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RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 9:32:36 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Let's all just hold each other.
I think we need unions!

Hmm... if there is a union for subs/slaves, can we go on strike?

Just kidding! I don't want my bottom tenderized!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 41

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 9:37:36 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Using fast reply~

Personally, I think the idea of having a "support group" (translate this into: group of subs/slaves/bottoms/pets/whatever who get along) is a good idea but not when it's just focused on sub drop. I enjoy just being around other subs/slaves and chatting, learning about the lifestyle, how they do things... so forth and so on. There are times when we have to do things that we really don't want to do. It's nice to talk to someone who will support us but not remind pointedly us that we don't "really" have to be doing this or that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 42

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/28/2007 11:55:16 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

wow...

I don't do support groups when it comes to my relationships.
Sure there are times when he has to work, is unavailable, yadda yadda yadda and I might have to deal with sub-drop on my own, but for goodness sake, it only lasts for a little while! (A sucky little while, but a little while nonetheless).

Support groups by their very definition are places/groups of people who you can go to during times of stress and trouble and bitch... errr.... vent about how irritating, what a bastard, etc someone or something can be. Frankly, I don't/won't do that about my Master. I won't do that to him to a bunch of strangers and I won't do that to him to people who know him. So, to me, a support group would be useless.

In fact, we have a group of women here that play pokeno. We're all lifestyle women. When I began this group and sent out the first invitations, at the top of the page was the statement "THIS IS NOT A SUPPORT GROUP." And all of us have enjoyed the fact that we can get together in a bitch-free zone once a month to laugh, play cards (sorta) and possibly take home presents and money - not to mention eating great tidbits of food.
And while one of our members has spent the last month in the hospital and we've all been by to visit - even moving the pokeno game to the hospital so she could participate, we don't see that as being a support group. We see that as being a friend.

For something as intensely intimate (at least for me) as sub-drop, as someone else has already said, the only one that really has the power to help me through those times is my Master. Beyond him, the only people I'd even remotely consider going to for assistance in this would be a friend.

juliet

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 43

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 12:24:33 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

It's incredibly differnt for each individual person.:) I bottom when I play, and it's not at all about falling completely into submission when I hit subspace, it's about the delicious coctail of chemicals play time brings going away. returning to normal, coming back from that intense delicious place they took me to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rastimmipitwax

It is when a submissive falls so completely into submission that s/he can feel nothing but the overwhelming need for direction. It can lead to despondence and utter helplessness, depression and many other negative feelings.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to Rastimmipitwax)

Post #: 44

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 9:30:16 AM

Duty2Please

Posts: 74
Joined: 4/15/2007
Status: offline

I like EvaLass's observations about the usefulness of having other subs to turn to for support, and I'm a bit taken aback by how strong the negative reaction is to it. The unserious reactions from doms on this thread, frankly, aren't worth reading.

I think Aquaticsub's and julietsierra's ideas make a lot of sense. It seems to me you avoid a lot of the problems of groups that are specifically for sub drop or sub support by having social groups of submissives that have a broader mission: just to provide general support and a social atmosphere where you can openly talk about being submissive when the subject comes up. Real-time groups of submissives are preferable to online, although not all submissives have real-time groups in their area, especially if they're in a rural area. One problem I find at munches is that there are so many submissive men who don't talk much. I went to a femdom play party where all the men were sent downstairs to socialize among themselves and out of us five or so men, three could barely get a word out (granted, it was the first play party for most of us). I think starting a real-time group with sub males is a challenge. But it's also useful to be able to talk with other people about the challenges and joys and mysteries and whatnot about being submissive. I think EvaLass is on to something.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 45

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 9:55:25 AM

taintedgypsy

Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

OMG - I've just read Domiguy's Profile, and Shock! Horror! That's not His picture! To think I've had His photo on my altar, worshipping His image every day and drinking His honeyed words, and it's not Him! I'm suffering from a bad case of sub drop ... what was the number of that Hotline again...???
:))
LH

OMFG I almost choked I laughed so hard ... thankyou

_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 46

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 9:56:40 AM

taintedgypsy

Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Quite frankly, if people are so damned unbalanced, they shouldn't be playing in the first place.

edited because on reflection this does not deserve to be dignified with a reply

< Message edited by taintedgypsy -- 6/29/2007 9:58:56 AM >

_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 47

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 10:06:37 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Quite frankly, if people are so damned unbalanced, they shouldn't be playing in the first place.

edited because on reflection this does not deserve to be dignified with a reply

LOL....MrD, you're fan club is growing!

(it's ok, some of do appreciate your bluntness...and sometimes even agree!

)

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to taintedgypsy)

Post #: 48

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 10:08:42 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

Gawwwd be greedy...don't give that shit away for FREE...make it a 900 number and 24.95 for the first minute and $9.95 a minute after!

