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RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 1:41:25 PM   
callmemilord


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline 		HEY! who hid my tar and feathers? i have a Date tonight!

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 2:52:39 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		lol

(in reply to callmemilord)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 2:58:34 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		I've always kept a vanilla relationship OR a d/s relationship for this very reason.  I never want the two to conflict with eachother.  It's your choice...really I think you've already made it and are just looking for support for your decision.  I try to go with my first instinct in these types of situations.  If you linger on it you begin to doubt yourself and look for excuses to change your mind when deep down you know the original decision is what you want to do.

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to VeryMercurial)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 2:59:52 PM   
JeniferJuniper


Posts: 22
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		"I have grown and become strong and my submissive side has even suprised me, my need to submit has gone beyond being satisfied from a few snatched hours when master can sneak away. "

Then use that strength - and move on.  You have reached that stage when you have realised that he is not actually worthy of you!  Stand proud of what you have become - and wait patiently for something better to come along.  A submissive who is proud and respects her submissiveness is content to wait.  Those who are unsure of themselves rush into relationships for validation.

_____________________________

You can't always get what you want.... but if you try some time, you just might find - you get what you need.

(in reply to bustysubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:05:50 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeniferJuniper
Stand proud of what you have become - and wait patiently for something better to come along.  A submissive who is proud and respects her submissiveness is content to wait. 


Stand proud of what exactly?
That she's become a cheater and a liar?
That she's participating in hurting and deceiving a person that has never done her any wrong?
That while she is actively cheating  on and hurting a person that she doesn't even know, she is selfishly sobbing about how "hurt she is"?

Sorry, there's just nothing about her behaviour to be proud of. 

(in reply to JeniferJuniper)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 4:56:18 PM   
flowerinyourhand


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		The first D/s "relationship" I was involved in was exactly like this one. Luckily I found a mentor who helped me realize that you can't build a solid foundation of trust on a lie.  That man, who I met on collarme, is still lying...he messaged one of my close friends just a month or so ago and lied to her too.

It is unfortunate that there seems to be quite a few of those types on here, they think because we're submissive that we're easy and because of our natures they will get away with it.  It makes me sick.

_____________________________

in service to HIM ever minute of every day

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 5:22:15 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		What is also a bit annoying is the ever present attempt to blame it all on the guy/Dom.

I am not saying that was the case in your scenario... but getting involved with a married man is just as much the chick being a dog as the man.



_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to flowerinyourhand)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 5:43:10 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
One of my UMs proudly announced to me when she was 15 that her mother (my ex) was a great liar.

I pointed out two things.

1)  Nobody knows who a great liar is, that is what makes them a great liar.

2)  How can one be sure that a "great liar" is not lying to them?

Despite Psychology Today talking about the positive benefits of being able to tell lies, the problem I have is that once a person has lost my trust, it is that much more difficult to ever get it back.

What I have been told in the past is odd about me is that the person never knew I had lost my trust in them.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 5:48:56 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		They probably wouldn't have to be told directly - wouldn't they figure it out by a change they would feel/sense/experience from you towards them?

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 5:53:11 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

They probably wouldn't have to be told directly - wouldn't they figure it out by a change they would feel/sense/experience from you towards them?


They did not.  Take that to mean whatever you think it should mean. 

I force myself to adhere to very high standards in how I treat people. 

Additionally, while I can be extremely honest, I am a private individual and not usually one to volunteer my feelings unasked.  Additionally, if it is a situation where past experience has taught me the person is not interested in my feelings, I am even more loathe to express them. 

If a person wants to know how I feel, they can ask.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/24/2007 5:59:07 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bustysubmissive

My current master has taught me well and promised to end his current relationship, but after 6 months im still waiting and have realised it will never change. I have grown and become strong and my submissive side has even suprised me, my need to submit has gone beyond being satisfied from a few snatched hours when master can sneak away. I told him the only reason ive hung around waiting for him is that he promised he would end his relationship early on as there was nothing left, but hes still there!
I cannot go on deceiving myself and his partner, this isnt what being submissive is about for me im looking for a ltr which he promised, but reality has hit me and i need to decide if its time to move on? any genuine advice woukld be good as this is so difficult as i love him dearly which ive told him , he says he loves me but im struggling to cope with this situation.


The guy is cheating (with) you...(about) you....(because of) you....

Once he's declared himself "free"....how many times over the next 10 years will you be looking over your shoulder?

(Hmmmmm?)

(in reply to bustysubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/26/2007 11:49:32 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		You are unhappy, he is obviously being dishonest to serve his own interests.  Been there, done that.  When to walk away?  The sooner the better.  Your trust in him has already be violated.  The sooner you move on the sooner you can begin to heal.  I wish you the best and remind you that somewhere out there is someone who deserves you, and will make you very happy with honestly and loyalty.

(in reply to bustysubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 12:41:23 AM   
BeautySleeping


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline 		"when to walk away" ?  IMO you shouldn't have walked towards him to begin with....I agree with Puella on her statements.  My Master told me when we first met, "A Dom can not control another if he is not in control of himself."  That also goes for subs....although I am submissive, it doesn't mean I will submit to anyone dangling a flog in front of me.  ( although I may twitch just a tad ) 

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 12:54:28 AM   
livenlearn


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bustysubmissive

My current master has taught me well and promised to end his current relationship, but after 6 months im still waiting and have realised it will never change. I have grown and become strong and my submissive side has even suprised me, my need to submit has gone beyond being satisfied from a few snatched hours when master can sneak away. I told him the only reason ive hung around waiting for him is that he promised he would end his relationship early on as there was nothing left, but hes still there!
I cannot go on deceiving myself and his partner, this isnt what being submissive is about for me im looking for a ltr which he promised, but reality has hit me and i need to decide if its time to move on? any genuine advice woukld be good as this is so difficult as i love him dearly which ive told him , he says he loves me but im struggling to cope with this situation.

