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RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:42:14 PM   
gothicdiva


Posts: 111
Joined: 2/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

In my past closed poly relationship with my aunt and her husband, he was extremely sick throughout the relationship and it was a large difficulty and burden for all of us.  However, the reason the relationship ended was not due to lack of sex or play or fun.



Maybe i am misunderstanding, are you saying you were/are in a poly relationship with your aunt and her husband? 




Velvet,

I caught that as well. I think that's a whole other thread...or at least a private matter for LA to discuss if she wishes elsewhere...: )

Be well,
M. Diva

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:49:11 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Using quick reply:

Yes, people do still believe in "in sickness and in health", however this whole story has more holes in it than swiss cheese. Obviously you are either leaving a bunch of stuff out or you don't care that his behavior is odd and an unusual way to treat a person you have had a relationship with for a year. Either way, good luck. I'd stand by my owner through anything and he would do the same for me.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:49:55 PM   
gothicdiva


Posts: 111
Joined: 2/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again. 


Did you attempt to make contact with him?
Was this his way of not facing a situation?
This would not work for me.  After several weeks of no contact I would assume the  relationship was over and/or not worth putting any further work in to.



I had something similar happen a couple of years ago. I had been talking to a potential sub and we were growing closer with each contact. One day, he just vanished. He wasn't online (this was not real time as we were in different states) for two months or more. I went through all the stages of grieving...anger/denial/bargaining/depression and finally acceptance. I initially thought that he must be DEAD or in a coma somewhere. Surely he would not just leave like that. Well, he eventually did return and he had been IN JAIL. I won't get into the specifics, but he was embarrassed to tell me beforehand when he knew he was going to be incarcerated. Our relationship was never the same after the fact. It was hard for me to accept the fact that he couldn't tell me what was going on in his life. Anyway, people have various reasons for doing things...maybe this guy is just looking for an "out"....maybe he really couldn't get in touch with her or couldn't handle telling her what was going on with him. It's hard to know for sure without knowing all the details of the situation and the people involved. At any rate, I wish you both the best!

Be well,
M. Diva

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:50:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
Maybe i am misunderstanding, are you saying you were/are in a poly relationship with your aunt and her husband? 

Yup.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:55:34 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		I would never bail on someone i cared for and had a relationship with because they became sick or invalid....and in my opinion someone who does that is VERY selfish and self absorbed and self centered PERIOD. 

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:56:52 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		"...in sickness and in heatlh ...till death do..." Daddy and i part - it's a scary thought however upon accepting His collar i took the lifetime committment to heart. we both have listed each other as emergency contact just in case anything should happen. i have gone one step further listing Daddy with the power to make medical decisions in a living will.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to gothicdiva)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 2:57:14 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		True gothic - didn't mean to diverge the thread or intrude on anyone's privacy. i figured if it's posted how can it be private - but oh well.... on to the op....

If this is an online relationship then i would be suspicious.  Even questioning whether or not he was even sick. i have heard soooo many stories - bizarre stories - of lies told between people because one wantd out of a o/l relationship and just didn't know how to end it. 

If this is a real time relationship i would say at the very least it's suspect that he didn't contact you at all - inless he was incapacitated to do so that would have me very concerned. 

i think it's commendable that you want to stick with your dom - it speaks highly of your character and your committment to him, but make sure you are committing to something that is real and true and not someone just pulling your chain and jerking you around.  i tend to be a bit cynical where o/l relationships go - it's just too easy to lie and decieve online. 

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to happilyHis)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:06:55 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again. 


Did you attempt to make contact with him?

 
This is the same question that i had.  If the person i had been having an intimate relationship with and had been seeing nearly every day suddenly wasn't calling or writing or anything, i would be calling or writing or something to try to find out what had happened.  i would be feeling very concerned that something was wrong. 

i do believe in being loyal and devoted through sickness and injury.  Barely two months after i moved from GA to NC to live with my Master, He had a serious back injury at work and had to go out on disability for about 4 months and go for several treatments that laid Him up for days at a time and then get back surgery that laid Him up for close to a month.  It was challenging for both of U/us.  He wasn't physically able to do the things that He enjoyed doing, both in and out of BDSM.  i had to take care of Him in a lot of ways that i had never had to do for anyone before and some of it wasn't real pleasant to deal with but i stuck it out and stayed and W/we got through it and W/we are closer now than before. 
 
Still, it's a different matter when the other person says they don't want you there and is unsure about if or when he will be able to see you again.  i would let him know that i want to be there for him and do what i can to help.  But, if he insists that he doesn't want or need my help, i would have to tell him that i hope he gets well soon and if he wants to talk to me, at some point, he can call but, that i can't sit around not knowing anything and just hoping that we will be able to pick-up where we left off at some place in time when he decides.  Like i said, life is just too short to be strung along.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:11:31 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happilyHis

Greetings to all!!

