RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (Full Version)

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mrbob726 -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:38:58 AM)

I'm always willing to give quality FREE advice, based on my years of experience. Remember, you get what you pay for.



mistoferin -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 1:35:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
mistoferin,
Yes the active message board users do form a pretty small group and there are cliches (groups) inside the group here.
 

Actually, while there was an individual who spawned this thread who is a poster here....it was not this (as in this message board) community that I was referring to as being small. The lifestyle community in general is pretty small and it's fairly easy to find out a lot about people from real live people.

quote:

It appears this is somebody specific, have you considered contacting them directly on the other side and confronting them?  At least bust their ass for misportraying themselves to the community?  

Perhaps this might make this person in Question rethink their own actions.  


Well I could certainly do that, but by keeping it generic my greater hope, and the hopeful outcome of the thread is that not only will this person recognize that their behavior is on the same level as the average bottom feeder...but maybe others who are doing the same kind of thing may also reconsider their actions.



octavia -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 6:27:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Simple Math
sub/slave <> doormat
(not equal to)



[:D][:D][:D]



Ghostfalcon -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:05:31 PM)

Okay I usually believe in the adage 'better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt'.

I am however going to be foolish. Before I start I will make an honest statement - I am not, as a Dom as I view it - tremendously experienced, have I played?- yes, have I been in the scene for many years? yes, have my wife and I had lifestyle relationships? - yes. However that does not define experience - I have had the pleasure of meeting some very experienced people over the years and I wouldn't rate myself in their category. In fact anyone who says 'I know everything' screams to me I know nothing.

On that note the following observations come to mind -

1) There will always be some people who claim they know more than they do - call it ego, self-worth etc - it happens both on and off-line. Independent research and multiple sources are usually your safety net - get a second opinion.

2) There are many areas of BDSM - it is possible to have experience in one area and not in another

3) There are levels of experience - even an 'apprentice' has more experience than a beginner

4) Many people can give common sense experience - relationship, intimacy etc. Some is good, some is bad.

5) Experience from one area of life can translate to another however it is not as valid as experience in the specific area but it can still be more than a novice's.

6) Much of BDSM cannot be taught via paper - it is taught in person, both with and without direction - learning BDSM requires control, learning your physical body and the appropriate application of force

7) One sub is not all subs - just because you have experience with one person does not mean that another person will either react or view things the same way. People are unique and have different reactions to different things.

This all said maybe one should not look for time in the saddle so to speak but the characteristics of experience - in both practice and advice. Characteristics are evident in both speech and action - on or off the internet. Therefore - from my exposure to those I consider experienced I look for the following:

1) Patience
2) Caution
3) Consistency
4) Understanding

Those who are truly experienced in my opinion (each to their own)  have the patience to understand relationships, and that the use of certain things takes time to implement. The caution to proceed with care and observation and not to rush. The consistency to deliver predictable results again and again. Finally the understanding around what they are doing, not only the knowledge of the action but its subsequent effects - a person who can tell/show you not just what to do but what to watch for and the consequences of it (such as skin discolouring with rope bondage).

Well thats my 2 cents.





DarkKnightWalkin -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 9:47:46 PM)

Well, I guess I am a strange one, but I always try to state "in my opinion," "in my experience" or "from what I have read" or "from whom I have spoken with," in whatever comment I happen to make upon whatever subject is being discussed. And my personal opinion of myself has always been that I dont know shit other than what I have read, discussed or experienced myself. Pity that others don't practice such themselves. BDSM is such a varied subject nowadays with several differing views upon each and every subject that NO ONE is any kind of authority whatsoever, there are far too many differing opinions, likes and dislikes.

I always try to advise anyone asking whatever question to read, read, READ and ask any and all questions of whomever will answer, then form your own opinions in the ultimate end and whatever makes it work for you and whatever partner you seek. But that's just me.



