quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I have met a ton of broken hearts over cheaters divorces and other things why would anyone think it is ok to do such a act of betrayal ... and if they know about it why the hell get married whats the point...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Phin: To answer your statements about why past or current cheaters seem mysteriously absent from this discussion:

I think the cheaters (or anyone who has cheated) are probably bored with this whole discussion. I was once a cheater (I had what I thought were pretty damn good reasons for it, too, not that it matters), and I can tell you these kinds of "holier-than-thou" pronouncements some have made in past CM discussions about this matter are usually made by people who are:

1) - Not (or have never been) married, or who are:

2) - Divorced.

Personally, I find their opinion in this kind of matter to be: 

1) Naive

2) Highly judmental, (which is kinda strange, coming from a group that proclaims to not judge others for what they do at almost every other turn).

3) Nosy

4) A turn-off

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and "values" - too bad the values of some don't seem to include kindness or understanding, or especially bothering to realize that everyone is living their own life, under different circumstances.

I've seen this discussion at CM about a hundred times now. There is no way to actually discuss anything. It's akin to a bunch of people, procliaming they are "against murder" -*it's always easy to say, until you're in the middle of a 7-11 store, for instance, and a robber has a gun pointed at your head (and for anyone who can't tell, I am not equating cheating with murder).

People's opinions on this issue seem pretty much firm. And of course they are entitled to them. Fine.

My attitude is: Been there, done that.

Sorry if I've offended anyone. I honestly have nothing against anyone personally here at CM, it's just that this disucssion never goes anywhere. Maybe it will this time. If it does, I will fall off my chair in surprise, though. I am encouraged more people in this thread have tossed in comments that state they seem to indicate they refuse to judge people they don't know, and-or are simply content to live their own lives as they see fit, without telling everyone else how to live theirs, as well. Nice. 

My advice: If people don't appreciate cheaters, then they don't have to play with them. Maybe I am wrong about this. If so, someone please correct me.

Have they damaged others? No doubt. So have murderers, people who engage in un-safe BDSM play, and a whole host of other groups of folks. What's new? And?

- Susan

quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

There's a move locally amongst some players to avoid playing with anyone who's known to have any other existing relationships, until and unless the person has had a chance to meet and request consent from the third person. Personally, this infuriates me - not because I cheat, but because it's really no business of that person's how I manage my other relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1

quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

There's a move locally amongst some players to avoid playing with anyone who's known to have any other existing relationships, until and unless the person has had a chance to meet and request consent from the third person. Personally, this infuriates me - not because I cheat, but because it's really no business of that person's how I manage my other relationships.

It's quite common for many to say that their wife already knows about their involvement in play or even being on this site. It's common for some to say that they're involved with someone but have permission. It's also common that these same people are liars. This is why people want to check and ask for references when someone says they are married or otherwise involved, if they bother to say that at all.

By all means, manage your other relationships. Just be sure and tell people about them in advance. Those of us who desire something monogamous and committed have a right to know who and what we're getting ourselves involved with. Anything less is outright fraud.

quote:

ORIGINAL: goddessAVA

I almost exclusively play with married men-not many will admit it but the inclandestine experience is sooooo sexy, him coming all over my boots then licking it, knowing we want more but it will not happen.....I thrive on that energy.

quote:


Infedility is one of the most taboo subjects anywhere-NO ONE will admit it makes them hot, even though it adds something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

thanks Teamnoir and Susan for injecting some moral complexity into this dialogue.

I especially find the "reactionary" label interesting. I have to wonder about a non-mainstream sexuality that holds hetero marriage as so inassailable as to not see  how it might come with some pretty serious liabilities and limitations and seedy underside of its own. Are we trying to re-create something we are shut out of to some degree in a perfect image?  Are we really ignorant of the fact that so many couples are at ongoing odds with one another, even adversarial, yet still clinging to the institution when it's emptied of any benefit and meaning? How is it MY job to say to someone "your relationship is over, cut your losses" -- it's my job to fuck off and let people be adults.

The myth of the innocent cheated on party, the predatory unthinking cheater. Maybe this is the case in some cases, but I think it's a story we tell ourselves to feel morally superior. Maybe because by dint of our sexual interests we don't have other rocks to throw.