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Feeling alone?....Emotionally drained?....Are you experiencing sub drop?....Need a friend to talk to who can help?

Well you are not alone!!! Just call 1-(800) Dom-iguy.

We at Domiguy Industries have been at the forefront of helping all subs* who are experiencing the symptoms of sub drop.....Just listen as one of our trained professionals helps a sub in need.

(phone ringing....Mechanized voice answers phone.) If English press one...para continuar en espanol, presiona dos.(you hear a phone key being pressed)... For Domiguy toys and floggers...Press #1, training videos...Press #2, To enroll in a Domiguy sensitivity training class...Press #3, sub drop...Press #4,Living in or planning on visiting Chicago, and want some hot Domiguy action...Pre...(sound of phone key being pressed....Phone starts to ring once again)

Domiguy..."Hi this is the sub drop hot line and my name is Domiguy....How can I help you?

girl on phone..."Ummm...Is this really Domiguy?"

Domiguy...."Yeah. I already said that...Now what's your problem?"

girl on phone..."Well, I got together with my Dom two nights ago and we had this really major scene and now I just feel so depressed ...I have done nothing but cry for the last two hours...I'm shaking, and sobbing....And I have never felt so empty and so alone....I think tha..."

Domiguy...."Whatever....Sounds like we are dealing with a level 2 S.D....Why don't you tell me about the scene."

girl on phone...."Ummmm...ok..I guess...Well, like I was saying, two nights ago my Dom and I got together...He immediately tied me up and blindfolded me....He used spreader bars on my legs...and immediately placed a rather large butt plug in my ass. He grabbed my hair and started fucking my throat...Then I heard a feminine voice, and I think that is when this other person started going down on me....They used nipple clamps, floggers,canes, strap ons wax, there was endless pussy and face slapping...I sucked cock , I ate pussy...And just when I thought they were finished they would go at me again and again....Every part of my body was used and sore....Then there was nothing...They just left...I was tied up and they just left....And now I feel totally abandoned and outasorts...I feel just so small...What do you think?

Domiguy: "Wow!....Sounds pretty fucking HOT!!!"

(Long pause...Complete silence....)

girl on phone...."Not about the scene!!!...What about me?"

Domiguy..."Did they ever come back?...You know...Your Dom and the girl."

girl on phone...."No they just left me there!!! I'm still tied up and I'm having someone hold the phone so that I can talk to you....What in the fuck is wrong with you?....Of course they came back...They went out and got some chicken."

Domiguy...."What kind of chicken?"

girl on phone...."How in the fuck would I know? ..For fucksake..I think it was Popeye's!!!"

Domiguy..."Well if they went to Popeye's I hope to God that they got some mashed potatoes, red beans and rice and some of that cajun rice....Have you ever had that cajun rice? For Popeye's, let me tell you, that shit aint half bad."

girl on phone...."What in the fuck does this have to with anything?....You are a total a-ho.."

Domiguy..."Listen up cupcake....You've got an attitude problem...Things like this happen to rotten people like you...Shake it off!..No one wants to hang around some whiny little puke...Now pull up yourself up by your boot straps and get going....Feel better?"

girl on phone...."Actually I do....Thanks Domiguy!!!...Are we cool?"

Domiguy....We cooo. (phone call ends with a dial tone)

Call 1 (800) dom-iguy....Now.

* only subs that are incredibly hot.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 49

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/29/2007 11:24:24 AM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

Well there are a lot of responses on this thread about only wanting (or needing, or feeling it's appropriate..?) to talk about/process or experience subdrop either with the dom you were with (or your only dom), or otherwise to be alone, with bubblebaths, dog-walking or whatever.

But not every bdsm encounter takes place between long-term monogamous D and s couples. So.. I just don't get where these responses are coming from as a general response to the original post. For me, yes, I'm in a LTR with my dom, but even so, there have been times when I wanted to talk about, explore or listen to other input other than his (and he sure as anything has never experienced subdrop). So... I'm not quite sure where the whole 'redundancy' argument is coming from.

And yes, of course anything is open to abuse. But you know, even subs are capable of looking at a support group and deciding for themselves whether something is, or isn't, useful to them. Or are we pretending that subs are stupid again and need special protection from those nasty online people..?

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 6/29/2007 11:33:22 AM >

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 50

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 10:03:49 AM

Duty2Please

Posts: 74
Joined: 4/15/2007
Status: offline

OOOOOOH. Great points, Elektra!

What she said.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

Post #: 51

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 10:09:51 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM

But not every bdsm encounter takes place between long-term monogamous D and s couples. So.. I just don't get where these responses are coming from as a general response to the original post. For me, yes, I'm in a LTR with my dom, but even so, there have been times when I wanted to talk about, explore or listen to other input other than his (and he sure as anything has never experienced subdrop). So... I'm not quite sure where the whole 'redundancy' argument is coming from.

