RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 6:55:24 AM)

(everyone get ready to laugh please because I'm trying to respond to several folks at once and I'm sure I'm going to mess it up -- bloody computers)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

theTammyjo
Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?


I think that over time people can get a feel for which posters are sincere and are not full of shit....I would think that many who have a question would think that a sincere answer from you would carry some relevance that should be weighed....I am happy to chime in on matters of common sense...But I would never begin to tell someone the merits of this technique vs some other only because my knowledge only pertains to the things that I enjoy as well as my partners...Also I'm kind of a private sort of fuck.


Now I'm blushing. Did you say this just to get me to blush?


quote:


TemptingNviceSub:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?

I agree with this thought process and add a wee bit of my own..What does consist of "experience" enough to be able to post opinions? What does it take to be considered "expert" in something?..And although I have seen some who have posted advice whilst in the midst of their own bad relationship on how to have a good one..do not forget it is always easy to be an outsider looking in and to see what the issue can be, than to see or know what to do when it is your own relationship.......Tempting



I think we have a responsiblity to say what we consider to be our experience then others can decide whether or not it's worth anything to them. I know it can sound/read boring and like folks are bragging but I think it gives context.

quote:

: Original EvilGeoff
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?



Why tammyjo! I'm surprised at you! You know you can check with me! I know everyone (and everything... I just don't tell everyone. I'm humble like that!) *lol*


*smacks forehead*

I knew I forgot someone that would have the answers.

Early on this website I got into trouble for asking the same question -- I actually directed it at myself and got into trouble.

I, for one, do want to know what people's various experiences are because I will weight that when I read what they say. I can't claim to remember everything anyone writes so I rather like it when folks bring up their experience and experiences again and again.



MyMastersOwn -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 6:59:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Yeah I know....that and 50 cents will get me a phone call.


Damn look at how the times have changed... use to be 10 cents...lol



losttreasure -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 7:42:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I agree with this, however the devils in the details.  What you consider a successful relationship is probably different than what I consider a successful relationship (and is probably different from what the next person considers a successful relationship).


I definitely agree with you, though I specifically had in mind those who aren't in a relationship at all.  There have been a few here and there who have been pretty vocal about their own issues yet have no qualms about giving advice to others.  There was even one (though he used a couple of different screennames) who I came to consider as a perfect advisor... you could pretty much guarantee success by doing the opposite of whatever he advocated.  Pity he's not around anymore.  [;)]

Of course, I was always tickled with those dominants who would contact me bragging about their 20 years of experience in the lifestyle and the 25 slaves they've trained and owned... like that's something to brag about.   lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

...On the other hand there are plenty of people I read that are currently in successful relationships that I laugh when I read some of what they say and think, "it'll be interesting to see you in five years."


Me, too.  [:D]





velvetears -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 7:45:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Of course, I realize that is my issue, but it's like the 300 pound man who tells others how to lose weight.  My first thought is, "Yeah... how's that working for you?"



First i want to say i would research and find out how for myself and not go to anyone, other then perhaps specialists to seek out how i might loose weight.

That being said i have to wonder why, if i was so inclined to go to "an average person", why a 300 lb man would be a bad option for rme?  Just because people have knowledge doesn't mean they automatically have the ability to incorporate it into their own lives. In fact i would venture to say that a 300 lb man has done plenty of research and knowledge seeking of his own on how to loose weight and would know far more then a thin person who has never had to think about a weight issue and how to loose weight. 

On the same note should all smoking doctors never tell patients to quit smoking?

Should all gum chewing, candy eating dentists not be allowed to tell parents to cut out sweets in the kids diets?

Should parents with problem kids never give parenting advice to other parents? 

Should a fat doctor not tell his patients to loose weight, just because he is fat? 

People who have the actual problem are sometimes the best to go to - thats why AA, and other such self help groups work so well. Who better to ask then someone who has been in your shoes?



AquaticSub -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:01:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I R LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR.  I R TEH 733T DOMINATE MASTAR OF TEH INTARWEBS.  I HAVE 20 YRS EXPERENCE IN TEH LIFE STYLE.  EVEN THO I AM ONLY 19.  BECAUSE EVERY WEEK IN MY AOL CHAT ROOM COUNTS AS 1 YR.  MY AOL CHAT ROOM IS TEH SPESHIAL THAT WAY.  


Now that sounds like a good mentor! [:D]



MadRabbit -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:09:45 AM)

Doesnt everyone know you have to be a Level 13 Dominant with the Aura of Dominance, the Butt Plug of Beguiling, and the Whip of Enchanting and have slain the Illusionist with their evil spells of Fake Domliness before you can give advice?



