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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 8:18:15 AM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMan

This does happen often it seems, no prejudice for gender or role. Yes. some of us Dom/Domme most
certainly do grieve and shed tears for what seemed to be so good then suddenly is gone without closure.

I just got hung up for the 2nd time by the same girl, we've never met, she is 2 hours away and married and
wants a new life, but can't make up her mind from 1 week to the next, so I get the hot/cold treatment as
she roams in and out of reality. Of course, her profile stated single and looking, only after talking did I find
out what the situation actually is. We've been talking off and on for 2 months, with no plan in sight.
How can you take this seriously........??

I don't usually pursue someone married or in a relationship because of this
and the fact they should be honest with their current partner and end it, then look for someone else.

So online for some people is just an avenue to check out their feelings at the costs of somebody's elses feelings.

Hugs to you too.. but only if you promise not to bite.

Oh wait a minute.. I mean TO bite...

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 9:34:47 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

Why?

Why do people talk to others on these boards, with the sole intention of "mindfucking"?

How many others, have utilised poor judgement, bad intution, and suffered as a result?

The dominant this girl spoke to Him for many months. He pulled the computer plug, not so much as a thank you, well wishes, nor thank you but no thank you. Why do they do that? This girl could understand if he was half a universe away, and if that were so, she would have taken precautions with her space and her heart, and probably would not have entered into that sacred realm.

she is having difficulty with picking up the fragments. buckets of tears have fallen, and why? a vision that she thought was shared, was pretty one sided.

slips into the shadows, licking her wounds, wondering when she will bloody well learn!

looks for the positiveness of the time spent together, and it was pretty damned good, the disheartening thing is that real time, simple escaped U/us. she ventured with him, because the pull was great, same country, the possibility of reality, and then ... *poof* ....

she thought she was dealing with the separation until, he removed his profile, and a bucket of tears overpoured. Do dominants ever cry over what they considered might have been, or is this just a woman going through stages of grief, for a lost vision?

I am very sad for you. You have loved and lost, but what is so tragic is that you have lost your trust in, not only others, but in yourself.

Betrail is not an easy situation to have to deal with. And, to top it off, this person has withdrawn in stages, which can only result in opening up new and more painful wounds.

It is too easy to say that we can learn from all of our experiences, good or bad; but when you are in the center of the storm or the eye of the hurricane, and feeling so much heartache, it is impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But eventually your emotions will subside and you will go on to newer and more fulfilling experiences. It is then that you will look back and reflect upon what went wrong, and how you can help to make things better for yourself in the future.

I do wish you well.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 10:48:39 AM

Celeste43

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You're assuming that his sole purpose in starting a friendship was to make you burn and crash. It's more likely that he wanted what he said he did but is not in a position to follow through and achieve it. He may have gotten cold feet, been told that to be on a site such as this would threaten custody or visitation rights. Or may still be stuck in a bad marriage and reached out online to taste his dreams. Did he think through what this does to the other person? Obviously not.

At the same time he didn't think through what it would do to him to know that out there is someone he really resonates with and yet cannot possible have a relationship with. Better luck in the future.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 11:46:45 AM

addicted2it

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Sorry. I had to remove this posting because it was a duplication of what I wrote earlier.

< Message edited by addicted2it -- 6/3/2007 11:48:53 AM >

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 12:26:48 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

Why?

Why do people talk to others on these boards, with the sole intention of "mindfucking"?

How many others, have utilised poor judgement, bad intution, and suffered as a result?

Greetings dear mysti,

i have stated before...i don't like "Why..." There isn't always an answer for why something happens and we can get caught in a downward spiral trying to figure it out. That there are people online AND reallife who's sole intention is to "mindfuck" someone is a most unfortunate "given". i can relate to your heartbreak more than you know from our conversations. i don't ask myself why anymore - it is not productive for me. When i get thru allowing myself my feelings, i ask myself "What"...what did i learn and what do i want to do next. i believe that while we don't intentionally want painful situations in our lives, we do attract them to draw focus to an area we need to grow from.

