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Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in health&... - 6/3/2007 12:29:43 PM

happilyHis

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

Greetings to all!!

Although I have been a member of this site for a while now, I have created this screen name to ask a question.......while respecting the privacy of my Dom.

We have been seeing each other for about a year. Although our schedules make it difficult, we have managed to see each other nearly every day, if only for a few minutes. He has become not only my Dom but my best friend.

I became quite concerned about a month ago when I hadn't heard from Him for a couple of days. I knew something was terribly wrong and expressed to some of my friends just how worried I was. After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again. He has been seriously ill and now faces several months of recovery......and that is provided there are no further setbacks.

He is unsure when and if He will ever be able to see me again. At this point, my only concern is that He get well again. My question concerns my friends' reactions when I told them what had happened. Basically they told me how sorry they were that I had to go through the process of finding another Dom. When I said that I have no intention of going anywhere......that I will be there for Him until the time He tells me that is no longer interested in the D/s lifestyle......they act as if I am crazy for waiting.

So.....my question is this.......

Have people become so self-centered and self-absorbed that when the physical aspects of a relationship aren't immediately possible, it's time to move on? Am I really that different in wanting to be there for Him in any way that I can?

Post #: 1

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 12:39:38 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happilyHis
So.....my question is this.......

Have people become so self-centered and self-absorbed that when the physical aspects of a relationship aren't immediately possible, it's time to move on? Am I really that different in wanting to be there for Him in any way that I can?

Yes, many people are that self-absorbed. Some are not. Kudos to you for sticking with him.

So, you went several weeks without hearing from him?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 2

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 12:41:49 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

i suspect it's the if He'll be able to see you again part that caused your friends to react. it's been my experience that when they say that you never see them again

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 3

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 12:47:25 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

I made my vows before a minister and in front of all my family and friends, among them being in sickness and in health, but it doesn't matter where or even if I ever gave them voice, commitment to another person is a great and honorable responsibility. I do have one question, however, was this an on line relationship, or IRL?
Joseff

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 4

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 12:47:33 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm wondering why he didn't take a moment at some point to tell you why you weren't hearing from him. Is he as serious as you?

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 5

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 12:52:13 PM

rollinonward05

Posts: 78
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I think it is wonderful that you are sticking by this Dom. Till he actually tells you he no longer wants the relationship let him see that you support him in his recovery and every decision he makes.
Best of luck in the future.
rollin

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 6

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 12:52:56 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

From what you have described here, i would be extremely concerned about:

1) The fact that he left you hanging, not knowing what was going on, not a word from him for so long. "After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again." That's just not right, from my way of thinking. i don't know but, that would cause me some serious doubts about how reliable he is and how concerned he is about you. i mean, unless he was in a coma or something, i can't understand how anyone, who has been intimately connected to another for nearly a year, could just not contact them at all for such a long time, especially when you were used to seeing each other nearly every day.

and

2) "He is unsure when and if He will ever be able to see me again." This just sounds to me like he is not really committed to the relationship you have been building with him for about a year and he may be trying to ease his way out, gently. Or, at the very least, keep you on the backburner until he decides whether to go further with you or not. If it were me, i would ask him, point blank, "Do you want to see me again?" But, then again, life is too short for me to be wasting my time, energy, or emotions on someone who isn't willing or able to make a commitment of time, energy, and emotions to building a relationship with me.

Well, you know him and i don't. i'm just going on how it sounds to me from what you have written here. It's your life. You need to do whatever feels right for/to you. Best wishes for both your Dom's healthy recovery and for your happiness and well being.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: happilyHis

Greetings to all!!

Although I have been a member of this site for a while now, I have created this screen name to ask a question.......while respecting the privacy of my Dom.

We have been seeing each other for about a year. Although our schedules make it difficult, we have managed to see each other nearly every day, if only for a few minutes. He has become not only my Dom but my best friend.

I became quite concerned about a month ago when I hadn't heard from Him for a couple of days. I knew something was terribly wrong and expressed to some of my friends just how worried I was. After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again. He has been seriously ill and now faces several months of recovery......and that is provided there are no further setbacks.