And yes, of course anything is open to abuse. But you know, even subs are capable of looking at a support group and deciding for themselves whether something is, or isn't, useful to them. Or are we pretending that subs are stupid again and need special protection from those nasty online people..?

Agreed. While I love, adore, respect, and admire Valyraen's big sexy brain, he doesn't know everything. And sometimes it is really nice to hear a different viewpoint, like that of an older, far experienced submissive or slave smiling at me and saying "Don't fret about that. We all get that way sometimes. They love us anyway."

Just my point of view...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

Post #: 52

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 10:18:02 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Um cuz most adults have family and friends and pets that they already use for emotional support when they are down.

And if they don't, the internet is already full of cyber addicted subs to talk to any time of the day if they need that extra external support.

And subdrop won't kill anyone and even if they get NO support from ANYONE external to them, in a few days they will be over it and life will be back to normal- UNLESS they choose to remain in the victim mode and wallow in their pain.

That is why the idea is redundant.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 53

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 11:08:22 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Um cuz most adults have family and friends and pets that they already use for emotional support when they are down.

And if they don't, the internet is already full of cyber addicted subs to talk to any time of the day if they need that extra external support.

And subdrop won't kill anyone and even if they get NO support from ANYONE external to them, in a few days they will be over it and life will be back to normal- UNLESS they choose to remain in the victim mode and wallow in their pain.

That is why the idea is redundant.

Like I already said - a group solely for subdrop would be silly. But family and friends? Come on LA, you know a lot of us don't have the option of calling Mom up and going "So Mom, Valyraen flogged my ass really hard today - left welts and everything! Do you have something that will take the swelling down? Not to mention I've been feeling a bit weird about my submission lately. Do you have any advice?" And I don't have the option of calling Dad and asking "So, you are pretty good at fixing things, do you think you put the wires in overused jackrabbit back together?"

I'm lucky. I have a close friend who is into BDSM and some close friends who tolerate it. But they aren't submissives/slaves. They don't understand where I'm coming from, they haven't been there and they don't have advice from the point of view of someone who has lived there for years.

Wanting to find a group of subs and slaves who you can talk to about anything? It's not redundant. It's reasonable, practical and helpful. And the internet... well we already know that advice is probably most useful when it comes from someone is actually familiar with the situation instead of getting a flawed presentation from one point of view. I would give more weight to the opinions of my local group then to the opinions here because they actually know us and have seen us interact.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/30/2007 11:39:15 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 54

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 11:36:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Sorry A, that was supposed to be a reply to Elektra, not you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 55

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 11:38:45 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Ahh. No problem!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 56

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 12:05:02 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Quite frankly, if people are so damned unbalanced, they shouldn't be playing in the first place.

edited because on reflection this does not deserve to be dignified with a reply

LOL....MrD, you're fan club is growing!

(it's ok, some of do appreciate your bluntness...and sometimes even agree!)

And it's women like you that make being me, so much easier, erin.

I just believe we're all supposed to be adults in this. If a person can not even handle some of the emotions that come along with WIITWD without having to run to a "support group" then they just should not be doing these very adult things.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 57

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 1:00:04 PM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

The thing of it is, (and mind you I am writing this without reading recent responses.) is that sometimes an activity and/or circumstance come bring up past wrongs, things that a person thought long buried. And also while it is ideal that every person in the lifestyle on both sides be healthy (physically and pyschologically.) alot of people aren't. Some may seem like they are, but it could be just lurking beneath the surface.

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 58

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 1:13:42 PM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

I like the idea groups of subs,Doms,switches,etc. to exist. Whether it is for support,education,getting out on a regular basis, helping a needy friend, and so on . Some people need regular interaction, other people don't. There were a few times when I have scened and I thought that maybe I needed someone around to hold me and stuff. As it turned out, both times, while I didn't actually need them, it was very nice to cuddle with someone that I care for, and that cares for me. Is that so wrong Mr. Discipline?

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to Trampler)

Post #: 59

RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network - 6/30/2007 4:59:09 PM

Duty2Please

Posts: 74
Joined: 4/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I just believe we're all supposed to be adults in this. If a person can not even handle some of the emotions that come along with WIITWD without having to run to a "support group" then they just should not be doing these very adult things.

I know this may be hard to believe, but sometimes, some dominants aren't always very good at helping submissives through some adult things like drinking their own piss, getting kidnapped, exploring the edges of what the submissives find acceptable. In vanilla relationships, people get hurt all the time, get depressed and feel generally beaten up and talk about it with their friends. Even tough guys. And it tends not to be done as much when you're dealing with an activity that the rest of society looks on with scorn. To me, it just doesn't seem unreasonable.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 60

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