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Faking Orgasm - 7/1/2005 4:37:54 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Ok...the thread on bad sex reminded me of my curiousity about this subject. There were several women on there who admitted to faking orgasms. Someone please enlighten me on the how and why of this phenomenon. This is not something I have ever done but I hear often of women doing it.

First of all, I do not understand why anyone would want to do this. Don't you WANT him to know that you are "not done"?

Second, how does one pull such a thing off? When I orgasm it is pretty unmistakable. Aside from the verbal, which would be pretty easy to fake I guess, how does one fake the physical aspects? The tremors? The vaginal spasms? The unmistakable "gush" of wetness? The heart pounding out of your chest?

Third, are men really that dumb? Or do they just not really care? How is it possible that they would not know? Who are these men?....I can not imagine anyone I have ever been with falling for this.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/1/2005 4:54:23 AM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I am glad you bought this up ! I was wondering how a man could fake an orgasm, since the person who made that statement is male.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/1/2005 6:01:44 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
First of all, I do not understand why anyone would want to do this. Don't you WANT him to know that you are "not done"?

I am very very difficult to orgasm with someone else, and in fact wasn't able to orgasm at all until I was 18. I used to be VERY self-conscious about it. There's ENORMOUS pressure from males to perform. When I told them I couldn't orgasm (and still with some today when I tell them it's difficult) they immediately take me on as a challenge- something to prove that they somehow had the ability.

Not realizing that this approach just made the likelihood drop from possible to zero. When I was self-conscious about it when I was younger, I didn't want to make the other person feel bad for their "failure" because of my picky body. So I'd fake it to soothe their feelings.

NOW however, I am not only not allowed to lie to the Owner (even if I ever wanted to) but I realize how detrimental that is to one's sex life and fulfillment. I'm completely open with partners about my difficulties orgasming, have no problems masturbating myself to orgasm with them there, and don't lie to make them feel better.

But that took a long time of self-awareness and confidence building.

quote:

Second, how does one pull such a thing off? When I orgasm it is pretty unmistakable. Aside from the verbal, which would be pretty easy to fake I guess, how does one fake the physical aspects? The tremors? The vaginal spasms? The unmistakable "gush" of wetness? The heart pounding out of your chest?

Check check and check. I could do good kegels and (this will again haunt me on this list) I'm a good liar. All of those can be faked pretty accurately. I showed it to the boyfriend once and he was pretty impressed.
quote:


Third, are men really that dumb? Or do they just not really care? How is it possible that they would not know? Who are these men?....I can not imagine anyone I have ever been with falling for this.

Most men are sucky lovers and while generally they want to please, are more than willing to go along with the idea that what they are doing is the right and good thing to do to get you off. This can be part of why it's so hard to teach them to be better.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/1/2005 6:17:27 AM   
Isolde


Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline 		I faked it with every partner I had until 7 years ago when I met my husband, and I had a good number of partners. I'm not proud of having done so but I'll try to explain my reasons. They made sense to me at the time. I don't think that way now.

1. I do not understand why anyone would want to do this. Don't you WANT him to know that you are "not done"?

Early abuse coupled with reading too many romance novels had me convinced that I was incapable of orgasm with a partner. I thought I had too many mental blocks and didn't want to be an inconvenience to my partner by asking them to help me get through it. I'm also one of those women who can only get off with more than 3-5 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation and, well...none of my partners ever spent enough time there to manage that, or even went there in the first place. After awhile, I learned that by faking it I could just get the intercourse part over quickly and we'd then move on to the cuddling. I didn't take much pleasure from sex but didn't want to be seen as frigid, or to bruise my partner's ego by not being able to come when I thought it was all my fault. It seemed easy enough for me to sneak into the bathroom afterwards, or handle any tension in the shower in the morning. Orgasm and masturbation weren't sensual for me at all, they were mechanical.

2. How does one pull such a thing off?

Really good acting! It helped that I have a lot of natural lubricant, even when not engaged in sexual behaviour. A little kissing just increases that. Add in frequent Kegals, and a lot of noise, and I was able to fake it really well. Of course, now that I'm used to the real thing I'm not sure I could pull it off as well but at the time, I had more than the usual amount of medical knowledge for a girl my age and knew just which things I needed to work on to make it most effective.

