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Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 7:25:05 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		I came up with the idea for this thread after recently reading the "No Safe-Out" thread and discussing it with Master.  As I've mentioned before, He and I have never used safewords and I know that there are other couples who never do either.  On the other hand, many do.  I think one choice is just as valid as the other and, as with everything, it all depends on the people involved.  The questions that came up were these:  For those subs/slaves who do use safewords, have you ever been in a situation where you used it and it was not respected and the activity continued?  If so, once the "scene" was over, what was your reaction or how was it handled?  Did it cause you to never engage in such activity with that dom again?  I hope these questions are not too personal and that some folks who may have experienced this will feel like sharing.  Thank you....slave luci 

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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 7:32:29 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Me and Master dont use a safeword... but I have been in a situation where I wasnt beeing respected. Master had actually let me scene with another man who had asked to. Master was watching, I wasnt bound or anything, the moment the man desided to step all over me (I had not safe worded but he was trying to make me and had said so and that is why I reacted, he basically said "Do you give up yet or something slimey like that) I stood up and as loud as I could in the middle of paddles told him off. Emabaressed the heck out of him... Master was actually proud of me for standing up for myself.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 7:37:03 PM   
masterx1966


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		I always set safewords... no matter who it is I'm scening with. never have they been used... I pay close attention to her reactions in every detail to determine how close to the edge she is.
I also take the time to talk with her in the days before a scene to find out what her best experiences have been and also - the worst.
a recent submissive told Me of an experience where the safewords weren't respected. she never saw that "dom" again and also figured out that this "dom" was a wannabe.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 7:55:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have always respected all forms of communication in whatever way they are provided in scenes.  I myself have never used a safeword and the times I probably should have, I was too far gone to care.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_600704/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#600756
forgetting the safeword

http://www.collarchat.com/m_563513/mpage_2/key_safeword/tm.htm#563814
Safeword usage over time

http://www.collarchat.com/m_355604/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#355604
Safewords are NOT for novices!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_232414/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#232414
safewords?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_228130/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#228130
safeword

http://www.collarchat.com/m_137937/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#137937
Forcing your sub to safeword?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131432/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#131432
Safe words

http://www.collarchat.com/m_93603/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#93603
Overuse of a safeword?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_69981/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#69981
safewords not allowed?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14335/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#14335
should a slave in training be allowed safewords?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668940/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#669011
The use of safewords

http://www.collarchat.com/m_679370/mpage_1/key_safeword/tm.htm#679401
safe words:  To use or not to use




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(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 8:06:12 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterx1966

I always set safewords... no matter who it is I'm scening with. never have they been used... I pay close attention to her reactions in every detail to determine how close to the edge she is.
I also take the time to talk with her in the days before a scene to find out what her best experiences have been and also - the worst.
a recent submissive told Me of an experience where the safewords weren't respected. she never saw that "dom" again and also figured out that this "dom" was a wannabe.


I take the opposite approach. I like to push a submissive till they DO use their safeword. Once they have used it, then I have a lot more confidence playing with them in the future. Maybe the difference is that I play with male subs, and I need to know that they are not doing some dumb macho thing where they allow me to hurt them in unacceptable ways just because it would be "wussy" to safword. (Interestingly enough, two very Tough pain sluts safe worded when confronted with cling wrap bondage round parts of the head, hehehe)

I saw a safeword disrespected at the play party and would never even be tempted to go there - the havoc it caused had reveberations that echoed through the local scene. Not worth it.

:))
LH


< Message edited by LadyHeart -- 7/1/2007 8:07:02 PM >

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(in reply to masterx1966)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 8:10:14 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
..have you ever been in a situation where you used it and it was not respected and the activity continued?


Yes, a few times. Live and learn.  

quote:

If so, once the "scene" was over, what was your reaction or how was it handled?

 
I was as pissed as I could ever be, one guy I told him to drop off the face of the earth among other not so lady like things; another guy I called the cops on him; the other guy almost killed me and due to the reactions on these boards when I mention that person, I won't go into any more than a restraining order is in place among other things.
 
quote:

Did it cause you to never engage in such activity with that dom again?  


Once that line is crossed its an end all. No second chances, if my safeword that ends everything is ignored, then we have NO reason to be together or to associate again, ever.

