:09 AM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

I love a smart man- especially if he is articulate, poetic, and can hang with me on innane trivia. Even if he has radically different ideas, I like that he challenges what I believe and doesn't mind a healthy debate.
I love a man who can look at me and make me dissolve into a puddle on the floor.
I love a low voice- it gets in my head even when nothing else can.
I love a man who is a good listener-probably why he seems to "know" me.
I love a man who is creative, who laughs easily, who has nice hands (Don't know why..but that makes me swoon!).
I love a man that can bring me to screams and tears and then wants to hold me close and stroke my hair later.
I love a man who makes me FEEL...whatever it is he wants me to feel-sexy vixen, little girl, used slave, beautiful muse, and a few other things I won't say here!
This is what I got...when I was tired of "looking" and just wanted someone nice to talk to,so I guess ultimately I wanted a good conversationalist!

(in reply to redsky)

Post #: 41

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/8/2007 6:00:03 AM

firmobeisance

Posts: 55
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

The responses to this question are fascinating to me. My experience in this realm is a teaspoon in your ocean, yet i already know my expectations amount to less. Don't misunderstand, i have all sorts of goals and ideals, someone who can use my secret power to save the world and all that, er, drivel. Yet when i am in the moment of encounter all that is swept away, i am helpless, driven by something else. My heart? Another's intention? i can't tell. All i know is that i have seen it happen time and time again, my shopping list of questions and concerns evaporates as i am bathed in another's presence. How am i able to judge or interpret under such conditions?
Perhaps a better response is that there are few things i look for, but there are things i run from. i try to be careful who i expose myself to. i would like to offer this idea: all those who accepted their situation because of beauty or integrity, merely assigned those capacities to their master as a way of empowering themselves.

History is rife with examples of entire nations subjugating their wills to the goals of an evil master. Did all these citizens seek the trait of corruption? i think not.
Peace

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 42

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/8/2007 6:02:49 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

If you are not collared, what kind of personality/traits are you looking for? If you are collared, what attracted you to your Dom/me?

.PersonalityandTraits.

?

Everything that Darcy is and has.

Peace

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 43

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/8/2007 6:19:25 AM

sublimelysensual

Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I think honesty and communication are things everyone looks for..can't see a person thinking "I wish I could meet a lying cheating asshole that will break my heart" -laughs-. So added on to that for me..compassion, a great sense of humor, and not to sound egotistical, but someone that can at the least keep up with, and preferably stay ahead of, my thought processes. Hmm..what else..someone who loves children, and yes, there has to be chemistry. In a nutshell, he also needs to be able to dominate me without saying a word..that person you meet that you can't look in the eye without blushing and feeling your heartbeat 100mph..makes me grin just thinking about it...

-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 44

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/9/2007 4:53:44 AM

murdoch

Posts: 13
Joined: 3/4/2005
Status: offline

I look for a woman with confidence above all, and who knows what she wants. One who knows that people will have differences in any relationship yet will be able to learn and teach around these differences. A soul mate is a very long stretch, but I'd love to find a person whom I can love and trust completely.

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 45

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/9/2007 5:24:37 AM

maledave7

Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

What I am looking for is a Domme who has many good qualities in many areas. She would be honest, has a sense of humor, a caring heart, truthful, strength, strict, and somewhat demanding. She would know who she is and what she is looking for. I do feel that compatibility would be very important too.

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 46

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/9/2007 6:09:26 AM

MrrPete

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I don't know what subs are looking but I do know what they don't want - ME

When i write I get no response and I don't get mail from submissives that are looking.

_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 47

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/9/2007 12:45:17 PM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

I'm not collared.... I've never looked for a Dom/me... but I ended up with one... and what attracted me to him was he was intrigued by me... it was completely different to the standard response I got, and still get to this day.... which is either they get intimidated... or anger and frustration.

kittin

(in reply to MrrPete)

Post #: 48

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/9/2007 10:07:17 PM

Einzelganger

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline

I don't look for a specific personality here; the reason being, personalities online and in real life will, in all likelihood, differ. I know mine does. In my search, though, I keep a list of qualities that I add to when I see something needed, and cross off items that are either far too picky, or are things I could do without. As I get to know a potential domme, I mentally keep note of this list. As I see her demonstrate each quality, I check it off in my mind. If she exudes every quality on the list...assuming her personality isn't tragically awful...bingo. *smiles* Here's my current list:

Trustworthiness - For obvious reasons.

