sudja
Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika I openly accept you disagreeing with me. It's healthy :) I have to disagree with you here. I do not see a D/s relationship as one where there is more extreme needing to do and to be done. I see it as a relationship where the power dynamics are clearly defined. Of course that is my perception. I had to think about this. You are right, of course, about the power dynamics, and not all D/s relationships have that manifest as Doee/doer. In fact, in some aspects the Doer is most clearly the Dom/me. I'm speaking of the jumping up and getting coffee types of things. That function, need to serve in those types of ways, is, to me, clearly part of what drives me - and what drives Her is enjoying it, needing it - not that She cannot get Her own coffee. But She likes that I want to do it, and do it for Her. It is part of what touches Her core. But, beyond that, you are right - we each have active roles of doing in our relationship, where we do for each other, meeting each other's needs. In a financial sense that once manifested itself as Her writing a check for something I was putting off, at great risk to myself, because I didn't have the funds (with me). She was taking care of me, and Her interest in me, in that manner. The motivations are the same - caring for each other, taking care of each other. But we each need to do that differently, which is why it is hard for me to equate them, or the manners in which they can manifest, even when the results, or outside appearances, are similar. quote:
I don't see many Tribute Dommes actually. I know a lot of male subs come across them but I really have yet to meet one in real life. Heck, I'd love to find one who wanted to send bunches of money to my Mistress. In exchange, exclusively, for being allowed to do so. ::dreams:: quote:
Now I do see a fair share of female submissives/slaves that are not allowed to work outside the home and that have everything provided by their Master. I also hear from some of my male Dom friends that they feel like a meal ticket at times when being approached by certain female submissives - especially single mothers or those with not much post-secondary education. Ok so I expect to get a lot of flack from that comment. You shouldn't, I have no doubt it's true. However, the key is "when being approached." If that's what the woman is seeking, then she is just another class of "do me." Not what I would call "submissive" at all. And while there is no one way to be submissive or have a D/s relationship, there are certainly things that we would most all have to agree our outside the scope of same. If a woman's primary motivation (or man, in the case of a male submissive) is to get their rocks off, or financial needs cared for, they are not submitting - they *are* using, mutually agreed upon or not. You quote me: quote:
While Dominants and submissives each (should) wish to fulfill the needs of their partner, I suspect that if we surveyed "everybody" we would find that more submissives would include "want to shower her/him with gifts" than we would find from Dominants. And respond: quote:
Well it would be fun to do the survey. Though we couldn't survey everyone, I'm sure we could get quantitative data that was statistically significant. I would start off with the hypothesis, based on this more qualitative account over the last 35 posts, that people are people, regardless of authority or gender orientation. Feh, that's not fair. I concur with you that "People are people." How about some form of "Who wants to pamper the other more - in situations where there is nothing in it for them other than doing so and making their partner happy?" After all, if a Dom/me buys their submissive something sexy to wear, or a new coffee pot, both are getting something substantive from the deal, not just something intagible. If a submissive pays their Dom/mes bills during a rough financial period, the benefit to the submissive is the service, being allowed to serve, exclusively. I'm not phrasing that well. I have faith you'll help. ;) sudja
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