RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 1:40:38 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

If I may throw my 2 cents in, I can generally agree though also I see this being an area of confusion in using the label of Alternative Lifestyle. This label is also used to denote homosexuals, swingers, cross dressers, poloy relationships, etc. Alternative lifestyle has commonly been applied to relationships which fall out of society's conception of what they define as standard, eg- straight heterosexual couples.

footnote: here in Canada, lesbians hang out at Canadian Tire and gay men are found at Home depot! *grins*

Ah, Home Depot.. one of my favorite toy stores! I live in the mid-west and here almost everyone hangs out at Home Depot.

I totally agree that 'alternative' means just that.. 'alternative'. It's a huge umbrella and any and all subsets have their own corner of it and any and all are welcome to come sit under it to avoid the rain or blaring sun. I have no issues of anyone peaking into all the nooks and crannies, but BDSM is what it is.. and it is not what it is not. It is not the catch all for everything and the kitchen sink. I think there are plenty of folks who think it's just that, then they are disappointed they can't find what they've been seeking whether that be partners or acceptance and then wonder why they are not welcomed in with open arms even though they don't want anything at all to do with BDSM, M/s or D/s. I've been on-line since the old BBS days and I've seen it hundreds of times on boards and forums which are geared towards BDSM. "You people are sick! Why do you do what you do! You're wrong! You're a blight on society." My initial reaction is.. huh? What the hell are you doing here then? Go away.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 21

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 1:46:07 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

This probably depends a lot on what you define BDSM to be. My definition is a little different from yours, but I also feel that BSDM can very easily be both a practice and a lifestyle. "Vanilla" folks who are tying each other up a few nights a week are practicing bondage, which falls into Bondage part of BDSM.

I do intellectually understand why Goreans don't want to be defined as part of BDSM, but the dynamic they seem to prefer is master/slave, which also fits into the definition. However, certainly no one is forcing them to associate with BDSMers so they could end the association if they wanted to.

My .02

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 22

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 2:02:25 PM

tawney1

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

Personally I hate trying to put things into neat little catagories, because seldom does it all fit.

Master's household is ran under a Gorean Philosophy.

Master loves to beat my ass red with varying items.

We are exploring poly.

If I had to put myself or Master's household in a small catagory which would I choose?

I prefer to just think of it as my lifestyle choice.

tawney
property of Odin

< Message edited by tawney1 -- 7/27/2007 2:04:11 PM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 23

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 2:07:28 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Tawney, that is kinda the way I view it also.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to tawney1)

Post #: 24

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 2:17:28 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

[...but BDSM is what it is.. and it is not what it is not. It is not the catch all for everything and the kitchen sink.

What about the pipes under the sink? ::ducks::

I'm of a similar mindset. BDSM is something Master and I incorporate into our M/s relationship. It's all "alternative" as far as I'm concerned.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 25

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 2:45:51 PM

ErusDespicienta

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

For the purpose of this post BDSM is defined as bondage, discipline and sadomasochism (actually that's the way I always define it, but I digress). If you want to define it as something else, more power to you, but this is my OP and I'm speaking on this subject as it pertains to my viewpoints.
BDSM isn't and shouldn't be the big umbrella. It's too narrow in focus but for some reason it has become almost a catch all for anything that's not vanilla. Well, we already have a catch all for anything that's not vanilla.. and that's 'alternative'. BDSM is a subset of that, just as is M/s, D/s, leather, gay, goth, cross-dressing, spankos, vamp etc. If it's not vanilla, it's alternative to vanilla.. but that does not equal BDSM.

I partake of all the elements of BDSM. I adore bondage, really get off on s/m, discipline is good for my character and I embrace is as a means of growth but the life I live is M/s under the umbrella of alternative.
.. unless of course it all changes.

Happy Friday, everyone.