The internet does not suck anymore than realife - it just has to be dealt with differently and with caution because it artificially facilitates premature intimacy~

Ofcourse this kind of heartbreak happens on both sides of the kneel and while i certainly sympathize with any and all Dominants that have gone thru this, i feel from this side of the kneel we are by nature, more vulnerable once we have let our guard down in order to let our submission manifest within the new relationship - even in the early stages of the relationship...we already start the release of self, little by little, in hopes that it is being met with its dominant component.

This is why, for the most part, i feel as the submissive side of the slash, we have to be stronger...cultivate our strength so that when we have given of ourselves, laid our vulnerability on the table, and it is discarded or worse - abused, that we can draw on that inner strength, pull ourselves together and when the time is right...open ourselves once again and offer what our Dominant counterparts require...our complete submission~

As always, just my own thoughts on the matter...

< Message edited by dawntreader -- 6/3/2007 12:28:50 PM >

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There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 2:49:26 PM

mystiquenz

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Greetings to A/all who posted whilst this girl slept.

Today is a new day. she has recovered from the immense shock. In retrospect she believes he probably didn't have the ability to follow through.

His profile was deactivated or deleted, because he could not follow through, there are too many possibilities as to why he pulled the plug. As Master Ron said yesterday, you pick ya butt up and move on. mystique intends to not beat herself up over the whys and wherefores.

mystique hopes that others will read this thread, and may learn from another's experience, but she appreciates that we all have to tread our pathway and make our own mistakes. Another cannot walk anothers path for them, the lessons learnt are O/our responsibilty.

mystique acknowledges that she shared many a fine evening with the dominant concerned. The conversation and the companionship albeit online was second to none. His attention and His input, was received well by this girl, she grew, in what she considers to be an inner reflection of her submissive being. However, unless she can touch the hand, feel His breath, no matter what the intent, it is "just online". For some, they are happy to have their "online" experiences, and that suits them. For others, like mystique, the real time component, is the reality that she seeks.

she bids A/all well and thanks those who responded for the energy and the time they took to posting to this thread.

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blessings
~mystique~

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 2:50:48 PM

octavia

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Joined: 5/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Greetings dear mysti,

i have stated before...i don't like "Why..." There isn't always an answer for why something happens and we can get caught in a downward spiral trying to figure it out. That there are people online AND reallife who's sole intention is to "mindfuck" someone is a most unfortunate "given". i can relate to your heartbreak more than you know from our conversations. i don't ask myself why anymore - it is not productive for me. When i get thru allowing myself my feelings, i ask myself "What"...what did i learn and what do i want to do next. i believe that while we don't intentionally want painful situations in our lives, we do attract them to draw focus to an area we need to grow from.

The internet does not suck anymore than realife - it just has to be dealt with differently and with caution because it artificially facilitates premature intimacy~

Ofcourse this kind of heartbreak happens on both sides of the kneel and while i certainly sympathize with any and all Dominants that have gone thru this, i feel from this side of the kneel we are by nature, more vulnerable once we have let our guard down in order to let our submission manifest within the new relationship - even in the early stages of the relationship...we already start the release of self, little by little, in hopes that it is being met with its dominant component.

This is why, for the most part, i feel as the submissive side of the slash, we have to be stronger...cultivate our strength so that when we have given of ourselves, laid our vulnerability on the table, and it is discarded or worse - abused, that we can draw on that inner strength, pull ourselves together and when the time is right...open ourselves once again and offer what our Dominant counterparts require...our complete submission~

As always, just my own thoughts on the matter...

That was incredibly well said.

I needed that.
Thankies!

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 6:34:38 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

Why?

Why do people talk to others on these boards, with the sole intention of "mindfucking"?

How many others, have utilised poor judgement, bad intution, and suffered as a result?

The dominant this girl spoke to Him for many months. He pulled the computer plug, not so much as a thank you, well wishes, nor thank you but no thank you. Why do they do that? This girl could understand if he was half a universe away, and if that were so, she would have taken precautions with her space and her heart, and probably would not have entered into that sacred realm.

she is having difficulty with picking up the fragments. buckets of tears have fallen, and why? a vision that she thought was shared, was pretty one sided.

slips into the shadows, licking her wounds, wondering when she will bloody well learn!

looks for the positiveness of the time spent together, and it was pretty damned good, the disheartening thing is that real time, simple escaped U/us. she ventured with him, because the pull was great, same country, the possibility of reality, and then ... *poof* ....

she thought she was dealing with the separation until, he removed his profile, and a bucket of tears overpoured. Do dominants ever cry over what they considered might have been, or is this just a woman going through stages of grief, for a lost vision?

