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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:20:08 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think not dealing with emotion properly is weakness, but showing emotion isnt.

There is a difference between someone who crys because he is extremely distressed and then picks himself up and keeps moving forward and someone who completely breaks down and wallows away in self pity.



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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:23:17 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

Any emotion that is human should not be questioned, as long as it doesn't harm anyone, and crying is one of them.  We all cry, and I would rather see someone cry then someone with pent up emotions.


Same here...

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:35:48 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
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quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

It takes a big man to cry...


...but an even bigger man to laugh at the big man who is crying...





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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:43:37 PM   
SleepyBeast


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I think not dealing with emotion properly is weakness, but showing emotion isnt.

There is a difference between someone who crys because he is extremely distressed and then picks himself up and keeps moving forward and someone who completely breaks down and wallows away in self pity.




You can deal with emotions without expressing them openly, and you can express them openly without dealing with them.
So, if you cry or not has no bearing on if you deal with it or not.

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:47:34 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		personally i love a man who can/does cry. i have been so very moved when a man is that in touch with his feelings. it makes me feel trust. i agree if men would get more in touch wif their feelings the whole world would be better off. i dont think emotions are meant to be "controlled". yes, you want to stay safe at all times so if ya dont feel safe to show/feel emotions at any given time or place, try and get out of there asap. if ya cant get out of there a mini-self talk like," okay, i feel really... but it is not okay to go into it here, so hang on and the second i can get some privacy i will give these feelings attention."

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:52:50 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes you can't cry.  My best friend is a Bn commander in W. Iraq right now--US Army.  He's in a command position, and he just can't spend his time weeping.  He lost his entire family: wife, son and daughter, last November, and he is in agony.  But as a commander he can't focus on himself and relaly grieve now.  I think women can be in a similar position, but I think in our culture it is men more often.  When I had a Marine die, when my house burned done, etc, I was the commander, the Husband/Father, the person in charge who was responsible for taking crae of everyone else.

I can't imagine making a conscious choice not to cry because you would look like a puss--I think it is more like men are often in positions in our culture where they do not have the space to cry, to be engaged in their own grieving like that.

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:54:16 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well thats cool, but really immaterial to the point of my post.

I took the jist of discussion to be about what is weakness in regards to emotion.

My response is that showing emotion doesnt automatically equate to a form of weakness, but not dealing with those emotions properly and allowing them to influience your life is weakness to me.

I can go outside of my workplace and cry for 5 minutes to relieve built up stress and anxiety and then go right back in and get back to earning my paycheck. Not allowing one's self to cry and bottling up the emotion until they explode in a ball of rage and lose their job is weakness to me because it constitutes failure.

This is not to say thats its not understandable for people to be weak at times, but just because I am sympathetic to people who have allowed strenous emotion to disrupt their lives doesnt change the fact that I view it as weakness. Nor am I implying that I am somehow uberly superior to everyone else, because there is many times when I have allowed emotion to disrupt my own control over my enviroment. I was being weak and I admit that.

Edited to Add : Strength to me is dealing with those emotions and moving forward...regardless of whether or not one has to cry to get a grip on things to keep progressing.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 8/7/2007 8:56:44 PM >

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 8:56:07 PM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		Any man who has to hide what he is feeling, or the natural reactions that come with emotions, because he is afraid of what others will think is just being a big sissy in my book.

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 9:07:48 PM   
SleepyBeast


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I took the main drift of the discussion to be about the expression of emotions, not the fact of the emotions. So that is why I responded to the expression of emotion.

I figure if someone else wants to cry to express their emotions then thats fine for them, just not my thing. Everyone has emotions, and should deal with them as they see fit, not as others think they should.

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 9:10:06 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, men should cry if they feel the need.  It doesn't make him seem weak or powerless or whatever other negative connotation which could be attached to it.  It makes him simply human.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 9:12:29 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Sometimes you can't cry.  My best friend is a Bn commander in W. Iraq right now--US Army.  He's in a command position, and he just can't spend his time weeping.  He lost his entire family: wife, son and daughter, last November, and he is in agony.  But as a commander he can't focus on himself and relaly grieve now.  I think women can be in a similar position, but I think in our culture it is men more often.  When I had a Marine die, when my house burned done, etc, I was the commander, the Husband/Father, the person in charge who was responsible for taking crae of everyone else.

