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RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 5:34:13 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

Focus

The mother in your example is correct - is validated by having a baby.

By have do you mean that they were pregnant & delivered the baby or do you mean they simply physically have a child they are raising?

I say this because many women are Mothers to children they did not physically carry inside their own bodies.

Lol, I'm not going there; I've had enough "cyber fisticuffs" at CM this past week -I was generally happy to go with that part of the OP's statement. My point being that some titles/honourifics etc require the validation of another being and some don't.

I was actually wondering if some lesbian "husband" was gonna come after me looking for blood! lmao Was all prepared to simply point them to the second sentence of my opening post....

Focus.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 21

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 5:37:07 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Hmmmmmm.......Language is a bitch....Now that being said, would make language female which it clearly isn't. Is a mother. a mother if her children are dead? Or once a mother always a mother?

George Michael, long renowned for his intellectual discourses on this matter and who will probably never have children, professed "I will be your father figure put your tiny hand in mine.".....

Let's see what the lovely and talented Dionne Warwick has to add to this debate,.....

"A chair is still a chair. Even when there's no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house And a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight, And no one there you can kiss good night."

I am not a woman...Although I am the mother of all that is rude and obnoxious.

I see that a man cannot be a husband until he has a wife and yet there are plenty of wives who feel that their husbands are not men.

Knock yourselves out....No one cares either way.

_____________________________

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 22

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 6:33:29 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

The title of your post asked one question, your post asked another. Are you Dominant? is not the same thing as Are you A Dominant. In either respect, having a Dominant personality describes how you react to life; your approach to living.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 23

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 8:41:17 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

*shrug*

Doesn't work for me. I'm a Master whether or not I have a slave. But, it does work for other people.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 24

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 8:48:18 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

*sigh*
all these categorizations and packing everything in to neat little boxes.
I'm a dominant personality. I like to lead, have responsibility and be in control in my day to day life. But I like to be on the receiving end in the bedroom. Where does that put me? a domissive or subinant?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 25

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 9:13:21 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Grrr. I hate people getting confused over wordings. Seriously.

Ah wells. Here's the deal.

You're saying a Dominant is one who participates in a D/s relationship. You're right to say that a Dom is only a Dom when he has a sub as that's the only time he's in a D/s relationship as a Dom.

Some responders have disagreed. They see a Dominant as one who would be a Dom under ordinary circumstances in a relationship, should they currently be in such a relationship or not. They're right for what they mean by the word.

Now you all agree with eachother. No need to "give opinions" on the issue. Be happy 'n such.

I was actually just using another's words in hopes of creating intelligent debate...I don't necessarily agree with the statement...

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 26

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 9:21:17 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Do we have to keep going around the same old debates?
It's been said.
Being dominant or submissive is a character trait.
But it's a graduation like all character traits.
If you are generally submissive to most people it doesn't mean that you aren't going to ever meet someone that you are more dominant than.
So it's individual to the relationship but it also depends on context and learned behaviour patterns. We are often who we were trained to be as a child. Personality isn't fixed until around 16 years of age.
If your a Dom/me then you are whether you are more dominant than the person next to you who says he's a sub who knows. It's the same as male/female demarcations.
It's a continuum.

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 27

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 9:23:05 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMan

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

A person is not a Dominant/Domme unless he has a submissive to complete him/her in the same way A woman is not a Mother until she has a child...she may have motherly feelings, but she is not called "mother' until she has a child.....
I read this on another site and would love to hear your thoughts on this....

and what are you? submissive or Dom, your profile says both.
quoted from your profile: "I enjoy topping 20 something sluts"
But you're listed as submissive..
How do you validate yourself in each role?

I actually never felt the need to 'validate' myself in any percieved role...

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to SadisticMan)

Post #: 28

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:16:00 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

Then you must feel that no a dominant is a dominant regardless... because I don't know not one dominant who has gestated their submissive.

Heheheh

THATS funny!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 29

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:18:43 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

domiguy!!
ROFL!!!That last post of your requires a "spew alert"!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 30

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:21:34 AM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

You think Dionne Warwick is lovely?

