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RE: Serious Question. - 6/27/2005 7:09:00 PM   
Niran


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		This is a familiar sounding situation....I know that while I was on the depo shot, my hormones were all out of kilter. The idea of even being in the same room with e naked would make me physically ill. It took me a full year to get all straightened out. Trust issues will also have a hefty part to play. That has always been a large issue in our relationship. The more I didnt trust him, the more I didnt want to touch him. The less I touched, the more he did that undermined the already destroyed trust. It is a vicious cycle.

Its hard to go through, but it will get better, if given time, and the proper attention. The worst thing you can do is ignore it. There are other ways of intimacy as well. Take a shower together. Let him shave your legs, brush your hair, give you a massage. Let her make you a special meal. Have him teach you a little about something he likes that you know nothing about. Intimacy does not equal sex, nor does sex equal intimacy. The worst thing you can do is ignore it.

Niran

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 5:42:19 AM   
Gem


Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline 		Brightest Blessings

Sounds very much like a hormonal problem, and not a relationship problem persay. Every relationship goes thru it's lows and highs, and the sex is never as frequent as those first few "honeymoon" weeks, if it were none of us would every get anything done LOL.

Among other facets of my relationship there is a componet of Father/daughter, and it is hot and it is sexy and playful and it is caring and loving and strict and spoiling......so I do not buy the parent/child thing as the ruination of a relationship. I have seen very very successful Mum/son/daughter relationships.

If you are into praental play then go for it and don't feel dirty about it, if you are not then don't let somebody label you. You are in a power dynamic relationship, it can be labeled many things like praent/child, boss/employee, roalty/servant..most folks do not understand the depths of relationships in general, so when they come up against something that rubs them the wrong way they need to put it into a box with a taboo label, it makes them feel comfortable, safe and secure because they have named the beast that scares them.

(okay now that that rant is over LOL)

For having a high libido, well I have one, I go for a lot of walks, I create works of art, I do a lot of yoga and meditation, I also hate housework, but clean for him. The way I think of it is I am always ready willing and able for Man, no matter the time of day or night, thus having a higher libido works for my owner. Turn it around so that it becomes her's, everything you do to contain it and occupy your time is for her and so that you will always be ready at all times for her ( it also helps that one of his biggest kinks is feeding my other half, in other words watching me Dom and Top others so I have that outlet.)

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 7:23:37 AM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		Thanks again everyone for all the insite. Im especially appreciative of the advice for Karbon to work on channelling his libido (especially the part where he does housework or a project for me ;-) ).

As much as I appreciate all the advice though, I just want to try to direct everyone's attention away from the therapist herself. As I said before, we (the therapist and I) were not talking about a D/s dynamic when the mother/son idea came up, we were talking about the adjustments that moving in with someone requires. I also realize that it is very easy to dismiss this problem by saying that the therapist doesnt know what she is talking about, but even if I did that, I would still have no sex drive and no course of action to take. The reason that I went to a therapist in the first place is because Karbon and I are running out of ideas that act to support and nuture our relationship. I thought that getting an outside opinion would help. And she has help, A lot! I know that its easy to think that if a therapist gets one suggestion wrong they arent worth the time and money spent on them. I also know that a lot of people go to a therapist thinking that they will solve all their problems and never give bad advice. I have neither belief. The therapist I am seeing requires me to think a lot for myself and come to my own conclusions. She suggests things where she feels its appropriate and facilitates the thought process. She has been very helpful and I think she will continue to be helpful for a while still. If, after I have learned as much as I can from her, I need or want to explore the D/s side of my relationship from a psychological point of view, I may seek out a specialist. At this point, however, I dont think this is necessary.

I really appreciate all the women who have wrote about their own hormonal problems. I was on Depo for 3 years and only switched to a different form of birth control a little less than a year ago. It is sounding more and more like a hormonal problem now that I have heard a few other women speak about their own experiences. Unfortunately I am still waiting for the test results. I just got off the phone with the clinic, but they dont have the results back yet. (OH! The waiting! This is worse than the three minutes it takes for a pregnancy test to work).

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 4:47:32 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Thanks again everyone for all the insite. Im especially appreciative of the advice for Karbon to work on channelling his libido (especially the part where he does housework or a project for me ;-) ).


What are Dommes friends for? ;)

I hope you get your answer soon.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 6/28/2005 4:48:09 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 6:41:26 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		Thats what she needs :) more domme friends. So long as its not one big plot to make me do housework.

Housework makes me truely unhappy. I work hard for a living.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 6:43:26 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy
Housework makes me truely unhappy. I work hard for a living.

So do I and I do housework. ;)

- LA

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 6:58:27 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		Yea, but I work in the trades. I work my ass right off, then I come home.
I have nothing left in me by the time that comes around

The only time I do housework, is when i get in these spuratic moods.


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 7:00:35 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I understand. I work my brain off. And sometimes I need to just crash too. In any case, it was just a suggestion for you to leave or take just like any other. I'm sure Indigo has got the situation all under control ;)

And I hope you get answers soon.

- LA

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 7:28:06 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		lol. I could always start making my furniture.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 8:09:21 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

lol. I could always start making my furniture.


Or being furniture. In my experience, boys make good footstools!

- LA

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 8:15:37 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		lol, well I'm a welder, so I'm going to start making bondage furniture.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 9:24:23 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		When I am tired or under stress My sex drive disappears. This can last for days, weeks, or months. For Me, moving in with someone is stressful enough to trigger a lack of sex drive for awhile. You are most likely also experiencing stress as You fit into Your role as Dominant in a different way then You had been (again tension created by the changes in life circumstances...ie moving in).

Stress or tension hits each person differently and You will need to learn how Your mind and body deal with it. It sounds like Your emotional plate is full right now dealing with some depression, the counselling, changes in birth control medication, changes in Lifestyle, and changes in living arrangements. You may just need time to adjust.

You are already checking the hormone levels which is a good step and lots of others have mentioned the effects of medications and depression.

I have a question though....as his Dominant what are You doing to relieve KarbonCopy's sexual tensions?...and can You channel some of Your tension into play activities? I know that believing I was letting My submissive suffer without sexual release would create enough tension in Me that My sex drive would disappear.

Gentle Lady

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(in reply to IndigoDadesi)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Serious Question. - 6/28/2005 9:36:47 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		IndigoDadesci

I was going to send You a message on the other side but I see Your profile is not yet active ?

Gentle Lady

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Serious Question. - 6/29/2005 9:21:55 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		Actually she de-activated it. You can PM them to me and I can send them to her if you like.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Serious Question. - 7/4/2005 3:42:47 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		well the results are in.

The doctor told her that everything looks normal.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Serious Question. - 7/4/2005 4:22:42 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy
well the results are in.

The doctor told her that everything looks normal.

I can understand why you are a little sad to not having found the cause. On the bright side, it seems that your Lady is healthy. That should be something to rejoice in. I'm sure, together, you will find a solution.

- LA

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Serious Question. - 7/4/2005 4:32:50 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		well as it stands she's laying down on teh couch downstairs, she doesnt want to talk, she's just face first into the back of the couch and not talking to me.

I just read this report recently posted that says that the oral form of birth control can cause an irreversable loss of sex drive.

http://www.truthout.org/issues_05/052605WC.shtml

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/lackingsexdrive.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/upi/index.php?feed=Science&article=UPI-1-20050526-15535700-bc-us-sexdrive.xml

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Serious Question. - 7/4/2005 5:09:32 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

well as it stands she's laying down on teh couch downstairs, she doesnt want to talk, she's just face first into the back of the couch and not talking to me.


She probably just needs a little space. If it is not physical, then it is psychological and she knows she has a battle ahead of her. I'm sure she has a lot on her mind. She'll talk to you when she is ready. In the meantime, just be available for when she is ready. She'll appreciate it in the long run.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Serious Question. - 7/4/2005 5:35:27 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		I just talked to her, she just told me that she's pretty much just come to grips with the fact that this is just who she is.

Its stressful for her, trying to figure out whats wrong. Not to mention how depressing and dissapointing it is, Its very hard on her.

I wish there was something I could do for her.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Serious Question. - 7/4/2005 5:57:23 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I wish there was something I could do for her.


That is a very sweet sentiment. And I'm sure there is a lot you can do for her. Just be available. Once she figures out what she needs, she will let you know, I'm sure.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 60
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