julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I see no difference between the Master that allows his/her love to negatively affect his/her responsibilities towards the slave as the parent that allows love to negatively affect their responsibilities towards their children. It is my opinion we choose to love and as Masters we choose to exercise our authority. One need not conflict with the other.
If love causes a person not to fulfill their responsibilities... then let them never know what love is.
Thank you so much for this thread KoM. Amazingly, we had this discussion just last night - or something amazingly close to it.
I didn't like it very much.
But on reflection today, I can see that what he said is absolutely correct.(and coincidentally, it's exactly what you're saying)
I am one of the children you talk about. My parents are good parents. I have a parent/child, adult/adult, friends/friends relationship with them. However, in my life, when things haven't gone right, my parents were always there to save me. They have been my safety net throughout my entire life. I appreciate that. I really do. Unfortunately, what that's done has caused me to never really challenge myself to take the risks that most people simply take for granted. I'm in the process of coming to understand this more and I'm hoping that over time, I'll figure me out much better.
One of the things that my Master does (or I should say, doesn't do) is not tell me how he feels about me. He doesn't cuddle, doesn't hug, doesn't kiss, just... doesn't. And I can honestly say that I've had significant problems with that.
Last night, he said something interesting to me though. He asked, "have you ever wondered why I don't cuddle, kiss etc? (I nodded - talking at that point being way too difficult) It's because you can't handle it. You fall in love too hard, too fast and you stop thinking."
I was not exactly happy with hearing this. When he went on to explain that in my head I've always coupled love with "help" when I could be doing things on my own - and NEEDED to do things on my own. He noticed how I do very little without a safety net and that it's important for me, even just in terms of being a well rounded ADULT that I learn how to manage without the safety net. When I stop to consider this in the light of day, I realize that I am actually doing this for my own children. Because circumstances are what they are around my house, my kids know that they can never come to me and hope that I'll save them - financially at any rate. They know they have to make it on their own. Their lives are up to them - and to a person, they are rising to the challenge. The trick now is for me to learn how to do this in my own life.
But getting back to love...
In our relationship, on a daily basis, I make a conscious decision to love. I do so without encouragement, without thought of reciprocity, without all those little niceties most of us have come to expect that lets us know we're doing things right. My indication that I'm doing things right is that we spend all the time we can together. For the first time in my life, I'm operating without a safety net. And I love it. It's thrilling, frustrating, tearful, joyful and just plain wonderful.
I too am one of those people you speak of for whom giving love is much easier than accepting love. I find love in strange ways - not necessarily the hearts and flowers kinds of things that make Valentine's Day and all that so heartwarming. This isn't to say I don't someday hope for that, it only means that right now - in this place I am right now, while I may long for hearts and flowers, what fills me more is working together on something, being thought of as competent to stand at his side, and things like that.
We talked a lot last night - most of which I am still going through in an attempt to understand more and have that understanding come to play in my life in a worthwhile manner. (It's that self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-actualization plan you speak of in your post.)
But the one thing I ended up understanding more this morning - prior to reading this thread, but also in part, due to your post, your last sentence and how it plays out in my life is that he most definitely loves. (I knew before, but sometimes, not hearing tends to make me doubt)
You said "If love causes a person to not fulfill their responsibilities, let them not know what love is." He loves very much. But he loves without providing me with the safety net that I've come to rely on to the detriment of fulfilling my responsibilities as a fully functioning adult. In essence, he is not allowing me to "know" love - even though he loves very deeply.
The rest is up to me.
Not sure if this made sense...I'm still working my way through it.
juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 7/9/2007 6:53:02 AM >
|
Love within Authority Dynamics - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread