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RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 8:10:52 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Pardon me ... but does anyone have an aspirin?

I think I have a headache ... but I'm not sure since no one else has validated it.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 61

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 9:09:01 AM

sugarcoatedscamp

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

Pardon me ... but does anyone have an aspirin?

I think I have a headache ... but I'm not sure since no one else has validated it.

*applause*

_____________________________

Consent means never having to say, "I'm sorry."
If beating you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
I got an A+ in online bdsm.
You can call me Master now!

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 62

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 11:19:46 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

I think submission is a character trait as is Dominance. You can be one with someone in your life giving you the other. However I don't think you can be a Master with out a slave or a slave with out a Master. They go hand in hand. I have always been a very Dominant person but have not always been a Master. Just My point of view.
LordVelvet

(in reply to sugarcoatedscamp)

Post #: 63

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 1:11:43 PM

jaunty1

Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

A person is not a Dominant/Domme unless he has a submissive to complete him/her in the same way A woman is not a Mother until she has a child...she may have motherly feelings, but she is not called "mother' until she has a child.....
I read this on another site and would love to hear your thoughts on this....

I disagree. I am of the belief that dominant/submissive are personality traits; they are who you, not what you are.

Live well

Alex

_____________________________

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 64

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 1:29:20 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm dominant based off certain personality traits I see in myself.

I'm dominant as an identity based off a desire to have authority in my relationships.

I'm dominant as a position in a M/S relationship where I have that authority.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 65

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 5:37:42 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I actually never felt the need to 'validate' myself in any percieved role...

Me either.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 66

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 5:45:51 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

This invokes that dirty word semantics once again. I was taught a similar sentiment towards the title "master" or "mistress" - Dominant is a personality trait, at least the way I was taught, while Master or Mistress is the honorific bestowed to a dominant by the deed of having a submissive in a long-term relationship. Does it really mean that this is so? Yes, in my head, and if I don't take the time to express that fact, things can get really confused really quickly because we, as a community, do not really have a fixed lexicon. Then again, the English language is in it's own way almost polymorphously perverse in it's ability to mutate and assimilate, so a hard and fast lexicon wouldn't do us much good in the long run any way.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 67

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 5:49:30 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

while Master or Mistress is the honorific bestowed to a dominant by the deed of having a submissive in a long-term relationship.

I am sure this is going to be taken the wrong way (or the right way) and I apologize as my intent is not to throw insults.

For me, I do not see a reliance on what other people think of me, what I do, how many submissives I have in my stable, or whatever, as a defining factor of my Dominance.

They can think I am a Dominant, a doofus, a whatever, and frankly, my self-image is not tied up in how other people think of me.

The only exception are the ones I am in a dynamic with; their opinion of me means a great deal.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 68

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/24/2007 5:57:36 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Are you Dominant?

No.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 69

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/25/2007 4:00:27 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sugarcoatedscamp

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: sugarcoatedscamp

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

A Master is always a Dominant but a Dominant is not a Master unless validated by owning a slave.

A slave is always a submissive but a submissive is not a slave unless owned by a Master.

And what of J, one of my dearest friends, who is dominant in her own right, but chooses to be slave to one?

Not sure what 'J' has to do with a total stranger like me but since you ask....

I haven't the foggiest what you mean by J being "dominant in her own right" - izzat like assertive? Because the vast majority of fem/subs I've come across are quite assertive, as opposed to ..... sayyyy...., passive. As far as I'm concerned, if J is someone's slave, she ain't no Dominant - but she is validating a Dominant as being a Master (or Mistress?). And like I posted originally, that's MY definition. What's yours, now that you're here?

Speaking generally (and not aimed at you personally), I'm glad I got in early on this thread because I knew it'd end up a "pig's breakfast" with all manner of vague exceptions and words/phrases getting twisted, thus turning what should've be an interesting topic from a *lifestyle* perspective into a "free for all". Death and taxes, people, DEATH and TAXES!!!!

Crikey, we even ended up with that old nonsense about "if a tree falls... blah blah. Until such time as someone actually records a tree falling in total silence, EVERY freakin' falling tree makes a sound! Whether or not there's someone there to witness it is human arrogance at its most moronic!

Focus.

Outside of her M/s relationship, she's a Domme. Inside an M/s relationship, she's been known to have submissives of her own. I was just arguing the point that sometimes one doesn't have to be submissive in order to be slave. She chooses to humble herself for one.

Seems to me that if she's a Domme here and a slave there, I would define that as a switch. Just as I define myself as a Dom because I'm not nor ever have been anyone's sub/slave, nor have any inkling to try it just once. Not even when I've had a few to drink.... lol

It's all in the "wiring" as far as I'm concerned. I'm not wired to switch; I'm a Dom. I've never been in a D/s relationship with anyone but fem/subs - none of whom were wired to switch, either! Switches have their own unique wiring and anyone who can or has switched is a switch; regardless of whether they do or don't switch within individual relationships.

Slaves submit to the whim and will of a Master/Mistress/Owner etc = ALL slaves *are* submissive. So I disagree with your point....

