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D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:19:11 PM

EvaLass

Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

I was speaking with a Dom friend of mine who I am getting to know. After a brief period of getting to know a new submissive, he requires her to leave the bathroom door open at all times, regardless of what she is doing in there. His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship. For him, the control aspect of a D/s relationship is very empowering, so I am assuming that he would choose a partner who enjoys giving up control. His contention was that his partner should regard the action of giving up privacy, including in the john, as a way to open herself up more to him, permitting him more control, and reliquishing more of her autonomy.

I am curious if this is a common element in D/s relationships even during the dating phase. I want to hear from Dom/mes and submissives/slaves alike about this topic - including any examples of how it has affected or enhanced the D/s connection.

eva

< Message edited by EvaLass -- 7/22/2007 7:28:26 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:33:32 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass
His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship.

If he can find women to agree to that, more power to him. But as far as I'm concerned, until I have submitted to you I don't have to do a damn thing I don't want to.

Now as far the bathroom door thing... it's not a requirement. We just don't give a damn when it's just us. I have my privacy about the things I need it for. Valyraen doesn't need to know everything and he doesn't want to know. He trusts me to tell him when something is important.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 2

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:42:40 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I'm in a new relationship thats beyond the dating stage but not at the committment stage, but I don't worry much about privacy. As a rule, I find it a lot of work to keep up those walls and am grateful to be with someone I trust enough that I can just not worry about shutting bathroom doors behind me and that sort of thing. It's not a matter of giving up control or autonomy but of being open and transparant. And, maybe a bit lazy.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 3

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:51:42 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

My first reaction is...... BDSM people 'date'? That would be the new concept for me after all these years. It always used to be you would meet someone and decide if you wanted to take the next step.

A-ny-way, while you all are aghast at the last statement, I'll answer the real issue here. Yes, this request/command is not untoward at all. I don't know that 'all' dominants are interested in this, but it's certainly commonplace for me.

I've gone one step further than this with one individual, but I was feeling pretty frisky with her for some reason. It sounded like an interesting idea at the time. She was required to pee in a kitchen pot, not in the toilet. (#2 could be accomplished in the toilet.) That started with our first meeting, and it seemed as if it might go on indefinitely. She never once quibbled over it. On the first anniversary, I said she could pee in the toilet in the future. All told that relationship lasted 7 years.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 4

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:53:05 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

We once discussed my leaving the bathroom door open when we were still very new together. Upon understanding what a huge humiliation that would be for me, he decided it didn't need to occur for us. I am very grateful because I seriously don't think it is something I could do. Plus, I don't think every detail about ones private actions in the bathroom make a stronger D/s.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 5

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:53:34 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Fox is allowed to close his door most of the way but not all the way and he is not allowed to lock it.

I will make a small knock on his door before opening. I learned to do this because if I just walk in, it can scare him in an unhappy way which is not my intention.

We don't share the same bathroom but again same rules there as his bedroom.

In my own home I'm very free about my nudity and my normal everyday functions. No one has a problem here and after 7 and 15 years this behavior does not seem to affect how much turned on my partners can get by seeing me naked.

Oh, wait maybe that's why I do it -- for the power trip of knowing I can turn them on from stripping down in a blink of an eye and without any warning.

Yeah.... my house is very weird.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 6

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:56:34 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

Watching one pee is kewl....holding and aiming for him even better...I swear it's not penis envy....I just like aiming. #2? There's sometimes a thing as too much togetherness. I don't need to be privy to anyone's bm's. Don't want anyone privy to Mine. Nope....not a good thing.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 7

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 7:57:01 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

SOP in this house. The door is open when I'm in there, closed when he's in there.

As for 'when' that happens, if both parties agree to it, then what anyone else thinks really doesn't matter. If a submissive doesn't wanna, they don't hafta. Just a basic compatibility issue.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 8

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:01:58 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I don't know...while I love being controlled and power exchange and having boundaries stretched, when it comes to the bathroom door being open, a little bit of mystery is a good thing.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 9

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:02:26 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Angel ha a choice whether or not to close the door. I really couldnt care less. For a while I demanded it stay ope sherly becaue I was checking that he followed orders and sat to pee. Now, I dont worry about that anymore.
I think it is very important for a slave to have their own private space. Mentally, I think its something they need. Mine wil always have it, be it their own room or an office... somewhere they can be by themselves. There wil be no restrictions on my access there, but they can ask to be left to their own devices for a time and I will oblidge.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:08:33 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

red flag for me - i need my bathroom privacy ...there are things we women do in there men shouldn't be privvy to it(that's how i was raised) - he's one dom i would pass on by in a heartbeat.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 11

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:11:50 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I have no closed doors to my Master, physical or otherwise. From the day we met in person through today, the bathroom door remains open.

We didn't date. He had authority in the relationship from the beginning.

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 12

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:30:10 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Let's face it folks, there are certain sights, sounds, and smells

which are not meant to go happily dancing throughout the abode.

Keep me naked, tie a bell around my neck so you know where i am,

but i'm in agreement with Nefertari here, there ain't nothing about a

bm that you just gotta get to know, now scat and close the door!

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 13

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:49:15 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

For me there are just some things I don’t need to know, nor do I want my S.O to know. This just happens to be one of them.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 14

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 8:51:43 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

One of the nice things about being "empty nest" now is we don't close the bathroom door.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 15

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 9:15:04 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

am i the only one that doesn't want to be locked in the bathroom when it smells like something dead came out of me and to hell with it if anyone else can smell...?

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 16

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 9:22:29 PM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass

I was speaking with a Dom friend of mine who I am getting to know. After a brief period of getting to know a new submissive, he requires her to leave the bathroom door open at all times, regardless of what she is doing in there. His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship. For him, the control aspect of a D/s relationship is very empowering, so I am assuming that he would choose a partner who enjoys giving up control. His contention was that his partner should regard the action of giving up privacy, including in the john, as a way to open herself up more to him, permitting him more control, and reliquishing more of her autonomy.

I am curious if this is a common element in D/s relationships even during the dating phase. I want to hear from Dom/mes and submissives/slaves alike about this topic - including any examples of how it has affected or enhanced the D/s connection.

eva

In O/our relationship, Master owns me therefore, nothing I have, do, say, write, think is really "mine". Master has access to my purse, all my emails and chats including all my passwords to any online accounts and may look into any of them at His leisure.
He does not go as far as making me leave the bathroom door open, but if I lock it, He tends to get....cranky

These are not things that He immediately insisted upon, it was a gradual thing even after I gave myself to Him. To my knowledge, He has only used this "power" in times of "unrest" in O/our relationship and only for the purpose of getting to the root of the trouble and making things better for both of U/us or just making sure things run smoothly.

Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to EvaLass)

Post #: 17

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 9:24:56 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

My first reaction is...... BDSM people 'date'? That would be the new concept for me after all these years. It always used to be you would meet someone and decide if you wanted to take the next step.

A-ny-way, while you all are aghast at the last statement, I'll answer the real issue here. Yes, this request/command is not untoward at all. I don't know that 'all' dominants are interested in this, but it's certainly commonplace for me.

I've gone one step further than this with one individual, but I was feeling pretty frisky with her for some reason. It sounded like an interesting idea at the time. She was required to pee in a kitchen pot, not in the toilet. (#2 could be accomplished in the toilet.) That started with our first meeting, and it seemed as if it might go on indefinitely. She never once quibbled over it. On the first anniversary, I said she could pee in the toilet in the future. All told that relationship lasted 7 years.

Jeff

Umm.. Did you throw away the kitchen pot?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 18

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 9:27:47 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

We don't date? really?

oops!

And here i've been running around willy nilly dating Dom's. What was i thinking!

< Message edited by octavia -- 7/22/2007 9:28:37 PM >

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 19

RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy - 7/22/2007 9:27:53 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

am i the only one that doesn't want to be locked in the bathroom when it smells like something dead came out of me and to hell with it if anyone else can smell...?

Oh so the rest of us should suffer cause you smell dead people?!

Open a window, turn on the fan, spray the glade, till you flush the can.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 20

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