lies, falsehoods and honesty (Full Version)

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WeyrlingMaster -> lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:00:42 PM)

Is it just Me, or has anyone else found that being honest/telling the truth gets you nowhere fast?

I am getting so fed up of people who state things on their profiles that they dont mean, such as 'will welcome any approach for chat from anybody over age xx' or 'looking for ltr with Dom/Domme or both. Really very open minded as to how and who I may serve' or variations on the theme.

As I don't do one-liners when approaching a sub/slave, preferring to go for the more informative approach, I am now starting to wonder why I bother or indeed why if My profile is too blunt and honest for people. 

Ah, that means you must be saying something wrong or demanding that the sub/slave kneels before you, I hear Y/you say.  Not at all.  But I am noticing a high number of people who delete mail unread having not even looked at My full profile.

Having been in the lifestyle for more years than I care to think about I am becoming painfully aware that there seem to be many more fakes and players than there used to be.  Not that there aren't honest people here, far from it.  But I have also noticed a lot of 'fake' pictures being used as well.  I recently found 3 different profiles using the same picture.  And one that used a picture of a fairly well known adult model who claimed to have decided to become a full time lesbian - which must have come as a shock to her husband.  When I sent a message asking her about it the profile vanished.  And as I have contacted the model in question who knew nothing about it, well you get the picture.

The pictures in My profile are of Me and the words are Me as well.  But I am slowly starting to doubt wether it's worth mailing people or even if there's any point in being so totally honest in My profile or having a picture in it. 

Perhaps I am being too sensitive or critical.  I don't know.  But I do know that there seem to be many female sub/slaves who 'appear' to have no luck finding what they say they are searching for, but when messaged delete the message unread or, more usually, fail to respond at all.

Perhaps if I said I was rich and stupid I would get a response....lol.

Or maybe I should just do what many seem to - lie.




spanklette -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:07:32 PM)

I read your profile and I don't think it's the honesty that's the problem. You're looking for a submissive female to join you in an already formed relationship, and I'm making the assumption that you're looking for this relationship to be polyamorous. That's a difficult position to fill. I'm not sure how misrepresenting the situation would make your search any easier.
 
Just remember, this is online. Maybe you would be better served getting out into your local community and meeting people there.



WeyrlingMaster -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:12:24 PM)

I do 'go out into the local community' and meet people.  And as I say in My profile, My partner has Her own slave who I don't play with.  And any sub/slave would NOT be expected to do anything with My partner unless they wanted and agreed to.

On further reflection, I would have thought that this site is here to facilitate meeting people from a wider area rather than the 'local' area.  Or am I being thick?



possom -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:15:55 PM)

Yes I have to agree.  I have had a couple of emails from couples looking for a sub to join a poly household, however I'm more interested in one on one - I really dont have enough experience, in life or in bdsm, to be able to serve in that sort of situation.

I think you just need to be patient  =)



SweetAndInnocent -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:21:13 PM)

Perhaps it is me being thick here, but, have you taken the time to read hte profile interests of the submissives you are emailing?  For me, and only for me, I would delete your email as well, due to the line stating you are not looking to leave your partner.  While I am sure there are many women who are looking for side play, many are not.  I think you shall have to be very patient in your search.  I don't however believe that any woman who turns you down (even if her method is just deletion) is a fake, she's just secure in waiting for a monogamous man.



WeyrlingMaster -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:23:47 PM)

Sorry, should have pointed out that I am talking about people in the UK here as I am not looking for anyone from overseas.

And its not about being patient, its about becoming fed up with those who seem to be unable to tell the truth in their profiles.

And I would point out that I am ONLY looking for those who say that they are interested in Dom/Dom(me) couples and are bisexual.  I should have made that clear in the first post.  My apologies for not having done so.



spanklette -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:24:57 PM)

I don't think you're being "thick" so much...but I think you might have romaticized the idea of meeting people on the internet.
 
Sure, you're able to meet people from faraway, but distance is a challenge that many are not willing to overcome, expecially for the situation that you're looking for.
 