I am sorry for your loss...
It may seem like it was one sided but it wasn't. He too has and is dealing with a loss as well. I am sure he is grieving and feeling a loss over you too.

but think about all that you learned from it. Sometimes the painful lessons are the best ones to have. Don't you learn so much in those most trying times?

Then, after your grieving lessons in time, you are so much more powerful.
Knowledge...

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/3/2007 9:09:11 PM

dawntreader

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Thankyou octavia,

It was as much for myself as it was for mysti and i an so glad it was helpful to you as well

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/4/2007 2:07:55 AM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
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greetings dawn

it was splendid, spoke volumes, a voice of experience.
thank you for posting.
mystique hoped to have caught up with you but we seem to be missing each other.
*hugs*

Mistress Dolly,
thank you for your post.
again it caused this girl to stop and reflect and that in itself is a good thing.

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blessings
~mystique~

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/4/2007 2:56:10 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

Do not invest in people until you meet, meet multiple times and have spent time outside of bed getting to know them.

quote:

Some of the trouble with 'meeting' people online is that you never really meet them until you meet in person. i tend to be cautious, (maybe too cautious) and try to always keep in mind that while online and to some extent on the phone i am only forming an idea of who the person is and they are forming an idea of who i am which is no guarantee that my ideas (or theirs) will match the realities.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/4/2007 7:26:56 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz
apart from attending local gatherings, munches and play parties in the physical, online just happens to be one medium where you are able to meet others who have a similar intersts.

Ahh but the interests were not so similar were they?

You obviously looked to develop a deep bond with someone & quite possibly have it move to a point where it would be face to face & this "poof" just used whatever he got from you for personal gratification & when it (mostly likely) came to a head where you wanted more, he moved-on/pulled the plug,.

If you have a specific goal in mind then you need to stick to it regardless of your being a submissive. If you seek a real-time relationship with someone don't develop a cyber one with them.

Ever hear the old saying... why buy the cow when the milk is free

Why do people do what they do... because they do. I know it is a shitty answer but it's pretty much the most dead-on one you are going to get. Never assume people are going to behave in the manner that you feel they should.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/5/2007 2:09:34 AM

mystiquenz

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Mistress Passion,

Thank you. Concise and to the point!

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blessings
~mystique~

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/5/2007 9:02:38 PM

goodgirl85

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I had my frist D/s relationship with someone I met online... He was who he said he was... We met in real life and I fell in love with him 100 percent. Then he fell in love with me. The first he said "I love you" in more than a friend way was also the last... It made him realize that he didnt want to be serious with anyone. We broke up about five months later. I have even gone and seen him twice since we broke up. It took me a long time to get over him. In fact, it took him telling me that he was in love and serious with another - who wasn't even a complete sub and doesnt take care of him like I did. Talking to other subs and Doms helped a lot, but what it came down to it was that i was tired of hoping, and tired of waiting.

You will get over him when you are ready. You might not even know you are ready but you will be. You'll get a message in your mail box here one day and it will make you laugh and you will respond. You will meet someone else. You will be thankful for what you have learned from this one who went poof. I know I am glad of what I learned from my ex. he taught me a lot about myself, and while there were a lot of bad times I focus on the good. You said there were a lot of positive things about the time the two of you have spent talking. Focus on that, and what you have learned about yourself by his being in your life. I believe everyone who is in your life for more than a few mere minutes and some of those who are... come in for a reason... from bosses, to co workers to the blind date... to the man who stole your heart and vanished without a word. And you are supposed to learn something from that person... whether it be to make you a stronger person emotionally or help you solve a crisis you find yourself in. Look for what he taught you about yourself and take that from your time with him. Don't concentrate on his leaving when you needed him. or how he left. I am sure you will shed more tears for him... but someday and yes sooner than you think, he will for some reason cross your mind and you smile and say whereever you are thank you.