The above are (once more) MY definitions. However 'J' defines herself is entirely up to her - and anybody who might seek a relationship with her.

Focus.

(in reply to sugarcoatedscamp)

Post #: 70

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/25/2007 4:03:04 AM

MiesterG

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/6/2007
Status: offline

Thats nicely put and I agree - NOT to devalue a 'woman' though heaven forbid ;)

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 71

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/25/2007 12:04:06 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Of course, if someone asks, "Are you a dominant?" and your answer is "Do you think so?" - probably you should just answer in the negative.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to MiesterG)

Post #: 72

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/25/2007 8:08:31 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiesterG

Thats nicely put and I agree - NOT to devalue a 'woman' though heaven forbid ;)

I didn't intend to come off like a mysoginist really...did that quote seem to condescend?? honestly was not my intention...

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to MiesterG)

Post #: 73

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/26/2007 10:04:24 AM

TopinPa

Posts: 111
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

A person is not a Dominant/Domme unless he has a submissive to complete him/her in the same way A woman is not a Mother until she has a child...she may have motherly feelings, but she is not called "mother' until she has a child.....
I read this on another site and would love to hear your thoughts on this....

Generally disagree with the logic of the statement.

My own definitions:

A husband is always a man but a man is not a husband unless validated by another - wife.

The mother in your example is correct - is validated by having a baby.

A Master is always a Dominant but a Dominant is not a Master unless validated by owning a slave.

A slave is always a submissive but a submissive is not a slave unless owned by a Master.

My being a Dominant does not need another's validation anymore than my being male, hetero, Australian and allround lifestyle guru (lol) does - I just AM...!

Lastly, a Dominant *without* a submissive (such as yours truly) is just lonely and frustrated by all the attractive, highly spankable vanilla butts about.... lol Still a "much-mighty" Dominant but....

Focus.

Very well said! I happen to agree with everything you wrote.
I'll just add; to the OP, if that's the case, if one needs a submissive to be a dom, how exactly do you identify yourself on these websites if you're single? (top or bottom, dom or sub)

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 74

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/26/2007 10:08:12 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

If an only child loses their parents, is that then end of their humanity? Do they either become the Elephant Man or perhaps a comedian?

The Centennial Man

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TopinPa)

Post #: 75

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/26/2007 10:25:41 AM

MistressAva2

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

A person is not a Dominant/Domme unless he has a submissive to complete him/her in the same way A woman is not a Mother until she has a child...she may have motherly feelings, but she is not called "mother' until she has a child.....
I read this on another site and would love to hear your thoughts on this....

When I look in the mirror, I see me looking back. No matter what I call myself, or what others call me, I am still the same person. Labels are just a starting point. If you rely on them to define yourself, it's because you don't know who you are.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 76

RE: Are you Dominant? - 5/27/2007 7:58:39 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TopinPa

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

A person is not a Dominant/Domme unless he has a submissive to complete him/her in the same way A woman is not a Mother until she has a child...she may have motherly feelings, but she is not called "mother' until she has a child.....
I read this on another site and would love to hear your thoughts on this....

Generally disagree with the logic of the statement.

My own definitions:

A husband is always a man but a man is not a husband unless validated by another - wife.

The mother in your example is correct - is validated by having a baby.

A Master is always a Dominant but a Dominant is not a Master unless validated by owning a slave.

A slave is always a submissive but a submissive is not a slave unless owned by a Master.

My being a Dominant does not need another's validation anymore than my being male, hetero, Australian and allround lifestyle guru (lol) does - I just AM...!

Lastly, a Dominant *without* a submissive (such as yours truly) is just lonely and frustrated by all the attractive, highly spankable vanilla butts about.... lol Still a "much-mighty" Dominant but....

Focus.

Very well said! I happen to agree with everything you wrote.
I'll just add; to the OP, if that's the case, if one needs a submissive to be a dom, how exactly do you identify yourself on these websites if you're single? (top or bottom, dom or sub)

I am single, and I think my profile identifies me pretty well...I am submissive to strong, dominant males...I don't like submitting to women, I do like young women to submit to me...I used to list as a switch, but I had too many emails from sub males to sort through....and yes I agree...Focus did explain his point very well...like I replied before..I saw this mother comparison on another site and thought it may open up thought provoking dialogue

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to TopinPa)

Post #: 77

RE: Are you Dominant? - 6/5/2007 3:00:35 PM

MasterBRD

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I consider it to be an innate orientation denoting what intimate personal relationship a person IS fulfilled in. It does not matter if they are actually in such relationship or not.

I also believe this about master and slave, though many disagree.

I could not agree more... especially about the reference to Master and slave.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 78

RE: Are you Dominant? - 6/5/2007 3:25:55 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Hey! Comedians ARE human, you know!

_____________________________

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 79

RE: Are you Dominant? - 6/5/2007 5:41:59 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Hey! Comedians ARE human, you know!

they all seem to be a bunch of clowns tome<wink>

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 80

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