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RE: help... - 7/26/2007 11:54:00 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Say good-bye and move on to someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated. I would never have tolerated that kind of treatment from someone I was considering giving up my power to. You deserve better.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Donnalee)

Post #: 21

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:13:35 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I'd say stick a fork in him. He's done.

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Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Donnalee)

Post #: 22

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:16:31 PM

Tarisa

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

his wife could of found out.

(in reply to Donnalee)

Post #: 23

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:21:32 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I have little patience for that sort of thing. In a low committment relationship, I usually don't bother finding out what happened because once the contact stops, so do I.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to goodgirl85)

Post #: 24

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:29:08 PM

MistressCass

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

I am sorry your introduction to the BDSM lifestyle is so full of holes.....BDSM Is about respect, honesty, communication.....seems your "dom" is a faker.....and as much as you enjoyed him, cared about him and wanted to build a relationship with him , he did not want the same thing. I think people such as he are called "wannabes"......they WANNBE a Dom/sub but just AREN"T.....he is a bad boy, a really really baaaaaaad boy......pretend he doesn't exist.....he will do the same thing again, when he has you feeling comfortable if you continue to try and have a future with him......He has shown his true colors and they are predominately YELLOW....you deserve better....much better

Hugging you tight.....and sending positive energy your way.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 25

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:30:01 PM

UNSUREHUSBAND

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I THINK I FOUND A TAPE OF MY WIFE HAVING A FUCK FELCHING PARTY WITH OUR NEIGHBORS. I FOUND A TAPE OF HER WITH WHAT SOUNDS LIKE HER WITH A BELT OR BALL STUCK IN HER MOUTH TO CHANGE HER SPEECH, BUT I CAN STILL MAKE OUT WHATS BEING SAID, AT ONE PONT6 IT SOUNDS LIKE THE GUY TELLS HER TO OINK LIKE A PIG, ITS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT I CANT HELP BUT THINK ITS TRUE. i ALSO FOUND A PHOTO OF HER WITH WHAT SEEMS TO BE A BELT OR SOME KIND OF HOOK PULL HE MOUTH OPEN, I THINK I ALSO FOUND HER FELTCHING STICK, ITS WOULD WITH TWO PRONGS ON THE END ABOUT FIVE INCHES LONG AND NARROW. AM I NUTS OR HOW CAN I FIND OUT IF THIS IS TRUE. GIVE ME SOME ADVICE FROM A CONFUSED AND TOTALLY I AM TOTALLY UNEDUCATED IN THIS AREA OF SEXUASLITY

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 26

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:34:36 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

get a keyboard with both lower and uppercase letters on it. this will help in the investigation....

Sounds like the movie deliverance soundtrack for the first.

Next clue, don't use felching and uneducated together, it don't fit.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to UNSUREHUSBAND)

Post #: 27

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:36:49 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UNSUREHUSBAND

I THINK I FOUND A TAPE OF MY WIFE HAVING A FUCK FELCHING PARTY WITH OUR NEIGHBORS. I FOUND A TAPE OF HER WITH WHAT SOUNDS LIKE HER WITH A BELT OR BALL STUCK IN HER MOUTH TO CHANGE HER SPEECH, BUT I CAN STILL MAKE OUT WHATS BEING SAID, AT ONE PONT6 IT SOUNDS LIKE THE GUY TELLS HER TO OINK LIKE A PIG, ITS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT I CANT HELP BUT THINK ITS TRUE. i ALSO FOUND A PHOTO OF HER WITH WHAT SEEMS TO BE A BELT OR SOME KIND OF HOOK PULL HE MOUTH OPEN, I THINK I ALSO FOUND HER FELTCHING STICK, ITS WOULD WITH TWO PRONGS ON THE END ABOUT FIVE INCHES LONG AND NARROW. AM I NUTS OR HOW CAN I FIND OUT IF THIS IS TRUE. GIVE ME SOME ADVICE FROM A CONFUSED AND TOTALLY I AM TOTALLY UNEDUCATED IN THIS AREA OF SEXUASLITY

Ok seriously...how are we supposed to help you?...if she is fooling around does it really matter if BDSM is involved or not?....fooling around is fooling around....i fail to see how strangers over the internet can be of any help to you.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to UNSUREHUSBAND)

Post #: 28

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 12:40:58 PM

MistressCass

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

STOP.....IMMEDIATELY.....you are making a mockery of what many of us hold near and dear to our hearts......are you going to copy and paste your fantasy in every forum on Collarme? (this is the second or third thread you have put this crappy story in) Moderators? Please check out this "member" and take appropriate action. Thank you.

