Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite

Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (Full Version)

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Stephann -> Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 7:43:26 PM)
(rolling up muh sleeves and ready to get dirty.) I'm all for tolerance, everybody's path is different, and there's no 'wrong' way to live your life. Having said that, I'm going to offer a critique of the ever popular newbie-site castlerealm.com The good: It describes the kinder, gentler path of BDSM. It's filled with newbie-friendly information. It's insightful into some of the most vital aspects of relationships in general, be they D/s, M/s, S&M, BDSM, and the whole alphabet soup of what we consider to be 'The Lifestyle.' The bad: It makes what WIITWD sound like fairy princesses and just plain fairy princes. So much of the focus is on how to be nice and happy with pink roses and flowers, that it clearly suggests a strong bias against anything that is louder than a tap, harder than gummie bears, or harsher than light rock (I hate Air Supply.) My biggest beef, is how the struggle is skipped over. In being overly accepting of all troubles, the Dominant is painted as smiling, chivelrous, accepting of all faults. The sub (never slave) is painted as devoted, loving, but golly sometimes i'm gonna pout and stomp my feet and you just have to deal with it. Relationships, any relationship, is simply a lot more taxing and often more nitty gritty than this. No question, no small number of people enjoy this as an ideal. I prefer to approach my M/s relationships as a contact sport. I kinda figure I'll post here every couple days with critiques of specific articles. I suspect this debate will regularly turn into a flamefest. That's cool. If you feel as excited of a chance to poke holes in the prettiest, nicest BDSM site-that-everyone-loves, then meet me here. Thanks, Darth Stephan

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 7:50:56 PM)
I know it's a foo foo site, but it was the first one I found when I finally sat down and tried to figure out who I was and what I had been suppressing and misunderstanding my whole life. Foo foo - yes, but it did start me on my online reading journey, so I just consider it one of many resources. It's not one I would suggest to someone new as a first time read, but I would suggest it and advise them that it was a very romantic version of the lifestyle that may not be representative of what they find in the real world.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 7:54:56 PM)
I hate hallmark cards. It doesn't mean people don't mean well when they hand you one. It doesn't mean they don't actually love you, or congratulate you on your new baby or graduation. I just find them a pukeriffic vehicle for conveying the info, but smile and say thanks. My enjoyment of beating and humiliating men and periodically women (who enjoy same from me) does not necessarily come from picture perfect mental health and pink ponies and happy rainbows. And rather than saying I should not indulge until I am completely mentally free of defect and purely an altrustic leader, a veritable paragon of virtue and a shining light to my sub, saintlike, and ever thinking of his/her greater good, I'd much rather say "I do some dark shit. You with me?" I haven't killed anyone yet and it seems to make people who are receptive happy.

earthycouple -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 7:55:16 PM)
Golly, Stephan, I think you nailed it. Spot on!

Stephann -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 7:55:28 PM)
NA, ja. I agree. It's one of the first sites I encountered too. I'm not suggesting it has zero value. I'm suggesting that by the time someone has made their way to our little neck of the woods on collarme, they're probably ready to take the training wheels off their bicycle. Stephan

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:02:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann NA, ja. I agree. It's one of the first sites I encountered too. I'm not suggesting it has zero value. I'm suggesting that by the time someone has made their way to our little neck of the woods on collarme, they're probably ready to take the training wheels off their bicycle. Stephan Maybe some are, but even when I joined 9 months ago, I was still very naive about a lot of stuff. Not that I'm all growed up now [;)], but I've learned loads from all you crazy perverts on here, and have lots more to learn. Don't make me take the training wheels off just yet!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! [sm=river.gif] [;)]

Grlwithboy -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:03:07 PM)
I would say for some people it has zero and even negative value. I'm really glad that the first materials I found dealing with the difference between violent and dangerous personal relationships gone wrong versus reasonably responsible and thinking SMBD were out of the queer leather sector. I think that writers and activists there cover the grey areas much better and still honor the fact that hotness and risk are important and valid human motivators. Ones that CM made me feel guilty and freakish and ....selfish...for even considering.