IrishMist -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:13:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Doesnt everyone know you have to be a Level 13 Dominant with the Aura of Dominance, the Butt Plug of Beguiling, and the Whip of Enchanting and have slain the Illusionist with their evil spells of Fake Domliness before you can give advice?

dayumit

you need to offer up a disclaimer when you post things of this nature.

my desk is now coffee spewed

[8|]



mistoferin -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:17:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Doesnt everyone know you have to be a Level 13 Dominant with the Aura of Dominance, the Butt Plug of Beguiling, and the Whip of Enchanting and have slain the Illusionist with their evil spells of Fake Domliness before you can give advice?


No. I'm sure you were only joking but that is not what this thread is about. It's not about saying that advice from someone brand spanking new is worthless. Actually, I love to hear the perspectives of people who are new and I've often found amazing pearls in their words. I would never dismiss what they have to offer.

But THIS thread is about lies and deception and claiming experience that you don't have to make yourself look more important....and the impact that can have on people who are seeking the advice of someone who does have experience.

There is no shame in being new and no one who is new should ever feel like they have nothing to bring to the table or feel shame in admitting that they are new. There is shame in claiming that you are something that you're not and purposely misleading people.



MadRabbit -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:22:42 AM)

I assure you I was just having a little fun and not trying to damage the integrity of your thread. However, at the end of the day, when your dealing with anonymous people on the Internet, there is never really any 100% certainity. I advocate new people developing their knowledge threw a wide variety of BDSM books published by credited authors and trying to learn from local communities. At best, I would say this is an excellent place to improve your knowledge base.



Emperor1956 -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:25:23 AM)

quote:

MzMia:   If you are easily tricked, fooled, mislead and in disastrous and destructive relationships, you need
the type of help that will not be found online.


No, no no no NO.  The issue is not the medium of where the advice is delivered, the issues are (1)  who is giving the advice and (2) is it unbiased advice, delivered without a hidden agenda (more on that later).
 
Bashing the Internet qua internet is just stupid, Mia.  I would 1000 times rather people log on to an intelligent web site to have D/s questions answered that go to a local PEP/TNG/PnP etc. alphabet soup munch and hear LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR (thank you Najak) pontificate on things about which he has no clue.

If in fact you are easily tricked, fooled, etc. and keep falling in and out of bad relationships, maybe you need to ask yourself who you are meeting and taking advice from, why does this keep happening to you, and what hidden needs are you meeting for yourself by this repeated destructive behavior.  You might also just sit on your hands, and your butt, for a while.

On mentors:  I love that the mentor bashers are doing so in the context of a thread about bad advice.  Both crouching tigress and earthycouple nailed this one:  Mentors are just teachers.  And like teachers, there are good ones and bad ones.  What I think taints the Mentor relationship is the perception that it is just another way to get into a novice submissive's head, and pants.  Hence my comment above about hidden agendae.

Of course that's just my opinion.  LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR knows better, and his acolytes will tell you so.

E.



Emperor1956 -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 8:43:25 AM)

quote:

  theTammyjo
Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?



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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 9:01:50 AM)

Brilliant :) 



slaveish -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 9:48:00 AM)

I recall a thread some time back, about the submissive / slave retaining the right to protect herself from her Dominant (or something like that). "I don't need to be protected from him" was the most common response. This thread, however, brings that thread into more clarity.

Best rule of thumb for the two combined threads: ask yourself "What is my gut instinct on this?" If it's not good, don't do it. If your brain balks, don't do it. It doesn't matter who says what or claims the most BDSM Experience Awards ever presented to Most Awesome Fantastic UberDom. We aren't trying to hatch dinosaur eggs here - it's as simple as keeping your wits. If you can't think for yourself perhaps this isn't the thing to do.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 9:54:05 AM)

But the same nitwits who get nailed by "fake" doms can pick the right mentors and trainers...

yeah right!



thetammyjo -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 10:28:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Doesnt everyone know you have to be a Level 13 Dominant with the Aura of Dominance, the Butt Plug of Beguiling, and the Whip of Enchanting and have slain the Illusionist with their evil spells of Fake Domliness before you can give advice?


Dude, there's a great supplementary book for D&D that is all about the erotic stuff and you could be a level 13 Master in that book. I can never find anyone to play that with me though.... I guess I push the envelop a bit all ready in my WoD games as is.

Ignore my geekiness if it offends anyone please.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:03:07 AM)

It's rather difficult to really guage other peoples level of experience, based on message board postings alone.  There is such a wide variety of people with different backgrounds and interests.

Personally I know I would suck at even attempting to give advice regarding Poly relationships, TENS Units, The Gorean Lifestyle, Hypnosis, Shibari.. In terms of things such as Needle Play I can only offer limited advice.   I don't personally feel I'm experienced enough at Needle play to begin to think about mentoring anybody it in.  There are activities and things I have not tried let alone done enough to come close to mastering.