PS....hopefully the "fork" you speak of is the one the moderators stick in you saying "you're done"

(in reply to UNSUREHUSBAND)

Post #: 29

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 9:20:23 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

I've not gone much past the first couple of the OP's posts, and on intinct, it sounds like his wife might suspect something.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Donnalee)

Post #: 30

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 10:28:17 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

The bit of your post that immediately got my attention was the fact that you said you wouldn't sit around waiting for him and you told him so.

1. This suggests to me that he is repeating past bad behaviour?

2. If you don't keep your word then who's being insincere here? You are only opening the door to a whole raft of further bad behaviour from him, since he can't take your word seriously.

Never make a threat you are not prepared to carry out.

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 31

RE: help... - 7/26/2007 11:34:29 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Oh for goodness sake! It's FOUR FREAKING DAYS!
You can't just "drop by." Ok...so what?

Just off the top of my head:
1. big project at work that he's dealing with
2. issues with family that don't include being married for crying out loud - anything from illness to death to family members in trouble with the law to simply a lot of things to take care of right now.
3. <gasp!!> other interests that he's pursuing that don't necessarily mean other pussy!
4... there are a myriad of other issues that can be on his plate.

After only a few months of seeing you, he's under no obligation to "check in" like he's some teenage boy on a curfew for goodness sake! Get busy, get active. Be productive. That way, a) you're not spending all your time like a country music song, either cryin or dyin, b) when you DO speak to him again, you'll actually have something to talk about other than how he "did you wrong" by not calling (and as a side benefit, nothing attracts so much as a confident woman with interests and activities) and c) if he has moved on, then you'll not have wasted your time mooning over someone who has made up his mind not to see you again. Since you don't know what's happening right now, instead of wasting away, get up off your ass and DO SOMETHING!

Oh, and after only a few months, if someone I was going out with just "dropped by" without being invited, he'd have seen the outside of my front door pretty quickly - and I'm not married. Course, perhaps if someone is male the criteria is somehow different, with females being able to decide who is coming over and when, and males somehow being obligated to accept whoever stops by, whenever they do and have no right to make those decisions without, of course, being married (in which case, it's the men being weak and the women again making the decisions as to who is a guest and who isn't) At any rate, not being able to drop by is not just a signal that he's married.

Additionally, the very fact that the OP said that due to certain situations, she's unable to drop by unannounced, indicates to me that if he is indeed married, she is aware of his status and has accepted him on those terms. So, while it's no fun to treat the dominant politely and give him the benefit of the doubt, it's also not exactly fair to lambast the big bad meany dominant on the grounds that "he's married!" just because she doesn't have full reign to just pop in when she wants.

Ultimately, we all get to make decisions for ourselves. You want someone who is at your beck and call whenever you choose for him to be, and he's not doing this? Make your decision to stay or go accordingly. You recognize that this whole clinginess issue just might be a problem and your'e willing to bite the bullet to work through it? It really isn't up to him. It's up to you. Make your decision.

But either way, here's a little thing to keep in mind.

"It's not all about YOU."

Wait or leave. that IS your decision. Making him out to somehow be all those things that have been said about him is just poor rationalization for decisions you either want or don't want to make. And in any case, is it really necessary?

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 7/26/2007 11:40:27 PM >

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 32

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 1:26:53 AM

Totalmaster4you

Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

I presume this is at least a D/s relationship and you haven't heard from him for 4 days. 4 days.... you make it sound like a month. He gave you something to do....so do it. If your not certain of details do it more than one way but do what your Dom told you. You may be driving him away by being so clingy and not doing what He told you to do. I see two things in the other posts, girls looking for that Romantic Dom who they probably would drop because they weren't strong enough and the other Doms who are trolling for a uncertain newbi. There are other things you've brought up which would bear discussing but that have nothing to do with your question. If this is the end of the relationship isn't better to know now than a year from now?

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Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.

(in reply to goodgirl85)

Post #: 33

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 1:41:51 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

As you mentioned it's a new, casual thing... I'd agree with those who said relax. He doesn't own you, you're not 24/7, and he obviously has... personal issues that make visiting him not an option.

If this establishes a pattern that you aren't content with, then you'll have to decide at what point you want to give up on it. Personally, it sounds like you're just a little lonely and miss the guy you're really interested in. That's ok. Lots of people go through it, and in six months it will either have unwrinkled itself, or ended one way or the other. Only you can decide when enough is enough... but 96 hours doesn't seem like enough for me.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)

Post #: 34

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 2:06:01 AM

SubinMaine

Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline

Honestly...

This Dom gave her a "task" to do...she needed clarification on a few points and emailed Him for that. He did not reply. She followed up with a "did i piss you off?" email because He didn't answer her question. Again, He did not reply. He was online (which shows He had the opportunity to reply...yet He didn't) and signed off as soon as she signed on.