3. Are men really that dumb? Or do they just not really care? How is it possible that they would not know? Who are these men?

Before my husband, I'd had about 8 partners. The time I was with them ranged from 1 night to 2 full years. Obviously the ones I was with a very short period of time probably didn't much care if I really got off. The ones I was with for a longer period though, it's difficult to say. I think it was a combination of not caring, of not realizing or being educated, and of wanting to believe they were that good. The 2 year relationship was my last before I met my husband, and by the end of it I was faking an orgasm within 2 minutes of vaginal penetration. He never questioned it.

Of course, he was an inept little lawn gnome of a man with serious baggage and the potential to become a first class emotionally abusive partner, so that might've had something to do with it too. I had terrible taste in men. I've since improved and no longer fake it.

Sometimes I do feel badly for having done so with all of those men. My own hangups mean that they probably went on to be equally clumsy with later partners. I hope they learned to slow down, take their time, look for real cues. It can be really hard to recognize a real clue from a fake one, especially when you want to believe it's real. I'm sorry for contributing to the ongoing problem that a lot of women have with lovers of that sort.

(in reply to kisshou)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/1/2005 8:56:47 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have faked orgasims before. However, not all of them where due to having bad sex. On most of those occasions We had already had sex 4 to 5 times that day for the 3rd day in a row. I'd still get a hard on but Sue and Billy just couldn't cook my love gravey fast enough to serve. Sure, my partners where happy with the length of time I kept going but sooner or later I'd they would like to stop themselves. To make them not feel guilty about me not having an orgasim I would go ahead and fake my growl. Just because I didn't actually cum, dose not mean that I did not enjoy what we did.



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(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/1/2005 10:21:53 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Wow, Emerald, you sound like you're talking about me. (minus the no-orgams-till-18 thing. I'm good at doing it on my own, but with someone else....)

I've faked only a few times. With my previous partner (the abusive fuck) I did several times, because he couldn't accept that I couldn't orgasm from penetaration alone. Admitedly he didn't really care much about my orgasms at all, but it was an ego thing to him. Made him feel better, and I liked him to feel good.

With my current partner, about three times, and for way different reasons. Once, because he said he didnt' think I could fool him. I told him that once during a week span I'd fake it, and I bet he couldn't tell. He couldn't :) The other two times were when I was still -very- insecure about recieving oral sex (as opposed to just insecure). Anyway, I really wanted him to stop, but he wanted me to get off. So I faked it.

I don't do it anymore, because he doesn't like me to. If he wants me to get off, I do. If not, I could care less.

I'm pretty dang good at if if I do say so myself. I know my body and how it acts when I orgasm. I just do all that stuff.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/2/2005 5:59:29 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		Although I haven't faked it in my current relationship, I am anorgasmic, and had faked it just about every time I'd had intercourse when I was younger. Most girls really don't recognise the lack of additional fluid, plus it tends to not even occur to them that I guy might fake. If you're using a condom, of course, it's even easier.

I do enjoy sex for its own sake, but after a while of pumping away, eventually I get bored. Faking orgasm is the best way to move on to something else (also, occasionally I simply lose my erection after a while whether I've cum or not, so I just act as if my orgasm occured at the time).

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to perverseangelic)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/2/2005 7:42:46 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

I am glad you bought this up ! I was wondering how a man could fake an orgasm, since the person who made that statement is male.


Actually, I made the statement of faking an orgasm before Raphael did. I have to admit, I was curious how a man could fake an orgasm as well...

I faked an orgasm once, and only once and it was to get the guy to stop going down on me because it was so bad that it was uncomfortable. I was younger and less assertive back then.

I know some women who claim to faking orgasms because they are afraid of hurting a man's feelings. But you are completely right erin when you say "but what about your pleasure?"

