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RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:10:31 PM

aparootsa

Posts: 49
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline

Taking advice from random people... my view is that it's food for thought, and nothing more. Truth in most (not all, certainly) issues is not empirical nor objective - it must be teased out by the indivual. Factual advice takes fact checking, and this doesn't apply to that, but relationship advice should be weighed and measured, compared to the situation at hand, and otherwise digested.

Similarly, when I give advice on a public forum such as this, I expect that others will look at it through various lenses, chop it up in various ways, and so forth. Some of this will result in unintended consequences and interpretations, but by and large the digestion does it good, and it's educational for me to read the responses. I'm reachable for comment, if anyone wishes, and before someone takes drastic action relying on the advice of a stranger, I would expect them to discuss it with someone whose perspectice they trust if not with that stranger.

Claiming the untrue, though, is stupid and unbeneficial, no question.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 41

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:11:27 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?

I agree with this thought process and add a wee bit of my own..What does consist of "experience" enough to be able to post opinions? What does it take to be considered "expert" in something?..And although I have seen some who have posted advice whilst in the midst of their own bad relationship on how to have a good one..do not forget it is always easy to be an outsider looking in and to see what the issue can be, than to see or know what to do when it is your own relationship.......Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 42

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:15:09 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

god i hate threads trashing mentors.

for the record any one that gives you advice that you take has mentored you...all it means is teaching, and not a single one of us got to this part of our lives with out some having held the door open at some point or another.

Ditto.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 43

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:17:03 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

When I give advice, I never claim to be an expert. I am an expert at the clarinet, I am an expert at the photo machines I use at work every day. I am an expert at D/s only insofar as it pertains to controlling Angel and Hoyt. I am far from an expert at anything else. Myadvise is based on personal expereince. I share my opinion for those who care to listen and anyone can take whatever from it they wish. What I know is not guranteed to work for anyone but me. Same with anything anyone does. Just ebcaue what you do works brilliantly for you doesn tmena it wont be the deal-breaker for someone else.
If you take advice on the forums for what it is, suggestions and ideas, then you are fine. Anything that sounds viable, take it to heart. Whether the person actualy HAS the experience or not their ideas might still be valid. If it sounds like a crock of bull, discount it. (a certain female troll comes to mind) Just like when your friends and family give you love advice. Dont take it all to heart, but get the useful bits from it and make your own decisions.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 44

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:21:36 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?

I agree with this thought process and add a wee bit of my own..What does consist of "experience" enough to be able to post opinions? What does it take to be considered "expert" in something?..And although I have seen some who have posted advice whilst in the midst of their own bad relationship on how to have a good one..do not forget it is always easy to be an outsider looking in and to see what the issue can be, than to see or know what to do when it is your own relationship.......Tempting

Tempting? I agree.
I will take the advice of someone who stumbled onto BDSM this morning,
that says something that rings TRUE in my heart, over someone here that
has 50 years experience and is the "expert" on all things BDSM!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 45

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:43:28 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

I R LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR. I R TEH 733T DOMINATE MASTAR OF TEH INTARWEBS. I HAVE 20 YRS EXPERENCE IN TEH LIFE STYLE. EVEN THO I AM ONLY 19. BECAUSE EVERY WEEK IN MY AOL CHAT ROOM COUNTS AS 1 YR. MY AOL CHAT ROOM IS TEH SPESHIAL THAT WAY.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 46

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:46:15 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Interesting responses.

How do we verify experience? As I said in my opening post...this community is pretty small when it comes right down to it.

Someone posts frequently about their "vast" experience, their "years" in the community. I'm not talking about generalizations...I am talking specific, detailed descriptions and long, in depth stories. Doling out specific advice and offering mentorship. I'm talking about descriptions about how much they love this act or that....how those things feel. But somehow somethings just don't ring quite true and you get a funny feeling. Then little things come up that they don't know, questions they ask....things that anyone who has spent more than a few months in these circles would most certainly know. So you put out a few feelers, you start to ask a few questions...and as I said, the community just isn't that big. Generally, anyone who misportrays themselves in this community will be found out eventually, time has a way of revealing truth....and bad news spreads a lot faster than good.