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(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 8:16:43 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterx1966

I always set safewords... no matter who it is I'm scening with. never have they been used... I pay close attention to her reactions in every detail to determine how close to the edge she is.
I also take the time to talk with her in the days before a scene to find out what her best experiences have been and also - the worst.
a recent submissive told Me of an experience where the safewords weren't respected. she never saw that "dom" again and also figured out that this "dom" was a wannabe.


I take the opposite approach. I like to push a submissive till they DO use their safeword. Once they have used it, then I have a lot more confidence playing with them in the future. Maybe the difference is that I play with male subs, and I need to know that they are not doing some dumb macho thing where they allow me to hurt them in unacceptable ways just because it would be "wussy" to safword. (Interestingly enough, two very Tough pain sluts safe worded when confronted with cling wrap bondage round parts of the head, hehehe)

I saw a safeword disrespected at the play party and would never even be tempted to go there - the havoc it caused had reveberations that echoed through the local scene. Not worth it.

:))
LH



I totally agree with you - sometimes people are tempted to "tough it out" beyond what is reasonable for them. I love the "music" of a person crying out, so the stoic ones are not giving me the pleasure I seek.

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Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to LadyHeart)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 8:36:50 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I have only used mine once when Hubby was new to this and testing my tolerance for pain, and yes he stopped immediately.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/1/2007 9:48:36 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Oh it all depends, sometimes I stop, sometimes I don't, depends on my mood.  As a friend remarked this weekend, if a bone isn't sticking out, how bad can it really be?

(in reply to proudsub)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 1:03:58 AM   
Dini


Posts: 44
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		 
quote:

   take the opposite approach. I like to push a submissive till they DO use their safeword. Once they have used it, then I have a lot more confidence playing with them in the future. Maybe the difference is that I play with male subs, and I need to know that they are not doing some dumb macho thing where they allow me to hurt them in unacceptable ways just because it would be "wussy" to safword.  


Have to agree, I have pushed more than one male sub to the point of safewording… it is the one thing I am pedantic about! I have to know that I can trust the sub to use it… I do read My boys well, but I am not psychic.. anything can happen and I will not play edge games with one I can not trust to pull out if it really gets to that point.

I have used my safeword twice in over 10 years as a switch, the first time It was ignored and yes as a previous writer mentioned, that was the end of the relationship.. I never played with the Dom in question again and to tell the truth it drove me out of the scene for close on 3 years. I could not trust another to bring a cane near me till very recently, the physical scars healed within a week or so, but the fear remained.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Oh it all depends, sometimes I stop, sometimes I don't, depends on my mood.  As a friend remarked this weekend, if a bone isn't sticking out, how bad can it really be?


In the light of what I mentioned above, I think this is a very irresponsible statement.. there is NO excuse for a Dom/me to disregard a safe word… for a submissive the use of a safe word is one of the most difficult actions ever, feelings of having disappointed the Dom/me, fear of not being good enough and yes in the case of a guy, the fear of being seen an a wimp all combine to make it a big leap of faith and trust in the Dominant that allows the sub to shout “red” .  Not respecting that word, if it was agreed upon is the single action that turns an otherwise magical experience into abuse.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 1:26:41 AM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		I think the idea of causing someone to safeword and/or ignoring their safeword when it is used is positively absurd... you don't need to know if someone is "toughing it out" or any of those kinds of things... if they're not safewording... what difference does it make. 

if I ever played with someone who disregarded my limits enough to cause me to safeword, even if they acknowledged it...  I would never play with them again.  My Dom/me should be in tune with me enough by the time we actually play to know my limits and respect them... and skilled enough to not do me any harm. 

Knowing Michael, he said that simply to get the response that he has... wouldn't be unlike him to cause a little controversey. 

Anyway, a safe word is there to establish a limit... and if  I were playing with someone who crossed that limit... I would never play with them again...

I have been told i COULDN'T safeword... ofcourse after I was already bound, with no way out... and after that scene... I never played with those people again. That's simply not acceptable to me. 

Limits need to be discussed, and only pushed at certain points, with great care and consideration given to the bottom's physical and emotional feelings...