NoirUMC -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 9:51:36 PM)

I generally skip that sort thing myself. I naturally assume that anything an individual says is that individual's opinion, after all, unless followed by some sort of footnote about peer-reviewed research, so I figure others will assume the same of me. ;)

...In my opinion.



susie -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:53:04 PM)

FR

Perhaps a good indication is those that are prolific posters on the fora but then fail to respond to direct requests for clarification on something they have posted. Of course everyone can have their own opinions on subjects but when you post that you have specific knowledge on a subject it is reaonable to expect an explanation of that knowledge if you are challenged on it.

I can claim here to have had training as a plumber or carpenter but it would be pretty clear that I haven't as I wouldl not be able to respond to any questions about those subjects.



LadyHugs -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 8:16:25 AM)

Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
You have proffered a good many questions as to why people offer advice and claim experiences in the area, yet from the mind's eyes of someone with hard earned and first hand knowledge would see that the advice is misleading, tainted with prejudice and not declaired, an effort to discredit good advice and the lot.
 
In my mind's eyes I see, the whole BDSM, M/s, D/s and or S&M culture creates the need to be 'accepted.'  How many go about being 'accepted' is horribly wrong in my mind's eyes.  The labels of 'new' or niave, beginner although most true--it is treated with little patience by more entrenched 'community members' who forget the compassion and patience extended to them when 'new' and or 'virgin' to the scene and or lifestyle.
 
In my mind's eyes I see -- there are plenty of excuses which people make for behaving and speaking how they do.  Few realize the consequences and or what the collateral damage to others it causes.
Although a bit drastic, I like to see each word I use as a round/bullet fired out of a firearm.  Like a bullet/round; once it leaves the barrel of the firearm it can never be recalled.  The same with words uttered. 
 
Behind the 'monitor' those who can hide behind many screen names and or aliases are afforded an escape.  In real face to face cases, uttering claims of experiences would easily be challenged and put to the immediate test.  And, I will go further by saying; there may be independent witnesses to see such a 'test.'  That said, there is often given an opportunity to have witnesses and or those who experienced the claiming party, to be an experienced person in the arts.  This would be considered as 'references.'
 
What is important though, is the 'spirit of intent' and or the intent of those claiming experience and or advice.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



KatyLied -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 8:32:43 AM)

What amazes me is when people try to give advice and claim to be knowledgeable and it's obvious that they are trying to blow smoke up  our collective skirts.  And some posters buy what theses "experts" say as being truthful, and full of experience and knowledgeable.  That speaks not only to the poster, but those who follow the poster around.  I just shake my head.  Well, sometimes I laugh too.



mistoferin -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 8:37:53 AM)

I laugh a lot too Katy. [:D] 

But if I was brand new and coming here looking for an education, I actually might walk away with some serious misconceptions.....like thinking I could never be a real slave until I had completed my spice, point and expectance training.[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]



KatyLied -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 8:39:29 AM)

I think we would quickly be tossed out of slavery school.

[8D]



Emperor1956 -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 9:54:00 AM)

Thank you LA *SMILE*

E



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 11:00:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I laugh a lot too Katy. [:D] 

But if I was brand new and coming here looking for an education, I actually might walk away with some serious misconceptions.....like thinking I could never be a real slave until I had completed my spice, point and expectance training.[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]


It's more like "How you are seen the eyes of your beholder" as well as how you see yourself.




Wildfleurs -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 1:14:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I laugh a lot too Katy.  

But if I was brand new and coming here looking for an education, I actually might walk away with some serious misconceptions.....like thinking I could never be a real slave until I had completed my spice, point and expectance training.


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think we would quickly be tossed out of slavery school.

[8D]



Meow....



KnightofMists -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 7:15:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If you have NO experience, why would you claim to have vast amounts...and more importantly, why would you give advice? Don't people realize that what they say can have a great impact on others? Don't they also realize that no matter how many chat rooms they have been in or no matter how many books they have read....the truth usually reveals itself in the end. This really is a pretty small community when you get right down to it.

Ugh!


who knows why people do it.. .... likely alot of reasons.

