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Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:18:18 PM   
SirDraven


Posts: 37
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Atlanta GA
Status: offline 		I am currently on vacation and was able to have lunch with some people where I am at that are in the lifestyle. Kinda like a munch if you will....

Upon arrival I opened the door to private dinning room we were using and got "good boy" as a response. When I asked about the comment I was told that the person in question thought I was a sub or bottom.

Of course this was the topic of the lunch and I will post it here for you subs/slaves to comment.

If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?

For me I say no. I can step into an intersection and control traffic. I can and have stepped in between people fighting each other. I also am polite and respectful. I do not see it as a sign of weekness to be polite. I see it as a point of honor and stregnth.


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Before One can Master others they must first Master themselves.

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:26:46 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I dont know Master always holds doors open for me. He is Master yes but he is a gentalmen and I am still a lady. I like that that doesnt change just because we have this dynamic. He treats me with great respect and that fosters respect and obediance from me!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:33:25 PM   
sublimelysensual


Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		     Courtesy and good manners, to me, are not a sign of weakness at all..I wouldn't choose to involve myself with someone lacking them. Anyone can be rude or obnoxious and demand what they want, because someone does so, does not automatically make them dominant, nor does being polite and courteous automatically make someone not dominant. If I'm meeting someone, say for dinner, for the first time..and He's rude to the waitress, doesn't say thank you, please, etc., that person is off my list.
 
    Now, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate rude at the appropriate moments *grinz*, but I could not deal with one like that all the time, nor would I want to. Just my two cents, as always..
 
-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:37:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_856653/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#857014
too nice

http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969
Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829
Can a dom be a gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760
what makes a 'real' dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760
dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630
Does gentle master mean weak?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733
Too polite?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy


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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:48:16 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven


If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?





No. It shows that either their parents managed to instill some basic manners in them or they decided to start practicing curtsey out of respect for those around them. I wouldn't offer/give/whatever my submission and accept the collar of a rude, lazy dominant.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/28/2007 12:57:15 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:52:03 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven
Upon arrival I opened the door to private dinning room we were using and got "good boy" as a response. When I asked about the comment I was told that the person in question thought I was a sub or bottom.


LOL. I was raised to believe that I should open the door for a lady, and if I get there first should hold it open for whomever else is in the party.

Now if you actually showed a curtsey, then I could understand their confusion :)

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:52:22 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have little respect for a so called "dom" who knows nothing about, or at least shows no common courtesy. Being courtesness is not a sigh of weakness but a sign of confidence and self-assurance.

When out on first dates, usually a meal, i always watch how he or she treats others and talks to the wait staff. If they are not of a higher standard of conduct, i don't want to spend time with them. Rude, demanding, disrespectful folks are just a plain turn off.

Of the many many Doms that i do have high regard for and respect, they are all kind, well mannered, show curtesy and speak with a polite tone.The men will open doors and hold chairs, the women will give thank yous to those who do the curtesy for them.  Being courteous has nothing to do with weakness.

I think that comes from the movies and books, where slaves are (almost) non-people and so do not warrent common courtesys. Good for BDSM prono, maybe a scene or even a fantasy weekend, but it's just not reality.

(in reply to sublimelysensual)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:54:21 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: obis
Now if you actually showed a curtsey, then I could understand their confusion :)


LOL

I was not going to say anything but was thinking, and visualizing the same thing....

thanks,

~ann

(in reply to obis)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:56:19 PM   
Masternslave07


Posts: 203
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		If the Dom holds the door open and he has to let go and it slams shut on you, that could be a sign of weakness.

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You can lead a horse to water, but not a cow.

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 12:57:15 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Someone can on the giving or receving side of pain, but they don't have to be A PAIN.

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 1:02:42 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masternslave07

If the Dom holds the door open and he has to let go and it slams shut on you, that could be a sign of weakness.


very good point.. LOL

(in reply to Masternslave07)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 1:14:18 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?
 
No, they are not showing weakness, they are showing plain and simople common curtesy. It would be weakness if they ignore common curtesy and giving in to rudeness in my eyes.
Curtesy extend across all genders, irregardless if one is Master/Dom/Top/bottom/slave, etc. Politeness will ganer more respect from peers and possible subs and rudeness will only attract scorn and disrespect.

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 1:41:02 PM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		I say not at all.

Although, I can understand how people meeting in a way pertaining to the lifestyle might think the one doing small services to be the submissive one. I don't know if you cleared it up with them, but it probably wasn't because they thought you were weak, merely submissive.

I also wonder why you translate them thinking you submissive to them thinking you to be weak. I, too, have stepped into a fight, as have I been the one throwing the punches. And to think, not only am I a submissive, but I have boobs, too! 


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"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 1:53:59 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not allowed to open doors or carry packages when he is around. When in school I'm not allowed to carry down or bring up my school bag. He is very polite, soft spoken, and completely in control. I like him that way!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 1:55:07 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Courtesy and good manners never go out of style as far as I am concerned. I always use them even when I am doing a scene. I do not believe in any way that they make a person weak, instead in my eyes it makes them stronger. I tend to believe that people who view good manners as a weakness are people of somewhat limited intelligence.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 4:04:39 PM   
salilus


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		I knew a slave once who was not allowed to let herself out of the car. The door had to be opened for her.

Was her owner weak? No.


I think some people might have skewed expectations of what equates to dominance.

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 4:12:01 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic

I also wonder why you translate them thinking you submissive to them thinking you to be weak.


I was wondering the same thing...

To the OP...
Demonstrating courtesy in and of itself is not a sign of either strength or weakness.  The motivation behind the behavior will say more about the person's strenghts or weaknesses.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 5:00:52 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		I'm not a sub/slave but I'll still comment. I don't think being Dominant means you have a right to be rude or discourteous. It doesn't in any way show weakness. There's the saying..." Never mistake My kindness for weakness" It would truly be an unfortunate mistake. Being polite, well mannered and showing common courtesy is simply how I was raised.

I've been told many more times than I can count that My being overly polite, to the point of formality, and lowering my voice to a whisper is far more chilling and fear inducing than being a screaming harridan. My quietly saying 'Perhaps you might want to reconsider that" results in a much more panic stricken look than "On your knees bitch". My being polite doesn't mean the expectation of compliance is changed or lessened in any way. Anyone that's ever thought differently has learned the unfortunate and painful lesson that is the consequence.


_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 5:13:50 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There`s nothing wrong in being polite, then again i would say that wouldn`t i ?

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 5:24:45 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

To the OP...
Demonstrating courtesy in and of itself is not a sign of either strength or weakness.  The motivation behind the behavior will say more about the person's strenghts or weaknesses.

Knight's Kyra


mmmmmm seems my "Training" lol is very effective... she speaks my thoughts...

but to add some color ... I add

When the big bad Wolf asked little Red Riding hood to come in... Was he not polite?  This statement is an example why I consider motivations to one's behavior to be as important if not more important than the behavior itself when measuring the character of a person.  I appreciate that often a person that is polite is often reflecting some admirable character.. However, Often doesn't equate to Always.  Behavior... Somtimes Honey... Sometimes Vinegar.. .. but when it comes to Character... we need to look deeper..... unfortunately.. not many do.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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