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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/6/2007 4:27:24 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

oh I love that line ..... may I use it ?

My pleasure. You can also add, "when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you".

Please know that second part was meant in jest though :)

Just some other thoughts... if somione has to TELL me they are strong and confident, then they aren't.

I never introduce myself as Mistress so-n-so. What one is should be self-evident. We each decide for ourselves who is what anyhow.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 41

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/6/2007 4:52:48 PM

Slavetrainer2007

Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline

I find alot of subs that are this way. Bratty , fiesty, obnoxious, overbearing, etc. etc. i use to see it as a challange( as i liked challanges in my younger days) and would often go after them even if just for the "thrill of the hunt" . Now i cant be arsed, you want to act like a 5 year old or play tug of war with control or make me make you submit or whatever you have planned, i just move on. Im not into the games or the i came from a dysfunctional family or i had a bad relationship once, cry me a river stuff. if you have issues take them up with your therapist not me.

Edited for afterthought: If a sub cant act like an intelligent rational adult in a normal conversation then how in nine hells is she going to act in a D/s scene?

< Message edited by Slavetrainer2007 -- 7/6/2007 4:54:37 PM >

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Post #: 42

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/6/2007 5:02:34 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for all the replies.

As always, I appreciate the perspectives and many here have changed my orginal opinion regarding this issue.

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(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)

Post #: 43

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/6/2007 10:42:29 PM

smilingjaguar

Posts: 271
Status: offline

Sometimes I read posts here and I am SO thankful to not be looking.

I like to get together with someone I'm interested in to lay the cards on the table and see what comes of it. Part of that includes my not so great points (I am notoriously stubborn, for one). If I were looking, I would be looking for something similar to what I have now. I'm not a shrinking violet, and I have quite a bit of delegated responsibility because my Sir recognizes and utilizes my talents. I don't see what the big deal is about communicating what you want is just because you are a (presumably) uncollared sub.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm not needing to look. Sir and I do have a mutual joke that the reason we've been together so long is that no one else would have us...for long.

< Message edited by smilingjaguar -- 7/6/2007 10:46:17 PM >

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 44

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 2:03:45 AM

Tenebrious

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: right behind you
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I've met two or three potential partners who, in the initial first conversation, seemed to have made a point to state how strong and independent of a person they are and then proceeded to resist and argue with everything I had to say with no logical reason other than to turn the conversation into some childish battle of wills.

I've taken to calling this common expereince the "I'm going to show how strong I am to the big bad dominant" game.

Personally, its an instant turn off. I'm very polite and respectful to everyone, regardless of whatever self declared orientation. I have no interest in participating in this and consider it immature.

I have no issues with people who are fiesty, but rather have an issue with someone who is just downright beligerent and defiant as if they had something to prove to me (or that I somehow think less of them and need them to prove something to me)

Just curious if this is a shared experience for other dominants?

And if so how did you handle it?

I guess it is a maledom/femsub thing because most often the guys who contact me are (figuratively) already throwing themselves onto the floor & begging me to use them as I see fit.

This blatant display of weakness turns my stomach.

I guess that just goes to show how stereotypes aren't accurate, because despite being listed as a "switch" I get my share of dominant females making curt demands and refering to me as "slave" in first messages. Of course, when I reply with "Actually, not only am I not a slave, but I'm a person that is worth talking to in a less dismissive manner" they seem to dislike it more than the idea of my instant and unconditional submission.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 45

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 3:18:06 AM

TigerNINTails

Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

I would have to say that's due to their own ignorance Tenebrius. That and assumption... Which truly is the mother of all fuck-ups.

Most people that just approach you via e-mail or the message system here on CM are more than likely "still typing" and don't know what the hell they're doing in the first place, so I really wouldn't put much weight on that.

Note I said most, because I'm sure there are some good ones that are honestly looking and find you interesting. But one would wonder why you get those messages when they could read your profile and see that while you might show potential (in their book), you aren't currently all that interested in being in a relationship.

Just an observation. I mean, personally, if I were to be looking for someone for a relationship, or even for some sort of cyber roleplay (which would never happen here), I certainly wouldn't even bother with a profile that says "Friends Only" in the "seeking" section.