There are some people in this lifestyle that are not into S&M even.  I would dare say, many or most people in this lifestyle are into S&M.

Just because somebody has X years involvement in BDSM, does not mean they have been around the block and done it all.

I actually took a break from BDSM for awhile.  At least a break from a lot of the S&M/Bondage aspects.  A point where I tried like hell to become very vanilla.  While I have not made any public posts about why I did this, I have shared this on the flip in private emails with a few on this site.   It was a hellish yet rewarding chapter in my life.  Yes, I hung up my whip for all practical purposes and threw myself into religion and the likes of the Christian right wing.  I experienced a point in my life where I felt deeply ashamed of BDSM and the cause of failed relationship.  Amazing how one's focus on life changes when you realize you are going to become somebody's father.   Needless to say, I took a timeout.

After awhile, I found myself falling away from the Christian Right Wing, I was somewhat disillusioned with a bitter taste in my mouth.  However, this experienced changed me. Including my views/perspectives on relationships.  BDSM is a natural gravity well for me.  I'm drawn to it like it's some form of crack cocain.  I ended up coming around in full circle.

When somebody asks me questions like how many years of BDSM experience, I'd need to literally figure out the time periods when I was in a relationship and with whom, what was going on at the time.   Does learning about Christian D/s relationship dynamics count or not?  I have no idea in hell how to begin to correctly tell somebody I've done X for Y long, and if I'm a 5th or 22nd level character player.  This is BDSM not a game of AD&D.

I'm sorry, I don't keep a score card tally of the number of experience points I've recieved.  I'm making another AD&D joke here, but I feel this applies.

There are a number of people I chat/talk with from this site.  Some on an almost daily basis.  I've never asked them stupid questions like how many years experience do you have?  Experience in what?  Quantative vs. Qualitative regarding what activities or how many relationships?

I'm aware some people take complete breaks from the lifestyle itself, some have down time between relationships.  Some people have had excellent experiences and relationships.  Some people have had crappy experiences in crappy relationships.

Experience does count.  but how do we (people with different backgrounds, perspectives, and experiences) properly judge or guage other people experience.   Do we measure it against our own experiences or by some other standards.



LaTigresse -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:18:18 AM)

I am going to date myself with this and Erin please forgive me.

Ever since I first saw this topic all I can think of is Seargent Schultz "I know nussssING!! I know NUSSING!!!" Usually after Klink would bellow "SCHULTZ!!!"



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:28:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Interesting responses.

How do we verify experience? As I said in my opening post...this community is pretty small when it comes right down to it.

mistoferin,
Yes the active message board users do form a pretty small group and there are cliches (groups) inside the group here.
quote:


Someone posts frequently about their "vast" experience, their "years" in the community. I'm not talking about generalizations...I am talking specific, detailed descriptions and long, in depth stories. Doling out specific advice and offering mentorship. I'm talking about descriptions about how much they love this act or that....how those things feel. But somehow somethings just don't ring quite true and you get a funny feeling. Then little things come up that they don't know, questions they ask....things that anyone who has spent more than a few months in these circles would most certainly know. So you put out a few feelers, you start to ask a few questions...and as I said, the community just isn't that big. Generally, anyone who misportrays themselves in this community will be found out eventually, time has a way of revealing truth....and bad news spreads a lot faster than good.


It appears this is somebody specific, have you considered contacting them directly on the other side and confronting them?  At least bust their ass for misportraying themselves to the community?  

Perhaps this might make this person in Question rethink their own actions.  I feel your frustration, I'm certain others do as well.  There is not much we can do to prevent anybody from coming into the message board and posting bad advice, or lame jokes. ;-)   Oh yeah, let's not forget to mentioned completely stopping "Jessica Power" from posting here. 

quote:


We often complain of the damage that the predators who call themselves "experienced" Dominants do when they prey on the new and inexperienced and tell them bullshit stories of what they have to do to be a sub or slave.

This gets me worked up to no end, thinking about it. 

quote:


Personally, I don't see it any less damaging when it's a sub or slave who is misrepresenting themselves and their "experience" and placing themselves in a position (such as a mentor) to be trusted by someone who is new and seeking guidance. Bullshit is bullshit....no matter what end of the flogger it chooses to identify with.

Could not agree with you more..



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:36:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am going to date myself with this and Erin please forgive me.

Ever since I first saw this topic all I can think of is Seargent Schultz "I know nussssING!! I know NUSSING!!!" Usually after Klink would bellow "SCHULTZ!!!"


OMG...too funny...i used to watch that show....LOL



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice (6/7/2007 11:36:26 AM)

Simple Math
sub/slave <> doormat
(not equal to)



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