RE: Sub/slave=child

RE: Sub/slave=child (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

PeggyO -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 8:22:40 AM)
Hello, Here's what I'd like to address about being "treated like a child". Generally when you talk to a child, you simplify concepts, you water down ideas and you language things in terms they can understand because they don't have the analytical capacity and background information on subjects that an adult has. The issue the OP had was when an absolute stranger talks to submissives and treats them the way they would treat a child because the person is a submissive. Fundamentally at that point, the stranger is choosing to put the submissive into a non-peer role - generally without consent. It has nothing to do with how I was treated as a child - but rather how I expect to be treated as an adult by other adults. If two people consent to do age play, I have no issues with that. I do age play with other consenting adults on occasion myself. However for some random dominant to decide they need to treat me as anything other than an adult - yes, I find that demeaning and disrespectful of me. I am not accepting of someone I don't know calling me "girl" or "little one" for example. You don't call a peer those things - and until agreed otherwise, I'm a peer. The OP's original post was not about age play and people enjoying it - but somehow it keeps drifting over to that. The OP's post was about submissives/slaves as a class being treated like children by people who have no prior relationship with them. Take care, Peggy O

mbes -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 8:44:45 AM)
Nicely said, PeggyO. Thank you. When I am in a relationship with someone of whatever sort, we can work out the intricacies of how to interact. Until that point, I prefer to be treated the same as anyone else.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 10:09:55 AM)
Peggy, The OP asked quote: So often you see people compaering sub/slaves to children... such as with discapline and punishment and many other things. I want to know why?? I certainly compare my threatment of submissives to the treatment of children but I also don't see children as incompetent nor "lesser" than anyone else. quote: Do you Doms not crave an adult partner who needs you yet can take care of themsevs if you arent there?? I want someone who is strong, mature, self aware, confident, in essense as "adult" as possible. That doesn't mean that saying "good girl" to that same woman doesn't make her heart melt. Or that watching how and when I provide attention and affection, just like I would with a child will enhance whatever behavior I provide it whether that behavior is good or bad, another thing that is crucial with children. Children aren't much different than adults, they lack a bit of experience and self awareness but not only do many adults, the underlying behavior/response/needs don't really change much. How many submissive women wouldn't melt at having their hair brushed or a bath drawn for them, or be treated to some other attention that could easily be labled as comming from a "loving parent". Frankly, with the right partner, one of the things I create for myself is a safe place to allow my partner to RE-mommy me in the exact way I want it. So THERE and if you don't like it you are a great big doo doo head!

mbes -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 10:23:44 AM)
Would you say that many dominants don't also enjoy having their hair brushed, or a bath drawn for them? Mine loves a good scalp massage, and when I set up the bath just so on occasion, he all but purrs. [:)] Those are actions that generally take place within a relationship, though, not among peers at a meeting ground. I do like taking care of my partner, as I like him taking care of me in various ways. The question I see is what level of "taking care" is appropriate between non-partners/casual acquaintances.

whisperedsighs -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 12:13:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave OK I know I have seen this mentality a lot on thes forums. Aspecially in a thread that is going on right now that provoked me to start this thread regarding a "safe place" or subs only that seemed a little bit to much like the day care that parents drop their kids off while they work out in the gym. So often you see people compaering sub/slaves to children... such as with discapline and punishment and many other things. I want to know why?? Do you Doms not crave an adult partner who needs you yet can take care of themsevs if you arent there?? I dont get this and I for one know it makes me a little hot under the collar when someone does compare a sub/slave to a child. A child has no place in this lifestyle!! I feel it to be very demeaing and belittleing to be compared to a child. Am I the only one that thinks sub/slaves deserve more credit and respect then that?? Magik's slave I have been involved in many discussions on this topic. The concensus of the people in my area I am exposed to is seems to be simply this. What value does submission have coming from a completely needy person vs a person who is normally a strong individual in their own right. Someone who has a strong sense of self and chooses to give up control is actually giving up something. That is where the power exchange exists.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:37:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirata quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave So often you see people compaering sub/slaves to children... such as with discapline and punishment and many other things. I want to know why?? Do you Doms not crave an adult partner who needs you yet can take care of themsevs if you arent there?? ....Am I the only one that thinks sub/slaves deserve more credit and respect then that?? Magik's slave Greetings girl, I'm not comfortable with grouping subs and BDSM/TPE slaves and kajirae together. But that said, here is at least a Gorean point of view... High intelligence and imagination, perhaps interestingly from the point of view of a man of Earth, are highly prized in women by Gorean men. Indeed, a woman who is known to be intelligent and imaginative will bring a much higher price than some duller, but more beautiful, sister in bondage. Goreans, unlike many men of Earth, have very little interest in stupid women. ~ Hunters of Gor Your mileage may vary. IWYW, Kirata This is what Im talking about, your a complete stranger and your calling me girl!! I dont know about anyone els but I find this rather belittling comeing from a complete stranger. Who are you to be calling me girl??? Magik's slave

