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Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 1:29:48 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

There has been much controversy about the correct way to approach a domme.

Should we begin by demonstrating our submissiveness, or should we attempt to put you at ease by an offhanded vanilla approach, without any submissive or suggestive overtones?

It is my opinion, and only my opinion, that a little bit of each is acceptable, at least for most.

Again, do some dominant women look for immediate submission, or are there those who feel uneasy with submissives who follow a more sedate approach?

That said, I am sure that there will be many diverse opinions; but my questions are prompted by an honest attempt to establish a common ground for behavior.

To those dominant females who wish to take part in this issue, I look forward to your responses and opinions.

Thank you in advance for you participation in this inquiry.

[Edited because I can!]

< Message edited by addicted2it -- 7/2/2007 1:34:22 AM >

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

Post #: 1

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 3:34:16 AM

queencaliph

Posts: 131
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

Treat her like a lady. She is no different than any other woman. She wants to be approached with respect and kindness. you don't need to demonstrate submissiveness when you first meet because the only way to really judge the level of somone's submissiveness is with time. Talk about the things normal people talk about when they first meet and just be polite to her. Get to know her and give her a chance to get to know you. If she does not ask you about what you like in a D/s context then do not volunteer the information. And for the love of God, PLEASE don't send her any unrequested nude shots of yourself. A general rule is if you would not approach a vanilla woman in a certain manner then you should not approach a dominant woman in that manner.

_____________________________

"awwww hell......the Queen!"

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 2

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 3:41:17 AM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

*Smiles* I agree with what Caliph shares ... but I would also say, be a quick study ... read and understand the signals she is giveing out and react appropriatly

In real or online .... peoples style and desires can be read from a few words or a look ... take that into account as you interact ..

and if you wish to be considered above the run of the mill to her .... to stand out as someone she would be interested in ...then act above the norm .... be charming... attentive... focused .... and polite

I dont expect everyone to treat me in any singular way ..... but the above will get my attention .... chemistry and shared desires will keep it

(in reply to queencaliph)

Post #: 3

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 3:49:06 AM

MrIce

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

with respect as you would with anyone else...... sub or dominant

< Message edited by MrIce -- 7/2/2007 3:50:25 AM >

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 4

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 3:53:45 AM

bigboi21

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

hmmmn

< Message edited by bigboi21 -- 7/2/2007 3:56:14 AM >

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 5

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 3:55:44 AM

bigboi21

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

agreed - the above
also, a demonstration of intelligence, sense of humour and etiquette and/or chivalry usually works for Me. but without arrogance. probably too much to ask for lol.
not at all interested in naked male bits ew yuk, no wonder we have to punish you all the time, owning them things lol.
someone also that hasnt just copied and pasted the same darn message to thousands of dommes, I wanna feel kinda special to you, if you are saying you 'only' want to serve me, you know! and mentioning that you have a webcam, mic and the IM services such as yahoo and MSN really gets on my nerves. I think it is up to the Domme to decide if and when she wants to take things further, not for the sub to instantly assume she hasnt already bene inundated with numerous other exact same messages and inane empty offers of nothing more than cocktugging on cam :)
sorry got a bit bitter there at the end lol - Im a nice girl really :D

(in reply to bigboi21)

Post #: 6

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 4:19:02 AM

interestingtimes

Posts: 57
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Nice comments I'm still learning the ropes, but what you say is how I think,,,thank you for confirming it for me..

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 7

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 4:32:59 AM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

Dear Mistress of Pleasure,
I am a no-limits slave searching for the right Domina. I could not help but notice your amazing rack. It is as intimidating as you are, a shelf of bosom and splendor.
As you can see in my pro-fy-ell, I am into worshiping ass. I will worship your ass night and day. When we wake up each morning at 7:39 sharp, I will spend ten minutes licking the Graciousness and repeating my own personal booty oath.
Then at night when you get home from work I will rub it and massage it...with my penis. Then I will gently fuck you left and right until u r screeming 4 moar.
Then we will go to bed and I will curl up at your butt and fall asleep watching it twitch while I poke it. With my penis. Srsly, it's like 9 inches. I have attached a few pics 4 ur veewing plesher.
The only things I won't do are household chores, financial domination, anal play on me, homosexuality, whips, bondage, pain, bottoming and monogamy.

Want to get coffee?

_____________________________

"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to interestingtimes)

Post #: 8

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 4:42:16 AM

queencaliph

Posts: 131
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

ROFLMBO!!! Thank you for that early morning laugh. The sad thing is that probably every Domme on this board has received an email similar to that.

