RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (Full Version)

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aparootsa -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:10:31 PM)
Taking advice from random people... my view is that it's food for thought, and nothing more. Truth in most (not all, certainly) issues is not empirical nor objective - it must be teased out by the indivual. Factual advice takes fact checking, and this doesn't apply to that, but relationship advice should be weighed and measured, compared to the situation at hand, and otherwise digested. Similarly, when I give advice on a public forum such as this, I expect that others will look at it through various lenses, chop it up in various ways, and so forth. Some of this will result in unintended consequences and interpretations, but by and large the digestion does it good, and it's educational for me to read the responses. I'm reachable for comment, if anyone wishes, and before someone takes drastic action relying on the advice of a stranger, I would expect them to discuss it with someone whose perspectice they trust if not with that stranger. Claiming the untrue, though, is stupid and unbeneficial, no question.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:11:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Makes me curious. How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board? I agree with this thought process and add a wee bit of my own..What does consist of "experience" enough to be able to post opinions? What does it take to be considered "expert" in something?..And although I have seen some who have posted advice whilst in the midst of their own bad relationship on how to have a good one..do not forget it is always easy to be an outsider looking in and to see what the issue can be, than to see or know what to do when it is your own relationship.......Tempting

earthycouple -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:15:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress god i hate threads trashing mentors. for the record any one that gives you advice that you take has mentored you...all it means is teaching, and not a single one of us got to this part of our lives with out some having held the door open at some point or another. Ditto.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:17:03 PM)
When I give advice, I never claim to be an expert. I am an expert at the clarinet, I am an expert at the photo machines I use at work every day. I am an expert at D/s only insofar as it pertains to controlling Angel and Hoyt. I am far from an expert at anything else. Myadvise is based on personal expereince. I share my opinion for those who care to listen and anyone can take whatever from it they wish. What I know is not guranteed to work for anyone but me. Same with anything anyone does. Just ebcaue what you do works brilliantly for you doesn tmena it wont be the deal-breaker for someone else. If you take advice on the forums for what it is, suggestions and ideas, then you are fine. Anything that sounds viable, take it to heart. Whether the person actualy HAS the experience or not their ideas might still be valid. If it sounds like a crock of bull, discount it. (a certain female troll comes to mind) Just like when your friends and family give you love advice. Dont take it all to heart, but get the useful bits from it and make your own decisions. DV

MzMia -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:21:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Makes me curious. How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board? I agree with this thought process and add a wee bit of my own..What does consist of "experience" enough to be able to post opinions? What does it take to be considered "expert" in something?..And although I have seen some who have posted advice whilst in the midst of their own bad relationship on how to have a good one..do not forget it is always easy to be an outsider looking in and to see what the issue can be, than to see or know what to do when it is your own relationship.......Tempting Tempting? I agree. I will take the advice of someone who stumbled onto BDSM this morning, that says something that rings TRUE in my heart, over someone here that has 50 years experience and is the "expert" on all things BDSM!

Najakcharmer -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:43:28 PM)
I R LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR. I R TEH 733T DOMINATE MASTAR OF TEH INTARWEBS. I HAVE 20 YRS EXPERENCE IN TEH LIFE STYLE. EVEN THO I AM ONLY 19. BECAUSE EVERY WEEK IN MY AOL CHAT ROOM COUNTS AS 1 YR. MY AOL CHAT ROOM IS TEH SPESHIAL THAT WAY.

mistoferin -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:46:15 PM)
Interesting responses. How do we verify experience? As I said in my opening post...this community is pretty small when it comes right down to it. Someone posts frequently about their "vast" experience, their "years" in the community. I'm not talking about generalizations...I am talking specific, detailed descriptions and long, in depth stories. Doling out specific advice and offering mentorship. I'm talking about descriptions about how much they love this act or that....how those things feel. But somehow somethings just don't ring quite true and you get a funny feeling. Then little things come up that they don't know, questions they ask....things that anyone who has spent more than a few months in these circles would most certainly know. So you put out a few feelers, you start to ask a few questions...and as I said, the community just isn't that big. Generally, anyone who misportrays themselves in this community will be found out eventually, time has a way of revealing truth....and bad news spreads a lot faster than good. We often complain of the damage that the predators who call themselves "experienced" Dominants do when they prey on the new and inexperienced and tell them bullshit stories of what they have to do to be a sub or slave. Personally, I don't see it any less damaging when it's a sub or slave who is misrepresenting themselves and their "experience" and placing themselves in a position (such as a mentor) to be trusted by someone who is new and seeking guidance. Bullshit is bullshit....no matter what end of the flogger it chooses to identify with.

