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RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 6:36:53 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I had a former sub that was a sex addict.  She was unbearable most of the time, since she was easily distracted by erotic thoughs, and found it necessary to masturbate several timesa day in order to be able to focus at all. It was a real addiction, and one she did see a therapist for, but it severely impacted her ability to serve me. After all, if I tell my girl or my boy not to touch themselves for a period of time, it should not be an unbearable hardship and something that will adversly impact their ENTIRE life for those days. She was in chastity for 2 days and I thought she was going to lose her mind.
After dealing with her, I decided that I will be my pets only Master, and she was a slave to her addiction, I was secondary.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 7:22:18 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't consider anyone with an addiction that damaged in any really severe way their ability to interact in a D/s situation. I am not a therapist, and those sorts of problems inevitably spill over into the BDSM dynamic. Who are they really serving? You, or their addiction? It sounds like the answer to a fantasy, but the reality is more like a nightmare.

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 7:23:15 PM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Okay, I just read the thread about the Dominant woman that is pissed off,
because a female slave approached her indicating she wanted a sexual relationship.

Okay, Masters would this be a problem for YOU?

Seriously, would you consider a submissive that really was a sex addict?
If she was a great submissive over all, but she had, well that little problem?

I know it would be a tough job, but someone would need to take her in, and look
after her.



You've got two different questions going on here: Would male Doms/Masters have a problem with submissives for whom sex is part of BDSM? Would Doms/Masters take on a submissive who is addicted to sex? two very different questions.

For me, BDSM is linked to sex, in my brain. I do it for the eroticism. "service" like doing dishes and cleaning the house... that doesn't appeal to me, in the sense that I enjoy doing those things. For someone I care about, they are things I would do naturally, to help them out, to make them smile, to make their day easier, Dom or not. They can BECOME erotic when there is a power exchange... but then it's not the chore that's erotic it's the power and energy exchange itself. I would never enter into a standing relationship with a Dom who would not allow sex, it's a compatibility issue. Similarly, (pointing out I'm a switch here) I would never be able to enter into a fulfilling relationship with a sub for whom sex is not a part of it. How we define sex... well, that's negotiable.

Sexual addiction has many, many causes. As a teen I was addicted to sex, as a method of coping with depression from sexual abuse as a child. Being a situational thing, having a definitive cause, it flared up intermittently, for longer and longer periods of time. At that time, I had a Domme who was willing to train me. But my addiction, as well as a lot of other crap going on, made it impossible. Once I was in therapy for it, training was actually NOT impossible, and in fact could have helped break me of my addiction (along with sudden health changes from a genetic defect). But it had to be with someone who was willing to work with the addiction, to be support and work with the therapist.

Relationships that involve sex, even vanilla ones, are always difficult to manage with a sex addict. In such a community where people play without emotional involvement, it's easy to say "I won't have that sub." But if it's someone that you care about, and otherwise mesh with, and is willing to seek help for their addiction, one must ask themselves.... would I date this person if I were vanilla? What would my rules and parameters be? It's easy to say, well it's just not OK for me because I always make a rule about chastity with my subs.... well guess what, monogamous people have similar rules about not fucking random people, but while dealing with a sex addict, you kinda have to reassess the situation a bit. Maybe making the rule USE A FREAKING CONDOM is a better idea? Buy the nice girl a deluxe pack a week, and make her tell you every excruciating detail of the encounters?

For someone considering a D/s relationship with a sex addict, I'd say get with a kink-friendly sex addiction therapist and work out a system. It's not impossible, it just takes effort, and you have to decide if this person is worth your effort.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 7:54:55 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I already HAVE a sex addict as a submissive.

Greedy whore.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 8:06:12 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I already HAVE a sex addict as a submissive.

Greedy whore.


LOL
Lucky you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 8:06:45 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

An old friend told me if she likes fistings she likes to do it a lot! 


I like sex a lot but I hate to be fisted......I submit to it but given a choice I would choose to not endure it.

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 8:11:36 PM   
shysoul


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		This is just my thought on the matter, but anyone who is addicted to anything isnt really in controll of themselfs. If you dont have controll over yourself then how can you give that controll to someone els. I think any addiction, sex addiction included would be a hindurance to someone beeing able to truely Dominate you.
  We all have our hangups, but if it is really truely an addiction then it is something that needs to be worked on because it will hinder any relationship not just a BDSM one. And this is any addiction not just a sex addiction.

<3 shy <3

< Message edited by shysoul -- 7/28/2007 8:14:39 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 8:27:34 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Okay, Masters would this be a problem for YOU?

 
At one time the answer might of been a resounding YES... but now that science has given us Viagra... not so much a problem now.
 
 
quote:


Seriously, would you consider a submissive that really was a sex addict?
If she was a great submissive over all, but she had, well that little problem?
 
