Looking for a Mistress without much luck!

Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

griffidh -> Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 8:28:57 AM)
Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks.

earthycouple -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 8:35:11 AM)
maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking.

cleaningsub -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 8:46:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. i agree totally and this comes from someone who thought that being punished was all there was to bdsm when i started. i suggest really talking to a Domme and finding out if you are a submissive or just a "do me". i have found that if you are honest with a Domme they are very helpful and will steer you in the right direction. al

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 12:11:22 PM)
If you sent me a note saying what you want, like you have in your profile, I would definately write you off as ethier a "do me" or a troll. Here are some tips: 1.) change your profile. It's okay to say that your inexperienced, but saying that you want to be beaten right off, ehhh blah! 2.) Do some research into this vast and exciting world of BDSM. (and by research I don't mean erotica or porn!) you can start off your research right here in the message boards, and look at all of the sections, every one of the sections has things of value! I can also email you with some suggestions on other sites if you would like. 3.) posting on the forums is a good way to get noticed. Especially if in your posts you show that you are thoughtful, compassionate, and intelligent. And humor is also a good thing. 4.)If you have a s/m community near by, I strongly suggest that you check it out. 5.) Might want to consider going to a Pro Domme. To see what activities you would like to explore with your Mistress when you get one. 6. Patience. I know it is hard, and unfortunately I cannot guarentee that even if you do all of this, that you will get a Mistress. But patience is a good virtue. :) 7.) Be careful. Set up safe calls. Meet in public places. (even if it is Pro-Domme. to me if she is worth her salt, she will understand about the need for a 1st meeting in public.) 8.) Use your instincts. They are the same in this world as in the vanilla world. If something is making you uneasy, don't do it. I hope this helps!

MHOO314 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 1:36:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: griffidh Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. *Yes! Hang in there, its almost a full moon and JessykaPower will appear before long and will fulfill all your selfish little boy desires.*

goddessAVA -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 1:48:17 PM)
OK, you are kinda cute but your profile is BORING and sparse, how do you know you want a Mistress? Your being new and inexperienced is not what I generally seek (i.e. a huge turn off)-personally or in a client, playing is usually a big yawn with them. Go find out more about yourself, get a girlfriend and then comeback and list some real bdsm interests but do not go over the edge listing to many things-I hate a subs profile that lists every possible activity known to man and then rambles on and on endlessly in the description. thats my 2 cents

earthycouple -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 1:53:41 PM)
I don't advise you to "get a girlfriend" to learn what you like within BDSM. I do suggest you turn a keen eye toward dominants who don't find people without experience a bore. There are many of us who are completely willing to teach you to how to be what we seek. There are also those of us who are willing to help someone new explore his potential likes and dislikes slowly and carefully. Rewrite your profile, hang around on the boards, go to local gatherings. Don't "go get a girlfriend" and hope that fixes everything...it won't.

PairOfDimes -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 4:42:41 PM)
Sure. You have two options: improve your self-presentation, or relax your criteria to allow for women who present themselves less well. I'd advise a combination of both. For the former, you could stand to have a better picture. An animated facial expression would help--you don't have to smile, although smiling is nice, but you could look thoughtful, or amused, or something--honestly, this has a quality of a passport photo. You could also improve your grammar and spelling. If you're going to use a very short profile, as you have, please at least make sure all the words in it are spelled and punctuated correctly. However, your profile content could use some work, too. You might talk a little more specifically about what you want in a relationship--"punish and control me completely" is awfully vague, and not very exciting. Try to come up with interesting turns of phrase, but failing that, have things to say and say them clearly, with correct English. It's okay if you do want a relationship focused on punishment, (which I would call a "play relationship," and that's not, again, a bad thing) but "I like the idea of punishment. I find it exciting to think about roleplaying scenes like being whipped as a sentence for a crime or being a student punished by a school headmaster," is, while not great, dramatically more appealing to me than what you do have. So: persuade me (and other readers) that it might be fun to play with you, and do it in words that aren't hard to read! The other thing--relaxing your criteria. You're likely looking for a lot of things--you probably want someone near you, and someone whose looks are to your taste If you've been looking for people only in your city, try looking at some nearby towns, or into the suburbs. You might, too, consider people who aren't absolutely to your physical tastes. These would allow you to widen your pool of potential dominants and thus increase your odds. And, finally, as someone has invariably written already, FIND YOUR LOCAL BDSM COMMUNITY, AND GET INVOLVED.

