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Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 12:49:47 PM

SimplyMichael

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What a world of difference between the dominance offered (real or imagined) by male dominants compared to female dominants.

What would people say about a male dominant who expects a woman to pay for most if not all expenses, often considered more of an accessory than a primary partner, be a personal valet, couldn't ask for let alone hope for much in the way of sexual pleasure although be expected to provide sexual pleasure, and more.

Male dominants do at times have service submissives who perform some of the above but rarely is there a financial side to them and if there is sex it isn't so one sided.

Just interesting that the dynamics are so starkly different at the extremes. I realize that not all males do it this way just as all females don't do things this way but the extremes do seem to be very different.

Post #: 1

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:01:32 PM

LATEXBABY64

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ah yes the lazy dom syndrome. the dom who just wants be like a pimp daddy and have female subs do all his work lol..
i do know of some poly families like this. do i agree hell no. how can you respect someone that does not provide a good enviroment for those that are under his care. get on the street corner and make me some money..lol
logic can be a double edge sword if your going to use it.. do it wisely I would hope subs have more value then a toy or an object anyone that would want to be just that for someone has some mental health problems....i am not talking in a scene sense but 24 7

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 8/19/2007 1:09:25 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 2

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:04:40 PM

MistressDoMe

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Thank you for starting this topic Michael.
I look forward to reading the responses.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 3

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:04:59 PM

SusanofO

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There might be adifference, but I do think it's ingrained in our society - and not the fault of female Dommes. I don't understand why people object to this, really. It's a bit like asking why there is a difference between men and women, regardless of their social "roles". If there isn't any difference - well, then why are we (at least or maybe just especially, the heterosexuals) here in the first place?

I think it's one reason some men actually do appreciate things like financial domination from some female Pros (not that I'd engage in it, but I understand it) and I think I understand why it exists in the first place - because some men do associate "footing the bill" with being masculine - it is seen by some as a part of their role as a "protective being" toward females - no matter what their D/s "role" might be - it's something, a contribution they can make to a relationship with a female that some (many) men seem to consider part of their masculinity - this isn't just the fault of females.

Males (both Doms and subs) perpetuate this as well as females. And I think it does actually have some merit socially - since females are pretty much "spent" and helpless after giving birth, looking after babies, etc. and in no position to look out for themselves at that point in time, really.

That kind of mind-set, IMO, still carries over into other social situations today, whether it's valid or not, I guess. That is the reason I think it exists. But then - so do some of the expectations and ideas that are perpetuated by male Dominants that may have no validity in much of the "real world" .

Take that idea of a "Natural order". Hmmm. Maybe it's realisitc and truly valid. If nothing else, it can be a romantic, justifiable-sounding jusitification for a Male Dominant-female submissive relationship. Then again, maybe the fact that Dommes (and male submissives) exist at all is a result of people simply having different biological drives, too (and not religious,or mythical ones, or even more modern social ones).

I understand your position and the question,and I think you're a really smart and a neat guy, SimplyMichael but, I think I'd still feel a bit turned off by a man who expected me to financially support him forever, or foot the bill for every single date. I'll be willing to pitch in financially, I'll buy gifts, etc - but I won't assume the entire financial burden in a relationship - not for any man, Dominant or submissive.

Is that "sexist" of me? Maybe. But IMO, it's pretty sexist of a male Dom to expect a female submissive to swoon with delight at the idea of doing things like housework all day, too (if that is a requirement of their male Dominant, for instance).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/19/2007 2:01:32 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 4

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:07:39 PM

SimplyMichael

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Susan,

I am not interested in blame or right or wrong, just exploring the differences, real or imagined.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 5

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:07:57 PM

MistressDoMe

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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Many Female Dominants get tired of male submissives that approach them, and
primarily only talk about what they want, what they need and their selfish desires.
Many submissive men on here treat women as objects or a vessel that can be used
to satisfy their desires, especially for kink.
Most of the male submissives online are really on submissive to their own selfish desires.
When the Female Dominant gets sick or tired or is in a real life crisis, many hit the road.