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to kisshou)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/2/2005 9:05:35 AM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		my Master does not orgasm every time, and i used to be concerned that i was not pleasing Him, orally in particular.

after one 2.5 hour session where we were both exhausted (in a good way), and my mouth, jaw and throat were just all types of used (in a good way), He explained to me that the 3 or 4 times He had gone into this leg shaking, growling, all-out mode, he was hitting His peak. (if you know how a dog will shake its leg while you are scratching a particular spot on their tummy... you know now how Master's leg shakes *lol* )

apparently, it is like a dry orgasm for Him, except as far as pleasure and endurance, He gets more pleasure, and lasts longer (my poor mouth and ummmm... nethers! (woohoo!)) when He has these, than when He does ejaculate.

However, when He DOES ejaculate... damn! there's no missing that. even with a condom.

as far as myself, i have faked an orgasm once, when the guy i was with would not stop mauling me until i came. since i usually orgasm from things as simple as having my legs touched, or my hair played with... this is pretty bad. i was still a virgin, so intercourse was not on the table, but making out wasn't even fun. because i was horny, i tried, and i found out i can't just mess around for the sake of messing around, if the person is a turn off. and he wouldn't go until i "came" and pretended to be too tired to do anything else.

other than that, i ahve not faked an orgasm. i have had to hide them, though. that's a whole other kind of exercise, eh?

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to Manawyddan)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/2/2005 11:01:43 PM   
goldencat


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		I also find it very hard to orgasm. I'm so envious of the women who can have multible orgasms! I used to fake it alot when it would be taking me forever to orgasm, and I could see my partner was getting frustrated or tired. It is not hard to fake the tremors or the movements, and if it was ever questioned, I would just say that it was a weak one or something on those lines.

(in reply to sanita)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/2/2005 11:11:29 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Most men are sucky lovers and while generally they want to please, are more than willing to go along with the idea that what they are doing is the right and good thing to do to get you off. This can be part of why it's so hard to teach them to be better.


Oh, oh, oh...this is not my experience! I have no idea how people go about faking it, but I did have to pipe up that I disagree that most men are sucky lovers. <grin>


best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/2/2005 11:23:06 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		I've faked it once or twice with my first boyfriend. He's vanilla. We were each other's first everything. We were stubborn, silly and too foolish. Rather than open up to each other verbally we tried out best to communicate on a physical level. I've always been just a bit touchy about my appearance so the first time his mouth and my naughty bits were introduced I lay there... thinking about everything but being naked. I just couldn't relax. A female friend of mine also visited below the belt once or twice. And I faked once with her just so that I could go back to sleep.

It seems as though use of tongues just doesn't do it for me - at least not yet. I've never managed to get off that way. And because of a mental hang up or twelve about sex... penetration and I do not mix. That leaves me with double A batteries and plastic... mmm mmm plastic.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to stormsfate)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 12:02:27 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Remind me not to have sex with orgasim fakers to much confusion* grinsplayfully and harmlessly*


I've never ever in my entire life faked one. They just simply most the time don't happen. Sex isn't a huge deal for me. I can go months on end and not care one whit if I get fucked or not. Infact I prefere I don't.I find sex to be a chore and a bore about 90 percent of the time so I have sex let them orgasim and get on to more interesting things. On the rare ocasion I am truely aroused and not just fucking for them I try to come and if I can't with them when he's done I just whip out a toy, or just forget about it. It's not a huge priority or interest to me 99.9 percent of the time.

(in reply to stormsfate)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 3:11:39 AM   
fp2012


Posts: 97
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		I've faked it only once. And that was because I was basically asleep when he decided "hey lets do it at 3:00am". I was not turned on, and he was the type to hold off his own orgasm till I've had one first. So it would have taken all night. I can see myself doing it again, but only if I'm really not in the mood but want to please my partner. I'm a great liar, so faking it isn't difficult for me at all.

_____________________________

"When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" - Mae West

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 6:34:44 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		After reading the responses on this thread I have made a few observations. I am sitting here with these mental images of women(and men apparantly) all over the world having sex, rolling their eyes and giving an awful lot of concious thought to how to make their bodies appear to be orgasming convincingly....most times it seems in an effort to make bad sex stop. Faking tremors....doing Kegels....moaning....shouting Oh God. For me the images are just bizarre....and I do not say that in a way to be demeaning to anyone.