I know it would be a tough job, but someone would need to take her in, and look
after her.


yeah.. it would be a horrible burden.. thank god for science

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 8:36:04 PM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		In my mind, actual sex addiction is no different than addiction to drugs or alcohol. The main undercurrent being that people who suffer from this affliction tend to let other areas of their lives suffer because they need to indulge in their "drug of choice".
 
Having been raised by and married to people who were substance abusers, I can say without a doubt that someone who is addicted to anything is not welcome in my life.
 
Liking a lot of sex is a necessity but addicts don't just like sex; they need it so much that it will become more important than their job, their home life, their children, their partners. You name it.
 
Unless they were in recovery (and for some decent period of time), I honestly think I'd give them a miss.
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,


Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 9:16:15 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		Depends.  If they can't think of anything other than sex, it would get old fast...and then get great again for a half hour at a time. 

First girl I ever dated was like that...took a while to work up the not-horniness to break up with her.  

(in reply to Satyr6406)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 9:29:21 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I can at times have a sex addiction.  It consumes my thoughts and I can't wait to get my next "fix".  I feel like I am lost if I don't have it atleast once a day, but more than that is perfect for me.  I don't always feel out of control in my desire, it's just that I have a very high sex drive and it needs to be taken care of.
 
He doesn't complain too much about that, just the lack of sleep it causes.


_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Damocles809)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 9:56:46 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I would not, I think, except under very specific terms including legal guardianship with regard to mental health care, take on a sub or slave that suffered from either Hypersexuality or Persistant Sexual Arousal Syndrome. At least if I remember correctly what those are about; it hasn't exactly been something I have encountered personally so far.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 10:14:17 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I actually understand what you are saying, for once.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/28/2007 11:17:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Speaking as a former sex addict, not at all.

Addiction is never healthy.  Sexual addiction can be pretty dark considering there's usually very little real world consequences to be seen and often encouraged- specially in alternative lifestyles.  "Ohh she's a nympho!" "Oh, that's so hot!"

I learned to deal with the bad reasons and can now fully enjoy sex wantonly for the RIGHT reasons.  But I'd never take on a relationship with someone who was an addict, of any sort.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/28/2007 11:18:47 PM >

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/29/2007 6:27:19 AM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		just how much is too much, too little and for whom?

just curious

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/29/2007 7:51:29 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Like an other mental disorder, I might consider them if they were either getting or willing to get therapy and treatment.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/29/2007 7:56:39 AM   
TankII7871


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Speaking as a former sex addict, not at all.

Addiction is never healthy.  Sexual addiction can be pretty dark considering there's usually very little real world consequences to be seen and often encouraged- specially in alternative lifestyles.  "Ohh she's a nympho!" "Oh, that's so hot!"

I learned to deal with the bad reasons and can now fully enjoy sex wantonly for the RIGHT reasons.  But I'd never take on a relationship with someone who was an addict, of any sort.


You found the cure?? DAMNIT!!!!  I'm going back to thinking about happy times.
Seriously  there was a time i always tried to fix people no matter what their problem was.  I have since then shot my white horse so the answer for me would be no.

Eric

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/29/2007 8:11:00 AM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Many of the men that approach me online, claim to be submissive, but usually
are searching for fetish activities and sex.

No, MzMia I don't think having a submissive that was a sex addict would be a
situation I would want to find myself in.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/29/2007 9:02:14 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Where is the line between a healthy sexual appetite and sexual addiction? I think that answer would be as varied as the people answering. For someone with a low libido a partner who wanted daily sex may be viewed as a sex addict. Not to step on any toes but I have often seen Dommes in particular who have very low libidos complaining that all the male subs want is sex. They use things like forced chastity so they don't have to partake and still make the sub feel a sexual element to the relationship.

Personally, in my last relationship we averaged sex twice a day for 11 straight years. Of course there were days we didn't at all....and some days that we did it much more. And yeah, I managed to still do all of the cooking, cleaning and even kept a job outside the home. Do I think I have a sexual addiction? Nope...I think I have a healthy sexual appetite. I don't think it can be considered a sexual addiction unless it interferes and has negative impact on your life....and that does not include simply being hooked up with a partner whose libido doesn't match your own.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submi... - 7/29/2007 9:09:32 AM   
BrutalMasterOne


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline 		I have NEVER understood what in the world a sex addict is, and why it is bad? It seems to me that it is just a case of mismatched libido's. I just wish I could find a slave whose libido matched mine. It may seem like braggadocio but often many women, like many men, are too easily satisfied. Perhaps that is why I need more than one? As for nymphomania? That should be my worst problem in life.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 40
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