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:42:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania well it is me writing, the OP and some of the responses on the first page struck me as rather degrading to other people... more so than a sub cafe ever could be...Just my opinion Ok I will clarrify this one more time. I was not talking about indavidual relationships where the people involved both agree to have a daddy/lilone or ageplay relationship. Im talking about people on these boards and even some in r/l that lump all subs together and seem to think that beeing a submissive means you are a child or should be treated like a child. Like I said immeturity or haveing to be treated like a child is not a submissive trait it is a trait that many posses and just some happen to be submissive. I dont know how better to explain it but again Ill say I wasnt saying anything against people who ingage in age play or daddy lil girl relationships. me and Master ingage in age play as well I have a strong lil, but when my lil isnt out and about I am a fully functioning adult and I wish to be treated like one. Magik's frustrated slave

juliaoceania -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:47:17 PM)
quote: Here's what I'd like to address about being "treated like a child". Generally when you talk to a child, you simplify concepts, you water down ideas and you language things in terms they can understand because they don't have the analytical capacity and background information on subjects that an adult has. The issue the OP had was when an absolute stranger talks to submissives and treats them the way they would treat a child because the person is a submissive. Fundamentally at that point, the stranger is choosing to put the submissive into a non-peer role - generally without consent. It has nothing to do with how I was treated as a child - but rather how I expect to be treated as an adult by other adults. I thought the OP had a problem with a subcafe as being an idea in which submissives were treated like children instead of adults (kinda like sending a submissive to the child's table at Thanksgiving). I thought her point was that sending a submissive to a special area was degrading to them. I do not agree with her estimation of this personally. I think that a dominant decides where he wants his submissive to be, and if it is at the children's table, a merry-go-round, or a "sub cafe", well that is where she/he should be. If the dominant does not want his sub to sit in a sub cafe he shouldn't take his submissive to that get-together if that is where all the submissives are expected to stay for the duration of the party. If a submissive does not want to stay there and she has no owner, no one is forcing the sub to go to the party. In my opinion if a submissive desires to be treated like a child, well that is their thing. No one is forcing others to socialize with anyone else... we all consent to take part in the activities that we consented to.. just my opinion. If magikslave does not like the way she is treated by the people her master is associated with, well then she needs to talk to her master about that. quote: If two people consent to do age play, I have no issues with that. I do age play with other consenting adults on occasion myself. However for some random dominant to decide they need to treat me as anything other than an adult - yes, I find that demeaning and disrespectful of me. I am not accepting of someone I don't know calling me "girl" or "little one" for example. You don't call a peer those things - and until agreed otherwise, I'm a peer. I agree with this, and if I found that a group had a sub cafe, or protocol I found degrading, well I would choose not to be around it