No matter if the man is married or not, or has big projects He's working on, whatever. They WERE in a D/s relationship and any Dom worth their salt will clarify the task they've given their sub. Even moreso, knowing the sub is worried would, at the very least, warrant a short "everything's fine, very busy, will get back to you soon" email. It doesn't matter how "long" they've beein in the relationship for...the beginning of the relationship is normally used to build trust. This behaviour does not bring out trustworthy "feelings" for the OP.

Yes, 4 days isn't a long time IF He'd bothered to at least answer her "need clarification" email...the fact that He didn't and would rather her sweat out the completion of her task and worry (setting her up to fail the task)...speaks volumes.

OP...you DESERVE better. If this is a pattern of behaviour, take it as a red flag. Go with your gut. If you want to wait a while longer, it won't hurt anything, or you can cut your losses and find a Dom that will treat you with the courtesy you deserve.

_____________________________

That which yields is not always weak...

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 35

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 2:22:54 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Sorry, I just don't agree. I think you're putting a great deal more stock in her relationship than they are. I have the impression that they weren't expected to be either exclusive, intense, or obligated to each other. Whether that's all she desires or hopes for became irrelevent when she accepted the relationshp for what it was. If she feels she's not being treated fairly, though, I do agree she deserves more; we don't 'deserve' to be with people who do not fulfill us.

I'm only pointing out that a D/s relationship carries no inherent obligation of more or more intense contact. That's certainly an important, driving componant for many people, sure, but these are details we have not been given yet.

This doesn't even address the other dozens of possibilities; that perhaps his wife/girlfriend/child turned on his computer with the password saved, or that he had a family emergency and simply can not be bothred for anything but the most crucial of online tasks.

And, of course, there is still the possibility that he's trying to painlessly (for him) end the relationship. It's crappy, sure, but nothing here suggests to me he's worth shedding a buck o' salt water over.

Take care,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SubinMaine)

Post #: 36

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 2:28:24 AM

SubinMaine

Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline

It's okay to disagree Stephann *smile*

i'm just the type of person who thinks if a Dom gives a task, they should be ready and willing to clarify. It appears he doesn't care if she fails. And the fact that He was online and had the opportunity to do so, shows He doesn't put too much importance on the relationship.

That's all fine and well, but if He's not concerned and the relationship is to Him (by actions) "casual", then that isn't really a good match for the OP who views it as a little bit "more" (or at least wants it to be more)...she SHOULD find someone who wants the same thing she does.

I'm not saying the OP is faultless....could be they made a "casual" arrangement and she's hoping for more...and setting herself up to fail as well...

That make sense? ugh...need more coffee...

_____________________________

That which yields is not always weak...

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 37

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 2:30:33 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

If I were just starting a relationship, had no expectations, and the dom gave me a task but never replied to me for several days despite there being proof that he had logged on, I'd be backing right out of that budding relationship very quickly unless he returned with a very rational explanation. Maybe I have no right to expect daily contact from someone new, but I could say that he's got no right to expect me to still be there if he shows a lack of interest in following up on his tasks or in myself.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 38

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 2:32:54 AM

SubinMaine

Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

If I were just starting a relationship, had no expectations, and the dom gave me a task but never replied to me for several days despite there being proof that he had logged on, I'd be backing right out of that budding relationship very quickly unless he returned with a very rational explanation. Maybe I have no right to expect daily contact from someone new, but I could say that he's got no right to expect me to still be there if he shows a lack of interest in following up on his tasks or in myself.

THIS is what i was basically getting at! But you said it a bit better than i did lol....i need to stop "overthinking" *smile*

_____________________________

That which yields is not always weak...

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 39

RE: help... - 7/27/2007 2:43:55 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I'm not arguing the task should have no importance. What I'm arguing, is that that task won't necessarily have more importance than, say, his mother who might have been in a car wreck. We don't have proof that he's ignoring her deliberately; only that he's absent. It's always easier to attack an unknown third party, when we don't know the whole story.

I make the point, because while the odds are very good that he's just being lazy about breaking up, the chance of her destroying her relationship with him based on that assumption are very good. If I I returned after tending my dying mother for a week, to get an email from my casual submissive (whom I was excited to see again, so I might tell her what happened, without sobbing on the phone about it, having to explain strange phone calls to my dad later, etc) saying you abandoned me, it's over... well.. that'd just piss in my cheerios. I wouldn't give her a second thought, and erase her from my life.

Her choice to move on could quite possibly lead to him never being in his life again. That's a choice she has to make, of course. Patience of, say, five more days could mean a night and day ending here.

Hope that clarifies my reasoning better.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SubinMaine)

Post #: 40

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