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Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:42:44 AM   
Rose4Mistress


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		I had been in an online relationship for the past three months (never again!), and I had thought everything was going well.  We talked everyday, we had begun making plans for me to come visit her during winter break.
And then, yesterday, a friend in the lifestyle finds not one or two, but three CM profiles of young girls all my age, "owned" by this same Domme.  And, whats more, I get contacted by a few submissive females telling me that my Domme is contacting them and wanting to own them.
So, of course, I confronted this same Domme about what was going on. At first she denied it, and said these girls were all out to get her, and that she would never, etc.   Then the story changed that she was looking to find me a playmate.  When I reminded her that I did not want anything like that, she told me that it wasn't cheating on her part, because she is a Dominant and can do what she wants, and that I should be grateful that she was giving me her time at all.
As you can imagine, that didn't go over well with me, so I broke it off.  Her attitude changed again, begging me to stay, telling me she loved me, etc.
So, my question is...is it less wrong for a Dominant to cheat than a submissive?  If you are a Dominant, do you feel that it is your perogative to take on another slave, keeping the first slave in the dark about it?  Submissives/slaves, would you stay with a Dominant who took another sub/slave?
Thanks in advance!
Rose
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:48:15 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress
Submissives/slaves, would you stay with a Dominant who took another sub/slave?
Thanks in advance!
Rose



Yes.

But then he made it clear from the beginning that I would not necessarily be his one and only slave, and that he may tell me of others or he may not, depending on whether or not he finds it beneficial to do so.  It was an "eyes wide open" thing for me. 

Lying, in my humble opinion, is never good,, and typically only results in destroying trust and ultimately the relationship.  I am sorry you were lied to.

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:50:44 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		Cheating is noone's privilege.

Only some seem to think it is.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:51:30 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		you are 19, you will be revisiting this phenomenon a few times in your life, good change the Domme wasn't even a female species of bovine.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:52:06 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		Cheating in any way, shape or form is wrong.  If she wanted more than one sub/slave it is her responsibility to tell you and let you make a decision about your willingness to stay in said relationship. 

I am slowly building a Poly Family but anyone and everyone I talk to knows that I am Poly.....they either jump on the wagon or they continue to walk their own path....no secrets, no lies.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:53:41 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress

So, my question is...is it less wrong for a Dominant to cheat than a submissive? 

Depends on how you look at it. I don't have an ethical problem with an owner telling their sub that they are going to take on another person, except in the situation where the terms of ownership hinged upon monogamy. Then I would see it as a situation of sexual incapability and they may be best off seeking other partners. But outright cheating in the manner you describe? In my opinion, yes they can. However, if a dominant violates the conditions that ownership was given on, he may well find himself owning nothing. Being able to do something doesn't make it the right or best course of action.
quote:


Submissives/slaves, would you stay with a Dominant who took another sub/slave?

That would depend on the situation. Currently, neither Valyraen or myself are allowed to have other partners though it is something we are discussing. If he were to take on another slave or to start sleeping around without talking to me about it then I would leave.

If he talked to me about it, then it would depend on the situation and how it was handled. I highly doubt he would bring a third into our relationship without considering and respecting my feelings on it since we have agreed that, if we do add another, this is our primary and most important relationship.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 11:57:35 AM   
Rose4Mistress


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:


If he talked to me about it, then it would depend on the situation and how it was handled. I highly doubt he would bring a third into our relationship without considering and respecting my feelings on it since we have agreed that, if we do add another, this is our primary and most important relationship.

I have no problem with poly at all, if it between consenting partners.  However, I had made it very clear that I was not wanting to be "one of many", and she had assured me that I would be her only sub.  I thought it awfully rude to go behind my back in that way.

Thank you all for your replies!  I definitely appreciate them!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:02:10 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I just wonder why "online" holds such a fascination for you when Sacramento (my home town) has such a rich and varied BDSM scene, from all gay groups, to pansexual, and female dom oriented events.  Honesty and Karma are interesting concepts and are quite often two way streets.

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:02:31 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress

quote:


If he talked to me about it, then it would depend on the situation and how it was handled. I highly doubt he would bring a third into our relationship without considering and respecting my feelings on it since we have agreed that, if we do add another, this is our primary and most important relationship.

I have no problem with poly at all, if it between consenting partners.  However, I had made it very clear that I was not wanting to be "one of many", and she had assured me that I would be her only sub.  I thought it awfully rude to go behind my back in that way.

