quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Ya know, kane; comments like that would be a lot like my saying that a guy all dressed in leathers standing next to a chain on the wall...holding a paint-stick... is obviously NO dominant.
 
Ya just cannot make sweeping statements like that!  You are obviously hanging around with the wrong kind of people…or a limited number of them.  There ARE many, many Dominant men and women who enjoy some degree of pain, and so, occasionally bottom. 
 
To make the statement that there is little difference between submission and bottoming shows a serious lack of both information and experience. 
 
You might wanna read some stuff…you are seriously in the minority here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsParados
...
He likes pain, hell he'll hurt himself if no one else is around the S and the M are both part of him but he would never bottom, not even if his life depended on it.
...
If a Dom liked getting peed on, I wouldn't think that would make him a switch, just a Dom that has a fetish for watersports. 

 
MsP…I would say the same to you; to hold what your man does as the be-all, end-all by which to measure everybody else is ludicrous.  I know plenty of Dominant people who enjoy pain…and enjoy others administering to their needs from time to time. 
 
Bottoming has nothing to do with submission.
 
And…I couldn’t agree more about the watersports!  Same goes for anal sex…but I suspect that is yet another argument!  LOL
 
B

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

Beverly,

I commend you for having the strength and wisdom to address and seek advice regarding this concern. Most women don't ask until it is too late. You have a friends who identifies as a dominant, but says he's equally comfortable being submissive, and that he would allow you to choose his role in your relationship. This is bullshit!!!  Step away from the keyboard, and run like hell!!! A dominant man is not equally comfortable being a submissive man.  Your friend is a submissive man who is going to play any role that you are comfortable with until he is sure that you are emotionally invested in him. When he is confident that you are bonded emotionally, he's going to reveal to you that he is truly submissive man. He'll be banking that the emotional bond that you have established with him will keep you in the relationship. This is a commom ruse. Buyer beware.

Kane

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsParados

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Exactly PN...  There are lots of Doms (and vanilla men, too), who enjoy being Topped in any sense.  It could be a slightly agressive 'need' to give him a blow-job, it could be just being on top for sex.  It might be anal sex...just probing or even a strap-on!  Perhaps one likes watersports; of the sensuous kind...rather than humiliation.  I've done all that sorta stuff with perfectly vanilla guys and just do NOT see it as 'turning Dom'.  

*raises hand slighty* umm not to throw more into the mix but do not confuse Toping/bottom with the Sado/maso side...they do not always go together.
from personal experince here and just .02 so bare with me.
sexually I am damn near always the "agressor", a vicious cock swallower and for the last year on Top has been the position for every intercourse... but I never ever ever top my Daddy. He likes pain, hell he'll hurt himself if no one else is around the S and the M are both part of him but he would never bottom, not even if his life depended on it. He believes even in bottoming, you are still giving up some control. Mental space and play is very big for us and it is essiential that some areas do not over lap... He is not above putting me back in my place if he felt I was taking TO much liberty with my aggressive behaviors.

(I know I'm gonna get it but ) imo a switch, an honest switch ( one who has taken the time to discover their own needs and abilities) it is not based so much on activities as personalities.

If a Dom liked getting peed on, I wouldn't think that would make him a switch, just a Dom that has a fetish for watersports. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsParados

In no way did I suggest it, he or our way of life was the end all be all but now that you mention it.... it is for us. My point was to separate the idea that bottoming and having a masocistic side where the same thing, or go hand in hand all the time. Some here have said that "they bottom, to their submissive when getting a back rub." that is not bottoming.
IMO and experince, when you bottom you are giving over some control, just like if you are into bondage, it may not be alot of control but their is some involved, it's simplely a view on human behavior. To say that bottoming has "nothing" to do with submission is a myopic view of being a bottom. For some bottoming is the beginning of their submission, it is a process of growth and trust. It doesn't mean they are "less" of a submissive, just that they are exploring the feeling they have.
The problems arise when individuals feel superior about the way they are wired and disparage others unlike them. It’s that whole "US" against "Them" thing that kills.
I felt you seem to think that I disagree that Dom men can't bottom, I don't at all.   I have been a round a few blocks in my time and can only hope you replied to me in such a manner because others had you all riled up.. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane
Yanna, excellant idea, but most men who are tops would not use such a designation. The majority of submissive women I know want a dominant man, not a top.  I cannot remember ever coming across any submissive women profiles which state that they are looking for a male tops. Try to find dominant male profile which states that he bottoms. It's a good idea, but I think not enough people would be honest about themselves. Good luck.