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RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/16/2007 10:23:37 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

Applauds Grlwithboy.  Thanks for putting your 2 cents in.  I hate when people get on their moral soapboxes about stuff like this.  All people need to do is just stay away from the ones they are not interested in is all.  Do some checking, if they are not your cup of tea, just say goodbye.  Pretty simple.  I think there are more important things in life to worry about.  I also think it is up to each individual to live their own lives as well as they can, and as they see fit.  Life is short.  Always be honest with anyone you are interested in regarding one's status and there you go.

Not sure why it went from married people, right to "near death's door" so quickly either.  It's up to each person to check that other person out, if one does not, well you have a hand in what happens to you too.  Sad, and as unfair as that may be.

Whoever posted about the "applying to us" comment was right on target.  Personally I know I would never "apply" to anyone randomly and never by webcam either.  If I can't just meet someone casually, no strings, over a coffee or lunch, why bother?  Getting to know one another takes a lot of time and effort.  It's not just about filling out an application or checklist, and it's not a competition to be picked.  Either you like what you find, or you don't.



you are right it is about getting to know someone. i love last part of what you said. sad thing of it is sometimes you find out to late also
are there not things in the vows of the wedding that say forsake all others and also to death do you part. if words have no meaning what the hell is everyone doing on here  lol just a point..

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 8/16/2007 10:28:47 PM >

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/16/2007 10:48:37 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		to reply to GentlemanStlDom.... "thank You!"  my Sir and i are both married to others and for different reasons W/we have chosen to keep O/our individual lives and relationships.  Y/you may not like my choices... but i may not like Y/yours either!  that doesn't make You wrong, that makes U/us unique.... hey.. isn't that what W/we all appreciate within the lifestyle? 

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to GentlemanStlDom)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/17/2007 3:34:20 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		BDSM activity is a pretty specialized desire to have - only 10% of the general population is supposedly interested in it (or biologically wired, perhaps, to even be capable of wanting it).

So I am not sure, after thinking it over, why some find it surprising that there are people whose spouses might not be able to meet their BDSM desires, or why there might be "cheating" happening within the BDSM world. There are simply so many other people who are "Vanilla" than there are BDSMers, and many are married to "Vanilla" people.

I don't classify BDSM activity in quite the same ay as I do "Vanilla" sexual activity - even though BDSM can indeed be construed as being sexually related (and it is).

But having BDSM inclinations are a pretty "specialized" form of expressing one's sexuality, if you consider its spread within a general population of people. And there are only so many peopple who are going to be able to satisfy BDSM desires - and there are simply a lot fewer of them around than there are "Vanillas". This might sound convoluted, but I happen  to think it's one pretty sensible explanation of why it takes place (all moral arguments aside), all things considered.

P.S. Do you think asking a BDSMer to remain BDSM-celibate within a "Vanilla" marriage is kind of like asking a homosexual to pretend they are straight? If not, why are we using terms like "Vanilla" to begin with?  

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2007 3:54:54 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/17/2007 5:09:03 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		we make the beds we lay in so it is all about being responsible for who you are and what you are as long as you are honest with your self and those around you
just that simple

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/17/2007 5:26:21 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		We make our beds - you mean people determine their BDSM inclinations? I understand people need to be considerate of those they marry, and others in general but  -What about people who marry at 20, but don't start discovering a BDSM arena exists where they can even act on their feelings until they are 40? What then? I don't think these folks always knowingly "created their own beds". Just food for thought. I happen to think this entire area is more complex for some people than you make it sound.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2007 5:30:48 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/17/2007 9:36:49 AM   
onedomstd


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		Culture encourages men (and women) to cheat from day one--DAILY and MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.  It teaches people to be evil and how to lie about it.  Sad but that is reality.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/17/2007 10:27:34 AM   
LightHeartedMaam


Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

We make our beds - you mean people determine their BDSM inclinations? I understand people need to be considerate of those they marry, and others in general but  -What about people who marry at 20, but don't start discovering a BDSM arena exists where they can even act on their feelings until they are 40? What then? I don't think these folks always knowingly "created their own beds". Just food for thought. I happen to think this entire area is more complex for some people than you make it sound.