Just one more point to indicate just how stupid those so called "femdoms" that have written you are. Now obviously, there might be some that are out to be your friend, but I'm sure those are the ones that have approached you in a valid and dignified manner... Not like some fuckin troll...

No offense to Fukin`Troll... lol...

Peace.

_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to Tenebrious)

Post #: 46

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 7:06:40 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

fast reply to no one in particular-

i have often wondered about the submissives who say in so many words "i will submit totally as long as it's on my terms, my way, when i want, and as long as i stay completely in charge."

i think insecurity may cause me to challenge Dominance but i also firmly believe that if a Dominant chooses to slay that dragon He should only have to slay it once. i can see where having to slay the same dragon over and over again can only make one weary.

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(in reply to TigerNINTails)

Post #: 47

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 7:15:54 AM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I've met two or three potential partners who, in the initial first conversation, seemed to have made a point to state how strong and independent of a person they are and then proceeded to resist and argue with everything I had to say with no logical reason other than to turn the conversation into some childish battle of wills.

I've taken to calling this common expereince the "I'm going to show how strong I am to the big bad dominant" game.

Personally, its an instant turn off. I'm very polite and respectful to everyone, regardless of whatever self declared orientation. I have no interest in participating in this and consider it immature.

I have no issues with people who are fiesty, but rather have an issue with someone who is just downright beligerent and defiant as if they had something to prove to me (or that I somehow think less of them and need them to prove something to me)

Just curious if this is a shared experience for other dominants?

And if so how did you handle it?

Great topic MR, and I have mulled over this a bit.
Can you imagine the power struggles, that a STRONG woman has in this life style??
Especially if she is not in this lifestyle to cater and appease men {as many of the women seem to do}.
I don't believe in the taming a submissive game.
Many do and enjoy playing it.

You can have all the fiesty, beligerent, bottoms, bratty and hard to tame types.

If you want to play games, and do not want to be in a consensual relationship in which I am the
Dominant party and you are the submissive party, we might be friends, but you will NOT be my partner.

Many men and women here want to play games, and many are bedroom submissives, looky loo's, and
weekend warriors {that want to play on Friday and Saturday nights only}.
To each their own, I will pass on them.
Their are those that think that Dominants and submissives are equals.
Tops and bottoms and vanilla people attempt to be equals.
People that play with chains and whips on Friday nights might be equals.
IMHO, Dominants/submissives in a relationship are not equals. **Based on a mutual consensual agreement**
Peace

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/7/2007 8:05:29 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 48

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 10:13:33 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

lizzie, you missed the point of my approach completely. Yes disagreeing in a calm, relaxed manner is better than being confrontational back. But it is still playing the other person's game, as it gives them the opening to argue back.

By making an "agreement" statement, then adding something that puts them on the defensive, you are changing the entire course of the conversation.

In other words, I "agree" to throw them off balance, as that is the least thing they expect. Then, by adding a statement that says "I know what you are doing here", I make the point, subtly, that a I'm not going to play that game. It's a mind game, like mental chess.
Namaste, Sir Dominic

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You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 49

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 10:38:14 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

I've seen it a ton of times, and it gets to be tiresome after a while. On the other hand, I wouldn't call it childish. Giving up power, submitting to someone who is still essentially a stranger--those first steps into giving up to someone you do not know well--is a big deal. I don't think it is easy, and I think for many it is damn scary. So I understand the posturing and the declamation--it's self-defense perhaps? Self-assurance?

It only happens on the phone though--face to face, that shit goes out the window.

As to your specific question MR, I've asked them directly why they feel the need to tell me, to make claims about, how tough/strong/hard to tame/etc they are. I've tried to be direct, find out why they think they are doing it, and articulated that since I am not an enemy, not an adversary, adversial language is out of place.

I've met qirls who were bratty, SAMy, whatever, but that had a different feel. That's more playful, take your shots, and clearly meant to be a challenge within the relationship, as opposed to a challenge TO the relationship. I handle this like anything I guess-being upfront about it and getting it cleared up face to face in dialogue, so we can get to a face to face meeting and then all the bullshit can stop.