Celeste

Oh ! I think BDSM is absolutely an umbrella , an umbrella under which any amount of alternative lifestyles or fetishes can gather. It's a meeting place, a union perhaps of all the lifestyles and behaviours that the mainstream public seek to subdue, punish and or eradicate.

ESPN is an umbrella under which any amount of sports or competitive events can gather. It's a place you can go where you know your favourite sport will at some time be featured. A place where your sport will be accepted and shown off.

Of course there's always going to be someone who thinks cricket isn't a sport and anyone who doesn't love baseball isn't playing with a full deck.

ESPN is not a sport. BDSM is not a lifesyle.

Happy Friday..

_____________________________

You can't always get what you want but if try, sometimes, you might get what you need.~~ Rolling Stones

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 26

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 3:48:12 PM

rhythmboi

Posts: 46
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

It really drives me kinda batty when people use it as a catch-all phrase. Most often it is the inclusion of M/s or D/s, but yeah.

Forgive my ignorance, but isn't D/s part of the BDSM acronym? Just curious...

It seems like BDSM is already an umbrella, it's just a matter of whether it should be a big umbrella or a medium umbrella. I'm not convinced either one makes much difference as far as the ease of finding partners.
Some kinks are just enough on the obscure side that those folks' only reasonable strategy is to go where the bigest pile of kinky people is and hope that, even if they don't share their specific kink, they'll at least be more open minded than most vanilla folks. I think that accounts for alot of the 'junk drawer' phenomenon.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 27

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 4:35:22 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rhythmboi

quote:

It really drives me kinda batty when people use it as a catch-all phrase. Most often it is the inclusion of M/s or D/s, but yeah.

Forgive my ignorance, but isn't D/s part of the BDSM acronym? Just curious...

No, the original meaning of the acronym was exactly as Celeste stated. Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism. People have just kept adding stuff on.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to rhythmboi)

Post #: 28

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 4:58:01 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rhythmboi

Forgive my ignorance, but isn't D/s part of the BDSM acronym? Just curious...

You're not ignorant at all. Lots of folks add in the D/s or M/s to the BDSM acronym. I think of BDSM as kink. I don't think of D/s or M/s as kink, so I separate the two. No biggie and you won't get an argument from me on the matter but I'm not going to be changing my mind about it either.

quote:

It seems like BDSM is already an umbrella, it's just a matter of whether it should be a big umbrella or a medium umbrella. I'm not convinced either one makes much difference as far as the ease of finding partners.

Stephan brought up a similar point which I've actually addressed already, so I won't reiterate it but am willing to agree to disagree on whether or not it makes a difference. You might want to run a search on the word 'cross-dressing' and see how many folks have complained about not being able to find someone that accepts that particular fetish. Cross-dressing is a huge turn on for a lot of folks.
From the posts I've read, CD's who aren't into BDSM haven't had a hell of a lot of luck finding partners on 'this' BDSM site. That's just one example, there are scores of others.

quote:

Some kinks are just enough on the obscure side that those folks' only reasonable strategy is to go where the bigest pile of kinky people is and hope that, even if they don't share their specific kink, they'll at least be more open minded than most vanilla folks. I think that accounts for alot of the 'junk drawer' phenomenon.

Well, that's part of the problem. Kinky folks are 'not' more open-minded than anyone else but it sure is a popular notion. I agree though, that sort of thinking is why we do have the junk draw phenomenon. Anyway, this big old junk drawer is just something I've noticed and thought I'd bring it to the boards as a topic of discussion.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to rhythmboi)

Post #: 29

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 4:59:02 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It appears that there is a little bit of a debate in regards to whether it includes the D/s dynamic or not.....the definition today obviously does.....Either way so what?

_____________________________

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 30

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 5:40:30 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that we agree (heaven forbid!) that BDSM is a more specific term than just alternative lifestyles. What have we achieved? Does that mean we have to pass some sort of test to be part of the community - to join CollarMe, go to munches and parties or whatever? What about the cross dresser who likes the occasional spanking? Does he get shown the door? Is the person who loiters on the fringes but never fulfills her fantasies more "legit" than the Goth girl who flaunts her gear at a party? I can't really see the point of the thread. As long as we are aware that BDSM is and always will be a catch all for a lot of kinky stuff, isn't that enough?

