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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 5:30:34 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Absolutely not....good manners and politeness are what we should all exhibit in my humble opinion. Anyone who mistakes that for weakness is just SADLY mistaken.

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**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 6:18:52 PM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline 		I would imagine that it's a matter of personal style.
I'm sure some dominants are the exact opposite and expect politeness only from submissives.

But I think generally speaking politeness is a universal expression of civility.

Manners however, those are almost always a fiction.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/28/2007 10:13:05 PM   
subitodolce


Posts: 39
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Absolutely not. I would rather be with a courteous Dom than one who walked all over people. Dom or no Dom, nobody wants to spend time with a jerk.

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 4:04:44 AM   
Kellendra


Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Could never be with anyone in any capacity that had bad manners, simple as that.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 5:31:15 AM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven


If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?

For me I say no. I can step into an intersection and control traffic. I can and have stepped in between people fighting each other. I also am polite and respectful. I do not see it as a sign of weekness to be polite. I see it as a point of honor and stregnth.



I suppose if an individual doesnt consider respect, politeness and curtesy  core value in one's life, they will see them as a sign of weakness.
I dont.
 
Sir's girl

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A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 8:50:50 AM   
SirDraven


Posts: 37
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Atlanta GA
Status: offline 		I want to thank you all for the responses. There is a person in the lifestyle that I had a chance to meet recently. Her name is Viola Johnson. She has published at leat one book that I know of. She is so prominant in the lifestyle you can find her in Wikipedia.

She made a comment directed to slaves... "Take your potential top/dom/master to the finest restraunt you can afford. See how they treat the wait staff for that is surely how they will treat you. If you can arrange it have the waiter spill water on him. The water will not stain or hurt anything. How he reacts to that will say a lot about how you will get treated."




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Before One can Master others they must first Master themselves.


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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 9:23:32 AM   
nighthawk3569


Posts: 283
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: salilus

I knew a slave once who was not allowed to let herself out of the car. The door had to be opened for her.

Was her owner weak? No.


I think some people might have skewed expectations of what equates to dominance.



    I stand vindicated...this and similar treatment is my slave's lot in life. Thanks!
   
                                                                                'hawk

(in reply to salilus)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 9:23:41 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven


She made a comment directed to slaves... "Take your potential top/dom/master to the finest restraunt you can afford. See how they treat the wait staff for that is surely how they will treat you. If you can arrange it have the waiter spill water on him. The water will not stain or hurt anything. How he reacts to that will say a lot about how you will get treated."





That advice has been floating around for a long time in vanilla circles too.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Courtesy a sign of weakness? - 6/29/2007 9:54:51 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Take your potential top/dom/master to the finest restaurant you can afford. See how they treat the wait staff for that is surely how they will treat you. If you can arrange it have the waiter spill water on him. The water will not stain or hurt anything. How he reacts to that will say a lot about how you will get treated."

If he bitch slaps the waiter, knocks him/her to his/her hands and knees and makes him/her beg for forgiveness while licking up the spill - you know you've found the right Master.

(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 9:59:08 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I love that my Master is courteous.  He opens doors for me all of the time, I think it's a very nice gesture for a slave that does so much to serve him.  He does this for others also, and is respectful of elders and such.

It's more a weak dominant that thinks they must be rude in order to make them more domly.  It's a dominant that is secure in his place in life that can be courteous to others.

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~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 10:00:14 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven

If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?



I see a complete lack of curtesy and manners as a sign of ignorance, sometimes arrogance, but not weakness.

:: smiles ::

(in reply to SirDraven)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 12:47:18 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		I think this all comes down to what a slave or submissive is looking for in a man. I have been brought up to be courteous to all people in a daily respect. If someone was to spill water on me in a restuarant, its like it was told, its just water, not acid. I'd simply laugh and hold out my glass for another pour haha. Getting so frustrated with people in life is not worth living, and being courteous of anyone, submissive, dominant, regular, even someone who is a complete jackass, is a way to live your life stress free. And I think that a sub who is in the right mind for a long term relationship is going to want someone that is competely care free, maybe not completely stress free because they can help with that...but not taking your stresses out on other people.....

....if that lost sense somewhere along the way I apologize, I tend to rant and ramble....;)

(in reply to subsfaith)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 12:54:04 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		My Master not only opens doors for me he will unlock and open the car door for me.  Being a gentleman does not mean they are weak it means that they have manners.   Yes i am a sub, but i was raised to be a lady and Master treats me like the lady i am when we go out.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DominantJim)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 1:00:04 PM   
DominantJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		I think this also ties into the discretion factor. I don't think many people on here want to openly show off the fact that they are into BDSM or S&M or anything like that to the general public, as I've read before alot of people her have lives and expectations to uphold and we all know that regular society is just like a large high school that will leech onto whatever they can find and spread it around like jam. So keeping a common courtesy even for your sub is not only a sign or respect but also a necessary way to keep your lifestyle under wraps. Not saying that even if my lifestyle was open to the publich I would treat my sub with anything less than respect.

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/29/2007 4:38:58 PM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven

I am currently on vacation and was able to have lunch with some people where I am at that are in the lifestyle. Kinda like a munch if you will....

Upon arrival I opened the door to private dinning room we were using and got "good boy" as a response. When I asked about the comment I was told that the person in question thought I was a sub or bottom.

Of course this was the topic of the lunch and I will post it here for you subs/slaves to comment.

If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?

For me I say no. I can step into an intersection and control traffic. I can and have stepped in between people fighting each other. I also am polite and respectful. I do not see it as a sign of weekness to be polite. I see it as a point of honor and stregnth.