MzMia -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 8:53:55 PM)
Have you seen the new show called "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?". No, I am serious, many adults really need to just work on common sense. If you are easily tricked, fooled, mislead and in disastrous and destructive relationships, you need the type of help that will not be found online.

velvetears -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 9:54:09 PM)
Anyone who comes to the internet for advice has to be aware of the possibility that there will be a wide array of posters responding to their inquiry. Some may be complete frauds, some pathological liars, some delusional or maybe even mentally ill, etc. That is the chace you take when you enter cyber space. Anyone can lurk here and pretend to be anything or anyone thy want. What luci pointed out makes sense - consistency over time can be an indicator, i think MR mentioned "coming to trust" certain posters - this takes an investment of time in being on the message boards, reading and getting to know the posters here. There's book knowledge, street smarts, RL experience, OL "experience" all kinds of ways people will percieve their "experience" and "knowledge" How can we judge their worth if only in how what they say resonates with us. Sometimes it's so far out in left field that it is glaringly apparent it's just garbage but other times it's just the subleties you pick up on over time that clue you in the best.

velvetears -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 9:57:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia Have you seen the new show called "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?". No, I am serious, many adults really need to just work on common sense. If you are easily tricked, fooled, mislead and in disastrous and destructive relationships, you need the type of help that will not be found online. LOL.... my daughter is in 5th grade and she loves that show. We watch it together and she gets a real kick out of it if i don't know the answer lol.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 10:11:01 PM)
I will take the advice of someone who stumbled onto BDSM this morning, that says something that rings TRUE in my heart, over someone here that has 50 years experience and is the "expert" on all things BDSM! [/quote] ___________________________________________________ Hello MzMia. Well said! RL.

EvilGeoff -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/6/2007 10:56:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Makes me curious. How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board? Why tammyjo! I'm surprised at you! You know you can check with me! I know everyone (and everything... I just don't tell everyone. I'm humble like that!) lol

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 12:56:23 AM)
For the most part the majority of advice on Message Boards appear to be centered around relationship issues. At times there are heated debates centered around POV or perspectives. At times a village must loose an idiot or two and they find there way to the message boards. It's pretty obvious when this happens, they become the source of great humor as everybody gangs up on them. The joys of cyber lynch mobbing... I would recommend for anybody on the message board to consider advice from several people, and not just one single person. This is what the message board is here for after all. I agree "the truth usually reveals itself in the end"

domiguy -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 2:53:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress god i hate threads trashing mentors. for the record any one that gives you advice that you take has mentored you...all it means is teaching, and not a single one of us got to this part of our lives with out some having held the door open at some point or another. Your definition of a mentor is not what is being discussed here.....Yes, many people have recieved a hand from others...Rarely was that hand placed on your ass.

Level -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 3:24:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer I R LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR. I R TEH 733T DOMINATE MASTAR OF TEH INTARWEBS. I HAVE 20 YRS EXPERENCE IN TEH LIFE STYLE. EVEN THO I AM ONLY 19. BECAUSE EVERY WEEK IN MY AOL CHAT ROOM COUNTS AS 1 YR. MY AOL CHAT ROOM IS TEH SPESHIAL THAT WAY. lol; are you and LROD going to start a school? [8D]