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 31

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 6:17:48 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

Alternative is an excellent word to use for WIITWD.
It has several definitions including
option or choice;
other or substitute
as well as unusual, unconventional, unorthodox.

Some might argue that it isn’t a choice because it is who they are. However, in my own experience, I opted for many years to act vanilla because I struggled within myself, not accepting that as a bright and strong woman it was okay to be submissive. I felt guilty because pain excited me. It was when I finally chose to act on that desire to submit and explored my craving for pain, that I found fulfillment.
The words other and substitute are also fitting. My family and vanilla friends would not recognize the ‘alternate’ me. The fact that I am not out creates a need to walk a very fine line.
I wonder sometimes what exactly is so unusual about us? This life we choose is not new. The idea of kink titillates even the vanilla folk. Perhaps we are, in reality, fairly conventional except that we actually do rather than simply dream.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 32

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:02:59 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that we agree (heaven forbid!) that BDSM is a more specific term than just alternative lifestyles.

If you don't agree with it, you are certainly under no obligation to say so. I've got a thick skin. I can handle disagreement.

quote:

What have we achieved? Does that mean we have to pass some sort of test to be part of the community - to join CollarMe, go to munches and parties or whatever?

I'm truly not understanding why there are people so shocked at the idea that a BDSM site is for folks interested in BDSM. I wouldn't go out to a site devoted to Monet or Picasso and ask them what kind of flat paint I should use on my walls when I redecorate. Would you? Is it really a matter of paint is still paint?

quote:

What about the cross dresser who likes the occasional spanking? Does he get shown the door?

I've answered this specifically already so I don't see a need to answer it again.

quote:

Is the person who loiters on the fringes but never fulfills her fantasies more "legit" than the Goth girl who flaunts her gear at a party?

I have no idea what Goth has to do with BDSM. Cool clothes, that's about it. The person who loiters on the edges, but never has the opportunity, the guts or nerve or whatever can actually learn something by reading these forums.. even if it's only to know that there are others who share some of their feelings. That's comforting to a lot of people. I would never begrudge anyone that comfort.

quote:

I can't really see the point of the thread. As long as we are aware that BDSM is and always will be a catch all for a lot of kinky stuff, isn't that enough?

:))
LH

If that's good enough for you, so be it. I'm more about growth within the lifestyle that has meant so much to me for so long. I don't like to see it get diluted. To each their own.

I'm a bit confused though.. if you (and others) don't see the point of the thread, I'm at a loss as to why you (and others) responded to it.

I've responded to the questions I've read and been asked by everyone. Now it's getting down to 'what if' semantics sorts of things and I'm not interested in having such a discussion. I've expressed my view. Everyone else is free to express their own views. To me, BDSM is an acronym with a very narrow and focused meaning. Everything that's not vanillia is alternative, not necessarily BDSM. I can't get any clearer than that with stating my belief. If you think it's pointless, I do invite you to find threads more worthy of your time and energy. It won't hurt my feelings and if the thread dies because it's pointless and/or uninteresting, so be it. Most threads only have a certain shelf life as it is before they begin to disintegrate. I'm sure this one will be no different.

Celeste

edited to correct quoting

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 7/27/2007 7:03:53 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 33

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:08:50 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I was perusing the Internet yesterday, dreaming about taking a real vacation to somewhere this Winter. I found an "All-Inclusive" Club in Mexico, that stated they cater to those with "Alternative Life-styles".

Needless to say, I had to research a little deeper, to find out exactly what they meant by that. Were thay referring to - Nudists? Swingers? or BDSMers? Or all of these? Turns out it was all of the above (and more, besides).

