RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:19:58 PM)

I never said I couldn't see the bias. I've never said the site is golden and perfect and fabulous in all ways.

Just that it DOES have a lot of good to it and I think it's a good resource.

I just think you have your own bias and it's really clearly showing as well.




mistoferin -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:21:00 PM)

CastleRealm certainly has it's supporters and fans. I would not be counted as one of them. I started hearing about the site a few years ago and checked it out, AFTER actually living a whole bunch of years in long term D/s relationships. My first impression of the site was that it was cute and rather comical with a definite Harlequin romance novel feel to it. It didn't take long for it to become nauseating.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:21:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
Then what's wrong with us as thoughtful curious individuals making remarks on how we differ in opinion, to hers?  Is it necessary to make a 'counter-castle' in order for a differing opinion to be legimate also?

Stephan

Umm when did I say it was wrong to make remarks on differing opinions?  Or that I needed to make my remark in order for yours to be legitimate?

That's two posts of questions in which no one has actually said what you ask them about saying.

I think there's a lot of bias here- I seem to be the only one saying "There's good, and bad"




FLFunTop -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:25:37 PM)

First to qualify my answer I "hung out" with Jade and LC for many years on both AOL and then later then on the IRC.  It will be a little hard to be objective about this one.  CastleRealm,, was a work in progress that I would estimate that was no more than 20 to 30 % complete, before Jade passed away.  I think that LC decided to leave it like and unfinished work as a tribute.  Yes it is open to the "romance and lavender" stuff, but it doesn't begin to capture how deep their dynamic was and how intense it was.  I will decline to share our private moment together.  I will say that their relationship wasn't always like sleeping beauty and Jade and LC would be the first to admit it.  Second, I would say that they were into what I would call a very M/s intense relationship. Third, I would say that anyone making judgments about them and their relationship from CR would be like looking at a hand sketch of a  Degas and claiming to have spent 10 years living in Paris at that time with him, partying and spending long walks along the Seine talking sports, politics and sharing stories etc….

CR was started as a basic learning tool that hopefully would be considered kink friendly and correct to the vanilla world at large.  Having your own server on the internet at that time was cost prohibitive and most ISPs were very skittish about having anything on the internet related to D/s or BDSM.  I know that we talked about getting a server at one time but you are talking of the days when a 486 PC cost 3-5K. Most of us eventually left AOL Hell and I doubt that the old Le_Chateau room even exists anymore. Again, it was  another time and another place, but all in all, in some ways, where it was just beginning to come on to the internet and out into the open there was a certain magic about the people involved, and their personalities from that core group of 50 to 100 or so.  If you were part of that group drop me a line.   As for Jade that wrote most of the site, and the times that we laughed, talked, and learned and help each other grow, who was take from this world too soon, and died from Lupus. I can only say…   I miss my friend.  



NefertariReborn -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:30:38 PM)

-Fast Reply-

*hears the faint swell of Do Me sub chants as they realize they are on an equal plane with subs who put their dominants' needs ahead of their own* What are they saying?  "What do we want? A dominant! When do we want it? Now!!!" 

Hopes (yes My hope list is ever growing) to never see another do me sub flame again.  Farty flowers are so yesterday!



velvetears -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:39:24 PM)

i had no idea there was an actual ritual to a collaring - if this isn't fluff and fantasy i don't know what is

