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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 6:42:17 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		And if Y/you hear S/someO/one using T/these terms, Y/you still don't know whether to punch them or accept T/their kink.

Y/yours,


B/benji

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 6:53:32 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

And if Y/you hear S/someO/one using T/these terms, Y/you still don't know whether to punch them or accept T/their kink.

Y/yours,


B/benji


Just make certain you get the UPPERCASE and lowercase thing down to prove how DOM or submissive you are.   If you are a Switch just do whatever you damn well please...  Switches are D/s social outcasts anyways!  LOL...  switches must only play with Switches in some odd tree house away from all the Domly Dom/mes and subbie sub/slaves... LOL.... 

What was that SLAVE.. you did not type Sir in the proper case!  hahahaha

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 6:59:24 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I was actually told the other day that I was wrong to ask a person if they are dominant or submissive....  it's Dominant.

Needless to say, I ran, far and fast.

How should I pronounce that capital letter when we meet, Mistress?

Yours,


benji

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 7:13:22 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

I was actually told the other day that I was wrong to ask a person if they are dominant or submissive....  it's Dominant.

Needless to say, I ran, far and fast.

How should I pronounce that capital letter when we meet, Mistress?

Yours,


benji


I just say... If you wish my Behindness.  and keep addressing them as "my behindness" over and over again, until they get so pissed they don't wanna talk anymore.  LOL..

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 7:25:47 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Celeste,
 
For the record. i agree with everything you have stated in your OP and subsequent replies. i actually use the terms "alternative" and "default world" to divide the 2 worlds i live in. As a practicing Daoist i have no desire to debate with others on terms and such and few people that i have allowed entrance in my life agree 100% with my own interpretations. i walk my own path and occaisionally others walk with me and leave me wiser for their influence.
 
Enjoyed your post~

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 8:38:28 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Though in my experiences in talking and negotiating with a potential play partner, whether they are a dom, switch or sub, when I have stated that I engage in an alternative lifestyle I recieve puzzled looks and then asked what I mean. This is when I've had to use the umbrella term of BDSM which seems to clear up their confusion. It's not until we continue dialoguing that semantics come into play to further define exactly what activities which I do and don't engage in.

edited to add: this may be due to the geographical area I'm in and the kink lifestyle isn't as open and readily accessable as it may be in larger urban cities.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 7/28/2007 8:39:50 AM >

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 9:19:59 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		There is little sense in trying to establish "one" definition....Just go and look up bdsm at wiki...And you will begin to see where the problem lies....

It simply comes down to the fact that we all possess some sort of material between our ears however, when it comes to using it this seems to be where a great deal of problems arise.

How difficult is it to exclaim that, I am into bdsm  but not the D/s dynamic?....That took about two seconds and seemed to be relatively painless. Which might be self defeating for a masochist.

In post after post you see people who are unable to communicate or articulate their wants, needs, feelings, desires and GIFTS...lol.  Maybe bdsm should mean a large group of people who due to the fact that they seem to be unable to communicate that what they need are doomed to getting fucked in the ass when all they really wanted was a nice spanking.

All I am saying is that if you are unable to convey your needs and limits and blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...We will continue to see threads from the fucked up, the educators, those who feel like they have been used... or needs and expectations have not been met. It seems that those who need to have exact definitions in place are the ones that are unable to articulate their own needs and are unable or willing to listen to the wants, needs and limits of others.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 7/28/2007 9:20:30 AM >

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 9:22:03 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Shut up, Do-me guy.  Nobody likes you when you're smart.

Yours,


benji

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 9:22:04 AM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		Dear Celeste,

Thanks for provoking thought on a timely and interesting topic.

I agree with you. It doesn't mean I don't agree with what seems to be the general consensus of inclusivity.

Why I agree - I used to paticipate in another forum online. It began as BSDM- clearly stated. Now, they have decided that domestic disipline falls under that umbrella.

I was fine with that at first. It was explained that it was about a man - married man with his wife- being in charge and having the power to spank her as punishment if she didn't fulfill her wifely duties ( whatever) OK, I can see it.

Then more DD er's moved in. Ruined the neighborhood ( snark).

If someone speaks of : kinky sex, bondage, non equality, 'tools of the trade', rape play, even spanking for fun... or other horrors ( usually sexual or deemed violent) - the first thing you know, the first thing you hear -  an uproar.