Ditto

(in reply to Faramir)

Post #: 50

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 10:46:39 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MadRabbit, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I have had the same experiences with those who claimed interest in submission. Most of those who never have served in the military or a para-military capacity, do this. I do enjoy military or para-military veterans and or active, as they can wrap their minds around the concept of duty, service, protocols and discipline.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 51

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/7/2007 1:32:56 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic
In other words, I "agree" to throw them off balance, as that is the least thing they expect. Then, by adding a statement that says "I know what you are doing here", I make the point, subtly, that a I'm not going to play that game. It's a mind game, like mental chess.
Namaste, Sir Dominic

Sir Dominc, by not playing the game you show that you are a Dominant not someone just looking for a nooner. That's the response I look for. I'm not naturally confrontational or belligerent but I have used those to weed out non-Dominants. It probably loses me a few good Dominants but if they don't see the game and my backing down, then they wouldn't be able to handle me anyway.

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(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 52

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/10/2007 1:24:08 AM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

quote:

If a sub cant act like an intelligent rational adult in a normal conversation then how in nine hells is she going to act in a D/s scene?

love it. nine hells. ah the things i learn here.

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Every single line means something.
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(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 53

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/12/2007 12:36:21 AM

Pulpsmack

Posts: 394
Joined: 4/15/2004
From: Louisiana
Status: offline

I'd swear if I didn't know any better that you had authored this thread after talking to this idiot who approached me here the other day.

She starts out with this "give me your resume of experience" business (understandable given the fakes and idiots, but she expects credentials like "apprenticed under Master Bushwhacker for three years, attended 3 Cons, etc"). In other words, if one wasn't taught "how to be a Dom" from another Dom there is no experience. I finally check the attitude with, "technique can be learned from the experienced, but Dominance cannot be taught... one is or is not, and the way you can determine that is to sit back and engage in conversation to gauge the person's outlook and experience".

Then I hear she had a slew of velcro collars. It turns out they lacked this experience she required, yet "strangely enough" she always seems to end up with the same type. What was the problem? They lacked experience. So, what was this missing component that showed they lacked experience?

Wait for it...

They were not experienced enough to put her in her place.

Clearly, the strong Dom she is meant to serve would be "experienced enough to handle a difficult submissive like her". So this went into the toilet immediately, but I determined friendly discourse could still be had between two "intelligent" people in the lifestyle. Then she spouts off something about an interest, mentioning a love of weapons. Good, I think... this has potential for common ground. Oh, but not guns. Those are tools of cowards and require no skill whatsoever. I found that statement to be obtuse and offensive to my interests, and I stated that was ignorant. Apparently it was NOT ignorant, but an "opinion" that differed from mine, and they should have taught me the difference in law school. It turns out she was an EMT and saw what guns do to people, and she never saw a Katana incident (yeah hun... a real "check mate" with that logic). After going off with the EMT statement, she had no time to argue with me (although I hadn't had a second to get a word in) and it was time to say goodbye for good.

So I thought about her and her kind... these "submissives" who regard themselves as the right sort of sub for the right Dom, the one "strong enough to put her in her place." I suppose that guy was a pretender, and this guy was a liar about his experience. But the other guy, and the one after that, and the one after that? Could it be that there is a character defect that needs self-reflecting and addressing instead of a "bigger hammer" of a Dom to shape that person up? Nah... couldn't be.

It amuses me to no end, these Playskool Busybox subs... always on the prowl with complete tunnel vision, looking for that round peg of a "strong Dom" to complete the hole. That one has the straight line of courtesy.. couldn't fit the round hole in "this submissive's heart". As long as it maintains the appearance of that round shape... it might as well be a turd being passed through the round hole for all they know or care.

As luck would have it though, I did come across that One Dom out there... THAT guy who is strong enough to put this submissive in her place. I sent HIM her profile, and would you believe it... HE knew her. After all, HE knows all. So I asked HIM why HE didn't take her, knowing how HE was the solution to all her hopes and dreams. "Oh that bitch?" HE said. "Thanks but no thanks. I'M perfectly content with the submissive who knows what submission is on her own, without the challenge of ME having to force her to realize what it means. Oh well, looks like the velcro collar venders don't need to break a sweat after all.