I have to wonder though, if you have so much of your brain tied up in your attempt to be deceptive, how can you expect to let go enough to orgasm? Sex is as much, if not more, mental as it is physical. Wouldn't it be much more productive to let your mind go off into fantasy land or at the very least, use that concious effort to think about things that really get you going?

Many have responded that most times they have done this it was because their partner was not doing things in a manner that were pleasing. Don't people communicate? If a man is doing it all wrong, why not just educate him a bit? A little less pressure babe....more tongue flicking, less sucking....faster...harder....slower....more gentle.....here is my clit....my G spot is here. Isn't that how we learn our partners bodies and the exact way to please each other? Are we, as women in general, embarassed to say exactly what it is that we enjoy? Questions, questions, questions......

I guess after reading this I certainly feel very fortunate.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 7:15:40 AM   
tigress31047


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		i also have a very hard time orgasming..and like was already said ..alot of men take that as a challenge.i have heard the statement "well you just haven't had the right man try yet" so many times i could scream (and have) (lol) so in my opinion, faking was just an easier way to deal with it. Since i consider faking as sort of lieing to a partner, faking with Master is a big no-no for me ..i would never purposly lie to Him. I have discussed this with Him and He is helping me with relaxation techniques and breathing excersises, belive it or not it does work.I was getting so aroused and almost hyproventalting that it was keeping me from physicial release. it has been sometime now since i even thought about faking it..its all in the head for me at least ..i just needed to relax and enjoy instead of being so caught up in the thought that i couldn't. Master has taken 2 words from my dictionary.."can't " and "won't" are no longer options.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 7:38:25 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:


Many have responded that most times they have done this it was because their partner was not doing things in a manner that were pleasing. Don't people communicate? If a man is doing it all wrong, why not just educate him a bit?

Ideally is rarely reality. It takes a LOT of guts, self esteem awareness and practice to get to this point. As much as people talk about communication being the key, it's rarely a learned skill. I think part of the reasons so many subs think Ds is better is because it allows them to no longer feel trapped in their sexuality, thus freeing them to do those things they always wanted.

Most people aren't taught that it's happy and fun to explore your bodies. Even in bdsm circles there is a stigma about a sub who masturbates because it somehow must mean the dom isn't quite up to par. And then telling the dom that they maybe aren't an amazing perfect mind reading stud!

But you are right, this is the only way in the long term to make sure everyone is fulfilled and honest. It took me years and many partners to realize and actualize this.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 2:56:08 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		i never faked an orgasm.... didn't see any need to do that....

but Dragonzaymaster faked that once... didn't take long for me to figure it out, obviously.... lol

< Message edited by zaynab -- 7/3/2005 2:57:17 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/3/2005 9:45:43 PM   
Mistress


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I cannot, to this day, orgasm from vaginal penetration.
I have tried to many times, it just doesnt happen. I need clitoral stimulation. Also, I need clitoral stimulation for AT LEAST 20-30 minutes before I might orgasm and that is if I am really horny. Many times it will take much longer.
I cannot use a vibrator while having sex because usually to orgasm because I cannot focus on my fantasy while having vaginal penetration. Its almost as though too much is going on for me. I need to have almost complete silence and a very detailed fantasy before I can orgasm.
I have had men who insist on f*cking until I cum and see it as some sort of challenge. It feels good but after 30 or 40 minutes of going nonstop I start to get sore and tired, and I KNOW I will not orgasm from this, but some men refuse to take that as an answer, so I fake it.
Often I will just masturbate myself and have them suck on my nipples or something to assist me. I know just how I like it

~M~

(in reply to zaynab)
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RE: Faking Orgasm - 7/4/2005 12:02:37 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, now I have to wonder, how many of those who are faking orgasms also believe that this lifestyle is grounded in the principles of honesty and integrity? How many see honesty as a trait they seek in a partner? How many would never actually lie to their Dominants? Do you not see this as deceptive and if not why?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)
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