julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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The bottom line is that clarification or not, marriages and/or other involvements or not, troubles in life, etc or not, her decision to stay or leave is up to her. It's not HIS decision to make. He gets to be the one to make that kind of decision for himself. And all the fault-finding regarding him in the world won't change that.
But then, perhaps that's a bit too much to expect. Afterall personal responsibility seems to be quite the illusive mythical thing sometimes, especially when it's far too easy to say "he did (or didn't) __________, so I don't know what to do...boo hoo.
And yes, I've had my panic attacks regarding my Master in the beginning too, and I begged and pleaded with him to change his tactics. Guess what...
He didn't listen to me (that mean guy!). And he kept right on doing what he was going to do. *I* had to cry and all that other crappy stuff till I realized that in the end, it's MY decision to stay or go and I looked at what was good and what was difficult and decided that the difficult wasn't all that difficult and the good was even better and stuck it out. It was hard hard HARD work. The result of it all though is a) he doesn't just disappear anymore b) I've learned to rely on myself to do the things he tells me to do c) I've become much more resourceful d) I've become someone he can have confidence in regarding things that are important to him e) I've become someone who has confidence in herself.
In the end, the OP and others who find themselves in this boat really do have to sit down and ask themselves important questions like "can I do what he wants me to do?" "Is how he works a way that overall, I can be comfortable with? Can I submit?" And if the answer is no, then perhaps walking away is something that should be considered. But making it somehow the responsibility of the dominant to sort out all the details just isn't how some of those guys work.
Besides, I gotta say, if I told my 19 year old, significantly delayed daughter to sweep the kitchen floor, I am NOT going to tell her "ok, do this corner first, then that corner, then the other." I'm going to make sure she knows how to use a broom and then, I'm going to turn her lose on that floor so that she can make her own decisions as to how to accomplish this task. I'll help her get what she missed later with lots of comments about how she did this and that right along the way. That way, she learns how to DO it, not just follow directions.And when she gets it right, her rewards will have been earned, not just accomplished. Sweeping the floor is as hard for her to do as some of tasks we're given as submissives. I am developing within her independent thinking. It doesn't change her relationship to me in the least but it does build her self confidence. You might want to consider the benefits of such a method when employed by dominants out there and not be so quick to jump to the conclusion that he's some sort of loser.
Consider this. How much farther is the drop to one's knees when that person knows she doesn't HAVE to do so, but chooses to do it than the drop to one's knees because they can't think themselves out of a paper bag? And how much more enticing is it to a dominant out there to have the person who knows she can manage very well on her own out there choose to submit. There really ARE those dominants out there for whom those kinds of women are the most intriguing - because then, they can be exactly who they are - not someone's stand-in for their parent.
If you have no idea what he's doing, can't reach him and he's appearing to avoid you, then for goodness sake make a decision. Either stay or go. If you are going to go, then go. If you're going to stay, then get busy, clarification or not, and do the things you were told to do. It IS that simple.
juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 7/27/2007 5:53:54 AM >
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RE: help... - 
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