As far as the sorts of BDSM things on offer, they had a "Dungeon", and it looked fairly well-equipped. However, there were all sorts of disclaimers, and paperwork to sign, to be allowed to use any of the equipment (or have it used on you). I am not sure if this is run-of-the-mill legal stuff or not. In any case, there is no guarantee that any Dom or Master there would match my idea of what a Master is - but since you pay for it, maybe there is some sort of "satisfaction guarantee" (although I didn't see one listed anywhere. Maybe I could ask).

I guess my point is that, on top of BDSM being a "junk drawer" as far as terminology, the term "Alternative Life-style" is also one for sure. It can mean anything. But maybe that is obvious, already. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 7:22:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 34

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:14:58 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

And considering all of us under the Alternative lifestyle umbrella rarely agree on anything.

When I first came out, the only kinky place in town was a gay club. The local Mistress hung there so we went with hopes of finding play partners. It rarely happened. But it was a place where you could be open.

As I moved to larger cities I've found more places for what I'm specifically looking for and at times more politics (HA!) still I am glad I found it, for starting out I kinda dug the umbrella... ella... ella... hey.. hey.. hey....(sorry I couldn't resist) that we were all under, I just don't have the need for it anymore.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 35

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:16:53 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I was perusing the Internet yesterday, dreaming about taking a real vacation to somewhere this Winter. I found an "All-Inclusive" Club in Mexico, that stated they cater to those with "Alternative Life-styles".

Needless to say, I had to research a little deeper, to find out exactly what they meant by that. Were thay referring to - Nudists? Swingers? or BDSMers? Or all of these? Turns out it was all of the above (and more, besides). - Susan

"Alternative" as a descriptor works really well and they actually meant it! If they had advertised BDSM exclusively and a bunch of swingers and nudists showed up, they might just be asking for a refund and possibly some police protection to boot. ::tic::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 36

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:18:25 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Bita: Well, I guess you're right. It was a widespread place as far as "options" go. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 37

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:18:40 PM

rhythmboi

Posts: 46
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Well, that's part of the problem. Kinky folks are 'not' more open-minded than anyone else but it sure is a popular notion. I agree though, that sort of thinking is why we do have the junk draw phenomenon. Anyway, this big old junk drawer is just something I've noticed and thought I'd bring it to the boards as a topic of discussion.

are you sure they're not more open-minded than the populace as a whole? i have the sense that they're more likely to react to some random, not-especially-bdsm-related kink like crossdressing with 'nope, not interested' or 'not my kink, sorry' instead of 'get away from me, you pervert freak!' this makes sense simply because bdsm-oriented folks are more likely to have been on the recieving end of 'get away from me, you pervert freak!' or something like it than most of the vanilla world.
maybe this is far enough off topic that it requires it's own thread already...

anyhow, it is an interesting observation you make.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 38

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:19:18 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Alternative is an excellent word to use for WIITWD.
It has several definitions including
option or choice;
other or substitute
as well as unusual, unconventional, unorthodox.

I snipped for brevity, but enjoyed the whole post, Catize. Thank you for some simple words that spoke simply volumes. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 39

RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/27/2007 7:23:58 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTrubleI'm truly not understanding why there are people so shocked at the idea that a BDSM site is for folks interested in BDSM. I wouldn't go out to a site devoted to Monet or Picasso and ask them what kind of flat paint I should use on my walls when I redecorate. Would you? Is it really a matter of paint is still paint?

I am not disagreeing with your basic point - what I am trying to understand is why you are making it. You are in a site where the Monets and Picassos are on the wall, but are you saying that its doors should be shut against those looking for the flat white? Can't those who want to see the paintings just go on looking and allow those who belong at the hardware store to either wander off again or perhaps stay and learn to enjoy the paintings? The art gallery doesn't require its patrons to pass some sort of test before they walk through the doors. The idea is to educate, inform and enjoy.

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125