We often complain of the damage that the predators who call themselves "experienced" Dominants do when they prey on the new and inexperienced and tell them bullshit stories of what they have to do to be a sub or slave. Personally, I don't see it any less damaging when it's a sub or slave who is misrepresenting themselves and their "experience" and placing themselves in a position (such as a mentor) to be trusted by someone who is new and seeking guidance. Bullshit is bullshit....no matter what end of the flogger it chooses to identify with.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 47

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 8:53:55 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Have you seen the new show called "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?".
No, I am serious, many adults really need to just work on common sense.
If you are easily tricked, fooled, mislead and in disastrous and destructive relationships, you need
the type of help that will not be found online.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/6/2007 8:54:21 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 48

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 9:54:09 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Anyone who comes to the internet for advice has to be aware of the possibility that there will be a wide array of posters responding to their inquiry. Some may be complete frauds, some pathological liars, some delusional or maybe even mentally ill, etc. That is the chace you take when you enter cyber space. Anyone can lurk here and pretend to be anything or anyone thy want. What luci pointed out makes sense - consistency over time can be an indicator, i think MR mentioned "coming to trust" certain posters - this takes an investment of time in being on the message boards, reading and getting to know the posters here.

There's book knowledge, street smarts, RL experience, OL "experience" all kinds of ways people will percieve their "experience" and "knowledge" How can we judge their worth if only in how what they say resonates with us. Sometimes it's so far out in left field that it is glaringly apparent it's just garbage but other times it's just the subleties you pick up on over time that clue you in the best.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 49

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 9:57:09 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Have you seen the new show called "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?".
No, I am serious, many adults really need to just work on common sense.
If you are easily tricked, fooled, mislead and in disastrous and destructive relationships, you need
the type of help that will not be found online.

LOL.... my daughter is in 5th grade and she loves that show. We watch it together and she gets a real kick out of it if i don't know the answer lol.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 50

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 10:11:01 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

I will take the advice of someone who stumbled onto BDSM this morning,
that says something that rings TRUE in my heart, over someone here that
has 50 years experience and is the "expert" on all things BDSM!
[/quote]
___________________________________________________

Hello MzMia. Well said! RL.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 51

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/6/2007 10:56:27 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Makes me curious.

How exactly does one verify that any of us has any experience outside of typing on this board?

Why tammyjo! I'm surprised at you! You know you can check with me! I know everyone (and everything... I just don't tell everyone. I'm humble like that!) *lol*

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 52

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 12:56:23 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

For the most part the majority of advice on Message Boards appear to be centered around relationship issues. At times there are heated debates centered around POV or perspectives.

At times a village must loose an idiot or two and they find there way to the message boards. It's pretty obvious when this happens, they become the source of great humor as everybody gangs up on them.

The joys of cyber lynch mobbing...

I would recommend for anybody on the message board to consider advice from several people, and not just one single person. This is what the message board is here for after all.

I agree "the truth usually reveals itself in the end"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 53

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 2:53:58 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

god i hate threads trashing mentors.

for the record any one that gives you advice that you take has mentored you...all it means is teaching, and not a single one of us got to this part of our lives with out some having held the door open at some point or another.

Your definition of a mentor is not what is being discussed here.....Yes, many people have recieved a hand from others...Rarely was that hand placed on your ass.

_____________________________

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 54

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 3:24:51 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I R LORD GREATSWORD TEH MIGHTY, 10TH LEVEL NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR. I R TEH 733T DOMINATE MASTAR OF TEH INTARWEBS. I HAVE 20 YRS EXPERENCE IN TEH LIFE STYLE. EVEN THO I AM ONLY 19. BECAUSE EVERY WEEK IN MY AOL CHAT ROOM COUNTS AS 1 YR. MY AOL CHAT ROOM IS TEH SPESHIAL THAT WAY.

lol; are you and LROD going to start a school?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 55

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 3:28:49 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

From my numerous years on the bench of the Supreme Court, I can tell you that people often claim experience to make their ideas heard with more weight. This may be because they wish to appear prestigeous, or because they want their ideas to be followed. Perhaps they want you to not cheat, as they find cheating to be a disgusting thing. Perhaps they truly believe themselves right?