CollarMe really needs to add a TOP and bottom category, because most of the people here
fit that category.

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 8/19/2007 1:34:33 PM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 6

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:16:02 PM

SusanofO

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SimplyMichael: Okay (good). That's sort of what I was trying to do, too, I guess (really). No worries.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 7

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:20:35 PM

Cipherx

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I think society and history has made it seem to be the males role to suppor females. When women were unable to support themselves it made sense.

With the advent of "women's liberation" it should have disappeared but old habits die hard it seems.

In reality, it should be up to he individuals involved. If a Dom/me requires suppor/tribute and the sub agrees, htere is no problem. If they disagree, then there will likely be no Dom/me or sub.

My observation is that it is far mare acceptable for a Domme to demand money and some males need to feel the abuse of having to give it.

Anything between consenting adults is fine with me.

If I wanted a slave to give me all of her wages and I then provide for her, I wouldn't care if anyone else likes it or not.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 8

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:25:32 PM

MistressDoMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Susan,

I am not interested in blame or right or wrong, just exploring the differences, real or imagined.

Michael, eventually someone will explain the differences, between how Male and Female
Dominants are treated and perceived.
We will have to wade through the background, history, society, expectations, who, what,where
and when posts.

Michael asked what are the differences.
Not why they are treated differently.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:28:07 PM

slthaven

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

I think it's all in the dynamic of the relationship and what each is looking for. Women blast men, men want to spank the women. Why can't it be labeled as 'individuals seeking same'? Personally, a Master who can keep several slaves happy while they provide for his income and his home - isn't such a rare idea... it might be in the states, just not everywhere else in the world. Remmber being the Master to any number of slaves is difficult work and providing them with stability is as taxing as it is for the slave to provide a loving environment for him. Same goes for the Dommes.... Yes?

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 10

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:28:18 PM

solia

Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

What would people say about a male dominant who expects a woman to pay for most if not all expenses, often considered more of an accessory than a primary partner, be a personal valet, couldn't ask for let alone hope for much in the way of sexual pleasure although be expected to provide sexual pleasure, and more.

Male dominants do at times have service submissives who perform some of the above but rarely is there a financial side to them and if there is sex it isn't so one sided.

Um, you mean there are male dominants out there that pay for stuff? I'd like to meet a few. Seriously, not to be sarcastic, but so far, in my experience, the majority of the male dominants that I've met are stay at home guys who have their girl/s out there working and handing over the paycheck before they strip and get to the business of cleaning, cooking and servicing him ....A few of the male dominants that I've met work as well but then the rest of the above is the same. A couple that I know, he doesn't drive. Never has and never will. He waits for her to get home to drive him. He won't take a taxi~it's her job!

Quite a lot of the male submissives that I've met expect me to pay for everything as well. Those submissives who crave cuckolding have no problem with it.

My ex begged me to take his paycheck and give him a paltry allowance. I made him figure out his expenses and share half the household bills. He was horrible at it and miserable in having to do so!

So, it is a very interesting topic that you've presented. One I think that just goes to show that it takes all types in this glorious world.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 11

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:29:26 PM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

Personally I much prefer the company of Dommes to Doms in the real world, they are much less pompous, argumentative and full of themselves.

As to who charges whom, there are only two rules in the business:
1 The man pays
2 If that does not settle it; then the submissive pays

The reason is simply supply and demand.

It seems to me the number of male Doms roughly equals the number of female subs out there, and any of either with realistic expectations will be suited sooner or later.

But any Domme who gave away her attention to a wider circle of avquaintances than just her immediate partner(s) will be killed in the stampeded of subbies tring to take advantage.

