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May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:28:19 PM

sweetcreeangel

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

I am currently in a relationship with a Dom.He is a really nice,sweet person.i am currently under consideration by Him.the other day he called me up and told me that He might have a sister for me.Then asked me if i was the jealous type.The thing is i dont know how to tell Him that i dont want a sister nor do i know how to ask Him how this is going to work.So,how do i ask Him with out over steping by bounds?How do i tell Him that i dont want the sister?

Post #: 1

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:30:11 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

be honest. better to bring it up now, than later

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 2

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:32:35 PM

sweetcreeangel

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

lol i dont know about fun but it's interesting for sure

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 3

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:36:18 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Be straight forward with him and wish him and her good luck but that you don't share. And this conversation should have happened well before now. Personally I have only contempt for doms who wait until after they've collared someone to announce they're poly. An issue of this importance needs to be addressed upfront.

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 4

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:37:00 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Say pretty much what you've said here. Tell him about your thoughts, feelings and limits (i.e., you aren't into sharing). Be clear and use non-judgemental language -- "I'm interested in a one-on-one relationship" rather than "You are a jerk!"

Since you're new, I'll say that you have the right to set limits. You have the right to express your needs and expectations. If you don't want something in the relationship, you are not being a "bad submissive" to say so. He is considering you, but this is also a period in which *you* are also considering him.

Good luck and welcome to the boards,
MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 5

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:41:10 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I'd say..."Fuck you. You couldn't mention that you were poly four months ago???
Buh bye"

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 6

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:42:53 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Oh ... this is what my laptop looks like with limeade all over the screen. Cool. (mops up the mess)

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 7

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:43:54 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I agree with Aileen68; get stepping.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 8

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:47:09 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Ask him to watch you as you walk out the door.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 9

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:52:12 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Being under consideration doesn't mean you're the only one under consideration. He is too. If you don't want a sister, tell him. If he doesn't want to respect that, then you need to stop the consideration and find someone who isn't interested in poly.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 10

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:52:13 PM

Tinman1960

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

This topic should have come up in the beginning - before entering into a committed relationship. If you are not already in a committed relationship - be open and honest right now - before accepting his collar - better now than later...

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 11

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 3:57:38 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

There are three doors you can choose here. Door number one. Sub? Door number two. Slave? Door number three. Doormat. Door number one and two can take you elsewhere. Door number three?,..well

(in reply to Tinman1960)

Post #: 12

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:03:10 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Being under consideration doesn't mean you're the only one under consideration. He is too. If you don't want a sister, tell him. If he doesn't want to respect that, then you need to stop the consideration and find someone who isn't interested in poly.

What she said.

quote:

I am currently in a relationship with a Dom.He is a really nice,sweet person.i am currently under consideration by Him.the other day he called me up and told me that He might have a sister for me.Then asked me if i was the jealous type.The thing is i dont know how to tell Him that i dont want a sister nor do i know how to ask Him how this is going to work.So,how do i ask Him with out over steping by bounds?How do i tell Him that i dont want the sister?

As for not knowing how to tell him, just be respectful, and if he is as nice and sweet as you say, then I wouldn't think he'd be upset with you.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 13

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:08:30 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

How do i tell Him that i dont want the sister?

You tell him that. Might go something like this.

This isn't something that I was looking for or can accept. I like you very much, but I can't be part of a poly relationship. I'm sorry if you didn't realize this about me, I don't recall you asking or discussing it before now. If this is something you really need, then I wish you the best with it, I want you to be happy... but it will have to be without me.

Pretty much covers it, isn't rude or confrontational, but it is clear and firm.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 14

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:10:58 PM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

I don't know how long your prospective DOMINANT has been in the lifestyle. Is it possible that this is a new thing for him as well?

Everyone is talking here like a Dominant doesn't have a right to change their mind or learn something new.

You need to stop the progress with yourself and have some REAL communication, not just talking....The DETAILS are where the communication is. If you don't want this, tell him, give him the benefit of doubt. He might just feel you are worth the sacrifice for him. If he doesn't think that you are worth it, you are better off without him.

However, just because he didn't mention it initially doesn't mean he was hiding it.....We all learn new things everyday and we are all HUMAN.....

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to sophia37)

Post #: 15

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:19:55 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Your profile says you are new to the lifestyle, so I'm sure your potential dom jumped on that fact. Unfortunately when we're new, we don't always think of every issue that may need be covered ahead of time.

Paint me with the naive sign, but I had honestly never heard of poly relationships (other than polygamists) before coming into this lifestyle. So the fact that some dominant who contacted me would have wanted multiple sub/slaves, never even occurred to me when I first signed up. So obviously it wouldn't have been an issue I would have addressed, so I can see why you may not have thought to address it with your potential either.

And there are sooooooo many things that need to addressed, which is why you will hear people tell newbies especially, to take their time before committing to anyone. Consider yourself lucky that you found out early on, although I'm sure it's no less of a shock for you.

My suggestion is that you wish him luck with this other girl, and you move on with your life and find a dominant who, like you, isn't into poly relationships. Not that it will always help, because people don't always read profiles, but list polyamory as a hard limit and make that notation in your written profile.

I'd also suggest that you read the message boards regularly because you can learn a great deal from the folks here.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 16

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:42:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I like what Level said.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 17

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:45:30 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Level, your fan club is out in full force tonight

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:52:14 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I like what Level said.

Me too!

I hope your aunt is doing okay, LA.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: May I ask Y/you all something? - 8/12/2007 4:53:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Yeah me too! Biatches don't respond to my phone- but I'm ok with that because if something were wrong they DEFINITELY would have told me.

You guys already have all this covered, I'm superfluous.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 20

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