goddessAVA -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 8:24:20 PM)
I still think you look like you need a girlfriend.

naughtynick81 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 10:26:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. There is nothing wrong about him expressing that he wants to be punished or what ever he desires. It is WHAT HE WANTS. It seems that most dommes in here think that a male sub doesn't have the right to express or think what he wants or desires. A lot of dommes in here seem to think it's all about them (do me dommes), and they expect a male to have a blank mind or someone who can't think for himself. One minute dommes complain about male subs not knowing what they really want and than the next minute dommes complain about subs who do express and know what they want. SO what is the correct approach for male subs? Female bottoms/subs don't have a problem to only find sexual control so why is a male sub wrong for wanting it? I believe in give and take. If a domme can give me what I want, I will go out of my way to give her what she wants. But she has to get turned on by what I like to or whats the point? So she does get some thing out of what I desire also. Why would a domme agree to take you on the first place if what ever the sub desired didn't turn them on? There is some one for everyone out there isn't there?. You get a lot of people in this scene who try to make out that there is only one rule to BDSM and that means you mostly get controlled in a relationship perspective and not so much in a sexual way. No one is right and there is no "one rule". This guy is simply a bottom who needs a top, just like me. Not some domme that wants her sub to do her dishes or weed her bloody gardens because they are too useless to do it themselves. But some subs do like this type of thing so each to their own. What bothers me is that the dommes who want to control a sub in a whole relationship and not only in a sexual way, seem to think they have a right to criticize a sub who only wants it in a sexual way. Does that mean a sub has the right to criticize a domme and call her a "do me domme" if she expects more control in a domestic and commitment view rather than in a sexual way? Do these dommes honestly think that these male subs/bottoms are wrong and they don't have the right to express what they want and they shouldn't be in these types of sites? Anyone who has a kink (no matter sexual or not) is entitled to be on this site and to express what they want, no matter sub or domme. If you feel that BDSM should only be "one rule" than it's fair for our societies to accept vanilla sex but not bdsm.

LadyHeart -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 11:00:02 PM)
A profile is really an advertisement, and the best advertisements focus not on what the seller wants to sell, but on what the buyer might want to buy. So - what do you have to offer a Mistress? If you're inexperienced, what you have to offer are things like - a blank canvas that no one else has yet painted on; a willingness to learn and to serve; dedication (if you've been waiting ages looking for the right person then say so.) Can you make good coffee or give a foot massage? No? Well, offering to learn what might please her would help. Your profile makes a classic mistake in that it's "all about me" As someone said in another thread: No Mistress likes to be thought of as a life support system for someone else's kink." :)) LH

naughtynick81 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 11:11:41 PM)
quote: Your profile makes a classic mistake in that it's "all about me" quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHeart A profile is really an advertisement, and the best advertisements focus not on what the seller wants to sell, but on what the buyer might want to buy. So - what do you have to offer a Mistress? If you're inexperienced, what you have to offer are things like - a blank canvas that no one else has yet painted on; a willingness to learn and to serve; dedication (if you've been waiting ages looking for the right person then say so.) Can you make good coffee or give a foot massage? No? Well, offering to learn what might please her would help. Your profile makes a classic mistake in that it's "all about me" As someone said in another thread: No Mistress likes to be thought of as a life support system for someone else's kink." :)) LH Your profile makes a classic mistake in that it's "all about me" So are a lot of domme profiles, do subs have the right to complain about that? If a sub doesn't get what he wants out of a relationship or play session, why bother? A lot of dommes seem to think that a sub has to give them anything they want but the sub doesn't get anything in return. What makes these dommes think a sub will feel satisfied with them? A sub is a sub for a reason right? It's about give and take. Just because a sub mentions what he likes, it doesn't mean it's all about him, it simply means that he is seeking a domme who gets turned on over what he likes. If the domme gets turned on over it, how can it only be all about him? And why would a domme choose to play if it didn't come to her interest the first place?

