quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Umm... maybe because we all have viewpoints and this is a discussion forum?
Just as some people need the structure of a contract, others will keep away.  No one is saying the other is wrong.  Just wrong for them, or in their observation.  We all have a right to think, and do, what works.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
I find it amusing the amount of negative assumptions being made in this thread because people choose to make obedience the foundation of their relationship.  We don't villify people beacause they choose to make monogamy the foundation of their relationship, so why make such negative remarks of people who choose a different foundation?

Knight's Kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: callofzion

VERY interesting point about making obedience the base of a relationship rather than say, monogamy. It would appear in the first instance that humans are somewhat programmed to be genetically jealous of those who would screw over our chanced of procreating, hence the monogamy thing. Even in non monogamous circumstances, fidelity is still often an expectation. Making obedience the benchmark of a relationship is an interesting point, but I doubt many would have the same reaction to a sub saying "no, I'm not bending over for that", versus finding them doing your best friend....

I guess what I am saying is that monogamy, or at least fidelity tends to be a 'natural' expectation, wheras obedience, not so much in relationships where emotions are involved.

Yeah I know, generalised statements all over the show, but you get the general drift...

Ironically, up until the last few years, obedience WAS a "natural" expectation too...look at the marital vows of "love, honor, and OBEY".  The "obey" part was set to the wayside with the advent of the more radical elements of liberation and all the other social upheaval of the 60's.  But, in D/s, obedience is part of the dynamic and for most people entering into a D/s dynamic, that is understood from the start.  As I stated in my earlier post and as others have expressed, there is nothing wrong with an expectation of obedience nor the expectation that if one party does not live up to their obligation, then the dynamic is changed/damaged.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
And someone who won't discuss what the problem is and throws a sub out for any refusal is someone who also complains that there aren't any 'real subs' out there. He might be dominant but he's not capable of relationship skills.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Here is my personal take on the topic.

Online, people tend to over simplify and, on the flip side, over complicate, BDSM and the relationships between the people that participate.

Now, if you have just the BDSM activities......perhaps only this and no M/s relationship, then yes, it can be very shallow, not necessarily a bad thing at all if that is what a person wants. "Meet you at the Dungeon where I will (insert favourite activity here) and we can both go on our merry way afterwards"  Pretty simple and no need to get all dramatic, mushy, or add alot of deep BS that really doesn't apply.

OR, you can be in a more 24/7 M/s relationship in which BDSM is only a facet thereof. Not necessarily all that different than many relationships except for a defined power structure and a few more kinky activities tossed in for spice. The fact remains that we all go to work, eat, shit, grocery shop, like most people do. Nothing especially unique about the greater percentile of our lives. How shallow or deep it is, is directly determined by the people involved in the relationship not by their kink. Shallow people lead shallow lives, the kink does not determine it.

Now, for some people in a 24/7 M/s relationship, the power structure and the BDSM kink/play will deepen their relationship. They may use it as a tool to create a depth of bond that they feel would be lacking without it. But again, it is a direct reflection of the people involved not the kink/play they do.

BDSM in and of itself is not some great, spiritual, relationship, holy grail. It is an activity or group of activities. What it is/does for/to, the people involved, is determined by those individuals and the meaning they bestow upon it.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

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ORIGINAL: came4U

The only reason, after thinkin' about this, that a Dom would do such 'toss-out' tactic is because he knows of her hard limit/or close to it, and he uses that as a reason or excuse to rid of a gal for spite and without guilt or remorse.  I could see that happenening in real life., if the sub did all he asked so far and he became bored, disillusioned or intertested in another sub.  Yep, I could see this kind of dismissal being used often, and a gal as cannon fodder without realization that she was duped.

I would find it hard to be a sucker like that.  Nor would I appreciate another gal being refused on such premises.

*bold added by me

From reading this it seems that you think the dominant is the only one who can violate trust and the commitments that they made and the only one who lacks integrity.  If so, you need to take off the rose colored glasses and realize that it takes two people to make a relationship work and relationships can and do end because the submissive decides to not live up to the commitments that they make and violate the trust of the dominant.

Dominants are not the big bad and the very few that I know who do say that if a slave refuses a direct order the relationship would be over are not trying to dupe their partner and appear to have very happy, loving relationships with each other.  This type of relationship can last long term (my Lord and Alandra have been together for 20 years).  This type of relationship is not necessarily a fear based relationship.  I have no fear that he is going to toss me out, just like he has no fear that I will disobey. 

I find it amusing the amount of negative assumptions being made in this thread because people choose to make obedience the foundation of their relationship.  We don't villify people beacause they choose to make monogamy the foundation of their relationship, so why make such negative remarks of people who choose a different foundation?

Knight's Kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: callofzion

Hiya, no I don't mean as a hard limit, I mean like, as in it's RL, you're in a D/s relationship with this person and have been for a while, and you know, there is some attachment there, and the Dom tells the sub to take a punishment, and for whatever reason (temper, doesn't feel it's fair, some other reason) the sub says no. Does the Dom/me really just kick the sub out there and then? There are MANY who claim to be like this on the boards around here, but I just wonder how realistic that is, and how scary that might be if it is realistic...

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ORIGINAL: Darkhaven80

To me knowing someone will instantly drop you if you mess up or can't go through with one thing creates a sense of unease and you can never be yourself. I've been there and it's horrible.