Wisdom - As a quality I lack, this is something I seek in my future Mistress.

Sense of humor - I love humor; it's one of the best things on Earth, I think. Even sex is better while laughing, due to the endorphine rush.

Intelligence - It's not only sensible, but to me, very sexy. I'd take a woman who's sharp as a tack over a model any day.

Self-control - Due to the nature of most play sessions, I do not consider this quality an option.

Desire to teach - I love learning, and I'd love to meet someone who would take advantage of this for her own reasons.

Capacity to love - I must have love in my relationships. Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic, I know...she needs to be someone who can love me.

Confidence - As with intelligence, this is very sexy. I am looking for a dominant woman, anyway...

Appreciation - I don't need her to say 'thank you' alot, but I love seeing her smile when I do things for her...it warms me through and through.

Affection - I love it if she is very 'touchy-feely', and can communicate well through touch; a caress in the right place is more reassuring than words during a scene, to me; this skill is also very useful in daily life...there are so many things that can be said through simple touch; as they say, actions speak louder than words...

Communication skills - This is very important, both in everyday life and during a scene. The ability to communicate is of the utmost importance in any relationship, D/s or otherwise.

Last but not least, patience is something I seek. I am a fairly new submissive, in some ways experienced, yet so new to a great many things. I should like to think this would go hand-in-hand with the desire to teach.

It isn't imperative that she exude every one of these qualities, but if she does... *smiles*

-Einzelgänger

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 49

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/10/2007 4:59:13 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

Sir and the only other Dom/me i've been attracted to both have these traits
Intelligence
Love to play with words
Honesty
Directness
Willingness to be selfish
Sadistic
Creative
Wicked laugh
Physically attractive
Love to play with images and concepts
Outgoing
Share interests (reading, fetishes, pasttimes)
Great hands
Great eyes
Great mouths

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 50

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/10/2007 11:03:03 AM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

I have three main things i look for, but i look for them in all new people i meet.
Intelligence
Integrity
Confidence

The biggie determiner for men to date, is chemisty. I can list all kinds of things that i think will cause the chemisty to be there, but I've learned that sometimes all the right stuff can be present and zippo, nada, and sometimes.. i will have the craziest chemisty with the absolute "wrong" guy.

Gotta love that!!!!!

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 51

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/11/2007 10:46:02 PM

boypup

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/31/2004
Status: offline

Greetings to All,

Not collared yet, and am attracted towards, someone who is intelligent, and is able to dominate mentally. A domme who can use the brains of sub too, to make it a better world. All other things are secondary.

Cheers

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 52

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/11/2007 11:53:20 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

What attracts me to my Master/husband is his ability to be human - to admit his mistakes and to allow me to make mine, and to see the funny side of it all. He doesn't take himself too seriously, but he is serious about the things that matter. He is always open to new learning. He is compasisonate towards others, but at the same time, doesn't suffer fools. It's a winning combination. Oh, and did I mention... the sex is great too!
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to boypup)

Post #: 53

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/11/2007 11:59:39 PM

RealDom69

Posts: 64
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

What attracts me to my Master/husband is his ability to be human - to admit his mistakes and to allow me to make mine, and to see the funny side of it all. He doesn't take himself too seriously, but he is serious about the things that matter. He is always open to new learning. He is compasisonate towards others, but at the same time, doesn't suffer fools. It's a winning combination. Oh, and did I mention... the sex is great too!
:))
LH

What attracts me to my submisive/wife is her ability to be human - to admit her mistakes and to allow me to make mine, and to see the funny side of it all. She doesn't take herself too seriously, but she is serious about the things that matter. She is always open to new learning. She is compasisonate towards others, but at the same time, doesn't suffer fools. It's a winning combination. Oh, and did I mention... the sex is Absolutely Awesome......

And she always says nice things about me...

:))

Johnny Reble

_____________________________

"Winners make things happen; losers let things happen."

