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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/19/2007 10:27:48 AM

AdventurousLife

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quote:

Lol... I guess I play this game everyone is hating - sort of. Except that I play it differently. For the most part, I don't argue. I don't fuss and all that. I just watch, smile a lot and listen and then, when I've had enough, I say "thank you, this isn't going to work out" and leave.

Seems like this isn't the behaviour under discussion at all-- you're just exercising your judgement about who you want to be with. I thikn it would probably be more productive to talk about some of the issues to make sure its not communication that's causing you to feel this way... but then, maybe not.

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/19/2007 10:31:36 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
Just curious if this is a shared experience for other dominants?

And if so how did you handle it?

Not common but I have 'met' the type.

If they want to play 'games' they can find another playmate. They either stop playing the game or I decide the person is highly unlikely to be compatable. "Thanks but no thanks. Have a nice evening and good luck in your search"... move on.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/19/2007 4:11:47 PM

PrincessEllie

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I'm a feisty sub, but I never tell people I'm strong and independant. My boy knows full well that I'm as bottom as I can be. Which is probably why he puts up with me biting and scratching him. But hey, I told him I'd keep doing it until he beat my ass down, and he's yet to do that...

If I was a domme and I was talking with a sub that considered themselves to be strong and independent, my first reaction would be "Check please."

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/20/2007 4:17:29 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdventurousLife

quote:

Lol... I guess I play this game everyone is hating - sort of. Except that I play it differently. For the most part, I don't argue. I don't fuss and all that. I just watch, smile a lot and listen and then, when I've had enough, I say "thank you, this isn't going to work out" and leave.

Seems like this isn't the behaviour under discussion at all-- you're just exercising your judgement about who you want to be with. I thikn it would probably be more productive to talk about some of the issues to make sure its not communication that's causing you to feel this way... but then, maybe not.

When I'm meeting someone for the first time, I don't particularly care what's causing me to feel this way. Throughout my entire life, I've always second-guessed my gut feelings and had that second guess be proven wrong each and every single time - usually to my detriment.

So now, if I am not comfortable, feel there's something not quite right, or anything else that's negative, I cut my losses immediately and walk away. I'm not saying that the person I've met is wrong or bad or any other thing that might be derogatory, but he's definitely not the person for me, and I don't need to communicate, analyze, contemplate and try to "work through" this with someone I don't even know. Me knowing someone's not right for me is not something that requires the "therapy" of working through "what's causing me to feel that way." Especially when what's causing me to feel that way is that for some reason (that I'm not willing to idly sit back and discover) is that he's not right for me. I solve that with my feet.

And personally, if more people did that rather than second guessing themselves all the time, I believe we'd have far less of the "I met this dominant the other day and he was aggressive, took advantage, threatened me" threads. I listen to my inner voice and I pay attention. I don't need to discuss it with the person it's warning me about.

juliet

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/20/2007 8:56:54 AM

Tristan

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Joined: 5/31/2004
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quote:

I've taken to calling this common expereince the "I'm going to show how strong I am to the big bad dominant" game.

I've dated a few women with what I call the "I'm a strong independant woman therefore I don't have to cooperate with you" Syndrom. Most if not all seem to be insecure or at least have that attitude while they were feeling insecure. I think there might also be some other "issues" mixed in.

Tristan

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/20/2007 11:08:59 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tristan

quote:

I've taken to calling this common expereince the "I'm going to show how strong I am to the big bad dominant" game.

I've dated a few women with what I call the "I'm a strong independant woman therefore I don't have to cooperate with you" Syndrom. Most if not all seem to be insecure or at least have that attitude while they were feeling insecure. I think there might also be some other "issues" mixed in.

Tristan

It's nice to presume "insecurity," as if it's somehow a personal problem, however, unless you have some indication other than the fact that they don't wish to cooperate with you, I don't think you can assume that at all.

For me personally, (and I'm not speaking for anyone else other than me), the times I've ignored that little voice in my head saying "get out of there now," I've wound up hurt - in big ways. This includes a number of times that haven't included anyone else around me.

i.e.: I made plans to meet someone. That little voice was strong about NOT meeting this guy, but I decided to ignore it. I asked a vanilla friend to come with me. (I usually never have other people with me when I meet new people) He and his g/f came along and had dinner in a separate but nearby part of the same restaurant.

During dinner, that little voice got stronger and stronger. When I tried to excuse myself to go to the restroom, the person I was meeting attempted to detain me by holding on to my wrist and telling me I wasn't going anywhere "today or any other day." The waitress came up just then and I was able to get my arm free because he didn't want to cause a scene. I went to the restroom (which was near where my friend was eating. On the way, I gestured to my friend that I was in trouble and went into the restaurant. He sent his g/f in to check on me. I told her what had happened. She told him and we came up with a plan for me to go back to the table with them following as if they were leaving (it was the dead of winter and I needed my coat). I went to the table, picked up my coat. The person I was meeting tried to keep my coat from me. My friend stepped in between us, took the coat, said "The lady's made her decision. Give her her coat. Juliet, it's time to go." I gave money to the waitress for my meal as we walked out the door.

After that, the guy started searching for information on me and I began receiving porn and bdsm materials at my place of employment. It was a very scary time.

I should have listened to that voice in my head the FIRST time it said "don't go."

i.e.: The night I was carjacked, I spent nearly a half hour arguing with myself about the need to go pay my cell phone bill. The closer I got to the store, the stronger the arguments became (I just want to go home! what would happen if something happened to you while you were gone and the kids were home alone? I should just stop by in the morning and pay this! and on and on and on.). I ignored them and paid my bill. When I came out and opened the door to my car, there was the carjacker. That was the last night I stopped listening to that little voice inside me.

Now, you can call it insecurity or fear or yellowbabyjumpingbeans for all I care. In the end, if I hear that voice when it speaks, I will listen.

In fact, currently that little voice is talking to me now about someone that's local to me that's contacted me on this site. He seems the nicest guy. I know him in real life. Everyone else thinks he's the nicest guy. However, I have never been comfortable around him. I don't know why. I don't care why. I just know to stay away. It's not insecurity on my part. It's that I don't want him near me. So, now that he's contacted me yet a THIRD time after being told politely that I'm not interested AND after pointing out to him that I belong to someone, AND after my Master has spoken to him in person, I know I was correct in my initial view... It doesn't matter how nice he is. I don't want to be around him. That little voice in me warned me about him a long time ago. I'm not waiting to figure out WHY it was warning me. I'm just listening.

Something that evidently the person who contacted me doesn't know how to do - or doesn't care to do.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 7/20/2007 11:11:27 AM >

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/20/2007 1:34:57 PM

Tristan

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quote:

It's nice to presume "insecurity," as if it's somehow a personal problem, however, unless you have some indication other than the fact that they don't wish to cooperate with you, I don't think you can assume that at all.

I'm not talking about people I do not know well nor anything major like you describe. I'm talking about working together in every day life situations outside of the lifestyle. I'm talking about the willingness to cooperate without resentment or the need to attach strings in every day ordinary situations.

Tristan

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RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game - 7/20/2007 3:41:05 PM

julietsierra

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So, I checked back on the OP, thinking that perhaps I missed something and was presuming he meant with people he was first meeting when in actuality he was meaning those who he'd built relationships with. Lo and behold, I discoverd that ongoing relationships was not the focus of his thread and I was on target about the process of meeting someone.

I don't presume to say what's right or wrong in someone's ongoing relationship - even if it may not be right for me. However, I do have very STRONG opinions on the process of meeting someone for the first time and people's responsibilities in those situations.

Tristan, I'd say we're talking apples and oranges - while they may be fruit, they're still very different situations and have not one whit to do with "insecurities" of either party unless of course, you know the party you're talking about.

juliet

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