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ORIGINAL: chellekitty

no window and the last time we turned on the fan there was a burning oil smell permiating the whole house for hours...at least the bad smells that come out of me dissapate....and people keep stealing the spray to cover up their smoking in the house and the litter box stinkies...and maybe its a little bit of passive agressive sadism  

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ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

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ORIGINAL: mstrjx

My first reaction is...... BDSM people 'date'?  That would be the new concept for me after all these years.  It always used to be you would meet someone and decide if you wanted to take the next step.

A-ny-way, while you all are aghast at the last statement, I'll answer the real issue here.  Yes, this request/command is not untoward at all.  I don't know that 'all' dominants are interested in this, but it's certainly commonplace for me. 

I've gone one step further than this with one individual, but I was feeling pretty frisky with her for some reason.  It sounded like an interesting idea at the time.  She was required to pee in a kitchen pot, not in the toilet.  (#2 could be accomplished in the toilet.)  That started with our first meeting, and it seemed as if it might go on indefinitely.  She never once quibbled over it.  On the first anniversary, I said she could pee in the toilet in the future.   All told that relationship lasted 7 years.

Jeff

Umm.. Did you throw away the kitchen pot?

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

heck, I don't even burp in front of people. 
But in that case, my evil side would demand attention.  I would be very tempted to eat broccoli, cabbage and beans for lunch, and take a nice laxative before my "date". 
Kyst

1. You surrender privacy. If you want to be a slave, you cannot have boundaries with me other than the few hard limits and psychological issues that we plan to deal with over the course of the relationship. I want to know all of your thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears. I can't make good decisions if you hold things back from me, even things you believe to be disgusting or unpleasant. Those are my decisions to make, not yours.
   
2. You are completely accepted. It is common for people to be rejected throughout life for their needs, made to feel guilty or ashamed of the BDSM desires by past partners. A girl entering a relationship with me needs to know that nothing she does, or says, or thinks is disgusting to me. She is a human being, and I either love her or I do not. She poops and farts and smells and bleeds and has hair in funny places. None of that makes me love her less. And as she sees that i accept her -- TRULY accept her, warts and all -- she begins to truly trust that I will not dismiss her or turn away from her if she has a desire or fantasy or thought that is not "normal". She can, and should, share everything about herself with me, and I will accept it all and love her. That I want her to shave or do certain things to please me does not mean that who she is naturally is unappealing, it merely means that I have chosen for her to do something to serve me.

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ORIGINAL: obis

I do this, though the question seems to be as much about timing as about the act itself. Essentially once we've decided that we're interested in a D/s dynamic and that she wants to consciously submit to me, this is one of the first big things she generally freaks out about.

The purpose is twofold:

1. You surrender privacy. If you want to be a slave, you cannot have boundaries with me other than the few hard limits and psychological issues that we plan to deal with over the course of the relationship. I want to know all of your thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears. I can't make good decisions if you hold things back from me, even things you believe to be disgusting or unpleasant. Those are my decisions to make, not yours.
   
2. You are completely accepted. It is common for people to be rejected throughout life for their needs, made to feel guilty or ashamed of the BDSM desires by past partners. A girl entering a relationship with me needs to know that nothing she does, or says, or thinks is disgusting to me. She is a human being, and I either love her or I do not. She poops and farts and smells and bleeds and has hair in funny places. None of that makes me love her less. And as she sees that i accept her -- TRULY accept her, warts and all -- she begins to truly trust that I will not dismiss her or turn away from her if she has a desire or fantasy or thought that is not "normal". She can, and should, share everything about herself with me, and I will accept it all and love her. That I want her to shave or do certain things to please me does not mean that who she is naturally is unappealing, it merely means that I have chosen for her to do something to serve me.

I do explain this when the situation comes up, so that she doesn't think I have a bathroom fetish. And after the first few times of standing there while she uses the bathroom I'll stop bothering to go in when she does, but she never again protests the times that i do. She never again questions that she has given me the right to observe her any time, under any circumstances. AND, she knows that i will be patient with her any time resistence is encountered in her submission, any time her body rebels, that i will be patient and not give up on her but will simply wait and talk to her and be there until she is comfortable.

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ORIGINAL: EvaLass
 
 In the local BDSM community, it appears that many people in the scene get to know each other through this type of "dating" as opposed to collaring right away.

eva

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ORIGINAL: EvaLass

Wow, what a range of interesting responses.  If this Dom can tolerate whatever he sees and hears coming from the bathroom and relish it from a control standpoint, then why not give him what he wants and see how it works out?  If the submissive finds out that having the  bathroom door open is a path to transparency and openness and a journey leading to a glorious loss of control and auutonomy, then it could be enlightening. Nobody suggessted that this is behavioral modification that may quietly and with little formal warning reposition the submissive into the status of a slave.

eva

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think the people who worry about privacy are the ones who aren't secure with it.  The ones who are secure don't really even have to think about private or not.

Personally I've never had issues with the bathroom door, so who cares who wants to watch?

Is he going to order you to have your mom cry on your shoulder in front of him when a family member dies to make sure you aren't having a private moment then either?  THAT is when privacy is important- bathroom is rather tame compared to gynecology visits, dreams, bank statements, and other people. 

It all comes down to compatibility.  Again, people who worry and focus on "transparency" tend to be the ones who aren't secure and not focused on really building a RELATIONSHIP.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Is he going to order you to have your mom cry on your shoulder in front of him when a family member dies to make sure you aren't having a private moment then either?  THAT is when privacy is important- bathroom is rather tame compared to gynecology visits, dreams, bank statements, and other people. 

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ORIGINAL: winterlight

i have a few hard limits when it comes to the above. One my Dom doesn't need to know when i leave gas and my bm's.
Two: i really have a problem with Him/Her reading my e-mails. I don't care what His/Hers contains. Three: I do not want my Dom/me having access to my bank accounts nor take my money and gamble with it i.e. stock market, or anything else. We should have O/our O/wn money and some set aside for both of U/us to use. What if i had to leave quickly because something happened? i would be out in the cold with nothing.
How many relationships last more than say a year, two years, ten, or even 20ish. Not many. I gather it is the rare ones that last 10 years or more.
In the end (no pun intended) if things go bust I had better take care of myself as i have been doing. Just my opinion...