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 54

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/13/2007 8:06:57 AM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: firmobeisance

The responses to this question are fascinating to me. My experience in this realm is a teaspoon in your ocean, yet i already know my expectations amount to less. Don't misunderstand, i have all sorts of goals and ideals, someone who can use my secret power to save the world and all that, er, drivel. Yet when i am in the moment of encounter all that is swept away, i am helpless, driven by something else. My heart? Another's intention? i can't tell. All i know is that i have seen it happen time and time again, my shopping list of questions and concerns evaporates as i am bathed in another's presence. How am i able to judge or interpret under such conditions?
Perhaps a better response is that there are few things i look for, but there are things i run from. i try to be careful who i expose myself to. i would like to offer this idea: all those who accepted their situation because of beauty or integrity, merely assigned those capacities to their master as a way of empowering themselves.

History is rife with examples of entire nations subjugating their wills to the goals of an evil master. Did all these citizens seek the trait of corruption? i think not.
Peace

Wow! Great food for thought. Thanks for sharing your point of view.

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to firmobeisance)

Post #: 55

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/13/2007 10:09:32 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

I look for these qualities:

Can he laugh - even in bed
Does he know the difference between arrogence and intelligent
Does he know the difference between control and being controlling

Just a few things I look for in a mate

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 56

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/14/2007 7:03:06 PM

frustratinggirl

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

Intelligence and intellect are most important to me, especially to use those tools for personal growth
And a good soul, one that desires the highest form of living with conviction and no excuses. With sound intellect the second usually follows.
And I hesitate to say this but I do seek one who is looking for a soul mate, the highest form of devotion which I too seek.
Sounds so nilla but the rest can usually be worked out.

(in reply to bliss1)

Post #: 57

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/15/2007 8:40:29 AM

brittany22

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

Someone who is outgoing, intellegent, and has a great sense of humor are the most important to me. A powerful personality without being pushy is a big deal to me as well.

(in reply to frustratinggirl)

Post #: 58

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/15/2007 11:03:43 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masque66

Hm...so far only one person on this thread has posted beauty as a desireable trait. I find it hard to believe that honesty is enough for everyone. Doesn't physical attractiveness matter?

I will agree here - there are other qualities I do look for - but if they don't catch my eye at first - it is much harder to get my attention later on.
So I will admit - I'm shallow enough to want to be with someone I like to think is nice eye candy.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to Masque66)

Post #: 59

RE: What do you look for in a Dom/me? - 6/17/2007 3:30:20 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bliss1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masque66

Hm...so far only one person on this thread has posted beauty as a desireable trait. I find it hard to believe that honesty is enough for everyone. Doesn't physical attractiveness matter?

I will agree here - there are other qualities I do look for - but if they don't catch my eye at first - it is much harder to get my attention later on.
So I will admit - I'm shallow enough to want to be with someone I like to think is nice eye candy.

It depends what you see as and how you perceive beauty. Sure, a certain degree of physical attractiveness is important in the initial stages of getting to know someone, it helps the chemistry, but there are quite a few photoimage perfect Doms and Dommes out there with a pig ugly attitude.

But do you know what is even more sad? In my opinion it's the Dom or Domme who has a chronic illness or condition, and it could be something like M.E., M.S., for whatever reason it is someone who is physically unable to be dominant 24/7 but who cannot find a submissive prepared to accept them for who they are, and this is because a lot of submissives expect their Dom or Domme to be dominant 24/7 or they have this 'me me me' attitude.

And how many submissives are there out there who don't have a Dom or a Domme because they honestly believe they haven't attracted a Dom or a Domme who they deem to be their 'match'?

Personally I find while physical attractiveness in a Dom or Domme is nice, it really isn't anything more than that - nice. When it comes to beauty I would go for inner beauty 10 times out of 10.

I don't have a set of criteria for a Dom or Domme to match up to, I look for a Dom or Domme who can be themselves, who has a good mind and a good heart, and these are the Doms or Dommes who are really beautiful.

And this is who I have looked for - a Dom or Domme who can be themselves, with a good mind and a good heart, and most importantly, a Dominant I feel able to trust and I feel confident that I can fulfil their needs.

But isn't it important that we share the same interests? No, not really. I mean, it's never going to really be a 24/7 BDSM scene, is it? And do you know, if I'm with someone who I can really trust and have confidence in, it doesn't really make a difference to me whether they're into using whips, canes, hot wax, humiliation or whatever, because I can and will adapt to their interests, because unless they get satisfaction and pleasure out of a scene be sure that I can't.

Therefore if I can fulfil their needs to their satisfaction, and they can be themselevs with me and they have a good heart and a good mind, it's enough for me and everything else is either secondary or a bonus.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to bliss1)

Post #: 60

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