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what would you do - 6/17/2007 12:47:38 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
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I had a married dom friend that I would occasionally meet, just for fun and scening...we both knew he has young children and will be married for a long time...we were very discreet,meeting at least an hour from his home because I am really no home=wrecker...had his wife even suspected, I would have stopped meeting with him...
well about a week ago he told me he met another sub and wanted the three of us to get together...I was all for it until he said..."Oh ,btw, she doesn't know I am married with children and I'd like to keep it that way"...now I can't even talk to him...really I thought he was an 'on the level' kind of guy...and he doesn't understand why I refuse to see him ...does anyone else here 'get it'...he asked me to lie for him...he is misleading a beautiful woman who is willing to drive (5) hrs to be with him...she is my age...if she is willing to drive that she is looking for ltr...I didn't tell her ( have her email addy)...and I won't acknowledge him...what do you think of this???


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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 12:49:54 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		Um, he's willing to cheat on his wife and yet you somehow thought he was an "on the level" kind of guy???
Open your eyes, honey. The man is a cheater with no honor...nothing should really suprise you about him.




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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 12:51:59 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I'd stop seeing him.  And then I'd tell her.  And his wife.

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 12:54:21 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I am with GeekyGirl here; I don't understand why you are surpirsed that he is willing to lie to someone for fun and scening when he has already demonstrated that he is willing to lie to his wife that he made a commitment with.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 12:57:52 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I'd stop seeing him.  And then I'd tell her.  And his wife.

Yeah,I was born without the 'jealousy gene' so I welcome relationships with other submissive females...my 'ya ya sisterhood' attitude wants me to give the other submissive a heads up....but part of me thinks that would be worng----I am confused..but I do know I won't be seeing him again...


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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 12:59:42 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		So you're upset because he was honest with you but isn't being honest with the girl driving 5 hours to meet him? Since his meetings with you were discreet, he obviously wasn't honest with his wife about you either. She's the one he really needs to be honest with. You say you're not a homewrecker, but I see anyone who has relations with someone who is married as a homewrecker unless the spouse knows about and consents to it.

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(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:03:50 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		IMHEO, ANYTHING done behind a spouses back unless its helping to plan a surprise party or pick out a special present for an event is cheating----end of story.

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:07:38 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Since you asked, here's what i think about this.
 
#1)  If his wife doesn't know anything about you or the other sub, then he is a liar and he is violating his vows to her, unless they have an open marriage and she has told him he can do what he wants with whomever he wants and she doesn't want to know anything about it.
 
#2) He wants you to be a liar by not telling the other sub the truth about his wife and kids.  Do you want to be a liar for him?  Why not send her an email to give her a "heads up" on this guy, just to give her the opportunity to know the truth and decide if she still wants to be involved with him or not?
 
#3) When a married man meets a woman (or another man), other than his wife, for anything of a sexual nature, it is an extramarital affair, even if he calls himself a Dom and calls what you do just "scening" or "for fun".  Lots of married men have affairs, whether they are vanilla or kinky.  Within BDSM or not, it's still an affair.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I had a married dom friend that I would occasionally meet, just for fun and scening...we both knew he has young children and will be married for a long time...we were very discreet,meeting at least an hour from his home because I am really no home=wrecker...had his wife even suspected, I would have stopped meeting with him...
well about a week ago he told me he met another sub and wanted the three of us to get together...I was all for it until he said..."Oh ,btw, she doesn't know I am married with children and I'd like to keep it that way"...now I can't even talk to him...really I thought he was an 'on the level' kind of guy...and he doesn't understand why I refuse to see him ...does anyone else here 'get it'...he asked me to lie for him...he is misleading a beautiful woman who is willing to drive (5) hrs to be with him...she is my age...if she is willing to drive that she is looking for ltr...I didn't tell her ( have her email addy)...and I won't acknowledge him...what do you think of this???


(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:11:37 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		He's pond scum.....

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:18:29 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		my aunt once gave me the sage wisdom when she said "any man who will cheat on his wife won't think twice about cheating on his girlfriend." 

i understand that you were pleased that he was honest about being married and have found justification in your enabling him to cheat on his wife.  Another wise person once said "Justification is more important than sex...Think of a time when you went a whole month without justifying an action...."

i'm not saying this to condem anyone just a heads up when this situation comes up in the future.  i was myself once involved with a man seperated from his wife (however in South Carolina the definition of seperated, i found out, is "still married") and surprise surprise when i found out i wasn't the only woman he was seeing.... 

never again.

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:24:24 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

He's pond scum.....


Just him?
 
Edited to add: I don't know anyone involved enough to call them scum, so I'll just say this; both elusive1 and hubby are wrong. Period.