_____________________________

"awwww hell......the Queen!"

(in reply to MissOchistic)

Post #: 9

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 6:15:41 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I want to get to know a potential submissive as a friend first.
Then if a sexual interest is present on both sides I want to have a vanilla sexual relationship.
If that works out then I want to start exploring our kink.
It will be a D/s relationship because I am a dominant woman and I am assuming that any male calling himself a submissive male is actually submissive. If he isn't submissive to me then it's unlikely that we will get as far as kink.
It takes time, trust, honesty, good communication and commitment to form any kind of relationship.
I don't play at D/s or BDSM. I live it.
I upset men quite often by expecting them to do as I want them to.
However most of them do have a choice.
In the end things come down to my way or the high way. Unless of course they prove to me that I am wrong.
It has been known to happen.

(in reply to queencaliph)

Post #: 10

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 6:42:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't think there's been much controversy about it. Approaching a Domme is just like approaching anyone else in life. Be polite and courteous. Talk to her the same way as you would anyone with whom you would want to make a good impression. I would also agree with what others have said about focusing attention on her and allowing her to direct the content of conversation. Giving a compliment or two (not overboard) never killed anyone.

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 11

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:03:46 AM

planomaid

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

The easy answer would be to approach a dominant woman the same as you would approach a woman of any type (or any other person for that matter). Be polite and courteous, don't assume too much, don't try to interject yourself into another conversation without being invited. Introduce yourself to her and spend some time getting to know her and letting her know about you. And above all things, be honest. There's no point in being a "playa" when introducing yourself to a potential partner. If you told her you were into pain and anal, you might find yourself in a bit of a bind strung up in a dungeon, freshly caned while she is lubing up her 10" cock to rape your ass. Why? Well, that's what you told her you were into. It's not just impolite to make yourself or your interests out to be something they are not, its just plain dumb.

The more difficult answer is it depends on where you meet her. Did you meet her a BDSM-oriented event or social that was structured to introduce dominants to submissives? If that is the case, a higher level of protocol may be present, and as such you should adapt yourself to it. For example, if the rules of the evening are that submissives are to address any dominant as Mistress, then you should do so. There's not a hard and fast rule to any of this of course. Basically if you apply the first paragraph to the setting you are in, you should be fine. No dominant worth their salt is going to penalize you for making an honest faux pas (the first time at least) while talking to her.

Finally, one should be careful of not getting in over your head. Realize that sometimes the dominant of your dreams is not necessarily going to be a good for you (and of course the reverse is true from a dominants perspective). First and foremost keep in mind they are people too, with all the strengths and weaknesses that come with that. And remember, its supposed to be fun and fulfilling. If its not, maybe you are with the wrong person.

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 12

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:44:39 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: queencaliph

Treat her like a lady. She is no different than any other woman. She wants to be approached with respect and kindness. you don't need to demonstrate submissiveness when you first meet because the only way to really judge the level of somone's submissiveness is with time. Talk about the things normal people talk about when they first meet and just be polite to her. Get to know her and give her a chance to get to know you. If she does not ask you about what you like in a D/s context then do not volunteer the information. And for the love of God, PLEASE don't send her any unrequested nude shots of yourself. A general rule is if you would not approach a vanilla woman in a certain manner then you should not approach a dominant woman in that manner.

Thank you, queencaliph, and to all. You and most others seem to agree on the basics. And what you have written is exactly my approach as well.

[Edited because I can!}

< Message edited by addicted2it -- 7/2/2007 7:53:54 AM >

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to queencaliph)

Post #: 13

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 8:21:31 AM

RchmdServiceNeed

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline

1. Do not mention your cock in any way.

2. Say hello, tell a little about yourself and your life [age, location, accupation, hobby] so she has something to write back about and COMMENT on a hobby of hers that it in her profile.

3. Do not give your aim, yahoo, or other address. It looks desperte and pushy. You can mention "I'd be happy to talk with yu through yahoo, aim, or whatever is easiest for you." but do NOT just give the screne name. Wait for her to ask for it.
DO not mention camming.
She doesn't care.
And if by chance she does, she will ask.
If she doesn't ask, she doesn't care.
You mentioning camming first is pretty much automatic NO, reguardless of what else you say.

4. Do not ask her for a picture.
If she doesn't have one posted numbnuts, she doesn't share picts with strangers. Just because you write her an email -- you are STILL a stranger same as every one viewing her profile.
Again, DO NOT ASK FOR A PICTURE.
It is rude, annoying, and just Dumb/fruitless.