One word: ABUSE! OMG. Abuse. Seek counseling, put your drawers back on you slut, go pray in church, reform, die.
( OK, OK I'm exaggerating now) but they do quote the bible all the time ( like it is the bible).  Not that there is anything wrong with that.

So, yes I agree because I've seen it. What to do?  Nothing.

Thanks again ,
leatherette



 

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 10:26:21 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Shut up, Do-me guy.  Nobody likes you when you're smart.

Yours,


benji


Fuck you!....You little bald headed, yellow...Halo wearing twerp.....Ahhh geeez!....You are so damn cute!...Come over here and let me rub your belly.

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 11:06:12 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Dawn,

I like that term.. default world. Thank you for sharing it. :)

Leatherette,

A very interesting twist on the subject. Thank you for sharing it as well. :)

I think this thread has pretty much run it's course for me, and just wanted to say thanks once again to those who contributed in a positive manner whether they agreed with my OP or not. Aqua, Tawney, Elusive, Flogger, Earthy .. although I didn't respond personally to every post, I did want to let you all know that I read what you had to say and appreciate the various contributions. I have seen so many times others doing exactly what my OP suggests.. pointing people in the right direction.. even if that direction is a suggest that someone seek out professional or medical health. I hope such continues because I do believe that doing so is in the best interests of individuals and BDSM in general.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Celeste



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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 11:19:20 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
Just make certain you get the UPPERCASE and lowercase thing down to prove how DOM or submissive you are.   If you are a Switch just do whatever you damn well please...  Switches are D/s social outcasts anyways!  LOL...  switches must only play with Switches in some odd tree house away from all the Domly Dom/mes and subbie sub/slaves... LOL.... 

What was that SLAVE.. you did not type Sir in the proper case!  hahahaha


i'm screwed....since i broke the wrist the second time, i cant feel my two outside fingers so i cant tell if i'm hitting the right keys...so i dont capitalize much.

(Sir forgives that, bless his soul!)

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 12:43:04 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I am very much for modernization of things as long as those things cause positive growth..when you look at social structures among the 90s this alternative lifestyle phrase came into power. to me i just rather say it as it is.. not make up a new definition for the way many people have been living or politically correctness.. why is it people feel they always have to reinvent the wheel..come up with some new artsy fartsy catch phrase.. to me learn about the past history of ds... Compare it to what you do and then say i am just some kinky bastard who loves to have fun and meet people there ya go. we can go into sub definitions of the meaning of biblical and the English American thought process defined on part two of the never ending saga of drama on line split with root or secondary  levels of social structures

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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 2:24:30 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		People of like minds will always find ways to congregate.  People of different minds, will often draw lines to exclude each other.  It's human nature.

I usually simply say BDSM is what I do, D/s is why.

As DG's pointed out, the shorter our definitions, the less they mean anything to anyone.  The only real answer is first look inside to decide what we want, and what we want to learn, and then explain it as clearly as we have the skills to do. 

BDSMers and D/sers have a great deal in common.  I have a much greater chance of finding a submissive girlfriend, if I attend a BDSM event over, say, a feminist organized vegan cooking class.  My submissive girlfriend is probably going to be a lot more receptive towards my desire to tie and spank her, than the vegan chicky.  Her being submissive doesn't inherently make her kinky (or into BDSM) and my kinky girlfriend isn't going to inherently be submissive, but the odds that if she's familiar with one, she'll be familiar with the other.  It ain't apples to oranges, it's granny smiths to washington reds; they come from the same type of tree.

Stephan


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RE: BDSM: The junk drawer for alternative life - 7/28/2007 8:00:06 PM   
Rafters


Posts: 266
Joined: 3/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
There is little sense in trying to establish "one" definition....Just go and look up bdsm at wiki...And you will begin to see where the problem lies....


"BDSM" is a term like "Hobby".
Defining BDSM will fail for the same reason you can't clump in the Hobbyists who Collect Stamps (Porn collectors) with Hangliders (Shibari suspension) with Horseriders (Leather) with SCA (SCA) with Hypocondriacs (Medical play) with Antiquers (Chastity, Stocks, Floggers, Torture...) with Knitters (Kinky Knitters)...

BDSM isn't something, it's a collection of somethings.

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Profile   Post #: 75
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