Try and think of it from a prospective submissive's perspective...why share? There are plenty of Dominants out there who don't have an already formed relationship and if they are looking for poly, would want to be the Alpha.



LafayetteLady -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:31:09 PM)

As possom says, some of us are looking for one on one situations.  Poly relationships are not for everyone.  I'm finding that contrary to the B/S spiel, a great majority of people in this lifestyle are seeking a lifetime partner.  I personally don't have an interest in poly relationships and prefer to find someone who will put me first as I will put him. 

As for deleting it before even reading your profile, you must be doing an awful lot of research as to who is viewing you to be sure that they haven't.  I know that in my profile, I make it very clear that I am not looking for a multi household, yet I get email from poly households all the time asking me to join in.  You complain that you don't get a response to your email, but from my perspective if someone can't read and comprehend my profile and what I seek, why should I bother to respond to them?

Another thing to think about...I don't know about everyone else, but when someone emails me, I look at their profile to determine my response.  If I find the person very interesting, I come to the message boards and research any posts they may have made.  I think it gives me a better understanding of who they are.  If you had written to me and I found you interesting and then came across this post, I would find you to be a bit whining and petulant.  The minute I read something from someone whining about all the liars, fakes and wannabes, I write them off as nothing but pain in the butt.

Just something to think about.



IrishMist -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:32:33 PM)

quote:

Perhaps I am being too sensitive or critical

Bingo

of course, coming here and whining like a little baby does not help either



lateralist1 -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:34:32 PM)

It's quite simple to me. Women are usually looking to find a vanilla partner as well as a BDSM one. You are open about the fact that you have a vanilla partner so they are not interested. But if you resort to lying on your profile then you will not find what you want. I've virtually given up hope of ever finding the 'right' person. I want the full relationship. If I can't eventually control my submissive partner completely 24/7 then I don't want to start a relationship because I am never going to be truly happy with it. But men seem to want to live with their Domme or just want the experience of a few play sessions. I don't want either of these I want something in the middle.



WeyrlingMaster -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:35:42 PM)

LaffayetteLady - I do make use of the 'who's viewing me' option and its quite easy to tell if someone has looked at your full profile.  If I get a 'deleted unread' message then I do look to see if they have looked at the full profile.

And as I said...

quote:

ORIGINAL: WeyrlingMaster

And I would point out that I am ONLY looking for those who say that they are interested in Dom/Dom(me) couples and are bisexual.  I should have made that clear in the first post.  My apologies for not having done so.



MzMia -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:37:16 PM)

I have NO interest in poly, I don't share my mate with anyone.
But I think this is a great thread and I am enjoying the discussion
related to both sides of the fence.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I was hungry for some good threads.



WeyrlingMaster -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:46:05 PM)

Oh, and I'm not whining - I am, however, asking a question.  And I am finding it quite instructional as to how many  people seem to think that posing a thought for discussion is whining.  Or do they REALLY think there are no fakes etc. on this site?



ready4srvce4all -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:49:24 PM)

I wouldn't give up, and certainly don't change your profile.  I read it, it states clearly what you seek.  All of us have gone through this in some form, email someone who seemed exactly what we are looking for, only to see their profile vanish, or the email never read. 

A poly situation is going to take more time.  I can't speak for Mistress, and how long Her search was before we found each other.  Her profile was exactly like yours in the aspect of stating right up front certain conditions regarding Her family, and what the expected interactions between all would be.  I'd venture to guess She has had just as many, if not more, flakes,  fakes, posers, wannabes,  and liars.  As a submissive, I had the same issues with some posting as "Dommes".  It's just the nature of the internet beast.

I'd just look at it as doing a service to others that are real on this site, by weeding out the fakes.  My guess is they leave fairly soon, or start reconsidering what they really want, and modify their profile.  In a small way, you have helped them grow up.  Put the bad behind you and keep going, look forward and not backward.  Keeping a positive outlook will prevent any chance of negativity coming through in your emails.  I feel that if you need to vent, use the journals to do so.  It will show more of the total person and express your personality, and eventually, it will catch someones eye, that one you are looking for.  

