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a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can it work? - 8/9/2007 10:33:56 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

Ok, I have been commenting on other’s threads for a little while but this is my first to start so I hope to get some good feedback. I would like some opinions and advice in whether and how to make this idea work.

One service activity that I have been pondering as something a sub could help me with is in the role of a workout companion, cheerleader and personal trainer. I have had a few sessions with a personal trainer and found that there was a great deal that I did not even know, I did not know about working out. So now working out with a trainer is something I would like to do more regularly. I do not care for the type of trainer that just stands there and absentmindedly counts reps – or who tries to goad, yell or bully folks into pushing further.

What I am interested in is the wisdom of a person who has studied personal fitness and having the advice and guidance of how to do certain exercises, craft and track routines, rotations, and circuits, help me calendar workout time, some companionship for walks etc AND the high five kudos and compliments for being strong and completing reps etc… Imagine if Oprah’s Bob Green were her submissive - well in way he is her sub, and come to think of it so is that wormy Dr. Phil – but that is another issue.

Now the part that seems sticky is that in many ways one could be in a physically and even mentally one down position when working with a personal trainer. Have any of you ever had a submissive be a trainer for you to learn a skill or help you achieve a goal? I keep thinking it might be fun, if navigated just so

and could bring an fun dynamic to the rest of the D/s elements in a relationship. But then it could be a total disaster. And also wondering if any subs have ever found themselves in such a position - and how it worked out.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

Post #: 1

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/9/2007 11:39:58 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

I help the Lady do Her stretching and workout. It helps Her maintain a positive image of how I look as well as Her Self. Yeah there's moments of "I can't wait till I get done you shit I'ma kick your ass to next week"...but I enjoy those most I guess. It means I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And in the end there's satisfaction....

yes there's plenty of "I don't wanna do it and you can't make Me" from Her...so I do the exercises anyways...and She says things like "well fuck it I may as well...considering you;re busy for the next half hr."...We use a 12 minute intesity work out with stretching prior to and after the workout. Takes about a half hr and after there's meditative breathing to cool our bodies down. It's a nice connecting experience as well as a good physical activity to have. Every weekday and Saturday morning with coffee....

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 2

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 4:35:47 AM

interestingtimes

Posts: 57
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I wish lol, im a gum junkie and love excersise stuff, id be in heaven....

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 3

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 6:01:40 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Now the part that seems sticky is that in many ways one could be in a physically and even mentally one down position when working with a personal trainer. Have any of you ever had a submissive be a trainer for you to learn a skill or help you achieve a goal? I keep thinking it might be fun, if navigated just so and could bring an fun dynamic to the rest of the D/s elements in a relationship. But then it could be a total disaster. And also wondering if any subs have ever found themselves in such a position - and how it worked out.

Why not? The only way I see it not working is if you look down upon them. As if they are not your equal. Then it will fail miserably.
As far as learning anything. I teach people things all of the time. Doms alike.
Then again I also believe we are all on different levels in life. I've met couples. People where the dominant could not even begin to control me yet they have a good control over their own submissive. I could dominant those dominants in a heartbeat. I just don't want to.
So, the chance is you would find a submissive who is more dominant than you for a trainer. In any event, my answer is why not? Give it a shot. You may just get into better shape if it works out.

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 4

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 6:06:48 AM

Carrianna

Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I spent a fortune on a personal trainer, want to know how it finishes...

Also gymnastics is another good one, if of course you can find a coatch, they are amazing with regards to how the body works and finding the best way to get you in shape. Just a thought!

_____________________________

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. "Mansfield Park" J.Austen

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 5

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 6:23:27 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Greetings Ocilla,

The only problem i see in this would be that the Dominant has the final say. So, for instance, if you were not self-motivated enough and decided you did not want to work out, a submissive would have to acquiese to your decision. I have had several friends that "want to do what i do " to get themselves in shape, but when i try to get them to workout with me...something always comes up. If a Dominant wanted this service of me - i see the potential for it to upset the dynamic. Most people use personal trainers, not just for their knowledge, but for the motivation it provides. This really puts a submissive in an ackward position because in essence you are giving them the task of "topping" you and at anytime, you can change that and what is the submissive to do but obey.

So, it all depends on your own self-motivation to work, in my opinion~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 6

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 7:12:05 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Oh, my goodness.

I would love this. Someone to work out with me, someone to go to the mall and walk with me or ride bikes with me in the morning.

Fox is a zero morning person and Tom isn't much better. Attempts by them to be supportive of my attempts to exercise more always fall through. I know they have good intentions but we all have limits.

I know that I need companionship with I exercise or I get so bloody bored that I stop.