Although I have been a member of this site for a while now, I have created this screen name to ask a question.......while respecting the privacy of my Dom.

We have been seeing each other for about a year.  Although our schedules make it difficult, we have managed to see each other nearly every day, if only for a few minutes.  He has become not only my Dom but my best friend. 

I became quite concerned about a month ago when I hadn't heard from Him for a couple of days.  I knew something was terribly wrong and expressed to some of my friends just how worried I was.  After several weeks, I finally heard from Him again.  He has been seriously ill and now faces several months of recovery......and that is provided there are no further setbacks.

He is unsure when and if He will ever be able to see me again.  At this point, my only concern is that He get well again.  My question concerns my friends' reactions when I told them what had happened.  Basically they told me how sorry they were that I had to go through the process of finding another Dom.  When I said that I have no intention of going anywhere......that I will be there for Him until the time He tells me that is no longer interested in the D/s lifestyle......they act as if I am crazy for waiting.

So.....my question is this.......

Have people become so self-centered and self-absorbed that when the physical aspects of a relationship aren't immediately possible, it's time to move on?  Am I really that different in wanting to be there for Him in any way that I can?  


I've read the responses and honestly its not so much the fact that he has an illness but the fact that there was no mechanism for you to get contacted - after a year together no one knew that you were in his life to let you know he was sick?  Unless he was in a coma he could have asked someone to contact you.  Add the fact that he says he's unsure if he will be able to see you again, which sounds awfully vague to me.

I do have to ask, what specifically happened to him?  And have you verified this with your own eyes (or is this a long distance relationship)?  I'd be a bit suspicious but then again I've been told that I'm not the most trusting of people.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to happilyHis)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:16:07 PM   
JohnSteed1967


Posts: 304
Joined: 5/29/2005
From: Columbia SC
Status: offline 		I believed in it. I stood in a house of God, before her and before her psycho family and promised that I would never stop loving her no matter what.

For Better, For Worse, In Sickness and In Health, for Rich and for Poor, Good Times and Bad.

I guess at this point in my life I understand the truth in the statement, "Never make someone your Priority, When your just their Option".

Because while I believed that my vows, my covenant between God, her and me was to last for all time, she is the one that let go, she is the one that considered our marriage to be optional.

I stand here now a man that would have torn down the world and laid it at her feet, just a living heartache.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:23:33 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happilyHis
<<snip>>Have people become so self-centered and self-absorbed that when the physical aspects of a relationship aren't immediately possible, it's time to move on?  Am I really that different in wanting to be there for Him in any way that I can?  


Some people may be self-centered, not everyone. I faced cancer the last few years {never had it, but was very close}; a LOT of people turned their backs on me, even a partner, those who stayed became so much more important to me than they will ever know or I will be able to convey. I learned which friends were real true friends and which ones weren't. Those who stayed saw me through tears, anger, frusturation, confusion, wanting to back out of xyz procedure, surgery {not staying off my feet as long as I should have, they ended up yelling at me when they saw me online}, through the results after surgery and now. Those friends stuck by me, I was amazed. A decent number of people 'left' my circle, I don't feel any anger towards them, I understood, I never asked anyone to stay, I just feel pity for them. Those who stuck by me through sickness and now health, were as unself-centered as I could have imagined, even those who were not in regular contact, but did check in, were of great help.

On the other side of the coin, I stuck around a drug addicted spouse as long as I could before I had to think of my child and myself and not of him, {addiction is listed as a 'disease' .. whatever}; he may have been sick, but, by first priority was to my child and to myself. As far as I know in the years sicne we have been divorced, he as been in and out of rehab and is working, so he has changed his life around, to some extent.

If my Partner/Husband/Master got sick, would I stick around, no questions asked, no second thoughts. Love is for life. If the phsyical had to be limited because of illness, then, oh well, its limited, as long as I have the company of that person, I could careless. I love the person and everything that comes and goes along with them.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to happilyHis)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:24:21 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		This has to be one of the saddest things i have ever read.  i am so sorry for all the broken hearts in the world.  May every heart be mended and every hurt be healed. 
 
i hope that you will find someone who will be able to give back to you all the love that you have to give.  i hope this doesn't sound too sappy.  Best wishes to you.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

I believed in it. I stood in a house of God, before her and before her psycho family and promised that I would never stop loving her no matter what.

For Better, For Worse, In Sickness and In Health, for Rich and for Poor, Good Times and Bad.

I guess at this point in my life I understand the truth in the statement, "Never make someone your Priority, When your just their Option".

