RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ???

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 2:51:22 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
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Thank you everyone for your opinions on this subject. There were some great posts from many directions.
I do don't believe in tears at a drop of a hat. That can sometimes smack of manipulation ( might I add that most often women are guilty of this tactic, I myself have tried that and got absolutely nowhere with it lol).

I still believe there is nothing wrong with a man showing emotions in the form of tears. It does not cause me to pity a man in any way. It just shows me how comfortable he is within himself. With this.
Take care all

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 61

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 4:37:46 PM

MellowSir

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Joined: 4/17/2007
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Yeah, crying's ok for a man, as is showing the entire spectrum of emotions, being human. Certainly no-one wants a man that's a crybaby lol, it does show a lot of trust in his mate's compassion for him, and support. Certainly I've cried at the death of friends, as we all have...but I'm not crying over spilt milk or if I lose a partner due to my own stupidity( yes doms can be dumb too, imagine that). Men need to be more in touch with their mate's emotions, and hopefully in doing so better know their own I suppose.... I've never stopped myself from "wearing my heart on my sleeve", and figure even if it's hurt it just comes back stronger and more determined anyway, all the better for the next chance....

< Message edited by MellowSir -- 8/8/2007 4:39:51 PM >

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 62

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 5:11:20 PM

CreativeDominant

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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I wanted to reply to this without reading through the entire thread first. I read your post only and decided it would only be fair if I gave my first thoughts...

I cry. I have no problem with it though it is not something that occurs often. When my mother called me over to the house because my dad was down on the foyer floor, I began crying as I was doing CPR, knowing he wasn't going to come back. Then, my brother and I got on with the funeral arrangements and taking care of our mother.

When my mother called me 7 years later, slurring her words on the phone and I knew she wasn't drunk at 7 in the morning, I rushed to her house. She could barely talk but I knew she was experiencing pain and frustration and fear. When the neurologist came to me 4 hours later and told me that my mother had been having a series of mini-strokes over several months time and this had been the final one which caused her paralysis on one side and loss of speech, I cried in anger and frustration and sadness. Then I got on with taking care of her.

When I received the papers from the court that let me know that my divorce was final, I cried for a short time over what had been lost and what might have been...then got on with my life.

When my youngest um came to me 3 years ago and told me that the man who had been held up to me as the example I should follow as a man...her uncle, my ex brother-in-law...had molested her, I held her and did what I could to begin the process of making her feel safe again. I called the ex, told her what our um had told me and then called the police. When it was all done, I finished up on a patient, watched my um pull away with my ex, closed my office door and cried....then went out to my shop and beat on an old fender I keep there for that purpose.

Emotions are fine in all creatures...men and women. I do keep mine under control and yet, if a movie touches me you just may find a tear on my cheek. If my um comes to me again with another situation, you will see me angry and taking care of things and then, if I feel the need, a tear may be found again. I have also hardened my heart to some other things...a whine that is more about having your way rather than genuine hurt or pain or anger OR a homeless man holding up a sign asking for money and then, when you offer him work to earn his money, turns you down OR a child overseas starving when there are stories of children here kept in cages or closets and starved to death...those do not affect me near the way they used to.

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 63

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 5:25:18 PM

KnightofMists

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I believe any emotion that is forced or suppressed is not a good thing. However, that is not to say that emotions should flow uncontrolled from a person either. Managed emotions.. to be happy or to be sad is a good thing. Being able to show the emotions that are natural for a person in a managed way is a very good thing. So.. Crying men... maybe it's a good thing.. maybe it's actually not so good. It really depends on the individual. For myself.. I admire those that manage their emotions in a way that allows them to have a constructive impact on their relationships as compared to a destructivce one.

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(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 64

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/8/2007 8:41:06 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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CreativeDominant?

your UM came told you this and you called ex, then police and let them drive away while you finished work? then beat a fender?

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 65

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 9:05:18 AM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
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Emotional health is often described as feeling and emotiing a wide variety of emotions with a wide variety of emphasis. If any person is missing a particular emphasis or a particular emotion, (read: a particular behavior), then they could be described as emotionally stunted.

I also believe that the ability to display a wide range of emotion is one aspect of personal power.

The catch here is that many people who cry frequently have no control over it. They just cry a lot because they little or no other alternatives. They lack alternative methods to create changes in their lives or they have little control over themselves and end up crying as a form of frequent break down. This isn't a variety of experience either. And this is what most people project or see in people who cry.

I think that's a very different thing from, say, crying at one's mother's funeral. Or crying over a relationship break. Or crying in scene.

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 66

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 9:08:13 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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can i cry now?

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Post #: 67

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 12:20:59 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Some men- apparently, many- may feel the need to cry from time to time. Some may even feel it, but try to hide it. But I assure you, despite however unromantic you may think it to be, not all of us have a weak side that's desperately seeking the aid of a kind ear.

A man is strong, tall, handsome, rich, brilliant, highborne, healthy, loved, educated, respected. Do you pity him? If he cried, would you care?

Some men may need to cry sometimes. Some men may even feel it, and some may be allowed. But, in crying, one physically begs for compassion, even mercy. One can no longer claim to be beyond reproach. This one becomes "human".

Perhaps, it's a price some are willing to pay. Compassion, understanding, and closeness- in exchange for the right to power.

If the authority in my relationships is someone based on me maintaining a superficial image of a Powerful Man of Men and not based on the man I simply am in all my glory and human flaws, then I would consider that a good reason to cry.

The idea that Dominants need to maintain an image of the ultimate measure of men at all times to have the right to wield power in a M/S relationships is a juvenile understanding of authority and M/S relationships.

I certainly would not want to be in a relationship where I had to maintain this stonewall image and could not be open and honest regarding all of what I am, flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections without the fear of losing my right to be a Master.