Thank you all for your replies!  I definitely appreciate them!

 

Then she lied to you and it was rude to go by your back. If she wanted a harem she should have been upfront with you. At least now you know her true colors. Sorry you had to go through this.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/22/2007 12:03:05 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:03:50 PM   
Rose4Mistress


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I just wonder why "online" holds such a fascination for you when Sacramento (my home town) has such a rich and varied BDSM scene, from all gay groups, to pansexual, and female dom oriented events.  Honesty and Karma are interesting concepts and are quite often two way streets.

lol mostly because I am so new, I would be afraid of making a fool of myself.  And secondly, because I would have no idea how to find them.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:11:41 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I love to cheat....Especially online....It is just so much more upfront and personal.....Nothing is a better reminder of an online conquest, after a hard and long session,then  to hold my fingers up to my nose and  to be greeted by the all to familiar and pungent scent of Compaq.  Sometimes, afterwards, I won't wash my hands for days.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 7/22/2007 12:12:14 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:15:20 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

At first she denied it, and said these girls were all out to get her, and that she would never, etc.   Then the story changed that she was looking to find me a playmate.  When I reminded her that I did not want anything like that, she told me that it wasn't cheating on her part, because she is a Dominant and can do what she wants, and that I should be grateful that she was giving me her time at all.


First, it sounds to me as though this Domme is a "playa," much like some of the men who try to string along multiple women at the same time. Then, when they get caught, they go on the offensive to put the power in their favor.

Second, she is an out-and-out liar. Regardless of whether she is a Domme and "can do what she wants," it doesn't include lying. Any relationship that is built on lies from the outset is doomed to fail.

Also, your submission is a gift to HER, and she obviously did not respect that from you; rather, she is acting like a celebrity whose position seems to make them above the rules of mere mortals.

I'd say you did well to drop her.

My profile clearly states that I am only interested in MONOGAMY. If other people wish to have multiple subs, that is not for me to judge, but any potential Dom in my life should respect my desires on that point or move on. Perhaps if you didn't clarify this with her, or if it isn't specified in your profile, you might wish to change it in the future.

Best of luck to you!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:45:24 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress

So, my question is...is it less wrong for a Dominant to cheat than a submissive? 
Rose



Nope.  Cheating is cheating and does not matter which side of the bed you are on.
my former would tell me (when i would catch him in a lie, etc.) that 'he changed his mind' so therefore it was not lying, cheating, etc.  He had the same sort of mindset as your former Domme... "I am Master, you are pig (slave), so i get to do whatever, whenever, however i choose."

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:49:09 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Cheating is no one's privilege, period.

I am involved in an open relationship with my wife. Before I enter in another relationship, scene or sexual act with someone other than her she knows all the details. But that was discussed before we started that type of relationship. There is no lying, no deception between us. Cheating to me is the deception, and you were deceived.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:56:31 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

Cheating in any way, shape or form is wrong.  If she wanted more than one sub/slave it is her responsibility to tell you and let you make a decision about your willingness to stay in said relationship. 

I am slowly building a Poly Family but anyone and everyone I talk to knows that I am Poly.....they either jump on the wagon or they continue to walk their own path....no secrets, no lies.


That's not quite true according to some here, now it seems that if one or the other partner would be left with no health insurance, it is ok then.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 12:58:58 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		Ron,

WHAT????

Loren

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 1:00:08 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

Ron,

WHAT????

Loren
I am scratching my head with her...

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 1:04:26 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

Ron,

WHAT????

Loren


It's from other cheating themed threads.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 1:06:21 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I just wonder why "online" holds such a fascination for you when Sacramento (my home town) has such a rich and varied BDSM scene, from all gay groups, to pansexual, and female dom oriented events.  Honesty and Karma are interesting concepts and are quite often two way streets.

lol mostly because I am so new, I would be afraid of making a fool of myself.  And secondly, because I would have no idea how to find them.


LOL.. Knowing Michael, something tells me that in a few moments, you will have all the info you will ever need about the scene in Northern California...
Have fun and forget the cheating Domme, there are lots and lots of other fishies in the sea for you...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Cheating...A Dominants Privilege? - 7/22/2007 1:07:52 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		*edited to change the whole post

I get it...he isn't being helpful.  I am a little slow but I eventually catch up....sometimes


< Message edited by BBBTBW -- 7/22/2007 1:11:45 PM >

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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