MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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My Master made a considered decision to go against His previous "rule" that a sub would have to move to be with Him when He chose to travel 5000km to move in with me! W/we had been together for increasing periods of time prior to that, i had spent several days in His home, so i knew what that had to offer, and He had spent 3 weeks in my home. i was the one with the big house on 5 acres with a massive shed/Dungeon, (no ocean views, i'm not that keen on those, but it was a beautiful bush block which as a botanist i adored), a good job ... and a trainee sub hubby too! my moving at that stage was out of the question ... it was more a matter of whether O/our relationship was sufficiently important to U/us both for Him to do the moving. He decided it most definitely was! He also thought a bigger city might afford Him more personal opportunities, though unfortunately that didn't work out as hoped. He moved on the understanding that He would be flying home at least twice a year to see His family and friends and i totally understood that. And His mother and sister flew over to visit once too.
Further to Archer's posts, YES it did cause a bit of difficulty for Him to be Head of the Household in a house He didn't own or have significant financial interest in. He was a bit of an outsider, especially at first, and as the local scene isn't very experienced with poly, it took a while for Him to make friends. And it didn't help that the local group of His main hobby turned out to be a bunch of prats, so He ended up giving that up as He couldn't afford to keep replacing equipment their idiocy kept breaking! There were certainly things He couldn't and didn't want to immediately take control of, but these were discussed and dealt with. Even had i moved to Him, i wouldn't have been ready to immediately give up all my financial control etc to Him. To me (and Him!), that level of surrender is earned as the trust and relationship develops. Far more difficulty was caused by the hubby who turned out to be a CD fetishist and most definitely NOT submissive. After 3 years, W/we decided to call it a day after the love for the hubby had well and truly died, and even the love of my house (which i had a very special bond with, unlike any other house i've ever lived in), was not worth the stress. For all sorts of reasons, financial, job and personal, W/we decided to travel 5000km back across the country and have settled some 300km from His original home. That has taken me away from my family, friends, choir, work ... and yes, it's not all easy. On the other hand, i am relishing the chance to live in a smaller community and getting to know a whole new bunch of people. And i'm not missing people anywhere near as much as i thought i might. And He knows there will be times when i will go back to visit as He did. W/we deliberately chose NOT to live in His home town as the presence of His family would severely interfere with O/our M/s dynamic (His mother is a drop-in kind of person!). As it stands, He can more easily go and visit them for a few days (He's there now) but they need to phone and make an arrangement to come down and see U/us! And this town has a nicer climate than His home town. For me, it seemed only fair to have been as willing to be uprooted as He was, now this has become the more practical/desirable option.
It IS easier now He is truly Head of the Household. For all sorts of carefully considered reasons, including a significant financial advantage, this house is in His name and His alone. i admit i had a few collywobbles about that, though He has insisted on setting up other arrangements to make it clear that it is mine too. In His mind He still tends to think of it as solely mine since it was basically my money that paid for it. While i usually say "no Master, it IS Yours" there's a part of me in my heart that warms to the fact that He hasn't easily taken it from me without consideration of how that feels. There's also a part that feels really good about surrendering this to Him. It's another stage of my submission and i was ready for it, with just the right amount of "edge" that being challenged in any way provides. W/we both have wills that clearly dispose of O/our assets to each other, or have arrangements for their disposal should W/we both sadly go together, only having furkids means there's no one obvious to inherit. i am at ease with the decision and with O/our plans for the future. i feel safe and at ease with that decision now.
My Domme side is currently talking to a sub who lives about 400km south. Having just moved, I would be reluctant to go through that again (200+ boxes!). she is in a rental house and doesn't have particular ties that would keep her in that specific area. her son is involved in the lifestyle and is looking to move (as a Dom!) to USA where His sub resides as she has a lot of good reasons for needing to stay where she is (custody etc). So My potential sub knows that I would expect her to relocate here and she has no problem with that. It will only happen if/when O/our relationship develops to the point that she wants to be here AND that We (meaning Master and I) also want her here and are confident that she will fit into Our household. And it also depends on the council allowing Us to erect an extra space for her and permitting her 2 small dogs to join Our existing fur-family. Lots of if's and maybe's but I am willing to give it a try. However, for all the reasons people have mentioned, I am adamant in not considering people from overseas no matter how nice they sound ... wayyyyy too difficult for Me!
So I take this from a practical perspective ... who is most able to move? And while I acknowledge that the Dom being the one to move can create a different power dynamic as Archer said ... sometimes, as His own experience shows, it ends up to be worth it! It sure was for Master :-)
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: Relocating? - 
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