Stephann -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:04:42 PM)
Grlwthboy, I'd be genuinely interested in taking a look at it. If you have links or titles, by all means please share here or on the other side. Thanks! Stephan

Grlwithboy -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:08:42 PM)
Oh, just stuff floating around and workshops. A lot of stuff - the obvious things coming to mind are Jack Rinella's column. Steve Lenius' column in Lavender. Catherine Gross' workshops spring to mind. John Warren's book spoke much more comfortably to my awakening sado/D impulses without fomenting the already healthy dose of guilt most D/sados already bring to the table. Yes, one should think responsibly and seriously about their responsibilities to their s. But one of my responsibilities to my s is to create hot, challenging, intense, insane magic - not just DaddyMommy them.

RealDom69 -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:14:45 PM)
Puts on Dr Freud hat and invites you to lie on the couch and tell all.... My question is: why is this bothering you? Obviously you have moved beyond Castlerealm yourself, if ever you journeyed there at all, but what's the issue you have with others starting their learning there? I am not being sarcastic here, I'm just wondering why it's troubling you? You've given a well balanced critique of the site, but I'm curious as to what moved you to post it at all? :)) LH darn, this is LadyHeart wearing her husband's fetish gear again....

Stephann -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:18:40 PM)
Frankly, LordRiga's inane postings triggered it. Stephan

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:27:17 PM)
and the bdsm gods said go furth and post and it was good. thou shall type 2500 post a week for thine own intervention into the world of bdsm for it is the way of things so say we all

earthycouple -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:29:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 and the bdsm gods said go furth and post and it was good. thou shall type 2500 post a week for thine own intervention into the world of bdsm for it is the way of things so say we all Huh?

Stephann -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:29:39 PM)
And on the first day, God said "Lett there be spell check" And he looked down upon His mistake, and it was good. Omega

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:37:16 PM)
I've said it before and I'll say it again- I support CastleRealm and think it's a great site for people to explore and gain ideas from. Yes, LA, sharky, snarky, scary LA, likes and supports CastleRealm. I was the moderator for the CastleRealm boards back in 2002 for awhile when Colm reopened the forums there. I saw the good and the bad that it attracted to it. The conclusion I came to is that CR gets a bad rap BECAUSE it's so popular and so easy. Yes, it attracts the clueless newbies who latch onto it like leeches and suck it into their vapid teen angsty emotional minds. But they'd do that anyway. It's not CastleRealms problem or fault for it at all IMO. There's gazillions of worse sites out there, but CR takes the fall because it's so darn popular. Personally I think it's got some great stuff there- some really good basic ideas, some nice perspectives. If read with some good sense and questioning mind, it's a fabulous resource. It's not CR's job to make people act sensible- and even if it was, they'd fail miserably because most newbies don't WANT to act sensible.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:42:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann And on the first day, God said "Lett there be spell check" And he looked down upon His mistake, and it was good. Omega um that was not a spelling error it was hillbilly slang and stuff

SimplyMichael -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 8:54:58 PM)
LA, Newbies find bullshit like CR and think that fucking shallow crap is real. Culture is formed in many ways but having this site that every idiot online things is hallowed ground but is in reality a major reinforcer of the very problems that we have to deal with in real life. How could my amazing and of course perfect dominant: make a mistake? disapear? get angry? cheat? murder me? All myths about "true" dominants, hell I think TRUE came from that stupid site.

Stephann -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 9:13:00 PM)
LA, Again, I'm not saying it's without merit. I'm offering personal criticsm of the site where scat doesn't stink (because it doesn't exist.) Stephan

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 9:13:09 PM)
You'll have to show me on the site where it claims those false ideas as truths?

NefertariReborn -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 9:19:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RealDom69 Puts on Dr Freud hat and invites you to lie on the couch and tell all.... My question is: why is this bothering you? Obviously you have moved beyond Castlerealm yourself, if ever you journeyed there at all, but what's the issue you have with others starting their learning there? I am not being sarcastic here, I'm just wondering why it's troubling you? You've given a well balanced critique of the site, but I'm curious as to what moved you to post it at all? :)) LH darn, this is LadyHeart wearing her husband's fetish gear again.... I'd have to agree with RealDom69. What does it matter if Castlerealm is unicorns and rainbows? Castlerealm was the first site I came across online...actually it was suggested to Me. But like anyone I think, and again I said I think, who is really interested in this lifestyle, the desire to know more will drive most(and for Me it was an insatiable need) to find more and more information from more and more sources. I think Wwe run the risk of having our noses just a bit too high in the air once Wwe've moved beyond the newbie stage, as if Wwe came out of the womb knowing it all. If you're on steak now, great. But leave the babies on formula alone.

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