He is unsure when and if He will ever be able to see me again. At this point, my only concern is that He get well again. My question concerns my friends' reactions when I told them what had happened. Basically they told me how sorry they were that I had to go through the process of finding another Dom. When I said that I have no intention of going anywhere......that I will be there for Him until the time He tells me that is no longer interested in the D/s lifestyle......they act as if I am crazy for waiting.

So.....my question is this.......

Have people become so self-centered and self-absorbed that when the physical aspects of a relationship aren't immediately possible, it's time to move on? Am I really that different in wanting to be there for Him in any way that I can?

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 7

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:03:17 PM

aparootsa

Posts: 49
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline

If you're now in contact, I think you should be able to judge his depth of involvement. If he's not expressed a preference that you not be there, my take is that the right thing is to be there for/with him, especially if devotion was part of your relationship before. Doing so will benefit you both in the long run by giving you the experience of having the stronger relationship. Best of fortune.

parootsa

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 8

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:04:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's difficult for me to say since I've established my relationships as open poly. Even if my partner were to become invalid tomorrow for the rest of his life, I could still be there to support him AND form other intimate relationships with other people.

For monogamists, or closed poly situations, they must lose forever that part of the relationship they built together. Not that anyone can "replace" my partner or what he gives to me, but I can still have companionship, sex, play, travel and all that with another great person while maintaining support for him.

I'm not sure why so many think death is the only valid reason to be able to find fulfilling relationships with other people, but it is what they need for themselves so I can hope they make it work and are fulfilled with their choices.

In my past closed poly relationship with my aunt and her husband, he was extremely sick throughout the relationship and it was a large difficulty and burden for all of us. However, the reason the relationship ended was not due to lack of sex or play or fun.

So while I know for myself that I CAN do that, I no longer choose to.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 9

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:11:19 PM

gothicdiva

Posts: 111
Joined: 2/16/2005
Status: offline

I agree with what slavegirljoy said. If this was a "real time" relationship, how is it that he couldn't even pick up the phone and let you know what was going on? I also don't like the sound of "he might not ever be able to see you again." Sounds a bit "fishy" to me if you ask. Perhaps you are more committed to this relationship than he is. Is this person married or does he have some other major obligations in his life that would prevent him from seeing you, if I may ask? I think that it's admirable that you want to stay at this point. However, given some time, you may want to re-evaluate your position and decide not only what is BEST for him...but, for YOU as well.

Be well,
M. Diva

< Message edited by gothicdiva -- 6/3/2007 1:15:12 PM >

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 10

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:20:19 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

If Robert became ill I would be there, if incapacitated for a duration of unknown time, I would be there. There simply is no reason, even if he were bed bound for the rest of his life, for me to let go of him because I love him. If he's unable to fulfill some or all of the physical needs (from housework to intimate things) we work it out in whatever way we needed. He's here, in my life for good.

I know if the tables were turned he would not flee from me either because even if I were in a state of inability to speak my needs and wants Robert is intelligent and will know that everything he does is fulfilling needs; from grocery shopping to bed bathing. He would be at my side and I know this without fail because he loves me.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to gothicdiva)

Post #: 11

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:32:48 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I think it's appropriate, in general, to stick with committed partners (i.e. marriage-type relationships) throughout an illness. I think it's fine and okay for people to stick with newer intimate friends throughout an illness, as well, although it's not, in my mind, an obligation as it is for life partners and spouses. But this goes both ways. In other words, if the well partner is obliged to remain with the sick partner, so too is the sick partner obliged to remain with the well partner. If in your relationship you agreed to remain with one another during sickness, you *both* need to do it, regardless of who is sick.

In your particular case, indicating that he doesn't want you around for his recovery AND that he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to see you again afterward, I am sorry to say, sounds an awful lot like a breakup. That's not because of the presence or absence of sex or binding or hitting, but because of the presence or absence of interaction. Saying, "I don't want you around during my recovery," is itself a little troubling, but "I don't know if I'm going to ever want to see you again, even after I get better" is an entirely different matter Note that I use "want" instead of your "be able," because it's almost certainly a want--he may not ever be able to have sex or engage in vigorous BDSM activities again, but it would be a rare illness indeed if he was both likely to recover and prevented from seeing relatives after recovery. If that is the case, then sadly, I think your relationship has come to its end, and you will need to lick your wounds (here's where your friends come in) and move on. It's not praiseworthy or healthy to wait for someone who has ended a relationship with you until he or she has abandoned an interest in the type of relationship you shared together--indeed, often one breaks up with an intimate friend not because the structure of the relationship is unpleasant, but because the personal compatibility isn't there.