Because while I believed that my vows, my covenant between God, her and me was to last for all time, she is the one that let go, she is the one that considered our marriage to be optional.

I stand here now a man that would have torn down the world and laid it at her feet, just a living heartache.

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:40:33 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I do believe in it with all of my heart.  My M does have a disease that will get worse over the coming years.  It doesn't change the fact that I am going to stay by his side during it all.  We might not always be able to do the play things that we like, but the dynamic will always be there.  I am only doing what I hope he would do for me in the same instance, that is what loving and caring for someone is all about.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:41:25 PM   
knotboundsoul


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Although I hadn't meant for the responses to question His honesty but rather was curious on how others would deal with an illness of their Dom or sub, I will try and explain a bit further........

First of all, I have known Him for years although our relationship as Dom/sub is only about a year old.  We live near each other and have seen each other on pretty much a daily basis since our first "date".

For several days prior to the last time I saw Him in person, He had been quite ill.  When I did see Him, He told me that He had been to the doctor and was waiting for some test results.  That night, He ended up being rushed to the hospital.  He ended up having two major surgeries and yes, for a while He was in a coma. 

He has only been home a little over a week, and still has to have visiting nurses as well as weekly overnight stays in the hospital to monitor His condition.  Both physically and emotionally, He is in no condition to be in a relationship at this time.  We still talk daily and when He is well, I will be seeing Him although I don't know if it will be as His submissive or whether it will be simply as friends.  

I have zero doubts as to His feelings for me.......it is the situation that is unknown.  He did not choose to abandon the relationship......and I do not choose to abandon Him. 



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:41:26 PM   
WickedWench


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have been in a relationship with Master for just over eighteen months. Over the last six months he has been unwell enough to prevent us from having a sex life or engaging in play for two periods of about two months. I have happily stayed with him and will continue to stay with him whether his illness continues or gets better (it probably will get better). This in the context of what I see as a committed relationship. Committed relationship, for me, does not mean a relationship with a man who has no means of letting me know he is unwell and isn't sure that he will ever be able to see me again because he is unwell. If Master became suddenly seriously ill someone, maybe his sister, mother, father or brother, would contact me very quickly. I would be by his side.

In answer to your question: I do not think it is at all unusual for people to commit to each other "in sickness and in health." I think it might be more unusual, though, to commit to someone in the way you describe in the circumstances you describe.

This "in sickness and in health" thing should work both ways, in my opinion; it doesn't sound like he is there for you.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:43:47 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		fast reply.....
last year, my LordFallcon got sick.  it was cancer.  i spent every available moment at his side, and many many phone calls.  he lived 4 months from entering the hospital to his death on dec 25th.  i never thought of leaving him.  ever.

the master i had before him....was ill.  i took care of him for the better part of 3 years, till he died of a sudden heart attack, at home, in my arms.  again, i never thought of leaving him.

when you love someone, you stay IF YOU CAN.  some people cant.  i wont fault them, my heart and mind are not theirs, and i dont know how their minds work.  i know for me, i couldnt do it.

i am not well.  all that i went through this last 2 years has taken a large toll on me.  my husband of 15 years has not once ever considered leaving me, either.  he's gotten angry when i've worn myself ragged for someone else and not taken care of myself sufficiently, but never considered leaving.

so yes, some of us do believe in "in sickness and in health"

kitten, who is not in good physical shape....but emotionally is doing very well.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:44:26 PM   
mysticalheart


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		i belive it also i have a serious problem with my legs and its not getting better, and when people find out potential Masters, they say im broken down and should leave the lifestyle,,,,,,so i truly know what your saying

mystical

(in reply to WickedWench)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 3:52:13 PM   
salilus


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		If this is Online Only, I'm going to have to say that I've heard this one a million times.

The person is in an accident.
The person gets an illness.
The person gets deported.
The person gets shot.
The person ends up with some mysterious illness that keeps them in the hospitol for months and no one tells the submissive person or dominant person anything at all for weeks.

I'm sorry, but if this just an online relationship, I would question it. It's the oldest trick in the Online BDSM book.

Granted, he might very well have been hurt or sick. I hope he at least lets you send flowers to the hospital.

(in reply to mysticalheart)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 4:05:52 PM   
happilyHis


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		So much for being incognito......

I originally posted this under a screen name I created simply for this posting - happilyHis

My last response posted under my usual screen name - knotboundsoul

Guess that shows why I never post on these boards......I am very bad at it   lol

Not sure which name this will post under but knotboundsoul and happilyHis are one and the same - me :)

(in reply to salilus)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Does anyone believe in "in sickness and in hea... - 6/3/2007 5:35:46 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		nixed, because, well, already covered and answered.


< Message edited by Aswad -- 6/3/2007 5:40:09 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 40
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