I can't imagine making a conscious choice not to cry because you would look like a puss--I think it is more like men are often in positions in our culture where they do not have the space to cry, to be engaged in their own grieving like that.


Yes.

But it often comes out in ways which are far less healthy or innocuous for the people nearby than some wetworks. I'm not disparaging you or anyone close to you, just thinking about my own stepfather and his inability to stop and deal with his stuff before it killed him.


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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 10:32:05 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I think not dealing with emotion properly is weakness, but showing emotion isnt.



Beautifully and succinctly put.  One of the burdens of masculinity is the notion that being impervious and strong is always the best approach.  When a person *can't* express or access emotion, or are fearful of doing so, this is an incredible loss.   

One of the reasons why I enjoy submissive men is that by their make-up they can be more in touch with their emotional side.  I love that.

MSS

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 10:48:16 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		i think that a male showing emotion should not be looked down upon. we have them, why should we not express them? we're only human, aren't we?

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 11:13:10 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHis

But the answer was cry.



I spent much of today crying.

The stress of being in extreme pain from a work accident, trying to get the workmen's compensation insurance company to do their f***ing job, and general emotional stress of being a caged panther in my apartment. 

Trapped.  Unable to leave.  Unwilling to drive on hard-core pain pills. 

Grumpergy


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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 11:42:52 PM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		Showing emotion is a must for anyone I connect with.  Don't get me wrong, I love smart, analytical, pragmatic men; but if one is all of that, but unable to express emotions, or in fact avoids discussing/expressing feelings, his days around me are numbered.   In my experience lacking empathy or a desire to connect with other human beings on a most fundamental level (laughing, crying, etc), is a handicap...  This is just my opinion, and I do daily work on balancing myself to be more about business/facts, and less about feelings.  M

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 11:47:23 PM   
ShieldWolf


Posts: 55
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Some men- apparently, many- may feel the need to cry from time to time.  Some may even feel it, but try to hide it.  But I assure you, despite however unromantic you may think it to be, not all of us have a weak side that's desperately seeking the aid of a kind ear.

A man is strong, tall, handsome, rich, brilliant, highborne, healthy, loved, educated, respected.  Do you pity him?  If he cried, would you care?

Some men may need to cry sometimes.  Some men may even feel it, and some may be allowed.  But, in crying, one physically begs for compassion, even mercy.  One can no longer claim to be beyond reproach.  This one becomes "human".

Perhaps, it's a price some are willing to pay.  Compassion, understanding, and closeness- in exchange for the right to power.


Interesting point but would one who shed a tear or two out of compassion for another be seeking or begging compassion? If I see a family who has just lost a child or a spouse who has lost a soldier overseas, does my compassion for their loss equate to being weak and no longer above reproach?

Self-pity and humanity do not have to go hand in hand, but to not feel for others at anytime would have to be seen as un-human, somehow betraying what a Man is or hopes to become. The things you listed are all part of the package, but are not sacrificed by the man who can be sympathetic when appropriate. Do you perhaps see Spock from Star Trek as the ultimate measure of a Man?

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/7/2007 11:58:33 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
i think that men show their strength by their acknowledgement of having feelings; sometimes those feelings result in tears. they are a normal result of stress, pain, and sometimes fear. as these emotions often come from the limbic system of the brain, controlling the autonomic nervous system, they just "are."

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 12:18:17 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I tend to be quite uncomfortable around men who show such (tearful) emotions. Unless it is a death, which I have not actually had the experience of witnessing.  I have though seen men who break down discussing their former spouses.  Big turn off lol. I have known a man who carries his ex-wife's love letters to another man in a briefcase and he pulls them out with the old 'oohh geez, forgot those were in here' act to eventually break down and cry in my lap.
I was fairly disgusted and let him dispose of his tears and said nothing. I was in shock lol.  I couldn't believe he even burdened me with it. (I told him to burn them and move on).

Sounds mean, but, maybe I have never been emotionally attached to someone other than my lil ones (who are now big ones lol) and I have little patience for a grown man crying. 

I do, I do prefer a spock type. Sorry. 

< Message edited by came4U -- 8/8/2007 12:19:45 AM >

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 1:09:05 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am uncomfortable when other people cry, that's not to say I want them not to, I'm justo ne that will cry when they do and then we're both crying, and really honestly they need to cry more than I did, cause it's their issue.

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 1:23:48 AM   
spiral23


Posts: 1053
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		i can cry..but for some reason never in front of other people..i always have to take myself away and weep in private..

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