Whatever the case, because I'm an experienced Justice, you should listen to exactly what I have to say about it.

Oooh! Ok, I ran to get a picture of the Supreme Court Justices and have been checking them out, trying to match CuriousLord's avatar with the honorable gentlemen seated there to no avail. So I just gave up and began wondering just what DO those men wear under their robes...

As far as mentorship, there IS another side to that coin. The person receiving the advice these people give DOES have some responsibility in whether they listen to them or not. As my grandmother used to say, "What?! If someone tells you that it's a good idea to go jump off the Ambassador Bridge, are you going to sit here and tell me that you'd do it just because they say it's a good idea?!"

I think that a person asking advice really needs to spend some time reading the responses of people to see who more closely matches how they view life before asking everyone and their brother and/or sister. But hey... if they did that, we wouldn't have the forums and no one would be able to show off their writing skills, wit and intelligence (or lack thereof).

juliet

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 56

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 3:39:50 AM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

truelly unless you meet people and know them personally you do not know if the are experienced or not. b/c someone can give their opinion online doesn't mean they have a day of experience. I take everything i read with a grain of salt or two even...lol

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 57

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 5:46:59 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

god i hate threads trashing mentors.

for the record any one that gives you advice that you take has mentored you...all it means is teaching, and not a single one of us got to this part of our lives with out some having held the door open at some point or another.

quote:

earthycouple
Ditto.

Let me elaborate a bit further on this topic....I believe the majority of people who label themselves as mentors are actually a form of predator. They are being dishonest. I believe the majority of these people who project themselves as being a mentor would also be willing to have sex with their "student" at the drop of a hat. How many of you that have mentored someone have actually ended up having some form of a sexual relationship with the person that was in "your care?"....

It is fine to get advice...It is fine to explore your sexual kinks....But to put faith in someone on a subject matter that is as sexually charged as this one is using poor judgement....There is obvious some sort of disconnect that people have with "vanilla" and whatever it is that goes on in this world...When you were dating vanilla you didn't seek out advice on how to fuck,perform cunnilingus, anal sex or use yout toys...You simply lived, learned and read....And met various partners in your walk through this life that shed light on certain topics and introduced you to others.

I would guarantee that if I put up a "Sub profile" seeking a mentor...I would get a bazillion responses in less than an hour.....If I responded back with "what would happen if there developed some sort of a physical attraction/"... I would estimate that 99.9% of the responses would be, that it would then turn sexual.....These people are nothing more than predators who are using the "guise of knowledge" to acquire some pussy that should rightfully be mine...lol

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/7/2007 6:09:41 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 58

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 6:05:55 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If you have NO experience, why would you claim to have vast amounts...and more importantly, why would you give advice? Don't people realize that what they say can have a great impact on others? Don't they also realize that no matter how many chat rooms they have been in or no matter how many books they have read....the truth usually reveals itself in the end. This really is a pretty small community when you get right down to it.

Ugh!

It doesn't start here erin, it is only another area for posers. people are pretending to be Doctors, lawyers, teachers, men posing as women, people posing as children etc etc etc, why should this area be any different?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 59

RE: Claiming "experience" and giving advice - 6/7/2007 6:23:19 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

While I agree that common sense works in lieu of experience for many issues, I also admit that I shake my head when I see posters who aren't in successful relationships offering advice to others on how to have one. It's one thing to offer an opinion and I have no problem with that; it's when that opinion is delivered in such a way that it comes off as an absolute... "This is what is happening and you must do such and such."

Of course, I realize that is my issue, but it's like the 300 pound man who tells others how to lose weight. My first thought is, "Yeah... how's that working for you?"

I agree with this, however the devils in the details. What you consider a successful relationship is probably different than what I consider a successful relationship (and is probably different from what the next person considers a successful relationship).

Although there are a couple of people who don't fit into my definition of "people I seriously listen to/give extra consideration to because they are in a successful relationship" that I still do find pretty interesting and do give extra consideration to. On the other hand there are plenty of people I read that are currently in successful relationships that I laugh when I read some of what they say and think, "it'll be interesting to see you in five years."

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 60

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