I wish you well.

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 12

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:49:40 PM

happilyHis

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

Thank you to all that have posted.

Yes the relationship is real time and yes He is equally as commited to the relationship as I am.

Without going into specifics, His illnesses did leave Him completely unable to contact me. He got in touch with me just as soon as He was physically able. He has been through a great deal of physical and emotional trauma and at this point doesn't know what His recovery will bring. That uncertainty is the reason for the "when and if" part of our discussions.

I gave Him my loyalty and devotion......and to me that didn't just mean during the good times. It is really nice to see that there are many others who also wouldn't simply walk away.

Thank you for all of your good wishes......they are deeply appreciated.

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 13

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 1:52:45 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

He has been seriously ill and now faces several months of recovery......and that is provided there are no further setbacks.

If it were me i would get my ass over to his place and see what i could do to make life easier for him, unless of course he's married. If he's in the hospital i would visit as much as possible. There is so much more to a D/s relationship than scening or sex. My firsrt dom had quadruple bypass while we were together and i spent a lot of time helping him recover. I really don't understand his attitude unless it's an excuse to break up.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 14

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:08:29 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm wondering if you've actually SEEN him since the alleged illnesses? Have you seen proof that he was sick and hospitalized? Or is it all word of mouth?

Yes, I'm cynical, but with good reason. There are soooo many mysterious illnesses and deaths amongst those in BDSM relationships, not to mention the "committed relationships" that go "poof" unexpectedly.

"In sickness and in health" are part of MARRIAGE vows, not a part-time D/s relationship. Just because someone tells you wonderful things all the time and tells you how committed he is doesn't mean he really is. It's what people DO that is the real gauge of their feelings and sense of commitment.If he was so committed, why would he just leave you hanging, for weeks, wondering where he was and why he hadn't contacted you? That's what people who want to weasel out of games they're tired of playing do. Certainly not your "best friend".

Personally, it doesn't sound to me as though he's worthy of your deep devotion and loyalty. I bet if you really delve into the truth, you'll find a different story.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 15

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:11:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If he was unable to contact you, what about the family or friends who were with him? Was he completely unable to talk to the doctors and nursing staff?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 16

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:17:58 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

In my past closed poly relationship with my aunt and her husband, he was extremely sick throughout the relationship and it was a large difficulty and burden for all of us. However, the reason the relationship ended was not due to lack of sex or play or fun.

Maybe i am misunderstanding, are you saying you were/are in a poly relationship with your aunt and her husband?

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:24:07 PM

rrivrsong

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

i have seen several incidents of "unable to contact or call" life threatening illnesses and situations described online. I have never experienced that in my life. If I have not heard from someone close to me i have gone to them or reached them through mutual friends. That whole notion of "he/she was unable to contact me for weeks" is foreign to me. And I guess that's a blessing.

Best of luck.

edited for crap spelling.

< Message edited by rrivrsong -- 6/3/2007 2:25:21 PM >

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 18

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:25:38 PM

PhoeniixHasRisen

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

I can honestly say, I really believe in "In sickness & In health when two people commit to each other, We learn about this through our own families, I saw my parent's take care of one another when one was sick, " Then when I was married for 7 years before, My ex wife & I took care of one another when and if we were sick... There are people out there when they love someone, They will stand by them, This should especially apply to ALL DOMINANT'S Cherishing their Submissives and or Slaves. By doing so, Will give the Submissive or Slave more assurance they're loved.

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 19

RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:39:02 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again.

Did you attempt to make contact with him?
Was this his way of not facing a situation?
This would not work for me. After several weeks of no contact I would assume the relationship was over and/or not worth putting any further work in to.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to happilyHis)

Post #: 20

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