Fox helps me at nights do weights and we recently added crunches. He keeps me on track. Honest for more aerobic workouts I want to do at the beginning of my day (every doctor and nutritionist I've consulted tells me that early morning is best for me physically and healthwise).

I'd love a slave or even submissive, hell, I'd take a buddy, to work out with early in the mornings.

All my friends are lame and can't get around in the morning.

With a slave or sub though I would feel that extra authority rush and we'd get time one-on-one to really connect and help each other.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 7

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 7:13:23 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I help the Lady do Her stretching and workout. It helps Her maintain a positive image of how I look as well as Her Self. Yeah there's moments of "I can't wait till I get done you shit I'ma kick your ass to next week"...but I enjoy those most I guess. It means I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And in the end there's satisfaction....

yes there's plenty of "I don't wanna do it and you can't make Me" from Her...so I do the exercises anyways...and She says things like "well fuck it I may as well...considering you;re busy for the next half hr."...We use a 12 minute intesity work out with stretching prior to and after the workout. Takes about a half hr and after there's meditative breathing to cool our bodies down. It's a nice connecting experience as well as a good physical activity to have. Every weekday and Saturday morning with coffee....

This sounds like a lovely dynamic, BoiJen, and similar to what Fox offers me in the evenings.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 8

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 7:24:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

How I wish we could erase the myth that sub = passive/follower or that dom/sub has anything to do with what we DO.

Then questions like this and all the anxiety people go through over not fitting into the right box would be so much less.

A sub is to follow the authority of the dom, a smart dom uses his sub in whatever capacity will help him/their lives. Of course being a fitness trainer applies.

However, there are subs who simply cannot break through that wall of what submission is and it might not work for them- so be sure to iron this wrinkle out before making a commitment.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 7:28:34 AM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I've definitely given the directive "please kick my ass if I don't...." etc.

This doesn't work with everyone, obviously, but some people can get their head to go there.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 7:37:35 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

My slave is on equal footing for the most part and yes, he would kick my ass for me. Robert used to remind me: "Um...Mistress, it's time for you to go work out" I think for a while there was a stigma of *if I say this she'll think I think she's fat* but eventually he got over that and just would remind me. It was like that with other stuff too. I'd say your job is to remind me of X and he'd do it.

I am fully on board with a slave or sub working with me to enhance both my life and his!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 11

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:10:59 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

Wow, great feedback. Very validating and puts to words in specific challenges in ways that are quite tangible.

LA - I am not feeling anxiety on this idea - just thinking that I can benefit from the wisdom of all of you who are more experienced. Your last sentence "However, there are subs who simply cannot break through that wall of what submission is and it might not work for them- so be sure to iron this wrinkle out before making a commitment. " is the key and gets to the concern of dawntreader as well to some degree.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 12

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:20:56 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I help the Lady do Her stretching and workout. It helps Her maintain a positive image of how I look as well as Her Self. Yeah there's moments of "I can't wait till I get done you shit I'ma kick your ass to next week"...but I enjoy those most I guess. It means I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And in the end there's satisfaction....

yes there's plenty of "I don't wanna do it and you can't make Me" from Her...so I do the exercises anyways...and She says things like "well fuck it I may as well...considering you;re busy for the next half hr."...We use a 12 minute intesity work out with stretching prior to and after the workout. Takes about a half hr and after there's meditative breathing to cool our bodies down. It's a nice connecting experience as well as a good physical activity to have. Every weekday and Saturday morning with coffee....

I love this. BoiJen - you are too cute for words. That playful dynamic that you describe could be a lot of fun and your way of doing the exercises anyway is too funny. Thanks to for the info on your specfic routine.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 13

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:25:11 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

I think you can benifit a lot from a sub with tallents.. some of us have great vast knownledge in IT AUTO COOKING DS . CONSTRUCTION and mong other thingys . why not take advantage of it

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 8/10/2007 9:39:22 AM >

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 14

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:37:32 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I think you can benifit a lot from a sub with tallents.. some of us have great vast knownledge in IT AUTO COOKING DS . CONSTRUCTION and mong other thingys . why not take wonder advantage of it

Smiling.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 15

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:43:10 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla
Have any of you ever had a submissive be a trainer for you to learn a skill or help you achieve a goal?

Angel is teaching me quite a bit, since he is an excellent computer programmer. I studied it in school, but fell out of practice once I left. He s trying to catch me up on the languages and technology I hav been out of touch with. Frusteration is just the tip of the iceberg, honestly. Knowing his place, he also knows how he can comfortably push me to do what I have to, without overstepping. He also has enough liberty in our relationship by now that he can do thing slike "well, if you are goingto half ass it, we may as well not bother trying. You wont learn it that way and im not going to do it for you"
Our power dynamic hasnt changed, but at least when we are being Teacher and student, it equals out a touch, and I love that he is comfortable enough to do this.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 16

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:44:24 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

Been there done that liked the results. My subbie trainer was very deferential at all times, as if he was acting as the personal fitness coach for a high ranking VIP, but he also helped push me hard to get results.