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:47:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeggyO Hello, Here's what I'd like to address about being "treated like a child". Generally when you talk to a child, you simplify concepts, you water down ideas and you language things in terms they can understand because they don't have the analytical capacity and background information on subjects that an adult has. The issue the OP had was when an absolute stranger talks to submissives and treats them the way they would treat a child because the person is a submissive. Fundamentally at that point, the stranger is choosing to put the submissive into a non-peer role - generally without consent. It has nothing to do with how I was treated as a child - but rather how I expect to be treated as an adult by other adults. If two people consent to do age play, I have no issues with that. I do age play with other consenting adults on occasion myself. However for some random dominant to decide they need to treat me as anything other than an adult - yes, I find that demeaning and disrespectful of me. I am not accepting of someone I don't know calling me "girl" or "little one" for example. You don't call a peer those things - and until agreed otherwise, I'm a peer. The OP's original post was not about age play and people enjoying it - but somehow it keeps drifting over to that. The OP's post was about submissives/slaves as a class being treated like children by people who have no prior relationship with them. Take care, Peggy O THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU PeggyO this is exactly what I was saying in my OP, I was getting so frustrated with people attacking and flaiming me for something I didnt say or even imply in my op!!! This is exactly what I was talking about thank you so much for getting it and explaining it to the others. Magik's greatfull slave

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:50:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I thought the OP had a problem with a subcafe as being an idea in which submissives were treated like children instead of adults (kinda like sending a submissive to the child's table at Thanksgiving). I thought her point was that sending a submissive to a special area was degrading to them. I do not agree with her estimation of this personally. I think that a dominant decides where he wants his submissive to be, and if it is at the children's table, a merry-go-round, or a "sub cafe", well that is where she/he should be. If the dominant does not want his sub to sit in a sub cafe he shouldn't take his submissive to that get-together if that is where all the submissives are expected to stay for the duration of the party. If a submissive does not want to stay there and she has no owner, no one is forcing the sub to go to the party. In my opinion if a submissive desires to be treated like a child, well that is their thing. No one is forcing others to socialize with anyone else... we all consent to take part in the activities that we consented to.. just my opinion. If magikslave does not like the way she is treated by the people her master is associated with, well then she needs to talk to her master about that. This is not what I was saying I dont even know what sub cafe is, I was giveing examples of things I had seen around the boards. I clarrifide myself MANY times in the corse of this thread!!! What you have written here isnt even close isnt to what I was getting at in my op. Next time maybe ask for clarrification befor you assume and start calling people judgmental and all. Magik's slave

juliaoceania -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:51:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania well it is me writing, the OP and some of the responses on the first page struck me as rather degrading to other people... more so than a sub cafe ever could be...Just my opinion Ok I will clarrify this one more time. I was not talking about indavidual relationships where the people involved both agree to have a daddy/lilone or ageplay relationship. Im talking about people on these boards and even some in r/l that lump all subs together and seem to think that beeing a submissive means you are a child or should be treated like a child. Like I said immeturity or haveing to be treated like a child is not a submissive trait it is a trait that many posses and just some happen to be submissive. I dont know how better to explain it but again Ill say I wasnt saying anything against people who ingage in age play or daddy lil girl relationships. me and Master ingage in age play as well I have a strong lil, but when my lil isnt out and about I am a fully functioning adult and I wish to be treated like one. Magik's frustrated slave I get that, but on the first page there were many of you chiming in on the irresponsible submissives that are to blame for this perceived treatment. Someone does not treat me with respect I just ignore them, real life or not real life. I do not blame the actions of others on the way people treat me. If other submissives like being treated like kids, go them! If they want to submit to everyone that will allow it, go them! It has no impact on my reality

