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RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:23:41 PM   
lusciouspeach78


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline 		Stephan~~But really, what IS reality? LOL! I don't need a craigslist ad to set something up~~I know enough people to just start calling for something like that, but as you pointed out, fantasy can be better, and I hate being disappointed!

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:26:40 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

For the past year and a half, I chose not to engage in sex. Because of being used in the past, I was afraid that if I had sex with a guy, he would lose interest. My unwillingness to have sex turned many potential Doms off. I finally met someone that seemed to be a good fit. I explained my fear to him. He seemed to understand and was willing to wait to have sex until I was ready. After several months of non-sexual sessions, I decided to trust him. Just as I feared, he lost interest (and no I didn't just lay there). A friend of mine usually only makes a guy wait for a few days, but doesn't seem to have this problem. Maybe I expect too much. I like to talk to a guy I'm involved with on the phone 2-3 times a week and see him once or twice a month. Does this mean I'm too needy? How can I break this cycle of being used in a bad way and get over my fear of sex that's even worse now than it was before?


You know, you gave this guy the perfect "out" with a sexual send-off.  Think about it.
 
You told him exactly what you expected. If he was getting tired of you, all he had to do what have sex with you then leave.  Chalk it up to experence.  Next time, keep your fears to yourself.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:29:22 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		DGB you need to hop on over to the other side.

It is a common lesbian joke that you can tell when one has had sex........the U-Haul is in the driveway the next day.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:36:14 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		But on the first date, they only bring a suitcase.. LaT   *chuckles*

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:41:46 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		SOME of us prefer to call it our Bag-O-Toys!

HMPH!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:47:29 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		LaT

That's only because only a handful of lesbians have met me 

(Yes, that's an old het guy joke.)

Stephan Dangerfield


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 1:51:45 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Dr Stephan, the cure for lesbpervertitis!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 2:08:11 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		peach,

I have home videos to demonstrate reality.  It may remind you why you prefer fantasy

Dr Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: fear of sex - 8/1/2007 3:07:19 PM   
switchsecrets


Posts: 133
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

For the past year and a half, I chose not to engage in sex. Because of being used in the past, I was afraid that if I had sex with a guy, he would lose interest. My unwillingness to have sex turned many potential Doms off. I finally met someone that seemed to be a good fit. I explained my fear to him. He seemed to understand and was willing to wait to have sex until I was ready. After several months of non-sexual sessions, I decided to trust him. Just as I feared, he lost interest (and no I didn't just lay there). A friend of mine usually only makes a guy wait for a few days, but doesn't seem to have this problem. Maybe I expect too much. I like to talk to a guy I'm involved with on the phone 2-3 times a week and see him once or twice a month. Does this mean I'm too needy? How can I break this cycle of being used in a bad way and get over my fear of sex that's even worse now than it was before?


sounds like young guys that you're dating. if you're looking for someone that's established, will have patience with you and probably cherish you the way you need sometimes, maybe consider an older Dom. (like 10ys older). the pressure might be off the both of you, in regards to having a lifetime relationship expectation. you sound mentally fragile, which is understandable. Also, demanding an upfront guarantee to stay with you after sex  signals insecurity in something, be it physical or mental.   if there are not too many expressed expectations, you can both relax and enjoy each other and it becomes a pleasure to see you again, instead of feeling pressured to see you. Also, when you mentioned  that you just don't lay there, it seems like you're trying too hard to make a first impression. as a guy, we can be guilty of this too.. you don't have to try and go by some play book. personally, i'd rather see you in your subspace and enjoying yourself then trying so hard to perform like a pornstar. some of that stuff can happen at a later time. we all can be guilty of trying to hard to make a good first impression. often there's lust at first sight, but it generally takes awhile together to build a deeper bond (which is what you seem to be seeking).  you can't expect that the very first time (sex with him), unless for example, you were both virgins at the time.

< Message edited by switchsecrets -- 8/1/2007 3:12:59 PM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 69
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