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 31

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:22:02 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

It depends on what the meaning of the word is...is

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 32

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:27:47 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm dominant regardless if I have a submissive or not. My personality is dominant and that is something that will never change. Dominance goes beyond having a sub or not, its your core, your personality. It has nothing to do with having a sub/slave.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 33

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:34:19 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Master is to Dom as slave is to submissive.... I am ALWAYS a Master, but only once I Own her am I HER Master.

I am predisposed to the TPE dynamic, it is the way I am wired for relationships, that 'wireing' doesn't change when I am single, it is simply not functional without her as its focus.

I always have a Dominant personality, I have a Dominant outlook and I do tend to either take charge or have others place their trust in Me and follow My lead.... but those things are seperate to the notion of the D/s 'Dominant' that I ALSO am.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 34

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:42:38 AM

sugarcoatedscamp

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

A Master is always a Dominant but a Dominant is not a Master unless validated by owning a slave.

A slave is always a submissive but a submissive is not a slave unless owned by a Master.

And what of J, one of my dearest friends, who is dominant in her own right, but chooses to be slave to one?

_____________________________

Consent means never having to say, "I'm sorry."
If beating you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
I got an A+ in online bdsm.
You can call me Master now!

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 35

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 10:49:42 AM

BeatMeDaily

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

It is human nature to have more than 1 personality. The good voice, the bad voice....
Scared, happy, timid, bossy, submissive, Dominant, these are all sides that
everyone has to some degree or another.

Let's just be happy that we are free to make these choices.

_____________________________

It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Ben's fritters.

(in reply to sugarcoatedscamp)

Post #: 36

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 11:14:37 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Grrr. I hate people getting confused over wordings. Seriously.

Ah wells. Here's the deal.

You're saying a Dominant is one who participates in a D/s relationship. You're right to say that a Dom is only a Dom when he has a sub as that's the only time he's in a D/s relationship as a Dom.

Some responders have disagreed. They see a Dominant as one who would be a Dom under ordinary circumstances in a relationship, should they currently be in such a relationship or not. They're right for what they mean by the word.

Now you all agree with eachother. No need to "give opinions" on the issue. Be happy 'n such.

I was actually just using another's words in hopes of creating intelligent debate...I don't necessarily agree with the statement...

It's fine. Just many debates on this site arrise from disagreements over word definitions and people continue to debate them, not realizing their only real disagreement, or at least the main, is in what they're debating. So they carry on in a meaningless debate which has its basis in misunderstanding.

I'm just annoyed with people in general chasing their tails for lack of seeing the larger picture. I mean, seriously, do people even realize they're just disagreeing over what a "Dom" is? And don't they realize that, in the absense of a standardized definition, the argument is entirely silly?

I mean, to draw an anology, it's like two kids were given toys. They both go to school the next day, without the balls, and learn what colors are. With their new-found knowledge, they go to debate what color balls are at lunch, failing to consider the other may be saying "ball" in reference to something similar, but different. Now they're going to spend their lunch period debating if balls are black and white or mostly orange.

(Edit)I'm not quite up to the point of complete apathy and ignoring the kids. I'm still in the stage where I go up to them, a soccer ball in one hand and a basket ball in the other, trying to show them how silly their debate was. Still, I've done this enough that it's getting to the point of annoyance at a lesson unlearned- though not yet apathy.(/Edit)

If you're a teacher watching such a debate, as you have for most lunch periods for your long career, I believe you'd be beyond the point of thinking it was cute.

Anyhow, that's my rant.

(Edit)ELUSIVE1, the post says this is to you, but mostly because it was to the thread itself, and you're the OP. I'm not trying to be mean to you.(/Edit)

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 5/23/2007 12:01:28 PM >

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 37

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 11:16:45 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sugarcoatedscamp

And what of J, one of my dearest friends, who is dominant in her own right, but chooses to be slave to one?

I have a very Dominant personality. It stems from decisions I made and my reactions to decisions that were made for me. I am still, however, a submissive, and I am my Master's slave.

I had no idea I was submissive until someone brought it to the surface with an offhand remark. Once I got over the shock and denial, it was like I found the piece of myself that was missing, the piece I was trying to fill with alcohol, recreational drugs, and promiscuity.

I have always been a submissive, even when I didn't know I was one. That does not mean that surrender is easy for me - it isn't - I've had decades of self-training to be Dominant in my vanilla environment.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to sugarcoatedscamp)

Post #: 38

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 11:29:06 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Elusive1, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see; there will be many a standard set as to what a Dominant and or Master 'is.' There will be plenty of answers given.