< Message edited by Level -- 6/17/2007 1:29:16 PM >

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:28:52 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

Yeah,I was born without the 'jealousy gene' so I welcome relationships with other submissive females...my 'ya ya sisterhood' attitude wants me to give the other submissive a heads up....but part of me thinks that would be worng----I am confused..but I do know I won't be seeing him again...



You being born without a jealousy gene isn't the issue here. His meetings with you were discreet, therefore his wife didn't consent to them. Not seeing him again isn't enough. You need to contact his wife because she needs to be told. If you don't feel bad you should. You owe his wife an apology. I talked to a Dom on the phone a few times and had no idea he was married until his wife called me. I felt bad about the whole thing even though I didn't know and offered to help his wife catch him (have him meet me somewhere and her show up). Cheaters (both male and female) deserve to be busted

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:31:06 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I'd stop seeing him.  And then I'd tell her.  And his wife.

Yeah,I was born without the 'jealousy gene' so I welcome relationships with other submissive females...my 'ya ya sisterhood' attitude wants me to give the other submissive a heads up....but part of me thinks that would be worng----I am confused..but I do know I won't be seeing him again...

what do you think of this???



What I think of this (or anyone else) and what you do are different matters.
Yes I hear the cheater answers, but what concerns me is the 5 hr drive, and what the other girl is REALLY looking and the fact that she doesnt have the information you do.
Personally, I would tell the guy, if he doesnt tell her, you will.
But then, how to approach to the othergirl, cause she is possibly gonna think you are just jealous.  She might not listen.
And when her heart and will are broken and shattered ........
If I had spoken to this girl at all, I would take my cue from that and do waht I thought was best, putting myself in her situation.
 
Sir's property

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:31:19 PM   
MamaDomme


Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline 		a liar and a cheat is still a liar and a cheat........ no matter who the injured party is.  He lied to his wife, he has lied to the other submissive....... wonder how many lies he has also told you.

tell the other submissive.  tell the wife.  Avoid the guy from now on-- block and delete works real well.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:34:05 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		As I see it she (the op) already is lieing for him by helping him cheat on his wife.

To the op, I want to know why you think it is moraly ok to help him cheat but not moraly ok to lie to this other girl, seems almost hipocritical.


Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/17/2007 2:20:41 PM >

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:34:07 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

what do you think of this???



Which bit?  It all smells bad to me, the part where he lies to his wife (I would love to assume that they have an open relationships, but back in the real world)..... the part where he asks you to back up yet another lie he has told.... "on the level kinda guy"... just how in hell did you come to that conclusion?

Your saving grace, in my eyes (and you did ask), is that you are ignoring him.  It is the hardest route to take, but the smartest.  It may hurt for a while, but it is the only dignified thing to do.

As for having her email addy.... I would ignore that too.... if she comes to you then perhaps it is open season, however, I personally wouldn't get involved.

Faith
:: smiles ::



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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:41:31 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

He's pond scum.....

Agreed.
But it takes two. The person who participates in adultery has no less blame on their hands and that title can be given to that person as well.

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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:51:45 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

"on the level kinda guy"...


And must we demean such a noble word?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:54:30 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1
...my 'ya ya sisterhood' attitude wants me to give the other submissive a heads up....but part of me thinks that would be worng----


Trust me, his unsuspecting girlfriend will want to know. Obviously the part of you that thinks it's wrong is the belief you are betraying him by giving away his secret. But you have a choices. Say nothing at all - knowing this woman will likely get hurt in the end and maybe you might have some guilt over this, I don't know. Say something and have this guy be angry with you - but since you've already broken off the relationship it really won't impact your life other than the discomfort of going through a relatively short period in your life where someone isn't happy with you. You also have the choice to let his wife know that her husband is cheating on her. He is not going to stop cheating on her because you are no longer a part of it. And, eventually she's going to find out - it's almost guaranteed. Sooner better than later I figure, but that's just my opinion.

We all have choices in life. I am curious to know which ones you will decide to make in this situation.As an aside, when he asked you to lie for him, you ended it - that was, for you, going outside a moral boundary. But I find it interesting that you didn't view keeping an affair from his wife as the same thing. At its most elemental they are the same. The difference is, you didn't have the type of contact with his wife that you would have had with his new girlfriend. But in each case you were asked to lie.

The only other thing I can think to say is, how would you feel if you were in the other person's shoes? Sounds cliché, but it's always been a good guide post.

Bonne chance!




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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:57:18 PM   
submissivepoet


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		I know the feeling. I was involved with someone who was in a relationship. It was a bad idea. I would suggest that you don't do that again, people who are willing to deceive like that are generally not to be trusted.
I would definitely tell her, as it's the right thing to do and you would want to know in that situation. I would probably tell the wife too, who knows what kind of stds she could pick up from this guy.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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