Noah
Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sinergy
I love the topic, Noah.
I will take a stab at your second question.
My kink is worse than your kink because I am rather fluid in my approach to life. Some days I want vanilla, some days I want Rocky Road, some days I want Pralines and Cream, whatever.
My kink is worse than a lot of people's kink because I do not subscribe to labels, or definitions, or guidelines, or whatever, unless it is something that I feel is important. There is another thread where a person is asking if they are Bi or sub or switch, and somebody pointed out that they are who they are.
I dont know what your kink is, but I suppose that my kink is worse than other people's kink because of the standards I hold my own behavior to. I figure that if I cannot dominate myself and my actions, I really dont have much business claiming that I can dominate somebody else's either.
Sienrgy
First let me offer a special note of thanks to anyone who has or might post to this topic about anything other than how psychologically or emotionally superior he or she is to those posting in the other threads at issue.
Ok. My kink is worse than yours, my kilted pal, because I just can't get past that name: pralines. Maybe when I first saw it in print as a child I guessed that it meant young female prawns or something. But, dude, I fully support your efforts to put your cream where you want to--within certain constraints (if you'll pardon the expression(s)).
As for the discussions about "What Am I" or "What Are We (as a couple)", etc., I think they often miss by just a little bit the chance to be much more worthwile discussions.
What I would find helpful would be for the focus to change from a metaphysical one: "What AM I?" to a linguistic one: "What terms might I usefully use to describe myself/my couple/my kink/etc?"
A conversation like this might or might not specify an area or context in which to use the suggested terms, such as: "... in my conversations with my partner/prospective partners" or "... in conversations/explorations with others of apparently similar/opposite orientation," or "... as I encounter a range of books and websites which don't seem to all use the same terms the same way."
... for instance.
The object may be to clear up confusions between people or to clarify one's own thinking, or all sorts of other things, I suppose.
And, Glory Day, just imagine if one of those threads could happen without some self-righteous, condescending schmuck didn't yield to the temptation to chime in about how the questioner's kink must first be seen as deficient, immoral, or sick before useful words can be discussed.
As for your sentiment about: "I figure that if I cannot dominate myself and my actions, I really dont have much business claiming that I can dominate somebody else's either," well my experience indicates that this is wrong as wrong can be. Who can--for a while at least--better dominate a partner or a family, say, than a supremely needy and out-of-personal control individual wracked by addiction or some cluster of deep insecurities?
I think that such a person can be described as doing a weak job of dominating his own actions and yet in so many cases such a person wreaks havoc in their manipulative--and very effective--domination of others.
Who's more out-of-control and self-insufficient than an infant suffering colic? And yet who can better dominate the goings-on in a household?
The principle that out-of-control people can control others seems well established, which seems to give lie to any claim that only a person with exemplary self-control can control others.
Now if you want to express an opinion in terms of "should" .... I think I wouldn't line up too far from your position.
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Why my kink is so very much better than yours - 
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