Here's a bit I wrote a few years ago on a list about my perspective on BDSM and exercise.

"I've noticed several ways in which exercise resembles BDSM. [...] If you know where to look, you can find dominance, intense physical sensations, a bottom's headspace, fetishism, and exhibitionism."
- elfin
My experience seems to be from a slightly different perspective, but it could also be compared to BDSM.

Exercise and weight lifting is a very important part of my life. When I force myself to endure more and more and more, when I exert my strength to the utmost in order to get those last reps, I start snarling and growling aggressively. It is as if I am pitting myself against a dangerous and worthy foe. That opponent is myself, my own physical limitations that I continue to struggle mightily against.

Pain is weakness leaving the body. I bathe every muscle in that tempering fire to make me stronger. It forges me into a keener blade for battle, so that next time I may fight even more savagely against a worthier foe. The soreness after a workout says to me: you are a warrior, you fought hard and well, you endured past the limits of endurance. Here is your badge of courage.

Sometimes I watch myself in the mirror to check my form. Depending on my mood, it can be inspiring in more than one way. I see my worthy old foe there, the physical body that I am struggling to force into the mold that my iron will demands and my weak flesh continues to passively resist. I bare my teeth and show my enemy that I am a challenger to be reckoned with. Then I get down to the savage business of breaking my opponent down with the heavy iron, rep by rep by rep. The body in the mirror is a mere subject I regard with contempt, controlling it with my will and punishing it repeatedly for its deviations from the perfect form that is my goal.

Sometimes the person in the mirror is my friend, my companion in iron. Another sweaty, snarling animal is suffering alongside me in a companionable way. Check that form and smile a little through the pain. You're not alone.

Sometimes it's just me in the mirror. I nitpick and criticize a little, want to take off a little here and add a little there, but secretly I'm pleased with the progress I see. It's not nearly fast enough of course, but it's coming along. I am a work in progress. Look at those muscles coming through, shining with honest, hard earned sweat, and admire a little. Hey, that looks good. I look pretty tough. Let's do a few more reps to even better effect.

Fetishism? I worship the iron. I live in the weight room. A long black bench is the foremost shrine in this holy temple. I lie down on it like a willing sacrifice to the old gods. Just saying the word "reps" to me gets my juices flowing, makes the adrenaline start to run. Call it an addiction. I want to work out.

- Naja

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 17

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 9:55:33 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

I've definitely given the directive "please kick my ass if I don't...." etc.

This doesn't work with everyone, obviously, but some people can get their head to go there.

Fox has a similar order in effect for all time.

He is to ask me how I think I'll feel the next day if I eat something that we both know isn't good for me. Doesn't happen that often but when it does it makes me stop and think and make what I believe is a better decision for myself.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 18

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 10:47:06 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How I wish we could erase the myth that sub = passive/follower or that dom/sub has anything to do with what we DO.

Then questions like this and all the anxiety people go through over not fitting into the right box would be so much less.

A sub is to follow the authority of the dom, a smart dom uses his sub in whatever capacity will help him/their lives. Of course being a fitness trainer applies.

However, there are subs who simply cannot break through that wall of what submission is and it might not work for them- so be sure to iron this wrinkle out before making a commitment.

Could just be my limited experience with D/s, responsible and open Dominants, or my life experience with human nature that jades my opinion here.
But we are talking about a relationship where one partner calls the shots, right?

Where one has the final word and that word can change at will with no explanation necesary to the submissive, right?

We are also talking about a situation inwhich a submissive gives control, in varying degress, to the Dominant - one who possibly has issues with their own self-control in regards to dieting, exercise and motivation, right?

Now you guys can throw a "default" world blanket over the whole thing and act as if this is on even footing - but the question was asked in a D/s format about a D/s dynamic.

Now, i am not taking personal offense at anything in the above quote - i am not really a passive follower...perhaps there is another definition of submissive in the D/s dynamic that i have missed but i still think this appears as "permission to Top from the bottom until the Dominant removes permission" which is fine but let's call it what it is and realise the implications of such. Again, i say, it goes back to the self motivation and desire of the Dominant to allow the shift in dynamic long enough to benefit from it~

i am speaking from the motivation aspect - not the imparting of skills~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: a sub as personal fitness trainer for Dom/me? can i... - 8/10/2007 10:54:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

But there is no shift in the dynamic.

The dom is the one with authority.

That includes the authority to say "You will be in charge of all the money and budgeting and financial planning." or "You will be in charge of reminding me all of appointments and doctors visits and medications I need to take."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 20

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