The following is some excerpts from what I learned and what my own collaring contained.
The Procession
The submissive is usually accompanied by his/her trainer, mentor or another dominant who will speak on the submissive's behalf. This chosen dominant will give a testimony on the submissive's character and commitment to the D/s lifestyle. If this dominant is the trainer, mentor or protector of this submissive, they will be required to release the submissive from their care at the beginning of the ceremony.
The submissive may have one or two "sisters" in attendance, who will stand by her as she awaits the beginning of the collaring. One collaring that I observed had the sisters prepare their sister's hair by braiding it and fastening it to the back of her head as she waited for her future Master to appear with his attendants.
The dominant will usually be accompanied by one or two of his/her closest friends or those who helped him/her prepare for their role as "master or mistress." One of them usually carries the collar for the dominant who is about to claim their submissive.
Dress and Appearance
The Submissive.
The submissive usually wears a simple garment, often a tunic-type dress for females and a similar garment for males that may include trousers and resemble pajamas. The garb is plain but neat and attractive, signifying the submissive's role as a servant or handmaiden. The neckline of the garment is collarless and completely exposes the submissive's neck.
The submissive may wear wrist, ankle and body jewelry but there is seldom any worn on the head, such as earrings, and never is there anything worn around the neck other than the submissive's training collar, if they had one. This training collar will be removed during the beginning of the ceremony. The reason of the lack of adornment of the head is to keep from diminishing the collar that will be placed around the submissive's neck during the actual collaring.
If the female has long hair it should be worn off the neck and pinned securely to her head. Often it is braided into a plait and twisted at the back of the head. Small flowers may be worked into the hair if they are not overwhelming and are firmly secured.
The Dominant.
The dominant should be well dressed and often appears in formal or semi-formal attire. Fetish clothing is acceptable in some situations and the dominant might choose to wear leathers or other "costume" type articles of clothing. Most often the dominant will be seen dressed as a country gentleman or lady of breeding and position.
Both.
Everyone has their own style and personal tastes should be reflected in the way the couple presents themselves. Just keep in mind this is a very serious ceremony and good judgment should prevail when choosing the look for their own special day.
Paraphernalia
The Submissive:
The submissive usually carries only one item, the leash. I have seen a female submissive carry a single flower that she offers to the dominant, who then places it in his lapel. A male submissive may carry a small bouquet of flowers to present his soon-to-be Mistress as a gesture of his affection.
The Dominant:
The dominant carries a crop or dressage whip as a symbol of his/her dominance in the lifestyle.
Both:
If the couple has drafted a contract, each will carry a portion of this contract stating their obligations and responsibilities. These copies are to be unsigned and may be held by one of their attendants until they reach the part of the ceremony where they are needed.
The Beginning of the Ceremony
Once everyone is seated a bell is rung to signal the beginning of the ceremony. At this time the submissive and her attendants move to the front of the room, the trainer/mentor representing the submissive in the lead. If the submissive was under the care of another dominant, such as a protector, trainer or mentor, they give their testimony about the character of their charge and officially release the sub from their care and protection. If she/he wore a training collar, it is removed at this time and any contracts between the two are voided, dated, signed by each and a witness that will attest to the submissive's release from this contract. He/she is then declared to be a free submissive and may make their own choices from this point. The submissive is then attended to by her sisters and left to stand alone on to the left of the front area.
A second bell sounds and the dominant with their attendants moves to the front of the room to the right. Any statement about the character or accomplishments of the dominant is made at this time by the person chosen to speak on his/her behalf. Any other submissives that are collared by this dominant are to be in attendance and seated near the front of the room on the right side, and remain silent in a respectful position.
After the testimony is given, the submissive, with leash in hand, walks toward the dominant and attendants. She/he stops before each dominant in this line for a few seconds, as if contemplating a choice. Once she/he has stopped and considered each dominant in the line, she/he returns to the dominant of their choice and offers her/his leash with words similar to the follow:
"I offer this leash to you to guide me and lead me along my journey though life. It is my desire to belong to you and to follow you where ever you choose to take me."
At this time the dominant takes the leash from the submissive and states his/her acceptance of the submissive's offer of themselves with such words as:
"I accept this leash as a symbol of the offering of yourself and give my promise to carefully guide you and lead you safely in my footsteps. You will belong to me from this day on and I will do all within my power to protect you as you join me on my journey."
The dominant then asks the submissive to kneel before them and takes the collar to place it around their neck.
"Will you kneel at my feet and take this symbol of my ownership to wear as a sign to us and those we meet on our journey?"
The submissive then kneels, head held straight but eyes looking to the floor. This will be the last time she/he is "asked" to kneel.
"I kneel as a sign of my submission to you and acceptance of the symbol of your ownership. I will wear it proudly for all of my days, Sir."
The dominant then places the collar around the submissive's neck and fastens it securely.
"You now belong to me." (spoken by the dominant)
"I now belong to you, Master." (or Mistress---spoken by the submissive. This is the first time the dominant has been called Master or Mistress and is a very moving moment in the ceremony.)
The dominant now hands his copy of the contract to the submissive and takes hers/his. They both read for a few moments and sign both copies, along with a witness for both. They signify their agreement on the stipulations of the contract by verbally stating their acceptance.
"I accept your desire to serve me and the secrets of your heart written on this paper. I will honor your feelings and needs. I will always put your best interests foremost in my dominance over you. You belong to me, thus you are now a part of my body and soul. Your happiness, health and well-being are in my care and I will thoughtfully tend to them because you are a part of me and my destiny."
"I accept the conditions of my service and respect the secrets of your heart written on this paper. I will honor and love you as I serve you to the best of my ability. I will open my heart, body and mind to your will, trusting that you have my best interests in your heart. My submission to you will be a gift freely given and shall never become a burden that I must bear. I am now a part of you and will respect you and your dominance over me as our lives and destinies have become one."
The dominant now attaches the leash to the collar as his/her commitment to lead and guide the submissive from this day forward. The submissive presses her/his lips to the dominant's feet to symbolize their respect and submission and remains in this position until the dominant tugs gently at the leash and "commands" the submissive to raise their head. (This act is a symbol of the new title of Master/Mistress and shows his/her new control over the submissive.) The dominant then kisses his/her charge and tells them to stand. The bells are sounded several times to announce the newly formed bond.
The couple embraces and shows signs of their affection for each other. A token gift may be exchanged at this time. Sometimes the dominant's gift is a piece of jewelry that the submissive can wear when the collar is inappropriate. The submissive's gift is usually a personal item of her choice. If the dominant had other submissives who are collared by them this is the time their new sister or brother is introduced as part of the family.
After a celebration of their commitment with their friends and family, the dominant leads the submissive off to spend time with her/him. It's a time of great joy in the community and the celebration is often a long, boisterous affair.
Collaring is never taken lightly by those who truly honor their love and respect for the D/s lifestyle and the significance of the collar is never forgotten. It's not a decision that's made quickly and tossed aside in a week or two. We see too much of that kind of thing online everyday and I hope that this will give you something to consider before you jump into one just because it seems like the thing to do. It's a commitment that should bind a couple together for a lifetime. Be sure you are ready to uphold the traditions behind that band of metal or leather before offering or accepting it.