julietsierra -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 3:28:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord From my numerous years on the bench of the Supreme Court, I can tell you that people often claim experience to make their ideas heard with more weight. This may be because they wish to appear prestigeous, or because they want their ideas to be followed. Perhaps they want you to not cheat, as they find cheating to be a disgusting thing. Perhaps they truly believe themselves right? Whatever the case, because I'm an experienced Justice, you should listen to exactly what I have to say about it. Oooh! Ok, I ran to get a picture of the Supreme Court Justices and have been checking them out, trying to match CuriousLord's avatar with the honorable gentlemen seated there to no avail. So I just gave up and began wondering just what DO those men wear under their robes... As far as mentorship, there IS another side to that coin. The person receiving the advice these people give DOES have some responsibility in whether they listen to them or not. As my grandmother used to say, "What?! If someone tells you that it's a good idea to go jump off the Ambassador Bridge, are you going to sit here and tell me that you'd do it just because they say it's a good idea?!" I think that a person asking advice really needs to spend some time reading the responses of people to see who more closely matches how they view life before asking everyone and their brother and/or sister. But hey... if they did that, we wouldn't have the forums and no one would be able to show off their writing skills, wit and intelligence (or lack thereof). juliet

Areflectionofyou -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 3:39:50 AM)
truelly unless you meet people and know them personally you do not know if the are experienced or not. b/c someone can give their opinion online doesn't mean they have a day of experience. I take everything i read with a grain of salt or two even...lol

domiguy -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 5:46:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress god i hate threads trashing mentors. for the record any one that gives you advice that you take has mentored you...all it means is teaching, and not a single one of us got to this part of our lives with out some having held the door open at some point or another. quote: earthycouple Ditto. Let me elaborate a bit further on this topic....I believe the majority of people who label themselves as mentors are actually a form of predator. They are being dishonest. I believe the majority of these people who project themselves as being a mentor would also be willing to have sex with their "student" at the drop of a hat. How many of you that have mentored someone have actually ended up having some form of a sexual relationship with the person that was in "your care?".... It is fine to get advice...It is fine to explore your sexual kinks....But to put faith in someone on a subject matter that is as sexually charged as this one is using poor judgement....There is obvious some sort of disconnect that people have with "vanilla" and whatever it is that goes on in this world...When you were dating vanilla you didn't seek out advice on how to fuck,perform cunnilingus, anal sex or use yout toys...You simply lived, learned and read....And met various partners in your walk through this life that shed light on certain topics and introduced you to others. I would guarantee that if I put up a "Sub profile" seeking a mentor...I would get a bazillion responses in less than an hour.....If I responded back with "what would happen if there developed some sort of a physical attraction/"... I would estimate that 99.9% of the responses would be, that it would then turn sexual.....These people are nothing more than predators who are using the "guise of knowledge" to acquire some pussy that should rightfully be mine...lol

MHOO314 -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 6:05:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin If you have NO experience, why would you claim to have vast amounts...and more importantly, why would you give advice? Don't people realize that what they say can have a great impact on others? Don't they also realize that no matter how many chat rooms they have been in or no matter how many books they have read....the truth usually reveals itself in the end. This really is a pretty small community when you get right down to it. Ugh! It doesn't start here erin, it is only another area for posers. people are pretending to be Doctors, lawyers, teachers, men posing as women, people posing as children etc etc etc, why should this area be any different?

Wildfleurs -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 6:23:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: losttreasure While I agree that common sense works in lieu of experience for many issues, I also admit that I shake my head when I see posters who aren't in successful relationships offering advice to others on how to have one. It's one thing to offer an opinion and I have no problem with that; it's when that opinion is delivered in such a way that it comes off as an absolute... "This is what is happening and you must do such and such." Of course, I realize that is my issue, but it's like the 300 pound man who tells others how to lose weight. My first thought is, "Yeah... how's that working for you?" I agree with this, however the devils in the details. What you consider a successful relationship is probably different than what I consider a successful relationship (and is probably different from what the next person considers a successful relationship). Although there are a couple of people who don't fit into my definition of "people I seriously listen to/give extra consideration to because they are in a successful relationship" that I still do find pretty interesting and do give extra consideration to. On the other hand there are plenty of people I read that are currently in successful relationships that I laugh when I read some of what they say and think, "it'll be interesting to see you in five years." C~

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