But.... at the end... Buyer Beware!  The advice is free and sometimes it's priceless... and sometimes It really is Priceless!  But in the end... becareful what you listen too.  I believe it easier to help others understand and learn what advice to follow or consider than it is to worry about or try to stop all the No experienced advice givers.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 8:35:20 PM)

What if collarme had a "rating" system on the message board!  Rate this persons advice/posting on a scale of 1-10.  Where everybody has a chance to rate each post.  An average ranking would be shown under each persons Avatar. Wonder if that would help resolve this issue some?  Any thoughts?



robertolapiedra -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 10:46:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

What if collarme had a "rating" system on the message board!  Rate this persons advice/posting on a scale of 1-10.  Where everybody has a chance to rate each post.  An average ranking would be shown under each persons Avatar. Wonder if that would help resolve this issue some?  Any thoughts?


Hello WhiplashSmile. I do not think it would be a good idea. You would have another "prestige" thing going , with cliques and fan clubs vying for points for their "populars"!

What I like is recieving a nice surprise personal "thank you" in my E-mail. This is worth a thousand "points" for me on the pleasure scale, as you really don't expect those.

I really don't think we can rate ourselves in this kind of forum. Well, not for long anyway. RL.




WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 11:26:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

What if collarme had a "rating" system on the message board!  Rate this persons advice/posting on a scale of 1-10.  Where everybody has a chance to rate each post.  An average ranking would be shown under each persons Avatar. Wonder if that would help resolve this issue some?  Any thoughts?


Hello WhiplashSmile. I do not think it would be a good idea. You would have another "prestige" thing going , with cliques and fan clubs vying for points for their "populars"!

What I like is recieving a nice surprise personal "thank you" in my E-mail. This is worth a thousand "points" for me on the pleasure scale, as you really don't expect those.

I really don't think we can rate ourselves in this kind of forum. Well, not for long anyway. RL.


There are always Pro's and Con's over anything in life.  Even if a rating system was established would it really be a true measure of one's experience or a measure of one's ability/experience at social group bullshitting. LOL...



simplewhispers -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/8/2007 11:38:06 PM)

the people that know the least are always the ones to give the 1st advice [;)]



LadyPact -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/9/2007 12:21:18 AM)

First, thanks to erin for starting this thread.  Also thanks to everyone who posted.  I really enjoy topics like this.  I see now where the "Eyes of the beholder" thought came from.  Kudos!  I'm going to post here what I originally thought of posting there.
 
Like many have said in their responses, time usually lends to making the determination of whether someone is authentic in their posts or not.  I notice I most often gravitate to those who post in the same style.  Hearing of their personal experiences, sometimes the same one on more than one occassion.  Of course, the 'time will tell' method isn't exactly helpful to anyone who is just starting to come around the boards.
 
There are certain posters who always catch My attention.  Not because they claim to be the Uber Domme, 13th level of the whatever the heck it was.  More often than not, it's because they don't claim to be an 'expert' in anything and everything.  They have a quality called humility.  They don't need to boast.  This to Me speaks volumes! 
 
I'm not so sure about the idea of a rating system.  I do know how I see others.  How I am seen by others, is another matter.  Afterall, I'm not looking through their eyes.  Like everyone else, at first glance, I might be real, I might not.  These are the chances we take when being involved in the internet.  Whether I am legitimate or not can only be substantiated by your own choice of verification. 
 
I thought long and hard (I usually do) on Lady Hugs words.  I was a bit rough on the boards with a newbie just recently.  Since the board was what the general CM population saw, they have a much different view of the total picture.  Behind the boards, we started talking privately and the help he was offered was most graciously accepted.  (I'm really not a bad gal, when you get to know Me.)  The point being, sometimes, you do have to reach out and talk with people on the other side to see what they are about.  Not everything is for general discussion.
 
In the end, you have to make your own judgements.  That word has something of a bad reputation in certain contexts, yet, it still happens to be true.  In the end, each of us will form our own opinions.  Some will be accurrate, and some will not.  It's all relative to the individual.



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