Kirata -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:53:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave This is what Im talking about, your a complete stranger and your calling me girl!! I dont know about anyone els but I find this rather belittling comeing from a complete stranger. Who are you to be calling me girl??? Magik's slave Yeah, I see your point. I take it back. K.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:54:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania well it is me writing, the OP and some of the responses on the first page struck me as rather degrading to other people... more so than a sub cafe ever could be...Just my opinion Ok I will clarrify this one more time. I was not talking about indavidual relationships where the people involved both agree to have a daddy/lilone or ageplay relationship. Im talking about people on these boards and even some in r/l that lump all subs together and seem to think that beeing a submissive means you are a child or should be treated like a child. Like I said immeturity or haveing to be treated like a child is not a submissive trait it is a trait that many posses and just some happen to be submissive. I dont know how better to explain it but again Ill say I wasnt saying anything against people who ingage in age play or daddy lil girl relationships. me and Master ingage in age play as well I have a strong lil, but when my lil isnt out and about I am a fully functioning adult and I wish to be treated like one. Magik's frustrated slave I get that, but on the first page there were many of you chiming in on the irresponsible submissives that are to blame for this perceived treatment. Someone does not treat me with respect I just ignore them, real life or not real life. I do not blame the actions of others on the way people treat me. If other submissives like being treated like kids, go them! If they want to submit to everyone that will allow it, go them! It has no impact on my reality My problem comes in when the people who interact with these subs then think it is ok to treat ALL subs like this. Like I said being childish is not a submissive trait it is a humen trait that some subs have that does not mean all subs want to be treated like children by everyone. Magik's slave

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 2:55:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirata quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave This is what Im talking about, your a complete stranger and your calling me girl!! I dont know about anyone els but I find this rather belittling comeing from a complete stranger. Who are you to be calling me girl??? Magik's slave Yeah, I see your point. I take it back. K. ((smiles)) its ok.. thank you for acknolading it Magik's slave

Kirata -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 3:07:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daughtry I often see this position espoused, almost by rote, by Gorean men, but in my experience the actual practice by those of the online Gor variety is quite different. Many of those seem attracted by the ability to fall back on "Silence, woman!" in the world of online Gor when they are outwitted by a woman. So while this quote does appear in one of Lang's novels, its not an opinion all Gorean males are capable of upholding. Far too many are unable to deal with a woman past the "giggle, hair flip, Im just a girl!" stage. Yeah well, Gor does attract a lot of asses. A few quotes from the books, a grunt, and off you go. But from what I've seen elsewhere, I doubt we'll ever corner the market. Be well, Kirata

juliaoceania -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 3:07:48 PM)
quote: My problem comes in when the people who interact with these subs then think it is ok to treat ALL subs like this. Like I said being childish is not a submissive trait it is a humen trait that some subs have that does not mean all subs want to be treated like children by everyone. Magik's slave The problem is with the idiots that do not have the emotional insight to recognize that there are differences among individuals. The problem is not with brats, SAMs, lil girls, slaves, submissives, or other assorted bottom type personalities.. the problem is with those who insist on taking liberties with strangers... best to look at the problem, which is not how individual submissives comport themselves, but with how dominant types that are disrespectful do. Everyone has the right to be who they are, even the princess submissives who do not want responsibilities.. I apologize for ranting a little, it probably was not called for... it just irked me to read how other submissives that like being treated like children seemed to be blamed for how all submissives get treated, instead of putting the responsibility where it lies

cjenny -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 3:13:13 PM)
General reply. The way people are treated is strongly connected to the way one presents oneself. Of course there are those that see every submissive as one, every slave as one etc but for the most part I really believe that if you present yourself as an adult you will usually be treated as such.

lovewithoutfear -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 3:14:22 PM)
"Who are you to be calling me girl??? " Thank you! Bears repeating. I don't care how other subs or slaves act or how many of them seem immature -- we are all individuals and deserve to be treated with respect and as adults by strangers. Calling a female "girl" IS A FORM OF D/S PLAY and as such needs to be negotiated in order to be consensual. My 2 cents. JY

juliaoceania -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 3:18:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cjenny General reply. The way people are treated is strongly connected to the way one presents oneself. Of course there are those that see every submissive as one, every slave as one etc but for the most part I really believe that if you present yourself as an adult you will usually be treated as such. There is only one person that treats me like a child sometimes, and that is my Daddy. I completely agree with this statement.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sub/slave=child (6/4/2007 3:19:41 PM)
I think the problem being highlighted is not only that people take liberties with strangers, but that so many subs reinforce and encourage such liberties being taken.

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875