Emperor1956 -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:40:07 PM)

 I never was on the CastleRealm site until this evening, when this thread prompted me to see for myself*.  And now that I've seen just a bit of it....eh.   But Stephann, Michael and others -- why get so upset?  If CR bothers you, then what about the Beauty series?  Or people who think the movie 9 1/2 weeks is the real deal for B/D/S/M?  There will always be something that "dumbs down" a complex set of ideas.  It is human nature.
 
I look at CR this way:  Maurice Girodias, the owner of Olympia Press and first (brave) publisher of Nabakov's Lolita, William Burroughs, Henry Miller and not coincidentally a ton of smut was accused of publishing nothing but pornography.  He reportedly said "At least pornography gets people to read who might not otherwise pick up a book."   I think CR is like that -- it helps people who have no other initial connection to the world of what we do connect.  How can that be bad?
 
E.
 
__________________________
* Yes, the secret is out.  Apparently I'm a poseur, as not once in my 26+ years of being kinky, or whatever this all is, have I been to CastleRealm.  You all can lift your collective jaws from the floor whence they dropped.  I just never made it there.  I guess I'm not "twue".



came4U -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:47:50 PM)

Yay , some of my favorite posters are here. (enough kissin ass, not gonna tell ya whooooo).

1. good question Stephann, very good.  You are right, it is the kind version to the newby.  Yep, the alphabet soup yet the D's soak up more water than the s's and the M's soak up more than the O's. (that a squirtin' joke uh huh).   Yes, it makes the "struggle" seem less uphill and all is peaches an' daffodils, but at least the afraid to aknowledge their potential Dominance/submission is possibly eased in slowly.