5. Make sure your profile has COMPLETE info on you.
She will be looking at your profile.
Fill out your bdsm likes/dislikes.
Fill out your real life likes/dislikes.
Work on your profile text so when she clicks on it there is something to read about you and she can see what you have written. -- There is only so much you can put in a 1st email without looking like an ass, so, your profile is your BEST asset online.
A great email with a crappy/not filled out profile says "I'm not serious and am just looking arround/wasting time." so it doesn't matter how great your email is if your profile sucks, incomplete, gives no info.

A not fully filled out profile [or one that looks like a real person] just makes you look like you are going to be "So. much. w.o.r. k." to pull everything out of, have to ask every single question [what do you like to do? activities? married? age? desires? wants for your mate? etc etc] that she really shouldn't have to waste tye time typing an interview email to you just to find out if she is even interested. Just put it in your profile, be yourself, and she might like it.
For me, It is generally not worth that much time just to find out *if* I like someone, I will just pass and go and look at better profiles, people that know what they want, are open and honest.

A bad email, eh, she might click and check out your profile and become interested by something on there so it can get you a response when your email alone would not have.

I would say getting a response online has 80 % to do with YOUR PROFILE.
And only 20% your email to her.
If you think of it in terms of you gotta have 85% interest-- a good email can not save a bad profile. And your email doesn't have to be perfect.
Something to think about.........

Best Wishes

< Message edited by RchmdServiceNeed -- 7/2/2007 8:25:39 AM >

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 14

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 8:30:39 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

how about just being your natural self

no act
no put ons
no perceived protocols
no imagined postures

just your plain everyday normal self & then allow her to tell you how she would prefer you to respond to her

& here is another novel idea... if it is an online introduction, most often you can read her profile & she will pretty much tell you how to approach her or what mannerisms she expects

to put on some sort of approach that is not natural for you will get a ladies BS sniff-o-meter pinging & she will pass you over without second thought

I know I am not alone in the fact that when someone contacts me in some eloquently written manner that reeks of poorly written erotica I am rather put-off.. I find the approach to be exceptionally presumptuous.

In the end... there is no one tried & true way to contact a lady. Women are unique & pride themselves on this. I'm sure you've seen the comic bit numerous times of how women react if they show up at a party wearing the same dress... think about it. When do not want to be easily figured out & they definitely don't want someone to presume they are easy to figure out.

That is why I say, just be yourself. If she doesn't respond to that then why attempt to put on some fictitious presence that you will never be able to maintain.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 15

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 9:18:04 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

how about just being your natural self?

no act
no put ons
no perceived protocols
no imagined postures

just your plain everyday normal self & then allow her to tell you how she would prefer you to respond to her

& here is another novel idea... if it is an online introduction, most often you can read her profile & she will pretty much tell you how to approach her or what mannerisms she expects.

I have always prefered the natural approach, and I DO use it on first contact. And yes, the profile is very helpful, providing there is one. If I do receive a response to my inquiry, it usually DOES establish protocols and expected behavior. I always attempt to follow her lead, because this is often my only clue about how or how not to proceed.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 16

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 9:34:10 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

Well here's another example of what NOT to write to a Mistress. (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.)

"haiiii....misters ... iam total slavemen....fr indonesia....i like you misters....plz you used my body and intermidation me....i am waiting you"

That was the entire email. My advice to OP...just endeavor to do a whole lot better than that and I think you'll hit the mark.

MNN

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 17

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 9:42:15 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

That was the entire email. My advice to OP...just endeavor to do a whole lot better than that and I think you'll hit the mark.

MNN

Speaking as the OP, how would you know what my approach is -- especially if you failed to read my responses, which is obviously the case?

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 18

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 9:46:48 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

addicted2it:

I think you have misread my post. Please re-read it. That quote was from an actual email I received from someone on this site, who's nickname I will not share since that would be against the CM TOS...I was only presenting an example of what not to do...it was meant in a light-hearted manner. But it seems as though you have taken offense and I am not sure why that is.

MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 7/2/2007 9:47:42 AM >

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 19

RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 10:19:56 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

addicted2it:

I think you have misread my post. Please re-read it. That quote was from an actual email I received from someone on this site, who's nickname I will not share since that would be against the CM TOS...I was only presenting an example of what not to do...it was meant in a light-hearted manner. But it seems as though you have taken offense and I am not sure why that is.

MNN

MistressNoName,

I am sorry for the misunderstanding, which only goes to prove my point, which is that the written word does not always convey the true meaning. And when someone says that they were only joking, how would anyone know if it was serious or a joke without knowing the person who was making a joke?

Peace.

-Philip

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 20

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