- Susan 


I agree.  There are instances where married people find this interest.l  They DO present it to their partner and the partner finds it's just not for them.  What to do.  Do you then deny yourself this expression?  It's not really anything worth divorcing over.  If you are happy with all other aspects of your married life and happen to find another married that's in the same boat, where they just want to play with no intention of seeking another mate, I say go for it.  Life it too short. Both people can be respectful of each other's marriages. Does the spouse need to know if they were the first ones approached to participate in the activity and they refused?  Seems to be unnecessary.

My slave is married as am I and this is our situation.  We have fun and keep each other sane.  We share this one aspect of our personalities that the spouses don't want any part of.  Actually, his wife has more money for her household now that he isn't laying out $200 bucks an hour to a pro.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/23/2007 9:51:21 AM   
mephistowaltz


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/30/2007
Status: offline 		To those who have put some time and thought into this; my applause.  The world is not black and white but many subtle and changing shades of grey.

To the others who seem to be caught up in judgement, I say; here is your stone, throw it when you have no sins.

Mephisto

(in reply to LightHeartedMaam)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/23/2007 10:21:00 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I look at this way your right no one is with out sin. But if you stick to the rules of what is right and wrong life is a little easier. such as you goto work ..you pay your bills. take care of your kids. treat others with as you would like to be treated. simple rules life does get better..and if you make a promise or commitment fallow through that is not rocket science. It is being a person of substance...

(in reply to mephistowaltz)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/23/2007 10:40:13 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Didnt God cheat and covet another mans woman????

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/23/2007 10:44:51 AM   
mephistowaltz


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/30/2007
Status: offline 		Before I start, understand I am not pointing fingers at anyone in this discussion.  However, I do find it somewhat amusing that an "open-minded" community can understand and support someones deep need to be tied, flogged and urinated on.  However they can't seem to understand someones desire not to end a 95% successful and fulfilling long-term vanilla relationship.

My take is, I am who I am.  If you like that, so be it.  If not, move on.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/23/2007 11:02:35 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Hey cutie nice to see that your still around. huggs.

(in reply to mephistowaltz)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/23/2007 11:03:58 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		mephistowalty if you am who you am then your popeye

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/24/2007 3:43:56 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		Very very complex topic... I am personaly not married.. never have been. *whew* In my younger years I lived with a married couple.. and I was sleeping with the husband. ( awful I know ) The wife *knew* but could not prove anything...  I got out of that situation. I never willfuly dated a married man since then. Just recently I met a fabulous sub who is married.. we started as friends.. and we have grown closer and closer.. his situation is like the one grlwithboy described. Married for 20 years.. and his needs are not met because the other simply isnt into it. they tried.. it didnt work. They love one another.. and have a whole life built together.. why would any one just up and say distroy it I havent the foggiest. I ended my long term realtionship for more reasons then a lack of kink. He and I have strong feelings for one another.. and are well matched. He came down for a visit yet our better judgement was to not act on anything untill we can sort things out in our heads. I have always said since my first I would never do it again.. but if I were to.. *sighs* I think I would need the other half to know.. and there to be honesty about it. I dunno... I am having an attack of morals. LOL

Gwyn

Spelling edit

< Message edited by Gwynvyd -- 8/24/2007 3:45:52 PM >

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/24/2007 4:46:30 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Didnt God cheat and covet another mans woman????


*blinks* 

Excuse me?  What on earth are you talking about?

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/26/2007 6:50:26 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Didnt God cheat and covet another mans woman????


*blinks* 

Excuse me?  What on earth are you talking about?