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Post #: 68

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 12:37:28 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... I have emotions, my name is not Spock...
You'd swear some people must have this vulcan idealism for
a what a Dom should or should not be.

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 69

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 12:48:00 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

CreativeDominant?

your UM came told you this and you called ex, then police and let them drive away while you finished work? then beat a fender?

No. My um came and told me this because she knew I would not blame her...and would listen to her...and would not get hysterical on her. She needed strength and comfort and got it from me. Sorry that was not made clear from this statement...
..."I held her and did what I could to begin the process of making her feel safe again... "
and that you perceived what I said instead as that I sent her off right away.

As for finishing work, yes. There was nothing else I could do except deal with the police and the D. A. while my um's therapist and, eventually, her mother continued on with what I had started. Which continued on...and has continued on...since it happened. That is one of the reasons my ums come to me first.

As for beating a fender...yes. Better than finding him and beating him, was it not?

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/9/2007 12:56:55 PM >

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 70

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 2:45:54 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I do don't believe in tears at a drop of a hat. That can sometimes smack of manipulation

This should of read" I don't believe in tears at a drop of a hat "
edited late because I just noticed my mistake. Sorry folks :)

Here is a quote I read about managing emotions as KoM brought up.

"Many people cave in to emotional drains, offering the popular excuse that "they just can't help it." It's time now that we learn both how and why to "help it" — or at least become open to the fact that *we can.*"
~Doc Childre and Howard Martin~

< Message edited by OnlyHis -- 8/9/2007 2:56:25 PM >

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 71

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 3:18:00 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Yes I like men who can cry.
Even over something very simple but moving.
I think sometimes crying over a film is cartharsis.
A bit like greek tragedy.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 72

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 3:28:17 PM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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The only time I ever saw my own father cry was when he had to have our family dog put to sleep, because he was really old and sufferred from various health problems (no joke).

For years, there was all sorts of other stuff that happened in my dad's life that he could have cried about, I suppose - but the only time he just really lost it was when our family dog, Brandy, was on his deathbed at age 16 years. Go figure...So anyway, maybe my father is the "role model" I consider when considering these things.

*BUT - if it's a life trauma (like the funeral of a much-loved relative or something) then a man crying doesn't freak me out. Also, not if they are simply just releasing long pent-up emotion, or are under lots of stress, for example. I think is those kinds of situations, if they feel like crying, and they don't cry - well, it might be harmful to them mentally, or something.

From both men, and women, though, I think crying"at the drop of a hat" is kinda "wimpy"...but to each their own - I've cried at sad movies a few times myself, and due to sudden emotional shocks, etc. And I don't really care what other people wanna do (unless, of course, they are partnering with me, hehe).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/9/2007 3:33:03 PM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 73

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 3:41:40 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

CreativeDominant.

sure, fender is better.

Sorry, I was lost in the earlier translation of it. I would have named the guy Fender and be in jail right now though LOL.

hey...isn't Fender the robot in a cartoon show? lol. Yeah, I would kill Fender

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 74

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 8:56:51 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

It takes a big man to cry...

...but an even bigger man to laugh at the big man who is crying...

Props for the Jack Handy ref...

It's not "wrong or 'sissy or childish' for men to show emotions or to cry", but men who do (openly) are generally perceived that way. Smart men don't repress their emotions, but they don't necessarily parade them around, either.

This is another one of those subjects where I think many women will say one thing (I *love* it when man shows emotion and cries!) but secretly think another...(he's *crying*? ewwwwwwwwwwww......)

Whatev.

(in reply to instynctive)

Post #: 75

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/9/2007 9:21:54 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

This thread made me think of a song that is currently playing:

JOE NICHOLS
The Impossible
(Kelley Lovelace/Lee Thomas Miller)

My dad chased monsters from the dark
He checked underneath my bed
An he could lift me with one arm
Way up over top of his head
He could loosen rusty bolts
With a quick turn of his wrist
He pulled splinters from his hand
And never even flinched
In thirteen years I'd never seen him cry
But the day that grandpa died,I realized

Unsinkable ships sink
Unbreakable walls break
Sometimes the things you think could never happen
Happens just like that
Unbendable steel bends
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable
I've learned to never underestimate
The impossible

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A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 76

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/10/2007 12:22:42 AM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

This is another one of those subjects where I think many women will say one thing (I *love* it when man shows emotion and cries!) but secretly think another...(he's *crying*? ewwwwwwwwwwww......)

I, personally think "Hey, wow, he's a big enough person to accept it, and I have the opportunity to be privy to it. Cool."

On the other hand, if someone forces their emotional schtuff on me in an inappropriate manner... then yeah, "ewwww.... boundaries buddy, learn 'em."

My .02 before bed.

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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/10/2007 5:18:52 PM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

can i cry now?

Yes, you may. And you're a good boy for asking.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 78

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/14/2007 9:25:48 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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i admit to being ewwwed by guys who cry when it feels like manipulative caca. and sure i gets uncomfortable at times no matter who is cryin. sheesh i kinda can go ewww toward myself (which is NOT nice lol) when i cry and someone sees me.

i feel it is best to do most of da emotional expression in private for safety and self protection. still and all, a man who can cry is alrights by me. i love feelins and emotions in their spontaneous direct subjective expression, oh yes i do.

oh and on da side, how funny are some of yall? sheesh, so freakin funny. very clever jik jik goin on in here.

(in reply to teamnoir)

Post #: 79

RE: Showing Emotions(men) - a good thing or not ??? - 8/14/2007 9:29:07 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

can i cry now?

Yes, you may. And you're a good boy for asking.

thank You Sir

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

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Post #: 80

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