However, from my personal experiences--being a Dominant (before it became a title) was a state of being. This also became a state of awareness as well as the responsibilities and consequences for such a status, as it affects/effects those around them. To know the energy of that state of being and the power transmitted by a Dominant state of being is the beginning point of mastering it, as not to be a 'loose canon' and or 'be abusive.' It is going through the process of being masterful in the art of Domination.

That said, there is great depth of knowledge gained from being servant and submissive; as knowing how it feels to be under foot, under the belt's line, to give and to empower creates its own lessons.
Knowing the negatives and positives from the experience of submission, serving and or as slave--to me; adds to the compassionate side of a Master, since being there once -- does not take things, especially the slave, for granted; thus keen on making serving a more pleasant experience as well as knowing all the tricks of manipulations learned by being slave.

I'm from a time when one was not considered a Master until they had a Master-slave relationship. Otherwise, would be deemed a SIR. The only exceptions would be when peers raised that SIR into the title of Master for reasons of mastering a skill and or persons in general. But, in most cases from my personal experiences; Masters were titled by their slave's empowering them with an acknowledgment and proclaimation of that person being their Master.

It is one thing to be philosophical of what it is to be Dominant and its criteria. It is entirely different when as a Dominant you agree to take on a slave and begin the real lessons of human nature, human relationship and all the things which create that union and keep it maintained and successful. The same with those who teach law and never been in a court room can teach theory but, until you go into the court rooms and put law, theory and experience to practice, can you really be a lawyer beyond a law degree; in my mind's eyes I see this as being truthful.

Lines are blurred now days. With the computer age, so many self title themselves as a Master and have yet to remove their cabboose from the chair and physically learned from interaction with others to be a Dominant; let alone a Master. This also includes women who identify as Dominant, as Mistress and or Master.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 39

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/23/2007 12:20:49 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Grrr. I hate people getting confused over wordings. Seriously.

Ah wells. Here's the deal.

You're saying a Dominant is one who participates in a D/s relationship. You're right to say that a Dom is only a Dom when he has a sub as that's the only time he's in a D/s relationship as a Dom.

Some responders have disagreed. They see a Dominant as one who would be a Dom under ordinary circumstances in a relationship, should they currently be in such a relationship or not. They're right for what they mean by the word.

Now you all agree with eachother. No need to "give opinions" on the issue. Be happy 'n such.

I was actually just using another's words in hopes of creating intelligent debate...I don't necessarily agree with the statement...

It's fine. Just many debates on this site arrise from disagreements over word definitions and people continue to debate them, not realizing their only real disagreement, or at least the main, is in what they're debating. So they carry on in a meaningless debate which has its basis in misunderstanding.

I'm just annoyed with people in general chasing their tails for lack of seeing the larger picture. I mean, seriously, do people even realize they're just disagreeing over what a "Dom" is? And don't they realize that, in the absense of a standardized definition, the argument is entirely silly?

I mean, to draw an anology, it's like two kids were given toys. They both go to school the next day, without the balls, and learn what colors are. With their new-found knowledge, they go to debate what color balls are at lunch, failing to consider the other may be saying "ball" in reference to something similar, but different. Now they're going to spend their lunch period debating if balls are black and white or mostly orange.

(Edit)I'm not quite up to the point of complete apathy and ignoring the kids. I'm still in the stage where I go up to them, a soccer ball in one hand and a basket ball in the other, trying to show them how silly their debate was. Still, I've done this enough that it's getting to the point of annoyance at a lesson unlearned- though not yet apathy.(/Edit)

If you're a teacher watching such a debate, as you have for most lunch periods for your long career, I believe you'd be beyond the point of thinking it was cute.

Anyhow, that's my rant.

(Edit)ELUSIVE1, the post says this is to you, but mostly because it was to the thread itself, and you're the OP. I'm not trying to be mean to you.(/Edit)

I understood that you were referring to the post, I just didnt' t want people to think those were my original words...I have seen the debate over and again, however I had never seen the Mother analogy and found it interesting....I do believe that one that only reads about being Dominant, or plays online can hardly consider themselves "Master" if they have never "Master"ed anyone one, or any particular skill

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 40

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