I think he is confusing the term in "and then God made Eve".. as "made" in creation.. not you know..made-made :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/26/2007 7:24:24 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I have to say self pride is the key here having pride in yourself and what you do. We are not mindless apes. We have a higher thought process. When I hear that someone always says something is instinctive and they go oops I am sorry I cheated or my bag it is natural and it is like saying I do not mind to think. It is also instinctive to be violent. but we do not go out and shoot everyone. impulsiveness is a weakness.. Maybe it is cool to  say I am proud not be like you and jump over the wall and fallow my sexual desires... I have self control I can say no or yes or want to do what ever I want... no more am i  going to listen to stupid reasoning . because it is like saying your weak and you can not have self control over your actions do the right thing be smart stand up for positive things not chaos control

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/27/2007 1:16:28 AM   
SheffieldPair


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

Im sorry. I may have this wrong. The original poster sounds like someone in a professional service. "we are amazed at the number of subs applying to us". If thats the case, what does it matter if a paying individual is married? 

Excuse the delay in replying to this one, Where does it say on our profile that we offer a professional service?  We think you assume far too much.  We offer a professional service in that we take this lifestyle seriously and are professional in what we do, we do not charge people to serve us.  Is that clear?  Dear god, you make a posting about something on the scene and you get small minded people make assumptions not borne out by any evidence. 

(in reply to sophia37)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/28/2007 1:54:33 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		I've been watching this thread for a while and ...

I guess it comes down to an individual's personal choice.  If someone does not have a problem with playing or having a relationship with someone who is cheating on their signifigant other then ... great for them.  That would be their choice.  If, on the other hand, someone has a real problem with being in a relationship with someone who is cheating then they, obviously, don't have to enter into such an arrangement.  That would be their choice.

It is not my place, or anyone elses, for that matter, to chose how someone else should or should not live their lives.  This means that a person who is cheating on their partner should not take away the choices of another person by not telling them that they are attached.  By someone not telling a prospective partner that they are attached it effectively takes away that person's ability to make a choice to either play with someone who is cheating or not play with that person.

I do not play with people who are cheating on their spouses.  Until recently, I did not even talk to people who were seeking to cheat on their spouses.  Recently I met a man who is all that I am seeking but he is married.  I am unwilling to severe this relationship (even though it is only a casual coffee friendship).  I have been humbled by the connection we have and the sadness that I feel at being unable to fully realize a full D/s dynamic.  That all being said, I still will not play with him until I can speak to his wife about this topic.

Even with my current dillema, I still am able to make a choice that reflects my own character and my own morals.  That person in the mirror every morning is the real test of accountability.  I have no problems looking myself in the eye.  If you don't have a problem with your 'man in the mirror' then who am I to judge you.

Wickad

(in reply to SheffieldPair)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/28/2007 5:16:25 PM   
LightHeartedMaam


Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline 		In my family, the age range between the first child and the last was 17years.  One day my mother disclosed to me how angry she was that she became pregnant at 40 because “he was on and off (her) like a rabbit”.  She went on to lament that she had never had an orgasm.  She decided right there that he was never going to have sex with her again.  While she loved him, this part of her life was so unfulfilled.  So being Catholic, she “offered it up”.  My father was a hard working man.  He has a heart as big as the sea.  He was loyal to his family and made sure we were all taken care of.  I can only imagine his frustration.  As far as I know, he never sought solace with another.  I wouldn’t blame him if he did find a “friend with benefits”   .

My mother passed after a long illness in which he was her care giver for 25 years.  He was 79 yrs old. After a year he found an old school chum.  A lady he had had a crush on in grade school.  After a courtship, he asked her to marry him.  He was 80, she was 83.  They had great plans on traveling.  Five days after they married, she had a massive stroke and he was once again a caregiver.  He loved her dearly.  I say “loved” as she died 4 days ago.  At his age, all he could do was visit her daily in the nursing home, then in the hospice and hold her hand.

So I say to all you out there that feel “marriage” is a cut and dried situation, I’ll quote the Bridges of Madison County’s tag line.  “Do what you have to be happy in this life…”  I wish to add a ‘however ‘, don’t do it with malice or because you hate the other one because if so- divorce.   There are more situations that you will find yourself in this life as you go along that you will never have imagined.  Don't judge too harshly, crow tastes funny.

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to SheffieldPair)
Profile   Post #: 100
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