Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Help...we need somebody


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Help...we need somebody Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:03:00 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		(apologies to The Beatles for my butchered post title)

A few quotes from various posts:  
quote:

Make the slave all that they can be and then allow them to exceed that. In other words lead them towards a better and more full life
quote:

In what ways has your Dom/Domme/Master assisted you in improving your life as an individual?
quote:

help the slave flourish in her submission?
quote:

help the slave/sub with their understanding of themselves and their desires.
quote:

help the submissive reach that goal
quote:

I believe it is a Dom/me's responsibility to help the submissive capitalize on their strengths, to help them overcome their weaknesses and to help them blossom like a flower.


My questions:
Do Masters/Dominants enter into relationships perfect themselves?

Do all Master/s/Dominants assume the slaves/submissives are lacking in these areas?

Who helps the Masters/Dominants...
  • Make them all that they can be and then allow them to exceed that
  • lead them towards a better and more full life
  • Improve their life as an individual
  • flourish in their mastery
  • with their understanding of themselves and their desires
  • reach goals
  • capitalize on their strengths, to help them overcome their weaknesses and to help them blossom like a flower.
Why do so many people focus on 'improving' the slave/submissive but overlook improving the Dominant/Master?

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:05:06 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		And now you see why I collared this one so quickly a mind like that is an asset I needed to keep for myself, LOL.

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:07:21 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Cuz they prefer to put the sub in the passive/following type position.  It makes them feel fuzzier.

Plus, admitting the dom needs help, specially from their own slave, opens the door to questioning the doms decisions, which opens the door to questioning the doms ability to make good judgements, which opens the door to...

Best to just nip that in the bud right off before the slave starts thinking too much and getting to the truth which will dissolve the tenuous foundation of the relationship.

And finally- peer pressure.  There's tremendous peer pressure for a dom to be strong and fabulous and for the sub to constantly be fawning and in awe of their dom in every way.  Any sniff of something other than that can and often is manipulated and twisted apart in short order.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:07:21 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Great Thread!! i will be watching this one with interest!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:12:30 AM   
peepeegirl5


Posts: 214
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		There are no "stable" partners.

Therefore, collect a stable of partners.

Love them, fix them, and promptly return them to the wild...

Don't be a mooch/freeloader and don't let them be either.

Born free ;)

< Message edited by peepeegirl5 -- 6/14/2007 11:13:24 AM >

_____________________________

"If we value so highly the dignity of life, how can we not also value the dignity of death? No death may be called futile." - Yukio Mishima

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:12:57 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

(My questions:
Do Masters/Dominants enter into relationships perfect themselves?

 
Not always - although there are probably those who believe in their own perfection.


quote:

Do all Master/s/Dominants assume the slaves/submissives are lacking in these areas?

No.
quote:

Who helps the Masters/Dominants... (etc).
 
Whoever they delegate that authority to.
 
 
 
quote:

Why do so many people focus on 'improving' the slave/submissive but overlook improving the Dominant/Master?
 
That is an assumption that I have never seen based on facts as I know them.  For example, our (Darcy and I) relationship is about self discovery on a mutual level.  All healthy and productive relationships consider each person within that relationship.  You have listed many quote about submissives on here, I have seen many recent posts on the enhancements of dominants as well.  I think we see what we want to see alot of the time.
Perception an all that.
 
Peace
the.dark.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:14:23 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I dont think the majority of my posts follow in this White Knight type of mentality. Maybe some have without realizing it.

I dont cosider it a question of the slave needing help or needing really anything from me.She was perfectly capable of functioning before I got there.

I see someone entering a M/S relationship with me out of their own desire and need for fullfillment.

But...none the less...there is authority transfer and I now have it so I have to have some kind of ethical compass as to what I am going to do with this authority.

Its not so much as she needs me to improve her life, but rather that the decisions I make with the authority keep her life in the direction of improvement.







_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:15:38 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Along with that I'll be transparent here and tell the story (before Elegant does, LOL) I was pretty much a walflower when we met. Plenty of confidence in relationship ablity work, but socially a bit reserved (OK very reserved to the point of painfully reserved LOL). Elegant was very out there socially and this certainly influenced my evaluation of her as a good fit for my personal goals.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:23:16 AM   
Adelphus


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
Who helps the Masters/Dominants...
  • Make them all that they can be and then allow them to exceed that
  • lead them towards a better and more full life
  • Improve their life as an individual
  • flourish in their mastery
  • with their understanding of themselves and their desires
  • reach goals
  • capitalize on their strengths, to help them overcome their weaknesses and to help them blossom like a flower.
I tried that with my ex, she didn't like it.;-p I think a lot of people entering the scene are told they have to appear perfect in every way to be a twue (sic) Dom, which is ridiculous. Being a dominant personaility doesn't automatically make you an all powerful god. If they were, why would they need me? Sort of ruins the 'exchange' part of power exchange. Personally I want a real person with faults and whatnot and can accept they have them, otherwise I WILL question their ability to make decisions. Delusion helps no one. Besides, it's easy to dominate fears in someone else, it takes a hell of a lot more power to face demons within one's self, AND to let someone help you with them.
That's power I can follow.
Hey Archer, you're a lucky guy.;-)

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:23:37 AM   
AlphaMaster666


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/16/2006
From: USA / Illinois / Peoria
Status: offline 		Actually that question would have many different answers. Personally I keep myself as a Master and Owner on a persoanl never ending quest to better my self as I require my slaves and property to do the same. It is human nature to be better then what you are. If a slave cant grow with the Master then the slave has grown out of use.