Best of wishes to you in your search.

Mistress Donna's slave Robert



LadyPaige -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:56:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WeyrlingMaster

Sorry, should have pointed out that I am talking about people in the UK here as I am not looking for anyone from overseas.

And its not about being patient, its about becoming fed up with those who seem to be unable to tell the truth in their profiles.

And I would point out that I am ONLY looking for those who say that they are interested in Dom/Dom(me) couples and are bisexual.  I should have made that clear in the first post.  My apologies for not having done so.


Unfortunately many are simply getting a quick thrill.  If they are listed as looking for Dom/Dom(me) couples and are geograhically near, they should at least send a polite reply.



LafayetteLady -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:56:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WeyrlingMaster

Oh, and I'm not whining - I am, however, asking a question.  And I am finding it quite instructional as to how many  people seem to think that posing a thought for discussion is whining.  Or do they REALLY think there are no fakes etc. on this site?



There are fakes everywhere.  This site is designed (in my opinion) as a place for people of a like mind to come together, to discuss, etc.  Certainly, there are a large number of us (me included) that utilize this site in the hopes of finding someone for the long term. 

And YES it is whining and being petulent to come into the message boards and boo hoo over the fact that someone wasn't interested in you and didn't read your email.  It happens to everyone, get over it, move on.  I have found though that there is always a very good reason for those who complain they haven't found what they are looking for beyond unanswered emails, vanishing profiles, and all those childish fakes.



MzMia -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 4:58:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WeyrlingMaster

Oh, and I'm not whining - I am, however, asking a question.  And I am finding it quite instructional as to how many  people seem to think that posing a thought for discussion is whining.  Or do they REALLY think there are no fakes etc. on this site?


You know what? There is plenty of every type of person here.
Just like in real life.
I think of CM as more of a "community" of people interested in/or involved
in alternative lifestyles.
It is free and it is fun, so I am not complaining.
If I meet my mate here, it will be icing on the cake.
If not, I am just having fun, learning and sharing ideas.
**I have also learned a lot here**



shyinini -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 5:12:32 PM)

Weyrling Sir
Personally, I do not consider your post whining. All of it is so fukin truthful about the the reality of the way others respond to well written messages ~  ignore, no curtersy to even say no thank you ~ how friggin hard is "no ty." 
It is also so firiggnin truthful of the way folk dont seem to understand that a profile reperesents them....yes it can be a framework, a foundation and communication can elaborate onthe picture....but darn it all.....
to write to someone specific based on the fact that you DID study their profile...leaves all those who want to give friggin excuses,  a straw pole to lean on.
 
One thing I learned long ago here...  1.) CM is very friendly to peeps who go with the flow, you rock the titanic just one iota and the claws come running out at ya.... and 2) those who dont read the boards should.....
 
SO...might I suggest Sir, you dont write to anyone who hasnt even ventured into forum message board land cause if they havent...my guess is they are not looking for what they say they claim they are.
 
On another site....my Sir and our Domme friend have become extremely confidently astute at pickin out THE PRETENDERS of various degrees.    Sorry but seeing you were from the UK, I had to play on those words [:D]
 
I mean no one, in any way, any antoginism (notice the disclaimer here Weyrling, that I find myself having to use) ...I just think this dom is very correct in his basic assumptions.  JMFHO  not yours.
 
Sir's adored pet
 
who is a little lobster fried~~~a bit intoxicated with sun, life, Sir and nonemployment (just loving it) ~~  so if you are hell bent onmy grammer and spelling errors ...just go do it... YOU MIGHT FEEL BETTER!!



szobras -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 5:16:15 PM)

Is it just Me, or has anyone else found that being honest/telling the truth gets you nowhere fast?
I do know honesty and telling the truth has gotten me where I am, and eventually where I want to be.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: lies, falsehoods and honesty (5/28/2007 5:16:48 PM)

Yes its the internet and there are as many fakes as real ones. I don't why anyone expects anything different. This is just entertainment to some. Join local groups to meet people face to face in your area. Some women do not want to join an already formed relationship. It can be hard to find someone who does.



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