Polite, with good manners, is a total positive.

My Sir, certainly doesn't have to be on his p's and q's with me, especially in private, but I would NEVER in a million years choose a dominant male or female that hadn't mastered basic social niceties. All the world is not the BDSM scene. Even  in the scene, I can't imagine having a Dominant whose behavior made me want to hide my head under the table at events or munches. For me it would completely undermine my respect. I want someone who can stand by my side at business functions, or socially interact with family members or vanilla friends. An inability to function well in basic society would be a total and complete deal breaker for me. In private, that's a whole other thing.


(in reply to SirDraven)
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RE: Courtesy a sign of weakness? - 6/29/2007 4:45:29 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

Take your potential top/dom/master to the finest restaurant you can afford. See how they treat the wait staff for that is surely how they will treat you. If you can arrange it have the waiter spill water on him. The water will not stain or hurt anything. How he reacts to that will say a lot about how you will get treated."

If he bitch slaps the waiter, knocks him/her to his/her hands and knees and makes him/her beg for forgiveness while licking up the spill - you know you've found the right Master.

LMAO....nice...well said....


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**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/30/2007 3:15:07 PM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven



If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?




Personally I avoid any Dom who does things 'fortnightly' because they tend to do things 'two weekly'.

Sorry, I couldn't resist coming out with this corny joke after seeing the typo.

Manners and personal courtesy are the currency of human interaction, a way of showing that you respect yourself and from this, you respect other people.

Be whoever you are, you can define yourself however you like, you can be even photoimage perfect and have the perfectly written profile, but the most important thing is how you come across and how you project yourself to others.

We, being the people we are, and being into this lifestyle with its assumption of roles, and the many rituals, games, and possible interactions place an even higher value on this currency of manners and courtesy as it shows confidence and that someone is in control. I can tell you from my stage experience and working with actors that you cannot assume a role unless you are in control of yourself, your emotions and the way you behave, and here it isn't any different.

Sure there are those out there still labouring under the false impression that being Dom means being rude, arrogant, overbearing and behaving like a petulant three year old, but how many of us can actually cringe when we remember some of our earlier attitudes when first coming into this lifestyle? We are, after all, are we not, talking about some sort of learning curve?

Time and time again I am taught that the sign of a real and genuine Dom or Domme is the fact that they are, in their initial approach, almost invariably very kind, pleasant and courteous, and here I can pretty much safely generalise. I have lost count of the many many courteous messages I have received from both male Doms and female Dommes and from my perspective as a submissive being here on Collarme I feel at times like being a dog left alone in a butcher's shop.

Rudeness and arrogance to me are signs of weakness, and whilst I may not write off that person, and am more inclined to think that they're having a bad time or labouring under some misconception or illusion, I am inclined to refrain from interaction with such people until they find themselves and start being courteous and well-mannered again. We all have our moods.

"True strength is always gentle...."
Martin Luther King

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/30/2007 3:21:05 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Stella40:  Personally I avoid any Dom who does things 'fortnightly' because they tend to do things 'two weekly'.

Heeeee!  Good one, stella.  Of course you might want to avoid a Dom who only sees you twice a month, too....he's BI-weekly.

But I digress...

The notion that rudeness = power is held by a number of unsophisticated rubes who think that being an asshole is "Dominant".  I strive to be polite, always.  My power is evident in the way I interact with others, and I'd hope I'm never rude or difficult without reason.

I believe that at the Citadel, cadets are taught that a gentleman is never rude unintentionally.  I think that works for me.

E.

(parenthetically, there is another thread floating around here about Asperger's Syndrome and D/s behavior in which people conflate being a rude, stupid jerk with a neurological condition.  Diagnosed Asperger's is an illness -- claiming it as an excuse because you are a pathetic loser who can't be civil to others (and conveniently "forgetting" to be diagnosed and treated) is a lie and a cheat.)

That ought to set off the rockets' red glare this 4th *smile*

E.

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 6/30/2007 3:27:57 PM >

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/30/2007 3:35:12 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven

I am currently on vacation and was able to have lunch with some people where I am at that are in the lifestyle. Kinda like a munch if you will....

Upon arrival I opened the door to private dinning room we were using and got "good boy" as a response. When I asked about the comment I was told that the person in question thought I was a sub or bottom.

Of course this was the topic of the lunch and I will post it here for you subs/slaves to comment.

If a top/dom/master shows curtesy is he/she also showing weekness?

For me I say no. I can step into an intersection and control traffic. I can and have stepped in between people fighting each other. I also am polite and respectful. I do not see it as a sign of weekness to be polite. I see it as a point of honor and stregnth.



How about we rephrase the question to "Is showing respect, a sign of weakness?"

If Domliness can be judged and appreciated by how horribly rude and disrespectiful a person can be, then...about half the teenage punks running around are far more dominant than all of us in this thread.

My common manners never change with people outside of my relationship. In my relationship, I might be expecting a slave to hold the door open for me.

People like this make me giggle.



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(in reply to SirDraven)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Curtesy a sign of weekness? - 6/30/2007 3:43:42 PM   
BlindUnknown


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		<OP>

If you lack courtesy, you're a vapid ass, and -this- sub won't be wasting his time talking to you, period.

Just a bunch of elitists, it sounds to me *shrug*  Don't let them stop you from being a gentleman.

_____________________________

Remember...the Dominant has power -in- the relationship, the sub has power -over- it.
Kioku shta ka?
"If Light and Darkness are eternal, than surely Nothings must be the same!"

(in reply to SirDraven)
Profile   Post #: 40
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