So far as I can tell they are both very similar, though the proportion of Masters on this site whom I could ruly respect is low high indeed, and I have not yet established whether it is the same proportion amongst Mistresses - certainly I have come across more than a few of either I would tell any sub to avoid like the plague.

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 12

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:31:34 PM

goddessAVA

Posts: 221
Joined: 11/2/2006
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Thank you for starting this thread-it is something I think about this quite a bit.

my Dom friend and I were talking about watching each other in action with a submissive, beating them, teasing them and then letting them know they were really only the warm up, I was going to fuck a real man now.....he was going to fuck the woman he really wanted. It's funny to think how different the submissives reactions would be, the female would likely never wan't to play with him again but the male would have jerk off material for weeks-I might never be rid of him!

there are times that I am frankly shocked by how much a Dom will cater to his submissive, if my service sub has a problem with any of my demands or rewards to the next one I will go. I guess it is supply and demand that contributes to this dynamic on top of all the societally influenced gender roles blah blah blah

_____________________________

Philadelphia's premier Enema Nurse
cleaning out America's assholes one at a time

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:33:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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THanks for the clarification. I think it goes back to what I said recently in another thread- most heterosexuals in the kinky scene want to simply transfer their gender based stereotypes and romantic ideals onto the authority dynamic.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to goddessAVA)

Post #: 14

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:38:41 PM

MistressDoMe

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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Many of the male's here are primarily interested in kink activities and role playing.
That is fine, if that is all you seek.
There is a very sad post on the AskASubmissive section, in which a Female Dominant
comments on how when she was feeling poorly and needed real help, all of her very many
eager and sincere, male submissives all disappeared.
I was appalled, and sad when I read that.
I can't imagine too many female submissives baling on a Master in his time of need.
Of course it happens, but I guess many males here do not think being a submissive means
actually caring and nuturing for their Dominant?

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 8/19/2007 1:41:27 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:42:11 PM

SusanofO

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MistressDoMe: Thanks for pointing that out, although I am pretty sure I already recognized that fact.

SimplyMichael: To answer the question: In my interactions with male submissives, I don't expect a man to (necessarily) "make the first" or (especially) any consequent "moves", for example. After all, the idea is that I am in charge, right? If my expectations do consist of some "wining and dining", then I consider that to be just a part of two people getting to know eachother, and not much else.

I do expect my commands to be followed to the best of his ability, much as male Dominants expect the same from female submissives. I really do think most differences betweent the way male Dominants and female Dommes operate could probably be chalked up to individual personalities, more than anything else.

I am fairly new at being a Domme, and I do realize there are male submissives out there interested in getting their needs met first, without considering the needs the Domme may have. I ignore these guys, for the most part. I equate them with people simply looking for kinky bedroom sex, as opposed to a deeper D/s interaction. I do think there are plenty of male Doms who are looking for simple kinky bedroom sex (sans deeper D/s interaction) -and female submissives, too, probably.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/19/2007 2:02:22 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:44:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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None of them were "her" submissives- they were simply submissives local to her. And frankly considering she revealed later that she has a UM female in the house, noone else seemed to think maybe having a male you'd only known through a few parties and online come to the house and help you out might not be the best idea. This I do not understand.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 17

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:47:06 PM

MistressDoMe

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GoddessAVA are you speaking from a Professional or non-Professional opinion, here?

(in reply to goddessAVA)

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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:48:30 PM

MistressDoMe

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Oh sorry L.A., I thought she was speaking about submissives she was seriously involved
with.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:49:28 PM

goddessAVA

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Joined: 11/2/2006
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the thread you cite is one instance only-I do not see how it could be extrapolated to the larger issue at hand. Who knows what would happen? I had some tough times in the finalization of my divorce and my subbies were WONDERFUL and supportive-if you have a connection that is real that will determine what happens when the chips are down, gender has nothing to do with it.

_____________________________

Philadelphia's premier Enema Nurse
cleaning out America's assholes one at a time

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 20

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