When that care isn't taken, people get pushed away... sometimes ending things that could have otherwise been very rewarding. 

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 2:16:28 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		a female Dominant i play with on a fairly regular basis forced me to say my safeword the first time we played to know that she could trust me to say it when i needed to...before the scene even started she dug her fingernail into a sensative part of my ear...and didn't stop till i said my safeword...i respect her all the more because she did so...

i have never had someone not respect a safeword, and 95% of the time i have used it, it was because of a mental issue not a physical...sure maybe it was triggered by something physical, but it almost always comes down to the mental...i have subscriptions (a step up from issues) and i know about them, and so do all the people i have any sort of relationship with, and while i do play with virtual strangers, i do it in public, with someone (generally a DM, specifically, the head of my house hold is the DM captain in my local group) there to help should something go wrong....so sure if i'm not bleeding or passed out or have a broken ben, i'll probably be ok physically...mentally...umm NO...

but thats just me

toodles
chelle
House Infernus

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 2:22:58 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I have always had a safe word- but never used it- but had the need been there yes it would of been respected

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A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 3:36:34 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't really have a safeword, but I am sure if I said "red" he would stop.  I hate using it and will push myself as far as possible before I give in.  He would know that for me to use it would mean it was really horrid, so I have no doubt he would stop and check on me.

I have used one in the past and I don't think anyone has ever not stopped when I did.

If they didn't, I would probably just go ahead and take it, and afterward call the police (depending on damage), or you can refer to my quote below to figure out the other option.

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~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 4:27:14 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
Funny . . .I always USED to say that I don't do safewords...until I met MP..he will be whipping or caning me and tell me to tell him on a scale of 1 to 10 when we are at 10 ...then when I say 10 he says, 'lets go for 11'...to me that is not safewording, he is just pushing my limits..and has since the very first...so yes, I will safeword with him...
I had a former Dom that ignored the safeword...and that scene was that last time I ever saw him...


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"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
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http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/


(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 6:08:14 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Prescripted catch words that are relied upon for safety? I am strongly and adamantly opposed to their use and will not even consider playing with a Dominant who insists upon having one.

Further, the idea of a Dominant who insists upon a sub using one, and then taking that sub to the point that he/she must use it and will not relent until it is uttered as a means of testing or establishing some kind of trust is, in MY opinion, ridiculous and foolhardy.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 6:17:23 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		With my ex i wasn't allowed a safeword and i would not have developed my moasichistic tendencies if i was allowed one.  Had i been allowed one i would have used it 3 times in the 5 years we were together, but the experience wasn't that earth shattering and we both learned.  i would insist on one in future relationships as i simply don't think i will ever feel that level of trust with another ever again.

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(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 6:51:25 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Oh it all depends, sometimes I stop, sometimes I don't, depends on my mood.  As a friend remarked this weekend, if a bone isn't sticking out, how bad can it really be?





_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 7:13:00 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		"I never play with a safeword"

Translation: I am a fluffy dom and don't play very hard

"I only play with a safeword"

Translation: I run the scene from the bottom

"I have had bad doms violate my safeword"


Translation: I have bad boundaries and communicate poorly

The point is a conversation like this is pointless.  Without seeing the actual dynamic between a couple, when they say they play hard or play without a safeword you have no idea what that "means" because you have no frame of reference.  When I used to play with safewords I was very much a fluffy dom and my play was very lightweight stuff.  I pushed people too far and fucked some heads up and they never even thought to safeword.  I play much harder now even though I would still consider my play pretty fluffy and I rely on my skills to recognize where my partner is at and I rely on her to communicate with me what is going on.  I don't "play" with a safeword but that isn't the same as saying I don't want to know where my partner is at.


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 7:19:53 AM   
Dini


Posts: 44
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

....so sure if i'm not bleeding or passed out or have a broken ben, i'll probably be ok physically...mentally...umm NO...



That is where it went wrong for me.. I called "red" on a stroke ( had lost count long before then)... it was ignored.. the next time the cane connected with my ass it cut, and 2 strokes later i passed out... i was bound over a bench so could not get up and walk away even if i wanted to.
It was a Dom i had played with before and thought i could trust... it was O/our last play

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 20
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