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:24:55 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		YEP have to agree there. I stumbled on a good slave and was smart enough to slap a collar on her before anyone else saw what I saw in her.

(in reply to Adelphus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:25:05 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Archer did you give Elegant a wedgie. All relationships are a learning experience. You learn from each other and work together toward your goals.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:26:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		A) I don't think we can deny that the stereotype exists and that many people try to play to the stereotype that the sub needs help while the dom is great and simply gives order.

B)  This thread is starting to sound like Archer's excuse to tell us all how great Elegant is- not that it's not a great thing, but maybe off topic?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:31:34 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

Do Masters/Dominants enter into relationships perfect themselves?

Do all Master/s/Dominants assume the slaves/submissives are lacking in these areas?

Who helps the Masters/Dominants...

  • Make them all that they can be and then allow them to exceed that
  • lead them towards a better and more full life
  • Improve their life as an individual
  • flourish in their mastery
  • with their understanding of themselves and their desires
  • reach goals
  • capitalize on their strengths, to help them overcome their weaknesses and to help them blossom like a flower.

Why do so many people focus on 'improving' the slave/submissive but overlook improving the Dominant/Master?


Because so many refuse to accept that owners are imperfect beings.

Valyraen is not perfect. It does not make me less submissive or less owned to acknowledge what is merely a fact of life. There are things at which I excel and he doesn't.

I'm social butterfly, he isn't. I've often coaxed him into going someplace as part of a social group only to have him thank me for doing so later. Where he is content to stay at home, I am not and he is glad that I am not, because these outings enrich his life.

I do improve his life. I add to it. I make him laugh and I remind him of the innocence in life that I still see. He is much more jaded than I am. I jump into things feet first and see where I land. He is more cautious.

As far as flourishing in their mastery... I think it is safe to say that he may never have tried this as a lifestyle if not for me. It was in his relationship with me that he realized his desire to own and control and have it be a good thing.

Aqua

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:32:00 AM   
YourShyPet


Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Along with that I'll be transparent here and tell the story (before Elegant does, LOL) I was pretty much a walflower when we met. Plenty of confidence in relationship ablity work, but socially a bit reserved (OK very reserved to the point of painfully reserved LOL). Elegant was very out there socially and this certainly influenced my evaluation of her as a good fit for my personal goals.


This is very much like me and my Daddy... he's always been very reserved in public... and there has been times in the past when he has just withdrawn from going out into social situations... and I'm a social psychotic butterfly LOL... put me in a room full of people, and I'm in heaven flitting around ... it's one of the things that attracted him to me ... and the first couple years we knew each other we would go out... and he would pick a spot at the party or the bar and just watch me interact... more recently he's expressed more of a desire to get out... go dancing... go to parties... etc... so I would think .... that it can go both ways.

kittin

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:34:12 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		OK OK LA I'll stop with the gushing, LOL.

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:35:07 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		And since we're getting into negative stereotypes...

If I wanted to take the time, I could go threw a ton of profiles and posts and make clips of statements like...

"I am looking for a Daddy who knows whats best."

"I need someone with a stern hand who will discipline me and help me improve."

"I need someone to tell me what to do and make decisions for me."

"I am looking for a Daddy who will take care of his little girl."

"I obey and follow my Master because he knows whats best."

Then I could probably go here and ask the questions...

What is so wrong with all these submissives that they need to find someone to improve thier lives?

If all these submissives and slaves are such independent, mature, and consenting adults, then why do they need to find other people to make decisions for them?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:35:15 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I feel like it's my place to help M out.  I know that he holds onto the past a lot.  I am sure I get compared to ones that have done him wrong a hundred times a week. 

I think that all of us need the support of someone in our lives in some form or another whether we want to admit it or not.  I would love if M could just come to me and feel like he could open up about things that are bothering him.  It doesn't show weakness, it shows great strength and trust.

That is what relationships are for (IMO), it's to help us grow more into ourselves everyday..to have the support, love, caring, and strength of the person next to us.  It doesn't mean we need fixed, just enhanced.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:36:20 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		I would hope that when two people come together that postive things happen on both sides. I know that from our relationship it's what we want.


(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help...we need somebody - 6/14/2007 11:37:01 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Along with that I'll be transparent here and tell the story (before Elegant does, LOL) I was pretty much a walflower when we met. Plenty of confidence in relationship ablity work, but socially a bit reserved (OK very reserved to the point of painfully reserved LOL). Elegant was very out there socially and this certainly influenced my evaluation of her as a good fit for my personal goals.


I am very much anti social. I prefer my books to people anyday.

This is why I like the person I am seeing right now so much. She is more awake and open and social then I am.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Help...we need somebody Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109