Perhaps it's just me, but I would wonder why you thought he would ever end his first relationship. Let's face it, he has his 'main', and then he has his 'backup ( you )' off to the side. He is getting the best of both worlds. Why would he possibly change anything?

_____________________________

"And there I was, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, two asshats fell from the sky"

(in reply to bustysubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 1:11:48 AM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		I'm fairly certain that you've already received some worthwhile comments and I really do not have the sparetime at these minutes so, I'll try and condense their replies without the benefit of reading the sage advice.
  There's no real dilema here.. you know what you must do, and if he's married and you continue to see him, I would be calling you some names that would frighten your dog. lol
 _uck 'im 'n' feed 'im fishheads!!!! I have to wonder if he's ever made any comments abour HONOUR to you? I'm so sick of My chosen lifestyle being plagued by the lamest lice from the dregs of society. They lust, they read, the masturbate to the pixs of youngsters, some are sociopaths that make a great presentation of themselves on the NET, blud their flibness becomes more learned as they repeat the words of others, "Parroting" anothers intellect and verbage, but can seldom explain themselves if questioned closely.
  Their inability to have a clear understanding despite their plagarism of their Superiors can become very apparent in their posts and responses to others if they're closely watched. My past YOB was to actively seek out these poseurs and charlatans and expose them to all concerned. Those that were most dangerous were the ones that had induced their subjects with a passionate regard for them. I dislike having to raise My voice, but, I have some hearing/nerve damage and I sometimes catch Myself being loud. That's a biologicial problem, not a matter of great import in this missal, but, I really only want to explain why, I have shouted the truth at some that were entangled in another purposeful farce that'll enrich them whether it's money of twisted appreciation of minddorkin' another for their sick amusement.
  Any, I'd recommend an advance to the 'phone, tell hm that his behaviour, if as reported, is not honourable or caring. Stop dorkin' in his pond!
Gentry
quote:

ORIGINAL: bustysubmissive

My current master has taught me well and promised to end his current relationship, but after 6 months im still waiting and have realised it will never change. I have grown and become strong and my submissive side has even suprised me, my need to submit has gone beyond being satisfied from a few snatched hours when master can sneak away. I told him the only reason ive hung around waiting for him is that he promised he would end his relationship early on as there was nothing left, but hes still there!
I cannot go on deceiving myself and his partner, this isnt what being submissive is about for me im looking for a ltr which he promised, but reality has hit me and i need to decide if its time to move on? any genuine advice woukld be good as this is so difficult as i love him dearly which ive told him , he says he loves me but im struggling to cope with this situation.

(in reply to bustysubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 5:02:25 AM   
larissa2007


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		Who knows, maybe you also enjoyed these little visits, maybe you received a rush from your secret get togethers, knowing your adventures might be discovered by his wife, maybe that helped in your sexual experiences.  I have heard there can be a rush a person gets from cheating (I have never done it, just something I was told) 

To me if a Dom is married, I tell him get lost, I will not participate in his wanting to cheat on his wife.  Unless his wife is in the lifestyle and it is going to be the three of us, then there is no deceiption on anyone's part, as it is proven now, since I am owned by a couple, .

Leave now and let your experiences be your guide.

< Message edited by larissa2007 -- 5/27/2007 5:06:02 AM >

(in reply to leatherorlace)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 5:32:29 AM   
sweetpetie


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		It never fails to amaze me how judgemental people can be on these message boards. There is a time and place to gently and caringly explain to someone the rights and wrongs of what they are doing. Kicking them when they are down doesn't seem to me to be something that anyone with a shred of empathy or compassion would do.

To the questioner, you know what you have to do. As someone else said, you are seeking validation for that decision. You are not happy, you will not be happy in this relationship, this man can never give you what you want or need. I am sorry that when asking for help to do the right thing, you got lambasted for having done the wrong thing first. I'm not a religious person at all and never thought I would find myself quoting the bible but here goes, 'he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.'

Who would have thought there would be so many perfect people on collarme.

My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

(in reply to larissa2007)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 6:01:45 AM   
ennaozzie


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Take time out, have a real think and go with that gut feeling on what you know is right for you, not what is right for someone else but what is the right thing to do for you.

beanie

_____________________________

Never make someone your priority when you are only their option

If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

(in reply to bustysubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 6:02:00 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Anyone that reads these boards on a regular basis and expects to only receive gentle, caring, words when posting personal drama is a fool.

Anyone that posts personal drama on here to obtain advice is a fool.

Before you get your panties/boxers, in a wad over those two statements........just think about it......I mean seriously. No one on here, unless they know you personally, in person, sees your daily interactions and those of the people in your life, can possibly know enough about you and your life to give you really good sound advice.

While I may not always appreciate the manner of responses I read on these "oh my god my world is falling apart, what should I doooo?!?!?!?" threads, I also feel that the person that posted them knew exactly what they were going to get (unless they are an idiot) and thrive on the drama and attention.......good and bad. It is yet another way to gain attention and on here, it gets fed very well.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sweetpetie)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: when to walk away ?? - 5/27/2007 6:29:37 AM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Well LaT, if no one posted anything interesting this place would dry up.
I often admire people that have the guts to share "real" stories.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 60
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