2. Grlwithboy: haaaaaaha, you are just scary lol. Scary funnnnners!! I can't even say enough divine things about your writing.  Not to mention you end it so well:  "I do some dark shit. You with me?" . lol yaaah I'm wiff ya girl. Ya make me wish my porch door swings the other way!! Daymmnnnn.

3. SimplyMichael: good points this thread, "How could my amazing and of course perfect dominant" lol, you mean they would do those horrid things like mistakes, lies, disappear, anger, cheat and kill? aaaaa, thank God I looked at that site long ago and never went back..maybe about time people made a new one. The quote from CR you mention "Some start out as a sensual sub with little interest in pleasing anyone but themselves and end up growing into some of the most beautiful submissives in our lifestyle."   perhaps means that a sensual/sexual submissive 'perhaps' finds that her true Dominant/e is one who dominantes/fuks/sucks/she adores/he adores her so well..she would do anything for them (within reason and within time). Sensual submissive is not always a girl that says NO, she is merely a girl that takes longer to say YES to further limit-bearing kinks.

4.LuckyAlbatross: Waaaay right-on!  That site is the epitomy of beginner access to any given man or woman.  Can you imagine them jumping from nothing to HERE? or to pay bondage advert sites and purchasing gear, not just any gear but gear that is for the 'healthy-minded, stable or knowing'?  It is a sub/Dom frenzy site, as it should be.  Perhaps unfinished, unthorough in every detail but it is a good beginner site.

Maybe it is best to let that site settle in a bit into someone's psyche and a few more sites before an/the actual search for a D or s A begins. Good idea, I did it, many did it. Keeps one from jumping in, with eyes closed.

(hoping I don't have to edit this)

yep I had to, i had someone's quote wrong LOL.



slave4theOne -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 10:55:46 PM)

If one asked everyone on this thread the same question, one would receive as many different answers. Every Dominant/Master believes He is a true and/or real Dom/Master, and every sub/slave believes that her Dom/Master is the perfect One. Bottom line is there are no rights or wrongs here, this site may work for some and not for others. The same goes for every informational site about BDSM available on the web or in print. Perhaps there are some that enjoy the so called froo-froo lifestyle depicted on CR, perhaps it works well for them, that doesn't make them wrong. This lifestyle receives so much judgement from uniformed vanilla's already, why should W/we judge it as well??



Kellendra -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:03:40 PM)



"It's not CR's job to make people act sensible- and even if it was, they'd fail miserably because most newbies don't WANT to act sensible."
[/quote]

Very very true LA....you speak the truth there.

I was and still am a total newbie..didn't act sensible..and have paid the price for that...but mistakes can be a lesson...and have learnt from it...

As for CR  everyone has to start somewhere I guess....



BitaTruble -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:03:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I kinda figure I'll post here every couple days with critiques of specific articles.  I suspect this debate will regularly turn into a flamefest.  That's cool.  If you feel as excited of a chance to poke holes in the prettiest, nicest BDSM site-that-everyone-loves, then meet me here.

Thanks,

Darth Stephan



I prefer interactive forums such as Collarme where the folks tend to call it like it is without sugar coating.. Here you can get the light and the shadows and there it's mostly just the light. Also, and I may be wrong about this, but I don't believe CR hasn't been updated for somewhere in the neighborhood of over five + years so it's pretty stale. It's a bit preachy, a bit OTW and there are some links to articles which are, at the very least, of dubious nature. How can you bash Gor which has an actual viable r/t community but link (thereby condone in my opinion) an article regarding Old Euro Houses in existance for 1300 years with training facilities for up to 300 members? No support documentation or anything of that nature, but.. it's on Castlerealm, so must be true. I just hope that people can see through the bullshit and take the few gems which are available.

Do I think it hurts? Eh, maybe a little as it has a doctrine of tolerance and acceptance and applies that to D/s as if it's the first commandment so when folks get out into the real world of BDSM the stab wounds can hurt when they come face to face with reality. How often do we tell people that an expectation of tolerance is unrealistic? Castlerealm preaches the opposite and I think it lulls newbies into a false sense of security .. blanket. ::chuckles::

There's also talk about how BDSM isn't dangerous as a lifestyle and, well, that's pretty much malarky and I've got the scars to prove it, so would have to throw a hit onto that one as well. There are other general OTW sorts of things but mostly, yeah, it's fluffy, light and PC and I just find it all rather boring.