interestingtimes -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/27/2007 11:26:27 PM)
Wise words, im inexperienced as well...the only thing I can say is communicate with people and be yourself...and remember a domme is a person like you, treat her with the same respect as you would treat any woman you would meet socially

thetammyjo -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 8:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: griffidh Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. How and where are you looking? If you can be more specific we might offer better suggestions.

naughtynick81 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 4:11:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: interestingtimes Wise words, im inexperienced as well...the only thing I can say is communicate with people and be yourself...and remember a domme is a person like you, treat her with the same respect as you would treat any woman you would meet socially Agreed, but there are some dommes out there that think they can treat male subs how they want because they have a pussy and offer kinky sex.

LadyHeart -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 4:36:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Your profile makes a classic mistake in that it's "all about me" So are a lot of domme profiles, do subs have the right to complain about that? Agreed, but I practice what I preach. {smiles} :)) LH

goddessAVA -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 6:34:21 PM)
Bravo my friend-that is what I was sort of getting at. To me bdsm is sexual, to others it is not. If our young friend is trolling, more power to him-I have talked to many men who are just looking to be bossed around in bed, nothing wrong with this. I continue to believe, based on his pic, getting some would help-don't you agree cutie?

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 6:51:58 PM)
Nick, this isnt your personal mision to bash dommes. It tends to be all about us, becasue WE are the ones that the submissives want to serve. Not vice versa. However, mentioning what you want is NOT a bad thing. If it sounds like an actual request for punishment, and not a corney line out of a bad porno. When a submissive talks about enjoys a Domme that will punish them, and a Domme that enjoys punishing is looking, then theres a match made in heaven. When a sub puts something like "Ive been bad" then it sounds like they are looking for nothing more than wank fodder and we move along. Talk more about yourself, what you want and what you are offering. Set yourself apart, why would we want you as opposed to the tons of others that are looking. What makes you a catch? Talk about yourself as much as youd like, not in terms of I need or I want, but I would like and I I would like to share... Put a little more effort into making yourself noticable and you will get noticed. There is too much competition on here to be a minimalist. DV

naughtynick81 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 7:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Nick, this isnt your personal mision to bash dommes. It tends to be all about us, becasue WE are the ones that the submissives want to serve. Not vice versa. However, mentioning what you want is NOT a bad thing. If it sounds like an actual request for punishment, and not a corney line out of a bad porno. When a submissive talks about enjoys a Domme that will punish them, and a Domme that enjoys punishing is looking, then theres a match made in heaven. When a sub puts something like "Ive been bad" then it sounds like they are looking for nothing more than wank fodder and we move along. Talk more about yourself, what you want and what you are offering. Set yourself apart, why would we want you as opposed to the tons of others that are looking. What makes you a catch? Talk about yourself as much as youd like, not in terms of I need or I want, but I would like and I I would like to share... Put a little more effort into making yourself noticable and you will get noticed. There is too much competition on here to be a minimalist. DV Think about it this way, if a female sub had the exact profile as mine or the OPs, she would get lucky within minutes on this site. But it takes most average looking guys years or they will never get it. It's been 5 years for me. Do you think men are validated to complain about this? The women (sub or domme) seem to complain about getting too much attention while any male is seen as a pathetic whiner for complaining about getting no attention. Who has the bigger problem and why is it validated to complain about the less bothersome problem but not the bigger problem? When a male is getting no attention, everyone automatically puts the blame on him and they over look the fact that the women on these sites are so judgmental and picky it's just about impossible for the average looking guy to get what he wants. No matter how I present myself, my average looking status wont even qualify for the below average looking women on this site. Its not fair. If a female sub made the same thread as the OP, most people wouldn't put the blame on her. But does such a complaint exists from females? If some of the women in this site spent less time looking in the mirror and paid more attention to their offers, they might be really surprised.

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/28/2007 7:35:57 PM)
nick, But is all about ME!!! bats eyes couldn't resist. Anyways, I agree with DV. ok so your a bottom who wants a top. Thats cool. My thing is, not when someone says "Beat me, I'm a bad boy/girl" It is when that is all they say, or when they just talk about their bdsm interests.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125