< Message edited by Pulpsmack -- 7/12/2007 12:38:34 AM >

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 54

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/18/2007 12:27:36 PM

Cuckme4Life

Posts: 168
Joined: 7/8/2005
From: MentallyDeranged,Tn.
Status: offline

We let her go yesterday morning after yet another blow up towards another employee. One complaint too many. Actually about 10 complaints too many. No matter, she was terminated for her behavior and plenty warnings.

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(in reply to TigerNINTails)

Post #: 55

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/18/2007 4:36:38 PM

AdventurousLife

Posts: 72
Status: offline

A strong independent person does not need to fight or be subdued... they have the strength to have already mastered themselves.

I value strength capability and independence in a sub, after all, you want to delegate to someone who is capable... but brattiness is anything but strength.

(in reply to Cuckme4Life)

Post #: 56

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/18/2007 9:10:13 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdventurousLife

A strong independent person does not need to fight or be subdued... they have the strength to have already mastered themselves.

I value strength capability and independence in a sub, after all, you want to delegate to someone who is capable... but brattiness is anything but strength.

Okay I am saying this one for my notes, ....brattiness is anything but strength.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to AdventurousLife)

Post #: 57

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/19/2007 3:49:52 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Lol... I guess I play this game everyone is hating - sort of. Except that I play it differently. For the most part, I don't argue. I don't fuss and all that. I just watch, smile a lot and listen and then, when I've had enough, I say "thank you, this isn't going to work out" and leave.

Generally, in person, I am not an argumentative person, so when I find I'm feeling like I want to contest every single thing some dominant says, it's my cue that there's something very wrong and it's time to get the hell out. And I do.

I admit though, I've had my arguable moments. When I've looked back on them to find out why I was doing that, invariably it had to do with impressions of condescension, disrespect and sometimes, amorphous feelings that I had to somehow protect myself from something that I can't quite put my finger on.And in those moments, when I'm feeling belittled and such, for some ridiculous reason, it becomes paramount that HE walk away - not me. So, I argue.

However, I think this might not be so much a D/s issue as it is a personality conflict issue. Last month I and my family members were at our town's fair. While we were there, my daughter and I sat down to listen to a band that was playing. A man and his daughter sat down with us at the same picnic table. He seemed to be a very nice man. His daughter was polite, and he was friendly. We struck up a conversation. As the conversation continued, the topic somehow drifted to "those people" (racial comments) and how "they" were ruining things. I could have walked away. I should have walked away. Instead, I sat there and intentionally continued the conversation, countering every single thing he said in a way that highlighted the ridiculousness of his comments, and in essence, belittled him without ever saying so - just because.

So, I'm thinking that perhaps it isn't so much a D/s thing as it is a significant indicator that two people - no matter what their interests - are just not going to get along. Perhaps instead of jumping to the conclusion that the submissive isn't really a submissive (although that is admittedly easier to stomach sometimes), this argumentative behavior might be just an indicator that as people (without denotation of roles), the two who are meeting are not the right mix.

juliet

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 58

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/19/2007 5:22:51 AM

Jacobthm

Posts: 237
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline

I agree with on that point juliet. As with all things that lead to prolonged interaction between two people "chemistry" plays a huge roll. As do thought patterns etc...

However I have had the dubious pleasure of encountering a slightly more violent variant of the sub that was being discussed earlier. The one who insists that only a Dom who can physically controll (read put on the ground and restrain because your eyes and groin depend on it) her could have her. IMO these people are one nighters at best. Provided of course you even allow them into your house. Generally it's like taking a loaded gun home whilst piss drunk and sleeping with it. Needless to say I recomended that she seek help and promptly removed her from my house. Yes I was that much of a fool as to allow her into my home.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 59

RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/19/2007 6:45:44 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

ok... well THAT'S definitely NOT my style. But I have met those who feel the thrill of being "conquered" in that manner. I don't get it, but then, I don't get a lot of things others do, and just go with the idea that that's their kink and that's fine for them I guess.

But then, my thrill is obedience - even when others have generally thrown in the towel and I know people don't understand that either.

juliet

(in reply to Jacobthm)

Post #: 60

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