On a scale of 1 - 10.. I'd rate it mediocre and I'm really glad it didn't exist when I first got out into the world of leather because it's about the exact opposite of what I was looking for and I'd probably have stayed nilla if that had been my first exposure to BDSM.

Celeste




ownedgirlie -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:04:31 PM)

~ Fast Reply ~

I don't think I've gone to CR in years but I certainly don't spend energy dispising it.  However, for those who proclaim to hate the site because of its romanticism, what do you think of all the threads on CM about how romance plays a part in D/s?  I just did a search on "Romance" and 300 records came up.  There sure are a lot of folks here to seem to enjoy being romantic...so I'm curious why that is the reason I always see given for the hatred of CR...?



slavegirljoy -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:05:18 PM)

A lot of websites, along with books and other sources of information (including people), have some good information and some information that isn't relevent or important to everyone.  Even this site has some things that don't appeal to everyone (as in the ads for commercial sites that are displayed with pictures of naked ladies). 
 
Everyone who visit these sites can simply take what they feel is helpful from them and leave the rest or, even gain an understanding that there are perspectives that are very different from others.  If i find a site to be of no help or interest to me, i don't waste my time by going back to it. 
 
The slave register website gets a lot of flack from some people on CM, primarily because it allows people the option (not requirement) to have a registration number.  But, that site has a tremendous amount of information  and links available, especially about TPE and Internal Enslavement.  Again, people can take what they find useful and leave the rest.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."



Lordandmaster -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:18:17 PM)

How many carbs are in The Meaning of BDSM Lite?



came4U -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:18:38 PM)

Ms.Bita:  most of CR's links are 'impotent' anyways, not sure if they ever worked, and I believe many a dork gave me the same castle pics of their supposed homes ahaha. weeeeines. lol.

K, I am post PMS, now and extremely horrrrrneee wtf.  (ever feel like just huggin' everyone and they run screaming??) aaaAAAAAAAAaaaa

slavegirljoy: you are the bestest looking slave, you remind me of barbara streistand.  I love Barbara. 

K thats it, I am logging off before I end up giving myself to a Dominatrix for hire somewhere. Stress+internet-common sense = me sleepy. [:(]






BoiJen -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:32:20 PM)

I hate to burst bubbles but in some of these artciles there's plenty unreliable information. Also, after a short and quiet lawsuit, there was never any evidence of "Jade" to have ever existed. "Colm" could not furnish proof of this person's existance when being sued for providing alse information and told the courts that "Jade" was a partner who had seperated and created this website without his knowledge. Fraud is unlawful and with good reason. I don't and will not support castlerealm for those reasons.



mistoferin -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:40:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
Also, after a short and quiet lawsuit, there was never any evidence of "Jade" to have ever existed. "Colm" could not furnish proof of this person's existance when being sued for providing alse information and told the courts that "Jade" was a partner who had seperated and created this website without his knowledge.


Now that I've never heard. I did a short search but couldn't come up with any data to back that up. Can you point me in the direction of information on that?



slave4theOne -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:46:55 PM)

FLFunTop spoke in an earlier thread of knowing Jade and and LC for many years, so where/when was this lawsuit??



FullfigRIMaam -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/8/2007 11:53:35 PM)

I very much liked Castle realm when I first began reading about what we do.  It was non threatening, and I found it very informative.   Being myself, I knew I wasn't going to use it as the bible for my life, but I thought it a good place to start and get perspective, because the alternative for me initially was ALT, and I thought 99% of the folks there were way too hard core S/M (and insane), and not even a little bit about what I sought, a D/s relationship.   So for myself, the Castle was a great place to start.    M



BoiJen -> RE: Castlerealm; or, the meaning of BDSM Lite (8/9/2007 12:03:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4theOne

FLFunTop spoke in an earlier thread of knowing Jade and and LC for many years, so where/when was this lawsuit??


Online...he knew them on AOL to be exact. It aint hard to log off and on as another handle



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