Just my thoughts and ideas.

girl

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/24/2007 9:03:11 PM

Mystique567

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This happens in vnilla life as well, although I think that you trust more as a submissive.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/24/2007 10:46:00 PM

velvetears

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i understand your pain but you're never going to know why, as painful as that reality is, you are going to have to walk away from this with no real closure as you say and simply learn from the experience so you can shield yourself in the future from it happening again. i don't trust people in general very easily and i have always taken online friendships, since my own experience a few years back, with a grain of salt now. i had an online friend for about 7 years - we were as close as any two people could be. We told each other more about our lives than i had divulged to even some of my rt friends. i felt a very strong friendship, bond, and connection with this person and to this day miss her. We exchanged addresses and sent each other holiday gifts. She suggested a vacation together at the LI Shore for a week and wanted me to make arrangements, which i was delighted to do. i was very much looking forward to finally meeting my best online friend rt and then all of a sudden *poof* - gone, no explanation, no goodbye note, email deleted, accounts deleted, vanished. i was devestated, hurt, angry, bewildered and after much contemplation i had to wonder if i ever really knew this person at all? That was the hardest part for me - feeling i had invested so much energy and time in a fantasy? i have an address so i could go and knock on her door, but i would never violate someones privacy like that - she made her decision and i will respect that. It's changed me. i will never trust online friendships/relationships to that degree ever again. Nor do i think i should. If i am going to be real i want to know what i am getting back is real. i am sorry you are hurting but all i can offer is take it as a learning experience and guard who you let into your world next time around. Time is your friend.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/24/2007 11:30:55 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have had people flake on me in real life, being online only makes being a flake easier for those who are flakes. I mean deep in person relationships that I invested myself in.. I am talking about relationships that lasted more than three years being ended in a flaky sorta way.

Here is the deal, some people do not know how to end relationships. They do not know how to step up and be a man (woman) about it. They lack balls. It is just the facts. Now I used to ask myself this "why" question about such individuals.. but I do not anymore. I do not care what their malfunction is, because it says a lot about their character and nothing about the person that they are hurting. They have to live with the fact that they lack the courage to face things and that they run from stuff like little babies.

I have had to break it off a time or two myself. It was hard, but I did it. I can only guess that the reason people do what this person did is that is seemed "easier" to them. In reality we do not owe anything to anyone else, he did not owe you a goodbye, kiss my ass, or fuck off speech. It would have shown character, it would have shown some humanity, but he did not owe it to you. You decide how to feel about his actions. You are responsible for all that you feel... I do not mean that in a harsh way, it is actually an empowering statement. He is not the one feeling badly, you are. He is not the one suffering, you are. If we accept that we are completely responsible for our own emotions, that we decide how we are going to feel about something, and that others should be free to be who they want to be... independent of their relationships with us... then we will have less assholes show up in our lives.... just my experience.

Edited because I misunderstood the OP because it was written in third person ... sorry

Wow, where were you with this wonderful speech 3 1/2 years ago when a plug was pulled on me without a word? And that wasn't an online only relationship. Loved what you wrote here. As one who already had abandonment issues, that plug pulling basically closed the lid on my coffin. I have no respect for anyone who walks away from a developed relationship without a word - intimate, friendship or otherwise.

But your words are all too true - abandonment of any kind is a reflection of the abandoner's character, and not the "abandonee." Lacking balls is a great way of putting it.

To the OP, from one who has been there, it does get better. There really are good people out there, and those open wounds do heal. My best to you.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/25/2007 2:14:57 AM

becca333

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It's the not knowing that makes it so hard to cope. If you had a last goodbye, if you had reasons and a chance to say things you need to say, you'd have closure. But just looking into a void and wondering makes is so much harder to deal with.

But keep going, learn from this, and try not to give a piece of your heart until you've met in real.

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/25/2007 7:55:47 AM

SimplyMichael

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Perhaps he just had an allergy to bad prose?

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RE: Just asks the question but doesn't expect any answers - 6/25/2007 8:15:29 AM

crouchingtigress

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i have no answers for you as to why

but i have a question for you if you dont mind

in hindsight what signs were there that you ignored?

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